Today's been one of the slightly better days? Or at least, there were quite a few higher points today. Mhmm. =)
Ok... To be precise, I only enjoyed school from lunchtime onwards. =p Let's see. It's fun to analyze CSI for a mini-project. Watched two episodes today and was just recording down anything related to science, chemistry principles in particular. It was really enjoyable even though it's a project. I guess I enjoy doing projects? And with all the previous training in writing reports and all, I'm kind of looking forward to writing the 10-20 page report? Haha.
Mild sense of accomplishment because one episode that we chose to analyze was suitable for the project. Mhmm. Anyway, it's really interesting... Guess that's why it's more or less confirmed that I'll not drop biology or chemistry. Yes, I don't do that well in chemistry but hey, at least I'm more interested in it compared to my interest for physics... =p
After mini project, it was time for CF. =) Hmm. A big thanks to all those in CF! Unknowingly, you all made my day? Mhmm. Yeps. Ahh! I want more songs... Heehee. Next time, mass song transferring session after CF? =p
Then went home and was just having some fun trying to improve my singing. =p Or at least, become a bit more in tune? So yes... Was like using the tuner and my piano. So just sang various songs note by note, making sure that I was in tune. It's very fun! Heehee. And my piano's a bit flat... Oh well. But yay! I'm feeling mildly accomplished. After awhile, didn't need to play the piano and automatically could sing the note at the right pitch. =) But only some notes. Shall try to find time to improve my singing. May as well train myself for aural... And ya, it's painfully obvious how there's this mindblock in me about hitting the higher notes. I mean, before I started, I was reluctant to hit anything higher than B? Yes... Am I shocking anyone yet with the substandardness of my singing? =p Heehee. But ya, after awhile, just forced myself to hit a high D... But yes, just doing things because I want to makes life more enjoyable? =)
I guess today's been a rather good day overall? Of course there were a few low points but I'm getting better at pushing them aside and not thinking about them yet. Time doesn't heal all wounds. You just get more used to some things and the pain becomes a constant... I guess I learn to cope in one way or another?
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
gaining back my focus
Tsk... And there I was, coping relatively well and being focused on God. The past week or so, I guess I've been distracted by other stuff and didn't set aside time for TAWG. I've learned the hard way what happens when I lose my focus on God. Neglected TAWG for around two weeks and resulted in me struggling with various issues and getting really tired all over again.
At least, I've realized my mistake, I guess? I made the right decision last Friday to spoil myself and buy a book. It's time to gush a bit about the book? The book's entitled "The Divine Dance". No, it's not a fiction book. For once, ya? But anyway, the book is really for young women and talks about performing for God, not for the world. Throughout the whole book, each girl is compared to a dancer and there are various comparisons between dancing and our life. Yeps. It's quite a well-written book.
Anyway, while I was reading it, a lot of the lines were jumping out at me. Things such as how we perform for the world, being real as we live our life, etc... Time to quote a bit...
"Being real hurts because it makes us vulnerable. When we bare our souls, our hearts are open targets for attack. But we usually can't touch another heart until we open our own hearts."
When I saw the first two lines, I was smiling at the truth of the statemen. But what I really needed to read was the last line. That's the reason why I'll keep my heart open? That's the reason why I'll continue being who I am even if it makes me vulnerable. Mhmm...
"God did not hide His heart from the world, and neither should you."
Ok. That settles it? Something that I shall remind myself whenever I consider putting on a mask and acting...
I want to just immerse myself in such books... Lines like thse are in high demand. Why? Well, a lot of them just speaks to me about life's situations. The reason behind the situations, the appropriate reaction and at times, explanations...
At least, I've realized my mistake, I guess? I made the right decision last Friday to spoil myself and buy a book. It's time to gush a bit about the book? The book's entitled "The Divine Dance". No, it's not a fiction book. For once, ya? But anyway, the book is really for young women and talks about performing for God, not for the world. Throughout the whole book, each girl is compared to a dancer and there are various comparisons between dancing and our life. Yeps. It's quite a well-written book.
Anyway, while I was reading it, a lot of the lines were jumping out at me. Things such as how we perform for the world, being real as we live our life, etc... Time to quote a bit...
"Being real hurts because it makes us vulnerable. When we bare our souls, our hearts are open targets for attack. But we usually can't touch another heart until we open our own hearts."
When I saw the first two lines, I was smiling at the truth of the statemen. But what I really needed to read was the last line. That's the reason why I'll keep my heart open? That's the reason why I'll continue being who I am even if it makes me vulnerable. Mhmm...
"God did not hide His heart from the world, and neither should you."
Ok. That settles it? Something that I shall remind myself whenever I consider putting on a mask and acting...
I want to just immerse myself in such books... Lines like thse are in high demand. Why? Well, a lot of them just speaks to me about life's situations. The reason behind the situations, the appropriate reaction and at times, explanations...
Sunday, February 25, 2007
faith
It's really, really coincidental when yesterday, the pastor preached about this topic: living a life of faith.
The first thought I had was "not again". What, with the mention of faith in "A walk to remember" and all.. Oh well.. But really, faith is what I need more than ever? After all, there's no such thing as having too much faith. Oh well. But I guess I'm just going to fast-forward to altar call.
I'm still trying to figure out what God wants me to do about that situation. The thing is, letting go completely is not the solution. I know that for a fact. But ya, at the altar, the same image came to my mind again. It's been a month or so but that is one image that's still impressed upon my heart.. I want to see that image become a reality. And somehow, I keep having this thought that it'll come true by the end of the year. Although things don't seem to be falling into place, I guess I'm really just living on faith and hope? What I can do now is just to believe...
The first thought I had was "not again". What, with the mention of faith in "A walk to remember" and all.. Oh well.. But really, faith is what I need more than ever? After all, there's no such thing as having too much faith. Oh well. But I guess I'm just going to fast-forward to altar call.
