Wanting to give up.

I don't anymore what you people think after reading my blog entry. So what if I'm depressed? So what if I'm emotional? I don't want to hear anymore. I don't want to listen anymore.
It's so tempting to just give up. On everything. Exams. Life. Everything that I hold dear. Relax, I'm not thinking of attempting suicide. It's just that I fail to see why I trusted. I'm tired.
Oh forget it. Please DO NOT comment. I needed to get everything out...

Repeated entry from MSN space

Ok... After that highly bitter entry, there was actually more to come. Piano exam results. It wasn't good. That's all I shall say. But anyway, was playing the piano to try to calm myself down but instead I was crying as I played the piano. Cause in that piano book, there was "Everytime" by Britney Spears, "Don't Cry Out Loud" by ... Can't remember who. So those songs didn't exactly help my mood.
Went into my room and wrote in my diary and it just hit me. Why I've been feeling so down. Why I couldn't find a solution to calm myself down. I've been neglecting God and TAWG. Oops. So I just took out this book I had called "God's words of life for teens". There were the various sections. Anger. Emotions. Forgiveness. Priorities. Stress. I had to read through those, don't you think? The various verses just popped out in the book and I couldn't help but laugh at how I've been so blind.

"Take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." - James 1:19-20

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." - Romans 12:2

"Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall." - Psalm 55:22

"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." - Colossians 3:13

"Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sings against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." - Matthew 18:21-22

This two verses on forgiveness were the ones that I had problems with. I know what God says. But yet, it's so hard to follow. To forgive that person seventy-seven times. I've forgiven him more than seven times. And it's fast approaching a high number. The things that he does.

"The Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you." - Deuteronomy 31:6

"In the day of my trouble I will call to you, Lord, for you will answer me." - Psalm 86:7

Anyway, after reading the verses, I felt much better. Felt happier for the first time in this few weeks. Could finally enjoy dinner. Chicken chop and ice kachang. Though, I ended up shivering away. The lady gave me so much ice that it took a while just to finish the ice.

new bloggie: Initial D

yep. the title says it all. because it didn't feel right using a non-christian blogskin for this blog so I decided to come up with a new blog for blogskins and to write about random things like my latest obsession. which is currently initial d.
anyway, go take a look at that blog if you want. no intention of making a tagboard unless there's popular demand so just tag on this blog about the other one, k?
http://melikes.blogspot.com

lolz. gtg. time to surf the net for more info on initial d. =p

Cell outing + Service

Finally in the mood to start blogging about my life. Instead of those depressed ramblings like last time.
Anyway, on saturday had cell outing at Marina. Could only reach there at 11 as I had piano. Reached there and we played catching. Did I mention that I made the mistake of wearing jeans and running in the hot noon sun? =p After catching, lunch, bee hoon. Hmm.. Not bad. After lunch, cleaned up and the girls headed to eloise's house. So it's basically Eileen, Delia, Shu Mei, Helen, Delia, Chelsea, me and of course Elo. After 15 min of waiting for the bus to take to her house, it started raining. And we still needed to walk to her house so we just ran in the rain. Corrections, it was a drizzle at first but each step we took, the rain got heavier. Lol. Went to her house, grabbed towels and went down to the swimming pool showers to bathe. Oops. Then went back to her house, grabbed our bags and went to J8 and took neoprints. After that, rushed to church.
Worship Experience! Yippee! Me hyper! Even though we were so tired from celling outing and all but worship rox, as usual. =) Jolyn was singing.. Sermon and then communion. After that, a bit more worship. During that time, I felt like I was about to cry but no tears came. That's been so common recently. Hmm... Dunno why. After that, just went for dinner with family. Bee hoon and fried noodles with chicken wings. Yummy. 1 1/2 plates. Not bad, but could be better. I think my record's 1 3/4 plates... Lol. I'm really random now. Haha. That's all for now.

Random

Lol. At gloria's house now. Her birthday. And she wants me to blog and since it's her birthday, I shall listen to her. Had lots of laughs just now. Watching legally blonde and eating mashed potatoes.. Lol. Me hyper! Especially since it's saturday. The only sad thing about today is that I had to miss church. Sermon notes anyone? Please. There. There's enough for a blog entry. Happy now, Glo?

14th birthday =)

Lol. For those that didn't know, I turned 14th last night at 11pm. So actually everyone wished me in advance. =)
Shall blog about my birthday before I thank everyone, k? So be patient. =p Had to go to school. Got jigsaw puzzle from glo, shao and gan jie. They lost one piece though. Lol. Creative idea of fixing that.. =) Yah, gan jie got me the dolphin card that I like so much. *smiles* After that, normal school day. Went home, slacked. =) watched DVD. Then met mum and bro at the childcare before going to Pizza Hut. The cheesy pizza's nice. Ate 2 1/2 slices.. Oops. Then collected the mango cake at four leaves before going to aunt's house to cut the cake...
Now, shall blog about the presents. Got most of them rather early though. Let's see, my MP3 was a few months in advance, my nice T-shirt with the Christian saying. =) From my mum and dad. Earrings from aunt, dolphin cuddly from rachel, fish toy from marcus. CD from jose kor. Glo (couz) gave chocolates. Yummy. Dolphin candle holder from fishie. Doggie keychain from han chang. Thumbdrive from another aunt. Notebook and pen from auntie amy. Lots and lots of well-wishes from various people. You know who you are, shan't bother typing it out, k? Unless anyone has any violent objections... =p
That's about it. Shall say "thanks" once more. Thanks. Ok I'm hyper now.. Thus all the smilies. =)

Fyi, this is a copy and paste entry from my msn space. Can't be bothered to type it out again. That's all. =)

Everything.

This is only meant for the reading of you three, hui shi, gloria and shao wen. so everyone else, can i please ask that you all respect that and not read? And no, I'm not naive and believe that everyone will listen but even if you read, don't comment, ok? Please.

Anyway here goes. Even typing this blog entry takes a lot out of me. After reading what gan jie and gloria wrote, I think it's my turn. I guess it's just right to start from yesterday. Yesterday, after seeing your arm, I already started hurting again inside. Your laughter, your treating it as such a joking matter didn't help. Do you know why it hurts us? Not only because you're cutting yourself, but also because we who care for you are powerless to stop you. Nothing we say seems to stop you, the helplessness of it all. I just couldn't take it and broke down during chinese lesson. I pity gloria. I guess, in a way, she was stuck. Hui Shi, when you read this, know that Gloria never approved of it. I suggested telling lao shi before and she stopped me. But I was crying and breaking down, kicking the table and the chair, banging my fist on the table in frustration. That was why she relented and came with me to tell laoshi. Now, for me to explain why I wanted to tell laoshi. I didn't expect much from telling laoshi, it's not like you'll stop. I'm not that naive. I know that once you start, it's hard to stop. But considering the fact that at least laoshi has some authority, I had been hoping that at least she could try to help. I mean, which one is worse? Us trying to talk to your mum or laoshi? At least, laoshi has more chance. On hindsight, it obviously wasn't such a good idea to tell laoshi.
Next, your reaction to it all. You felt that we've betrayed you. Fine, I admit that we did tell laoshi all these private and personal things that you trusted us with. That part, we were wrong. But please, what did you expect us to do? Sit there and watch you cut yourself even more? Do you know that almost everyday, I think of your cuts and feel helpless and cry at least once every week cause the image of your wrist is always in my mind. The cuts in the shape of a "z", the ones that are getting even longer. I can't get them out of my head. I'm too worried about what will happen if one day, things go wrong and accidents happen. I know that we've lost your trust. And I know that it's very hard to regain a person's trust. It takes time and willingness on both parties. So I ask only this of you, give us that chance. Gloria does have a point. It's because of how close we were to each other that's why you feel so betrayed, that's why we're hurting so much inside. No matter how much we've lost your trust, no matter how unwilling you are to be close to us, I ask that you at least let us care for you, to show our care and concern. I still say what I said one year ago, when I smsed you. I remember what you said that you were kind of surprised to hear that from a friend you knew for only a few months. I said that I'll always be there for you and always willing to lend you that listening ear or that shoulder to cry on. It still remains the same.

HPPS.