I'm still trying to figure out what God wants me to do about that situation. The thing is, letting go completely is not the solution. I know that for a fact. But ya, at the altar, the same image came to my mind again. It's been a month or so but that is one image that's still impressed upon my heart.. I want to see that image become a reality. And somehow, I keep having this thought that it'll come true by the end of the year. Although things don't seem to be falling into place, I guess I'm really just living on faith and hope? What I can do now is just to believe...
Saturday, February 24, 2007
mercy
That's the title of a book written by Jodi Picoult. What made me choose to buy this book? Really, it was the last line of the summary at the back, "What does it mean to truly love another?"
The whole book touches on the topic of loving another person and how far one was willing to go in the name of love. The whole conflict in this story was about how one husband killed his wife because she was suffering from cancer and asked him to kill her. He loved her so much that he was willing to do anything for her... Another topic that I really like was how one person was always the one who gave more in the relationship. Often, things like 70-30 and 60-40 cropped up. Anyway, time to start quoting then I'll blog more...
You know it's never fifty-fifty in a marriage. It's always seventy-thirty, or sixty-forty. Someone falls in love first. Someone puts someone else on a pedestal. Someone works very hard to keep things rolling smoothly; someone else sails along for the ride."
Is this true? I don't think it just applies to marriages. Relationships, friendships... It's like that, isn't it? There's always someone who holds on tighter? I guess that's why I'm always hurt so deep, yes? Even now, I haven't given up on you 3. It drained me a lot last year but this year, I guess I've gotten more adjusted to it? Oh well...
'I'm the one like you,' Jaime said. 'The one who fell first. The one who would do anything to keep it the way it was at the beginning."
I really need to stop feeling like the characters. Yes, I think I would do almost anything to keep certain friendships the way they were at the beginning. Hmm. 4 people are almost constantly in my mind when I think of friendships nowadays. In fact, this entry will have a lot of references to them?
'I loved her so much I let her go.'
First though: "Fly away" by Corinne May. Same idea. "I love you too much to make you stay... Baby, fly away". That's a line from the song. It's because of things like this that I question how deep is my love for people? Can I let them go? Last year, it was those 3. Now, I don't know who I'm supposed to let go and who I'm supposed to hold on to. I want to hold on to you 9 for as long as possible. But is that what's best for everyone? Is that what's best for you? I have my doubts... Sometimes, if you love someone that much, you let them go. That's a lesson I'm going to have to learn the hard way, I guess? Things like this, only after going through the experience, will I truly be able to understand this...
... since any fool could tell you that neither calendula nor any other potion known to man could possibly soothe right through to the soul.
How true, ya?
Allie remembered once hearing a song that said the first person you fell in love with stole your heart. The first person you made love with stole your soul. And if these were one and the same, you were damned.
Has my heart been stolen? That's a rhetorical question, don't you agree? Hmm... Interesting quote. That's all I shall say.
Got to get ready for church soon. Why do I know the tears will probably fall again? Hmm. There were still more quotes that I like. I might have another entry on it. Depends. That's all for now...
The whole book touches on the topic of loving another person and how far one was willing to go in the name of love. The whole conflict in this story was about how one husband killed his wife because she was suffering from cancer and asked him to kill her. He loved her so much that he was willing to do anything for her... Another topic that I really like was how one person was always the one who gave more in the relationship. Often, things like 70-30 and 60-40 cropped up. Anyway, time to start quoting then I'll blog more...
You know it's never fifty-fifty in a marriage. It's always seventy-thirty, or sixty-forty. Someone falls in love first. Someone puts someone else on a pedestal. Someone works very hard to keep things rolling smoothly; someone else sails along for the ride."
Is this true? I don't think it just applies to marriages. Relationships, friendships... It's like that, isn't it? There's always someone who holds on tighter? I guess that's why I'm always hurt so deep, yes? Even now, I haven't given up on you 3. It drained me a lot last year but this year, I guess I've gotten more adjusted to it? Oh well...
'I'm the one like you,' Jaime said. 'The one who fell first. The one who would do anything to keep it the way it was at the beginning."
I really need to stop feeling like the characters. Yes, I think I would do almost anything to keep certain friendships the way they were at the beginning. Hmm. 4 people are almost constantly in my mind when I think of friendships nowadays. In fact, this entry will have a lot of references to them?
'I loved her so much I let her go.'
First though: "Fly away" by Corinne May. Same idea. "I love you too much to make you stay... Baby, fly away". That's a line from the song. It's because of things like this that I question how deep is my love for people? Can I let them go? Last year, it was those 3. Now, I don't know who I'm supposed to let go and who I'm supposed to hold on to. I want to hold on to you 9 for as long as possible. But is that what's best for everyone? Is that what's best for you? I have my doubts... Sometimes, if you love someone that much, you let them go. That's a lesson I'm going to have to learn the hard way, I guess? Things like this, only after going through the experience, will I truly be able to understand this...
... since any fool could tell you that neither calendula nor any other potion known to man could possibly soothe right through to the soul.
How true, ya?
Allie remembered once hearing a song that said the first person you fell in love with stole your heart. The first person you made love with stole your soul. And if these were one and the same, you were damned.
Has my heart been stolen? That's a rhetorical question, don't you agree? Hmm... Interesting quote. That's all I shall say.
Got to get ready for church soon. Why do I know the tears will probably fall again? Hmm. There were still more quotes that I like. I might have another entry on it. Depends. That's all for now...
conversation with mei...
Hmm. Went Jurong Point yesterday after CCA ended... Quite interesting? I'm being way too impulsive when it comes to buying things. Bought another book for myself. I'll be blogging about it soon. =p Knowing me, I'll probably buy the Happy Feet soundtrack next. Heehee. Shall resist the urge to go down to a CD shop soon...
But anyway, back to the title. Took the bus back with mei after leaving Jurong Point. The conversation wasn't very light-hearted, ya? Sorry... Covered some topics and all. Interesting comment she made. It's something along the lines of how my style is like in terms of friendship. I'm not purposely being vauge but can't remember what was it she said. But this question came to my mind... Shall blog about it when I'm blogging about "Mercy"... =p
Realized that I'm actually quite open and honest with mei and vice versa. Guess that's why we're not too worried about sharing a room and all next year? Hmm... Ok. I want to blog about a book and start quoting! So time to end this entry and have another entry! =) Heehee. Might have 4 entries today... Maybe even 5, one more after coming back from church? Who knows...
But anyway, back to the title. Took the bus back with mei after leaving Jurong Point. The conversation wasn't very light-hearted, ya? Sorry... Covered some topics and all. Interesting comment she made. It's something along the lines of how my style is like in terms of friendship. I'm not purposely being vauge but can't remember what was it she said. But this question came to my mind... Shall blog about it when I'm blogging about "Mercy"... =p
Realized that I'm actually quite open and honest with mei and vice versa. Guess that's why we're not too worried about sharing a room and all next year? Hmm... Ok. I want to blog about a book and start quoting! So time to end this entry and have another entry! =) Heehee. Might have 4 entries today... Maybe even 5, one more after coming back from church? Who knows...
a walk to remember
Yay! Finally got around to watching it after having the disc for how many months. Was a bit hesitant before watching the show since I've read the book and I know how this story can get rather emotional and all... But mei was singing the praises of the show and I really wanted to watch it so just laid down on my bed and watched the show on my computer. Must really be thankful that my dad bought a LCD screen for the computer inside my room, for the purpose of letting me watch DVDs and all.. =)
There's really a lot that I want to blog about on the show... Sighs. Except I have no idea where to start.
Hmm. I think I've got it. I'll start off with this verse that was repeated during the show. Once when Jaime gives him the book and at the wedding... I prefer the version at the wedding.
"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes..."
When I watched this show and heard this verse, both times, I thought of seeing the line written down in a notebook. But anyway, the last line is especially meaningful. Maybe that explains why I'm still like that even after everything? It's not whether I'm nice or not, it's more than that.
The movie was different from the book in some areas but still as touching. There were so many times that I understood the feelings of the characters. I think this is one show that made me cry so many times til I lost track. Especially during the songs... "Only hope" and "Cry"... I was waiting in anticipation for the latter song. I miss hearing the song as I first heard it. But that's one version that I can't obtain that easily... Oh well. At least, I have the songs on my computer.
The ending's just so bittersweet. Not an exact quote but there was something about how just like the wind, love is something that you can't see but you can feel it...
There's really a lot that I want to blog about on the show... Sighs. Except I have no idea where to start.
Hmm. I think I've got it. I'll start off with this verse that was repeated during the show. Once when Jaime gives him the book and at the wedding... I prefer the version at the wedding.
"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes..."
When I watched this show and heard this verse, both times, I thought of seeing the line written down in a notebook. But anyway, the last line is especially meaningful. Maybe that explains why I'm still like that even after everything? It's not whether I'm nice or not, it's more than that.
The movie was different from the book in some areas but still as touching. There were so many times that I understood the feelings of the characters. I think this is one show that made me cry so many times til I lost track. Especially during the songs... "Only hope" and "Cry"... I was waiting in anticipation for the latter song. I miss hearing the song as I first heard it. But that's one version that I can't obtain that easily... Oh well. At least, I have the songs on my computer.
The ending's just so bittersweet. Not an exact quote but there was something about how just like the wind, love is something that you can't see but you can feel it...
listening
Hmm... I had to end off my entry on thursday since I couldn't really focus on blogging while chatting on MSN and talking on the phone. Normally, multi-tasking those 3 things is not a problem. But on thursday, all the conversations required my full attention. I was already stretching myself with MSN and the phone call already.
Surprisingly, my mood wasn't affected that badly or anything even though I felt a bit overwhelmed by the sudden jump in conversations. And these conversations weren't just topics on the surface... A lot of the conversations became rather deep, something that surprised me. Honestly, I was being forced to face a few issues at the same time on thursday but I welcomed it?
I realized why I could stay in control even when I felt overwhelmed. Let's deal with one issue at a time... Was talking to Glo on MSN. Hmm. Glo, you didn't know how good your timing was. Heehee. But yes, had to face certain things head-on. I hope that things can be resolved between those 2? Times like this, I do wonder whether my staying on would have prevented all these. It seemed as if everything went downhill after I left. Sighs. The only reason why I ever wanted to go back to NY is because of you 3... 3 of you, please take care? Hope to meet up with you all together one day soon.
Another MSN conversation. Hmm... I wasn't too surprised that you opened a conv with me? But anyway, please believe me when I said it wasn't your fault or anything. Don't want you to feel guilty or bad. Smile, ya? =)
And then talking to renee on the phone and trying to help her out with some stuff. -cough- Heehee. It was rather amusing and interesting. Didn't think I would have to help you with that kind of situation that soon. Guess it's just as well I'm used to things like that?
But yes, I realized that I'm ok and cope with functioning as a listener/comforter. It's something that comes naturally to me, to listen, to comfort, to be there. I guess I thrive on things like that? So ya... That explains a lot, doesn't it? But ya... Someone once said that something along the lines of how being there for others and all kind of became a job, a responsibility. Well, I understand it more than ever now. It's second nature to do things like that. It's always been and hopefully, it always will be.
Surprisingly, my mood wasn't affected that badly or anything even though I felt a bit overwhelmed by the sudden jump in conversations. And these conversations weren't just topics on the surface... A lot of the conversations became rather deep, something that surprised me. Honestly, I was being forced to face a few issues at the same time on thursday but I welcomed it?