After "much" thought, decided to retype the whole blog entry about monday and tuesday.
On Monday, had to go to school for national day celebration.. Shaln't elaborate too much. Then after that, rushed down to HPPS with rachel. Had fun talking to the teachers, as usual. And had to convince them to stay for the others.. -cough cough- Anyway, can't resist commenting that some pple didn't even say hi to the teachers before they started to play soccer. Guess that's their real reason for going back to HPPS: soccer. Most of the guys shot up a lot... Sighs. That's about it. Oh ya, saw Zoe and Yi Kai after so long. Had fun talking to them too. =) After that, had to go straight home. But at least could slack for the rest of the day.
Tuesday...
Met Gloria at the MRT Station, went and get the cake, walked around, grabbed a bite at KFC before meeting the rest, Rachel, Lim Yu, Nikki, Sammi, Gan jie, gloria (cuz), adwyn, gabriel, soon yoong, bryan. After a while, took the bus to West Coast, where we slacked, play cards, truth or dare -cringe-, etc... The guys left to play Lan. After a while, Marcus came. Stuck with all girls. =p. Went playground and play. Forced to agree to 2 more dare for gloria (cuz) and sammi's sake. Cos three of us was in this "enclosure" and every1 else started spinning us around. =p they were getting giddy but the others didn't let us out unless i agreed to the above mentioned condition. Sighs. Took a break at Macs before heading back to where we put our things. Govind, Joseph, Gabriel came back and the guys went off to play soccer. The girls decided to play frisbee but in another area. So we just took our valuables and since some of the guys' things were lying all around, we took it with us. Frisbee playing was fun! Our aim was -cough cough- not that good. =p Anyway, was quite fun watching the guys try to take back their things. My family came so had to watch over jon and missed out so much things. Sad. Later, it was supposedly time to eat. Mum told me to serve the guys since they weren't eating.. Sighs. So had to take food to Gabriel and Govind. After that, Gloria came up with such a "great" idea.. Let the guys think of my dare. Sighs. Had to go around asking strangers whether they wanted some food. Lol. Can't believe 2 out of 4 agreed. Aiyah, everything was rather fun lah. After a while, it was really just the girls left. The sun set! View was a bit obstructed but nvm. Still could see the sun set. =) Played hoverdisc with jon jon. =p Got to admit that everything was fun even though i was apprehensive about it at first.
Anyway, as everything is settled, there is no need for me to rebut what adwyn say. Just let the past be the past. =) Just want to add that I got a tan from that day at west coast. Lol. I'm starting to get obsessed with my tan. =p Fyi, I'm in a random mood now. =)

*Blogger's note: This blog entry was continued after a long period of time as blogger was not in the mood. Content was changed to suit the current situation of things.

Festival of Praise! Whoo!

Whee! I'm hyper now. Thanks to yesterday night lah.
Anyway, went Indoor Stadium for Festival of Praise. Was trying to find christabel when samuel saw me. Lol. A bit unexpected. Found bel and was walking around with her, talked to pple from cell, walked around some more, etc. Basically being very random. =)
After 1 hour or so of queuing, finally entered the stadium. Sat behind the stage, south wing. So during worship, had to read the lyrics opposite. Lol. Me and bel both not really in the mood to jump... So ya. After worship was prayer and then sermon. After sermon, bel was trying to persuade her parents to let her go up and join the guys from cell. But her parents don't let so I went up alone. We were hoping that if I go up, Bel's parents might relent. Sad thing was she did come up but only to pass me my bag before leaving. -sniffs- After sermon, was praise and worship once more. Guys, got to hand it to you all. I've seen you all jump during service but yesterday was like "wow!" You all were so hyper that I couldn't resist jumping too! Jump jump jump! -sorry, i'm hyper!- Anyway, I was jumping til my legs started aching so had to stop jumping, for a while only. Anyway, after that, smsed my dad and fortunately, he came and fetched me. So didn't have to take the bus and mrt which would mean i'll only reach home 12 plus. Was still so hyper in the car yet also tired. Mind was working but body wanted to rest... Oh ya, started to lose my voice also.. Sighs. Anyway, fop rox! Wish I went on friday.. -sniffs- Nvm, there'll always be next year! =)

maturing? i hope so...