I realized why I could stay in control even when I felt overwhelmed. Let's deal with one issue at a time... Was talking to Glo on MSN. Hmm. Glo, you didn't know how good your timing was. Heehee. But yes, had to face certain things head-on. I hope that things can be resolved between those 2? Times like this, I do wonder whether my staying on would have prevented all these. It seemed as if everything went downhill after I left. Sighs. The only reason why I ever wanted to go back to NY is because of you 3... 3 of you, please take care? Hope to meet up with you all together one day soon.
Another MSN conversation. Hmm... I wasn't too surprised that you opened a conv with me? But anyway, please believe me when I said it wasn't your fault or anything. Don't want you to feel guilty or bad. Smile, ya? =)
And then talking to renee on the phone and trying to help her out with some stuff. -cough- Heehee. It was rather amusing and interesting. Didn't think I would have to help you with that kind of situation that soon. Guess it's just as well I'm used to things like that?
But yes, I realized that I'm ok and cope with functioning as a listener/comforter. It's something that comes naturally to me, to listen, to comfort, to be there. I guess I thrive on things like that? So ya... That explains a lot, doesn't it? But ya... Someone once said that something along the lines of how being there for others and all kind of became a job, a responsibility. Well, I understand it more than ever now. It's second nature to do things like that. It's always been and hopefully, it always will be.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
taxing day for my eyes..
Heehee. I apologize to my eyes. Woke up this morning with sore eyes. Ok, to be exact, a sore eye. Guess I shouldn't have rubbed that hard and that long last night. =p It was irritating. But yes, it's like my first time having sore eyes.
Didn't realize it was contagious and still came to school. =p But ya, it got better throughout the day so whew. Didn't want to skip school today. Thought it would be a good day but then again, maybe it wouldn't have been that bad if I skipped school today. At recess, me and mei were debating about whether thursdays were the worst day of the school week or not. I disagreed with her but then again, today's been quite tiring.
Lessons were rather ok overall. Maths, ok. English. Hey, it's english. Don't think you'll hear me complain about it much. But yes, was making an observation about myself after reading a passage in english. Shall blog about that some other time. Lunch. Possibly the worst time of school today. Thanks mei and nes. Heehee. One of the advantages of being in a school that specializes on science: the library is well-stocked. =) Art was ok. Chinese... I just took the chance to sleep. Wish I could have stayed awake to watch the show though. Physics. Just stoned. Test results were not too surprising. Math test. Hmm... Careless mistakes?
Yay! It was raining! But yes, used up my rain quota for this semester so couldn't enjoy the rain? =p Hmm... Was guai and used an umbrella on the way home. So there...
Anyway, I can't really multi-task so I shall stop blogging now. Will blog again some other time.
Didn't realize it was contagious and still came to school. =p But ya, it got better throughout the day so whew. Didn't want to skip school today. Thought it would be a good day but then again, maybe it wouldn't have been that bad if I skipped school today. At recess, me and mei were debating about whether thursdays were the worst day of the school week or not. I disagreed with her but then again, today's been quite tiring.
Lessons were rather ok overall. Maths, ok. English. Hey, it's english. Don't think you'll hear me complain about it much. But yes, was making an observation about myself after reading a passage in english. Shall blog about that some other time. Lunch. Possibly the worst time of school today. Thanks mei and nes. Heehee. One of the advantages of being in a school that specializes on science: the library is well-stocked. =) Art was ok. Chinese... I just took the chance to sleep. Wish I could have stayed awake to watch the show though. Physics. Just stoned. Test results were not too surprising. Math test. Hmm... Careless mistakes?
Yay! It was raining! But yes, used up my rain quota for this semester so couldn't enjoy the rain? =p Hmm... Was guai and used an umbrella on the way home. So there...
Anyway, I can't really multi-task so I shall stop blogging now. Will blog again some other time.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
gushing in Orchard
Went out yesterday to Orchard with gan jie and her friend... But after they had to go, I was left with around 1 hour plus to wander around orchard before I met up with my relatives for dinner.
A lot of gushing was going on when I was in orchard so here goes... =)
Went to kinokuniya to just look at stuff... Saw jodi picoult and was going all crazy since they had almost every book there, including the three that I haven't read. I've never seen two of them before?! Ack. Too bad I spent $20 earlier on in Plaza Singapura so didn't buy anything. Yet. =p Wandered around Kino and chanced upon this whole row of scores! Imagine this. One whole shelve of scores of Christian scores. Then times the shelve by 7 to 8 times and that's like scores of pop songs and soundtracks. Guess what was the first soundtrack that caught my eye? Ice princess! =) Then on the other side of the shelves, classical scores, Disney and musicals... Was rather high internally and gushing but somehow, it lacked the usual highness? Really wished that anyone was there with me to join in the gushing. I mean, Kino's better stocked than any store I've walked into for the past few years. All the scores I want in one place! =) After awhile, had to drag myself away from there. Went to look at the stationery section. Saw a lot of thin files with nice design! But since I had only $20 and had to buy various things, I resisted the urge to shop first and continued window-shopping.
Next stop: Art friend! -bounce- Ok... I was guai. Limited myself to the paper section. Was pulling out random pieces of paper and trying to decide which ones were nicer... Heehee. I should go back there with more money. But ya, finally got around to buying paper with nice patterns/designs. Decided I needed a file to protect the paper since I was carrying a small slingbag so yes... =p Does that sound like an excuse? Heehee. Oh well... Bought one file and then realized I could afford one Jodi Picoult book so yes... Spoilt myself by buying one of the books. =) In case you don't know, I rarely buy things so impulsively and with my own money. =p Was debating whether to get one more file... But since I couldn't decide between the various designs so didn't get. I mean, how does one pick between designs cute dogs, waterfall, dolphins, patterns, sky, ocean? It's craziness. So went around the rest of the stationery section and managed to freak mei out over the phone. Basically, I saw this whole section of really nice stickers and was talking in an unusual tone of voice. =p Poor mei...