Let's see what's happened recently.. For those who don't know, I got hit with a yellow disciplinary form for not handing up homework.. Shaln't elaborate too much cos it's not something to be proud of... But ya, realize that i've been slacking way too much and -cough cough- got to swallow my pride.. If you don't get it, then don't bother asking. But ya.. Really regret it but it's too late.
Time to look on the bright side.. I'm not really sure what the adult leaders see in me but i've been asked to join core group. It's kinda weird for me cos i'm usually very quiet and everything so was actually a bit nervous even though i know the people there. But it turned out fine, a learning experience. Similar to the IGNYTE conference for SPs, i too had doubts about that, but everything turned out bery well. Still.. It's like everyone sees something in me but I have no idea what that is. Same for being accepted at NUS High, still trying to come to grasp with that.
Anyway, service rox as usual! But guilt arose in me because i felt that i've dissapointed God through my actions. That form. So was a bit upset with myself, have been for the past few days as well.. But I kind of pushed those feelings away with God's help. I really don't know why but the image of the form being torn up kept going through my mind. The way it was being torn struck me. From the top, down then from the left to the right.. So was kind of like a cross. Reminded me of the play that I watched during SonicFest. The actresses torn up pieces of paper which symbolizes their broken hopes and dreams and paste all the pieces into the shape of the cross. It meant that we should bring our sufferings, our pain, our guilt, to God. So I managed to calm down.
Sermon was by this Pastor Timothy about running after God. Reminds me of last year's camp. The most important thing was about keeping our focus. That's always been my biggest problem, I guess. Went up for altar call. Could feel God's presence but surprisingly, I didn't really cry til after the altar call when we sang "running after you". I could feel the tears coming but I held back the tears and just sang the song as my heart's cry.
That's about it all. I've got to go offline now. Getting tired.

Finally have a chance to blog after 1 week... been either busy or just not in the mood.
Anyway, for the past 3 nights, been going down to Fort Canning for Sonicfest. It rocks! =) Shall elaborate more now! =)
Thursday, met joseph at plaza sing and waited for his friends. Then walked to fort canning. Saw sophia and her friend, annette. So ya, decided to go with them instead of with joseph and his friends. So joseph, no need to apologize for not being a good host, i decided to go with my friends what. Anyway thanks for telling me about sonicfest, it was a very nice experience. =) Interview with planetshakers and then an autograph session. Then soph, annette and I went for this performance in the theatre about love, about suffering. The gist of it was how we get hurt in our lives yet how the answer to our suffering is God. The great love of God. The play talked about about "the pain of suffering, the value of sacrifice." Talking about how when you love someone, you sacrifice all for that person. That play held a lot of meaning for me. That were other ideas discussed in the play like why do we have to suffer even though Jesus died on the cross for us.. The play touched me. Wish that some of my friends were there to watch the play too cos it applies to them as well.. Anyway, next was planetshakers up on stage. The atmosphere was .. Wow! Passion! Ministry brought my level of worship to another level but Sonicfest showed me the passion of others in other churches. During the songs, I was reminded of God's promise to me. Felt more relaxed and happier for the first time in that week. Another joy was to see teenagers so passionate in worshipping God, the experience was undescribable. Sophia and Annette wanted to stay in front so imagine the speakers blasting away, the vibrations so great that you can feel it. And the jumping up and down on the slope. Everything just becomes part of this wonderful experience. In my opinion, the concert ended too early even though it was 10pm liao.. Wanted this to go on.. Nevermind, there would always be friday!
Friday, after history drama, went down to Plaza Sing again. Pulled Gloria along for dinner. Then went to fort canning again for planetshaker and sonicflood's performance. Highlight was of course sonicflood's performance. The familiar songs that I haven't heard for such a long time, touching my heart. I was chao hyper! Jumping up and down! The few places that my mood will always be quite ok, consistent, etc is at home, church and such events. There's this freedom, no need to hide away. Words just can't be used to describe...
Saturday, bowling competition, cell, church. Will elaborate about those on my msn space. so refer there, k? but you'll have to be on my msn contact list. Then after church, grabbed a bite at Macs and rushed down to Fort canning. So sad, the book i wanted to buy was no longer sold... -sniffs- should have bought it the previous days. went for sonicflood's performance. was alone. my choice actually so joseph, just in case u're going to start apologizing, no need. it was nice being alone. i decided to just stand at the back and watch everyone else. besides, was too tired to jump. =[ It was nice to just watch everyone jumping, all united in praising God. At the end, after their last song, everyone was shouting "encore" so we got one more song. A nice way to end everything. Overall, it was a wonderful experience, wishing it could last longer. =p Thanks joseph for telling me about this and helping me get the ticket. Thanks sophia, annette, christabel yeo for being with me on thurs and fri! Had so much fun. =) Still so hyper now. =) Anyway, time to blog on my MSN Space... =p

bubbles.