Walked to Borders but due to time constraints, it was really just walking through without really looking out for specific titles. I have perfect timing! Crossed the traffic light and saw my cousin, her husband, my aunt and grandmother in the car at the traffic junction and so hopped on. =) Heehee. Nice example of good timing, ya?
A lot of gushing was going on when I was in orchard so here goes... =)
Went to kinokuniya to just look at stuff... Saw jodi picoult and was going all crazy since they had almost every book there, including the three that I haven't read. I've never seen two of them before?! Ack. Too bad I spent $20 earlier on in Plaza Singapura so didn't buy anything. Yet. =p Wandered around Kino and chanced upon this whole row of scores! Imagine this. One whole shelve of scores of Christian scores. Then times the shelve by 7 to 8 times and that's like scores of pop songs and soundtracks. Guess what was the first soundtrack that caught my eye? Ice princess! =) Then on the other side of the shelves, classical scores, Disney and musicals... Was rather high internally and gushing but somehow, it lacked the usual highness? Really wished that anyone was there with me to join in the gushing. I mean, Kino's better stocked than any store I've walked into for the past few years. All the scores I want in one place! =) After awhile, had to drag myself away from there. Went to look at the stationery section. Saw a lot of thin files with nice design! But since I had only $20 and had to buy various things, I resisted the urge to shop first and continued window-shopping.
Next stop: Art friend! -bounce- Ok... I was guai. Limited myself to the paper section. Was pulling out random pieces of paper and trying to decide which ones were nicer... Heehee. I should go back there with more money. But ya, finally got around to buying paper with nice patterns/designs. Decided I needed a file to protect the paper since I was carrying a small slingbag so yes... =p Does that sound like an excuse? Heehee. Oh well... Bought one file and then realized I could afford one Jodi Picoult book so yes... Spoilt myself by buying one of the books. =) In case you don't know, I rarely buy things so impulsively and with my own money. =p Was debating whether to get one more file... But since I couldn't decide between the various designs so didn't get. I mean, how does one pick between designs cute dogs, waterfall, dolphins, patterns, sky, ocean? It's craziness. So went around the rest of the stationery section and managed to freak mei out over the phone. Basically, I saw this whole section of really nice stickers and was talking in an unusual tone of voice. =p Poor mei...
Walked to Borders but due to time constraints, it was really just walking through without really looking out for specific titles. I have perfect timing! Crossed the traffic light and saw my cousin, her husband, my aunt and grandmother in the car at the traffic junction and so hopped on. =) Heehee. Nice example of good timing, ya?
Monday, February 19, 2007
pendant
I didn't need to see my cousin wearing that pendant. Of all the pendants in the world, why that one? Sighs... I'm sure you three would have similar reactions if you all saw that pendant.
Yes, it's that one. Heart-shaped. Sparkly. Now, I wonder what that reminds me of... Not just the character who wears it but rather, it triggered off this whole set of memories. And the last thing I needed was to start reminiscing about the past and get all reflective when my relatives were around. Sighs. But yes, that pendant and various other things just have way too many memories?
I miss those days. How about you three?
Yes, it's that one. Heart-shaped. Sparkly. Now, I wonder what that reminds me of... Not just the character who wears it but rather, it triggered off this whole set of memories. And the last thing I needed was to start reminiscing about the past and get all reflective when my relatives were around. Sighs. But yes, that pendant and various other things just have way too many memories?
I miss those days. How about you three?
what i want to do...
Sighs. I really dislike having to pick between who to go out with. It used to be so much simpler last time?
I've got a bit of homework to finish up but I'm not in the mood...
I want to watch the two disc that my friends burned for me.
I want to go somewhere and just rest.
I want to meet up with my friends.
I want to write a letter.
I want to type out the next few chapters.
I want to practice piano.
I want to play the guitar.
Whee! There's way too many things that I want to do. And firstly, I need to finish my homework. Sighs... Enough blogging now. I'm not being a good host. There are guests at my house so out of my room, I go.
I've got a bit of homework to finish up but I'm not in the mood...
I want to watch the two disc that my friends burned for me.
I want to go somewhere and just rest.
I want to meet up with my friends.
I want to write a letter.
I want to type out the next few chapters.
I want to practice piano.
I want to play the guitar.
Whee! There's way too many things that I want to do. And firstly, I need to finish my homework. Sighs... Enough blogging now. I'm not being a good host. There are guests at my house so out of my room, I go.
1st day of CNY
Before I start blogging about how chu yi was, I feel like being random and commenting on how my phone shares the same taste for sweet stuff as me. With the previous phone, it was honey. And then now, this current phone likes ribena and miranda... Oh well. =p Too much sugar is bad for it though so have to keep it away from sweet stuff. =p
Ok. Let's see... It's weird to not go around visiting people and taking mandarin oranges. And dressing-wise, I'm not used to not having to doll up in bright colours and all... I was wearing white and brown today?! Whee! Must thank my mum for the new top. Collared blouse.. =) Went grandmother's house for most part of today. By the way, the prosperity burger that McDonald sells is super spicy and hot! My relatives were commenting on how they could see me sweating.. But ya, the black pepper's hot. My cheeks were rather pink after that. Did a bit of maths but gave up and went upstairs to sleep. Told my mum to wake me up at 3 but she didn't hear me so I only woke up at around 4. I slept for like 3 hours?! Sighs...
Went Changi Village for dinner. Then stopped for awhile at Changi beach just to enjoy the breeze... Anyone wants to guess what went through my head/what was my mood? =p Whee! I don't really like Changi beach because can't go down to the water but the breeze there is really nice and relaxing. Was just enjoying the wind and hearing the waves. Sighs. I think I need to retreat somewhere for a couple of hours again. Although sleeping's a good alternative, I need something more than that. Quite a few potential places in mind. Hmm... KIV. But not anytime soon. I can't find the time. Weirdness. I can find time to accompany others but I can't find time for myself. Sighs. After going to Changi beach, was driving home when dad realized we were near Marina and the fireworks were about to start so he drove around that area til the fireworks started. Pretty! That's all I want to recount about the 1st day of CNY...
Time to backtrack a bit to Saturday. Was staying up to watch the Saturday night movie. Mei, you realize that we're watching it every week if possible? Tsk us. Anyway, while watching the show, realized how much I want some things but probably won't have them anytime soon. Sighs. I shall blog a bit further on this. Last time, I had item 1 but I wanted item 2. Then I had item 2 and was so contented and didn't really need item 1 anymore. But after awhile, I lost everything. And now, I have none. I want and quite possibly need at least one of the items. Is it too much to want those items again? It hurts when you don't have what you want but it hurts even more when you had it once but lost it. By the way, item 1 and 2 are quite similar and they really are items, not references to people or anything, ok?
Enough weird, random thoughts. Ohh! Shall end off with this quote from someone which amused me greatly, "Dang, I feel so scandalous." Heehee... You'll never guess who said that. No, not me. =p
Ok. Let's see... It's weird to not go around visiting people and taking mandarin oranges. And dressing-wise, I'm not used to not having to doll up in bright colours and all... I was wearing white and brown today?! Whee! Must thank my mum for the new top. Collared blouse.. =) Went grandmother's house for most part of today. By the way, the prosperity burger that McDonald sells is super spicy and hot! My relatives were commenting on how they could see me sweating.. But ya, the black pepper's hot. My cheeks were rather pink after that. Did a bit of maths but gave up and went upstairs to sleep. Told my mum to wake me up at 3 but she didn't hear me so I only woke up at around 4. I slept for like 3 hours?! Sighs...
Went Changi Village for dinner. Then stopped for awhile at Changi beach just to enjoy the breeze... Anyone wants to guess what went through my head/what was my mood? =p Whee! I don't really like Changi beach because can't go down to the water but the breeze there is really nice and relaxing. Was just enjoying the wind and hearing the waves. Sighs. I think I need to retreat somewhere for a couple of hours again. Although sleeping's a good alternative, I need something more than that. Quite a few potential places in mind. Hmm... KIV. But not anytime soon. I can't find the time. Weirdness. I can find time to accompany others but I can't find time for myself. Sighs. After going to Changi beach, was driving home when dad realized we were near Marina and the fireworks were about to start so he drove around that area til the fireworks started. Pretty! That's all I want to recount about the 1st day of CNY...
Time to backtrack a bit to Saturday. Was staying up to watch the Saturday night movie. Mei, you realize that we're watching it every week if possible? Tsk us. Anyway, while watching the show, realized how much I want some things but probably won't have them anytime soon. Sighs. I shall blog a bit further on this. Last time, I had item 1 but I wanted item 2. Then I had item 2 and was so contented and didn't really need item 1 anymore. But after awhile, I lost everything. And now, I have none. I want and quite possibly need at least one of the items. Is it too much to want those items again? It hurts when you don't have what you want but it hurts even more when you had it once but lost it. By the way, item 1 and 2 are quite similar and they really are items, not references to people or anything, ok?
Enough weird, random thoughts. Ohh! Shall end off with this quote from someone which amused me greatly, "Dang, I feel so scandalous." Heehee... You'll never guess who said that. No, not me. =p
Saturday, February 17, 2007
another day
Uhohh. I shouldn't read fictionpress stories. Even if they're not about romance stories, anything that has to do with friends just tears away the mask on my face and removes the plaster on my heart... Sighs.
Ok. That was just a spur of the moment thought so ya... Anyway, let's recount yesterday? CNY concert. Messed up too many times. I'm just choosing to forget about it and move on. But really, I know I could have done so much better. Went back to HPPS. Hmm, I need to find time to go down and talk to the teachers. It's nice to talk to them. Went to ZX's house after that with ex-classmates. Just slacked around. Whee! Playing pool is fun. I want to play more often. Basically, anything that makes me focus on it and forget about everything else is good. =p >.< I should stop saying things like that. But yes, I realize that I need to control my mind and stop thinking about stuff. It's not good for me.
There isn't that much to blog about? Oh well. Unlike most of you, I'll be home for quite a good part of the CNY holidays since I can't go visiting. I guess I'll try to use the time to catch up on my sleep and also get down to doing some stuff that I've been postponing. On a side note, my room is so much tidier now. Been packing the afternoon away..
Ok. That was just a spur of the moment thought so ya... Anyway, let's recount yesterday? CNY concert. Messed up too many times. I'm just choosing to forget about it and move on. But really, I know I could have done so much better. Went back to HPPS. Hmm, I need to find time to go down and talk to the teachers. It's nice to talk to them. Went to ZX's house after that with ex-classmates. Just slacked around. Whee! Playing pool is fun. I want to play more often. Basically, anything that makes me focus on it and forget about everything else is good. =p >.< I should stop saying things like that. But yes, I realize that I need to control my mind and stop thinking about stuff. It's not good for me.
There isn't that much to blog about? Oh well. Unlike most of you, I'll be home for quite a good part of the CNY holidays since I can't go visiting. I guess I'll try to use the time to catch up on my sleep and also get down to doing some stuff that I've been postponing. On a side note, my room is so much tidier now. Been packing the afternoon away..
Thursday, February 15, 2007
long day..
Heehee. I should stop keeping this up. Today's the 2nd day that I reach home past 7 and tomorrow, I won't be home til 10 plus or so? Yesterday was due to rehearsal. Today was because I met up with mel and stayed at Holland Village til 9. Tomorrow, CNY concert, visit HPPS, going out with ex-classmates, church. Tsk myself. Oh well.