this blog has been rather abandoned... oops. But it's cos I prefer blogging on my MSN Space. Dunno why though. Anyway, I want to blog about my weekend but feeling a bit tired. So shall blog about my obsession with bubbles. =)
Was at a chalet last night (refer to MSN Space for more details) and was blowing bubbles, bursting bubbles, etc... But when I blew the bubbles, I began to admire the beauty of the bubbles, catching the colours of the rainbow, floating higher then slowly settling to the ground before it burst. Bubbles are so beautiful yet they're almost unreal. They're barely there and easily destroyed. Kind of like our hopes, our dreams, our wishes, our aspirations... To us, we all hold our dreams dear to us, it's perfect, maybe a future that we want or something that we want to do. But yet, the world around us, the people, society seems to destroy this wishes, they make it seem like something impossible. Too many dreams trampled on, hope taken away. But yet, we still continue hoping no matter how many times others have burst our bubble.. That's the beauty of bubbles, our hopes and dreams...

Anyway, what I blogged just now is really random and I barely know what I'm talking about, it just seem to just come out from my mind as i blogged. Interesting, isn't it?

Attempting to be happy.

Changed my layout at long last. Just a reminder to myself that I'll never be alone and that God's always with me. =)

calm before the storm.

the calm is just over. after I finally made up my mind to go NUS High, made the decisions that I have to make, solve most of my problems. Then competition. Get so freaking stressed out. Start criticizing other schools just bcos I don't like someone in there. It's not me lor. I need a punching bad real badly. I don't want to mistreat my piano so I shall not bang on it. Shall just try to cool down. anyway I'm so pissed off due to my stupid bowling score today. I'm getting frustrated thinking about it. I'm so upset. Tears are threatening to come again. I know that I just want to forget that school ever existed and pon this whole week. Then maybe, I can regain enough strength to go back. Who knows? Quartets on thursday. Technically, it can't get any worse... I think. Who knows???

Shall stop blogging before i type in all the things that I feel like saying. which includes 4 letter words that aren't very nice...

Changes...

Been abandoning this blog... So sorry. Just didn't have the mood to blog here anymore.
Anyway, just a quick update of my life. NUSHS results still not out yet. I entered the school team for bowling.. not very confident. History drama next fri... that shud b quite ok... Oh and my friends are bullying me. That's about all. =p

Updating...

If anyone actually notices... Just updated my wishlist, goals and dislike column.
starting to know myself better, i guess.. Feel like just being random in this entry so bear with me, k? If you can't, then you can always choose not to read this blog, u noe?
Anyway, realized a lot of things about myself and already starting to worry about what that will mean... Aiyah, dun feel like writing thoughts down here, so that's all for now...
Might abandon this blog temporarily... Will be busy.. Got some things i need and want to do first...

Youth Conference! IGNYTE!

Woohoo. I'm finally online after 3 days. Been going to church and spending more time there than i've been at home. From wed to fri, been staying there from around 9am to 9pm.. Not bad, ain't it? Anyway, shall write a long entry about the youth conference cos it rocks! Yep, i'm hyper in case u didn't realize!! =)

Tue Nite
Concert only for Passion! Minisstry youths. It was a good start to the IGNYTE conference! The sermon talked about now being a time for Divine Confrontation and talking about sin... That was the really freaking part about how things that the youths of this generation think as normal is actually worshipping of other gods like Baal.. Cutting of yourself, abortion, witchcraft, pornography... i noe not all youths think of these as normal but all these is actually an indirect worship of other gods.. Didn't realized it till now.. Then the altar call was about choosing our allegiance. Whether we are going to stand with God or not, there should be no neutral party cos that's equal to siding with the devil.. Ya.. made me realize that I should really make my stand.. Thanks to the concert, was hyper when I went home.. Couldn't sleep til 11 plus, 12...

Wed
IGNYTE conference. Was supposed to be for SPs, leaders.. But guess some of us were invited.. And i still don't really understand why. But nvm. it was fun and i learned quite a bit. The workshop was really educational, talking about how to nurture others, makes me really wish that i could have signed up for the previous SP course but due to conflicting schedules.. Sighs.. Nvm. There'll always b the next one..

We were split up into groups for lunch and for games.. Had to bribe hannah tan to eat the honeydew.. Lol. The games were quite fun, i guess. The one where we were blindfolded was a bit scary cos we climbed up and down stairs, etc... then the victory dance was really funny. seeing the whole group do those actions. still laughing whenever i think about it.. but ya.. enjoyed myself.. something i didn't think was really possible since i'm not really close to the SPs, leaders, etc... expected to felt out of place but in the end, everything turned out quite ok..

Dinner at adam hawker centre.. Finally, a break from Macs. =p Then went for prayer meeting. Sermon was about building a house of Godly influence by arming ourself. sighs.. realized how much i haven't been arming myself.. not reading the Bible consistently.. And letting other things take up so much of my time... Like the computer.. I know i'm on the computer now but at least I'm blogging about the conference so ya..

Thur
More games.. Morning devotion... Lunch. Coming up with cheers. Then the games stations.. Some were kinda gross.. the sticking of masking (spelling?) tape to your feet and then later pass it back to the adult leader and they were to be recycled.. and yes, we were all barefooted.. Balancing of marble between ur nose and your lips... and doing funny actions.. Captain ball with ping pong ball, stealing from other teams if you can.. Lol. directing your team mate who's blindfolded to retrieve coloured balls without using words.. so imagine all the sounds that we had to invent.. Then the trying to burst balloons tied around opponents's ankle while defending your own.. Time flew when we were having fun..

Met glo and shao at macs for dinner... Too bad chloe had to rush for.. Shao almost killed me, i guess... But luckily, i survived.. Unfair pple, bullying me.. purposely planned my b'dae present 2 mths in advance.. Making me suffer from curiousity. Hmph. Met kenneth, glo's team mate from the nus camp then went back to church for the concert.. Everyone was so hyper.. atmosphere was so .. suitable? But ya.. The happiness that comes from worshipping.. can't describe it with words. anyway, jerry from singapore idol came as a special guest.. Sang 2 songs and kinda shared his life story..

Then the sermon.. had to try not to smirk cos some of the content seemed to fit kor so nicely.. but ya.. shao never accpept God as her Lord and Saviour.. until... to be continued.. i went up for altar call without glo and shao and just longed for the fire of God.. As usual, full of energy after that and was jumping in front.. leaving shao and glo on their own after that... there was this adult who kept talking to shao and when i went back to my seat.. turns out shao said "yes" to receiving God.. but i knew it couldn't be that way.. so later.. after asking shao.. she said "yes" only to keep the adult quiet.. Only shao can do something like that. felt like laughing and hitting my head against the wall at the same time...

Fri
morning devotion.. one quote i feel like throwing in.. "love doesn't make the world go round, but love is what makes the ride worthwhile." the pastor shared this cos he was talking about 'IGNYTE your Passion!" About remembering your first love, God. Repent and Revival.. The repent part especially spoke to me... Oh the illustration about vertical passion for God and horizontal compassion for souls... Interesting... And reminds me of what i haven't been doing.. altar call.. meaningful. But only now do i realize that there are still things i haven't let out..

The workshops... signed up for "Believe it or not- facts, fiction, faith" and "It only takes a spark". You probably can guess the content of the workshops from the title but shall elaborate.. Believe it or not was talking about how do we noe what is real. A bit of discussion about the Da Vinci Code which is a fiction in case u didn't noe.. Most things in there are really just lies.. But ya.. Went for a quick lunch then came "It only takes a spark". Talks about relationships, crushes, etc... Differentiating infatuation (crushes) from love... Shall not list down everything but ya.. the course was interesting.. but also impactful... i guess? If you want to know more, i still have the notes... but dun want to just throw everything in here.. it'll be quite a lot.. Rounding up of the conference..So sad.. wanted this to just continue.. there was this satisfaction in just doing this for so many days... Being in church, learning about God.

Dinner. At Macs again... Then later.. a minor food fight.. with fries.. Lol. Actually, me and delia started it... I didn't throw anything but watched and laughed away… and ya.. prompted delia to continue.. oops.. dun kill me after this, k? walking back to church.. full of jokes and laughter.. Then the concert.. I didn’t feel that hyper compared to thurs.. dunno why though.. jerry came again.. Hannah, Chelsea & Christabel decided to shout "We love you, Jerry!" … Lol.. Laughing away lor.. Sermon was about the fire of God.. The sense of urgency.. the never knowing when the people around you would die.. and then you’ll realize you missed a chance to tell them about God.. A lot of things was said.. But after the altar call, I became high.. Really hyper.. jumping about.. and everything.. but it was a nice way to end everything….