A recount of today. The most unforgettable incident of today. Towards the end of recess. Heehee. Mei pointed out something and I was like "Oh dang". Then she asked why. So I explained to her the whole concept of triggers and all and how I link everything together rather well, in fact too well at times. So we were going up the stairs and I was explaining things to her when she tells me that someone's here. I didn't hear her until she repeated herself. Then I looked up. Yeps. The timing's rather unnerving. Then once you walked past us, I started laughing. Think you heard it. But yes, I was laughing at the irony of the whole situation... Heehee. I am one weird person. Seriously, such a thing becoming the most unforgettable incident of the day. And my whole reaction... Oh well. Let's see what else happened today. The whole frantic rush to find something suitable for tomorrow. Holland Village. Dinner. Talking with mel. Parallels.
Ohh! I need to add on to the previous incident. After that, we had english. Whee! I love the passage we were doing for English, "Finding true love". Rofl. Sorry. I cannot help but be really amused at the irony of everything. I don't even need my mind to link things together. Situations just come and trigger off memories. ziah... Heehee. I don't know what mood to be in nowadays. Too many times, I'm learning how to tread the fine line between things. Laadeedaa. Oops?
Ack. Nervous about tomorrow. Not really looking forward to it. There's this fear and apprehension. Wonder why... Never mind, it'll all be over by 11. Have I mentioned that I love it when things can be interpreted more than one way? =p
A recount of today. The most unforgettable incident of today. Towards the end of recess. Heehee. Mei pointed out something and I was like "Oh dang". Then she asked why. So I explained to her the whole concept of triggers and all and how I link everything together rather well, in fact too well at times. So we were going up the stairs and I was explaining things to her when she tells me that someone's here. I didn't hear her until she repeated herself. Then I looked up. Yeps. The timing's rather unnerving. Then once you walked past us, I started laughing. Think you heard it. But yes, I was laughing at the irony of the whole situation... Heehee. I am one weird person. Seriously, such a thing becoming the most unforgettable incident of the day. And my whole reaction... Oh well. Let's see what else happened today. The whole frantic rush to find something suitable for tomorrow. Holland Village. Dinner. Talking with mel. Parallels.
Ohh! I need to add on to the previous incident. After that, we had english. Whee! I love the passage we were doing for English, "Finding true love". Rofl. Sorry. I cannot help but be really amused at the irony of everything. I don't even need my mind to link things together. Situations just come and trigger off memories. ziah... Heehee. I don't know what mood to be in nowadays. Too many times, I'm learning how to tread the fine line between things. Laadeedaa. Oops?
Ack. Nervous about tomorrow. Not really looking forward to it. There's this fear and apprehension. Wonder why... Never mind, it'll all be over by 11. Have I mentioned that I love it when things can be interpreted more than one way? =p
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
14th feb
Wishing everyone a Happy Valentine's Day! Or whatever's left of it anyway. =p
Hmm. I'll do a quick recount of today before I start blogging about my pet topic. =p Heehee. Let's see. Thanks mummy, cass, melanie and charmaine for giving me V-day prezzies! =) And all those that wished me a happy vday! =) Highlights of today. I'll blog in the word/phrase style. =p
Singing competition. Impromptu introduction. Unexpected results. Class unity. Red t-shirts. Amusing "commentary". Suitability of guys. -cough- CNY rehearsal. That's all. Honestly though, I think today was one of my worst V-days ever. No, it's nothing to do with the fact that I'm single or what. I've always been single throughout the years so ya. =p But rather, too many things going through my mind at various times. At the start of the day, worrying took up quite a bit of my time. Then as the day progresses, worry continued and tiredness and sleepiness came to join it too. So ya... Surprisingly though, I haven't gotten moody. Just tired. Oh well... Enough about today. Time to move on to the next part of the entry. =p
Valentine's Day. A day that people give gifts to their other half or to those they love. Of course, it's not just limited to love between couples. I mean, my mother gives me a little something special each year on this day so yeps. Hmm... Do we have to wait til the 14th of Feb before we give gifts to others? Oh well. That was on a side note.
What's my pet topic? Relationships. Heehee. Or at least mei claims it is. I'm not really objecting. Since it's V-day today, I think it's a rather appropriate time to blog about my personal opinion and all on relationships and other stuff. Warning: the following paragraphs will be pretty disorganized...
More and more teenagers are getting into relationships. That's an undeniable fact. But what is the point of getting into a relationship? I used to ask those around me that. When were you two considered a couple? When you're single, you tend to have many questions and watch with interest those couples around you. Sadly enough, I think that our generation at times don't really treasure and value relationships. How do people move on from one relationship to another so fast?
Love. How do you tell when you love someone? I mean, apart from the extreme cases of "I'll die to save the person" and stuff like that... How do you tell that you're really in love? Provoking question. I can't answer it. But I can say that I have loved before. Don't start thinking wrong. It's perfectly normal to love my family, ya? =p Heehee. There. But yes, I guess this blog entry's been enough about questions and generalizations. It's time to be egoistic and blog about my own experience and all..
Of course, I've had my share of crushes and all. Looking back, I half-cringe and smile at those memories. But I've also learned what it means to love someone, to care for someone so much that you place the person before yourself. Ya, I do that for most of my friends but for some of them, the extent that I do it has been considered a bit "crazy" and "extreme", I think. =p As someone pointed out to me before, "They are your world." Sighs. I think I've been putting this next part off for as long as I could.
Love is one powerful emotion. It's successfully knock down any barriers and walls I've placed within myself over the past weeks. No matter how I tried to ignore it, I can't. I still love you. That's never changed. Yes, I'm saying this openly. I love someone. People have been telling me I'll get over it and all but honestly, I doubt it. The feelings are still as strong as before. Sighs. Why the sigh? Because I really feel so helpless. It wasn't easy coping with loving someone but it was still bearable but now, helplessness has taken on another level. Sighs. But loving someone means wanting what's best for the person, right? So because of that, I've got to learn how to move on. How contradictory. To love someone and yet have to move on. Sighs. But it makes perfect sense.. Though it's tempting to write one of those dedication entries, I don't think it's suitable so nope, not blogging anymore on this.