Sat
Youth service cancelled cos youths serving for Parent's day.. responsible for giving gifts to the parents... Then the sermon.. The times that i felt like punching the wall.. felt like crying. past memories... The sermon was about Leadership in the Family thru serving others.. Serving with heart of love, effectively giving, serving with fervent prayer... Altar call.. God just spoke to me.. The past came back.. things i didn't realize all seem so clear.. I cried.. The sorrow in my heart.. Thanks for the support, gals.. My frenz realized my sorrow.. Their encouragement and comfort warmed my heart.. Didn't expect so many of them to care.. but ya. realized that i've been fed lies by the devil.. But after my own problems, the friends around me too broke down.. Why? Why is it that happiness never last long.. Things got emotional.. Dinner, sambal stingray, sambal sotong & kangkong.. some of them felt like eating chilli so ya.. brought it to macs and ate outside.. the mood was weird.. sometimes laughter, sometimes anger. walking back to church.. opening up our hearts.. but still.. i noe that the problems that each of us face are still there.. hopefully, with God's love and His strength, we can get through all this. And we must really open up to each other.. jo & bel, if u ever read this, you'll understand.. there are still things we're not telling each other, that i'm sure of.. but let's help each other, k?

P.S. sorry about spelling, grammer, punctuation.. had to rush thru this over 2 days... lack of time.. some things r vague, i realized. no time to elaborate. sorry.

Holidays

Been busy so haven't been blogging.. Even now, I'm supposed to be finishing my holiday homework but have to do a quick entry first, k?
5-7 Jun
Stayover at my dad's house with my cousins. Basically just slacking away playing PS2, computer games, gameboy advance sp and television. Had most fun dancing away and maintaining my previous standard? Really miss the arcade, i guess. So was just slacking. Normally slept at 2,3 in the morning.. Then wake up at 10 or 1... yep. I woke up at 1 in the afternoon on one day. =p

8 Jun
Went over to auntie's hse and watched dvd with another cousin. Then later, she brought me for karaoke with her friends. That was fun. Surprisingly, i knew most of the songs even though it was mostly chinese. Started singing at 7:30pm and ended at 10:45pm? Not bad... Want to elaborate more but due to time constraints... Maybe some other time.

9- 10 Jun
NUS camp at Science Centre... Shalln't write much about it though.. Had to report at 8 in the morning.. We were all splited up... "We" referring to the 5 of us in our class that applied. So went and sat with my group. The usual division between guys and girls.. So our group was quite quiet? Had some chemistry activities first in the lab.. Then after that a break... Then more science activities.. Lunch, then the building of a rocket.. Trying to launch it and everything... Then got briefed about the take home experiment.. At first, everyone found it hard but in the end, most of us either discussed online or ask parents, etc.. And finished the experiment.
The second day was math and biology activities. The math activity was a bit hard.. But we managed to get some answers. Then the biology race was fun. Our group beat the fastest timing by 5 mins... =) But had to wait til the end before knowing whether we won or not.. =( Then there was the preparation for the presentation of the take home experiment. That was quite funny.. One of the guy had this unique presenting style, problem is there was a lot of flaws in his presentation.. Oh ya, our mentor was kind enough to treat us to ice cream after lunch. Anyway, prize presentation. Our group won 2 prizes.. Surprise, surprise. We only expected to win one. =) So that concluded the whole camp. Dunno how was my performance in the camp... Shall have to wait and see whether i get in or not.. I really dunno whether i want to enter nus or not.. See how lah.

11 Jun
Piano lesson, cell outing, service.
Cell outing was fun, went west coast park. loitered around then later went orchard to take neoprints. only the girls went lah. spent around $40, plus minus a bit... Then rushed back to church. Sermon was about family.. At first i thought it didn't relate to me.. I mean my family is quite happy and not much problems.. Until... I thought about my father... Those who know my family story would know what I mean.. I started being a bit moody. Thinking about why I didn't try to spread God's Word to my father. Could it be because of what happened? And i still beared a grudge.. I really didn't noe.. Had to go out to altar call and just release all possible anger once again. Felt better after that. Went manna and bought a cute doggie bookmark.. The bible verse should help encourage myself.. =)

12 Jun
Went for lunch with relatives... Then later went orchard road. window shopping.. but ended up spending $50 on a skirt and a top.. White skirt.. Quite innocent?? Then the top... well.. wouldn't bother describing it. Had fun walking around with my relatives lah.. Looking foward to another trip to orchard but this time, only with my mum. =) Oh ya, found out jonathan had chicken pox. So he and my mum will be staying at home with me. Good. I won't be that lonely then. =)

Enjoying myself? I hope so.

Hmm.. Realized my blog entries have been a bit serious so this one shall be quite carefree and humourous?
Yesterday, CIP... Hmm... Went around asking people to donate money. Flag Day mah.. Then realized that I'm actually more thick-skinned than I thought.. Actually dared to go up to strangers and asked for donations, regardless of gender, age, race, etc... Warmed up quite fast and got quite a bit of donations. Then after a while (1hr or so) , took a break. Needed a sugar boost. So got some milo then it was straight back to work.. Started at 8 and only stopped at 10 plus for a half an hour break. then went around in the hot sun in the middle of orchard road to get more donations..
After that, met up with HPPS gals. Teresa, Nikki, Fishie, Sammi and Melody. Mel's not from HPPS but she came along anyway. Had lunch. Walked around. Memories came back... Cos we walked past Famous Amos and a little booth that sold those personalized gifts.. Yep, primary school memories just can't seem to fade. Played cards. Tempted to go into arcade courtesy of someone.. But ya, restrained myself. Had to admit though, quite sure I can still play at my previous standard.. =P a bit egoistic, i have to admit. Then watched Monster-in-law. Had a good laugh, something i really needed.
After that, walking from Cineleisure to Taka...That was a laugh... Thanks to Sammi and Fishie, there was quite a interesting conversation about er... forget it. Anyway, the discussion was whether it was hygenic or not.. About at least marrying for the experience of having it. Basically, the conversation consisted about all these and more... But to have this conversation in the middle of Orchard Road... Lol. It was funny lah. But had to pretend not to know those two...
Then walked around in Kino for a while, looked at books, anime, manga, etc.. Went Kalms and started looking at the cute Tatty Teddys.. Sammi was going crazy about it lor... =) Then joined them for a quick dinner then headed for family carecell.
For gel, my mum asked us to do some personality test and guess what? I managed to predict my results quite well... I mean, I guess i would be quite in the centre.. Turns out I'm an introvert but my second strongest is that i'm an extrovert.. Interesting, isn't it.. Anyway, the strengths of the introvert was supposedly suffers in silence? as a wife, would listen to husband.. rite.. that is so not me lah. Faithful, guess so. Diplomatic? Nah. Got good insights. What a joke.. Good to have in "conflict"? Not sure.. Weakness for an introvert was fearful, unmotivated, indecisive...Quite true. Very slow to get their thoughts out.. Depends. very compromising... Yep. I think so. Got will of iron. At times. Quite stubborn way. Sometimes. Need external motivation. Yep. Guess I'm really phlegmatic then. =)

Me...

Been wanting to blog these past two days but didn't get the chance.. Dunno whether anyone ever checks my blog liao but doesn't matter. Shall still blog..
Anyway, on Monday, my mum brought Jonathan and I to MacDonalds. Yep, it was to pacify Jonathan cos he was crying away. Anyway, after that, when we came out of Mac, someone called my mum and I was just standing there looking towards the sky... Then this whole calmness just came over me.. I mean the sky was getting dark as it was late evening, the sun was setting so the sky was just this whole sea of colours. At that moment, everything seemed so tranquil, I could forget everything that's been bothering me lately.. But had to snapped out of that mood soon lah... But now, it makes me want to just chill out and enjoy nature more than ever.. So maybe.. Mite make a trip to the beach soon. =)
Oh ya, one more thing that I wanted to blog about.. Rewind to Sunday... The Sunday Night movie was Armaggedeon.. When watching it, this question came to my mind.. If you knew that today would be your last day to live, what would you do? Interesting question? Sighs... Anyway, recently, been watching too many shows that all make me start having the attitude that we should treasure every single day of our life. I mean, we'll never know how long we live.. Sighs. Don't ask why recently I've become reflective.. It's freaking me out too but already getting used to this new side of me..
P.S. Realized that I don't sing songs to myself only when I'm down like what Gloria said, it's also because sometimes, I'm just reflecting on something. Interesting revelations about myself! =)