Heehee. To end off this entry, just want to say "I love you" to all my friends. I love you all in the strictly platonic way, ya? Everyone, please take care. Happy Valentine's Day!
Hmm. I'll do a quick recount of today before I start blogging about my pet topic. =p Heehee. Let's see. Thanks mummy, cass, melanie and charmaine for giving me V-day prezzies! =) And all those that wished me a happy vday! =) Highlights of today. I'll blog in the word/phrase style. =p
Singing competition. Impromptu introduction. Unexpected results. Class unity. Red t-shirts. Amusing "commentary". Suitability of guys. -cough- CNY rehearsal. That's all. Honestly though, I think today was one of my worst V-days ever. No, it's nothing to do with the fact that I'm single or what. I've always been single throughout the years so ya. =p But rather, too many things going through my mind at various times. At the start of the day, worrying took up quite a bit of my time. Then as the day progresses, worry continued and tiredness and sleepiness came to join it too. So ya... Surprisingly though, I haven't gotten moody. Just tired. Oh well... Enough about today. Time to move on to the next part of the entry. =p
Valentine's Day. A day that people give gifts to their other half or to those they love. Of course, it's not just limited to love between couples. I mean, my mother gives me a little something special each year on this day so yeps. Hmm... Do we have to wait til the 14th of Feb before we give gifts to others? Oh well. That was on a side note.
What's my pet topic? Relationships. Heehee. Or at least mei claims it is. I'm not really objecting. Since it's V-day today, I think it's a rather appropriate time to blog about my personal opinion and all on relationships and other stuff. Warning: the following paragraphs will be pretty disorganized...
More and more teenagers are getting into relationships. That's an undeniable fact. But what is the point of getting into a relationship? I used to ask those around me that. When were you two considered a couple? When you're single, you tend to have many questions and watch with interest those couples around you. Sadly enough, I think that our generation at times don't really treasure and value relationships. How do people move on from one relationship to another so fast?
Love. How do you tell when you love someone? I mean, apart from the extreme cases of "I'll die to save the person" and stuff like that... How do you tell that you're really in love? Provoking question. I can't answer it. But I can say that I have loved before. Don't start thinking wrong. It's perfectly normal to love my family, ya? =p Heehee. There. But yes, I guess this blog entry's been enough about questions and generalizations. It's time to be egoistic and blog about my own experience and all..
Of course, I've had my share of crushes and all. Looking back, I half-cringe and smile at those memories. But I've also learned what it means to love someone, to care for someone so much that you place the person before yourself. Ya, I do that for most of my friends but for some of them, the extent that I do it has been considered a bit "crazy" and "extreme", I think. =p As someone pointed out to me before, "They are your world." Sighs. I think I've been putting this next part off for as long as I could.
Love is one powerful emotion. It's successfully knock down any barriers and walls I've placed within myself over the past weeks. No matter how I tried to ignore it, I can't. I still love you. That's never changed. Yes, I'm saying this openly. I love someone. People have been telling me I'll get over it and all but honestly, I doubt it. The feelings are still as strong as before. Sighs. Why the sigh? Because I really feel so helpless. It wasn't easy coping with loving someone but it was still bearable but now, helplessness has taken on another level. Sighs. But loving someone means wanting what's best for the person, right? So because of that, I've got to learn how to move on. How contradictory. To love someone and yet have to move on. Sighs. But it makes perfect sense.. Though it's tempting to write one of those dedication entries, I don't think it's suitable so nope, not blogging anymore on this.
Heehee. To end off this entry, just want to say "I love you" to all my friends. I love you all in the strictly platonic way, ya? Everyone, please take care. Happy Valentine's Day!
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
agape love
Overpriced roses, heart-shaped chocolates, you just know what it's about to be Valentine's Day. I'll reserve blogging about my pet topic til tomorrow. =p That'll be interesting... This entry and tomorrow's might overlap quite a bit.
What is agape love? It's commonly used to describe God's love towards us or love between Christians. But it can still be defined clearer. Agape love is unconditional. How many of us can say that we have loved someone unconditionally? No matter how often I've said those three words to others before, I can't say that the love I had for others was unconditional. It's still human nature to want something back in return, it's just whether you realize it or it's subconscious.
Anyway, two weeks ago during altar call, I was reminded of the whole concept of agape love. Refer back to that entry if you want. But yes, it was after that altar call that I realized how unconditional God's love really is and how I fall so short of showing that love to others. Have you ever done something wrong and you were sure others would judge you for it and criticize you? Ever felt unworthy to be forgiven? I know I have. But as this adult leader prayed for me, she was reminding me of how God forgives me of everything. And even now, I'm still so amazed by it. Loving someone for who they are, no matter what they do. It's not easy. I know what I feel isn't just a crush. And now, I'm hoping that one day, I can love others the way God loves me. Unconditionally. Selflessly. Subconsciously, I realized I do want something in return when I love others. That was the main issue I was struggling with for the past few weeks. I think I've understood the concept of agape love. That was the easy part. Now, the challenge is to show it to others. I'm trying. I've been trying.
What is agape love? It's commonly used to describe God's love towards us or love between Christians. But it can still be defined clearer. Agape love is unconditional. How many of us can say that we have loved someone unconditionally? No matter how often I've said those three words to others before, I can't say that the love I had for others was unconditional. It's still human nature to want something back in return, it's just whether you realize it or it's subconscious.
Anyway, two weeks ago during altar call, I was reminded of the whole concept of agape love. Refer back to that entry if you want. But yes, it was after that altar call that I realized how unconditional God's love really is and how I fall so short of showing that love to others. Have you ever done something wrong and you were sure others would judge you for it and criticize you? Ever felt unworthy to be forgiven? I know I have. But as this adult leader prayed for me, she was reminding me of how God forgives me of everything. And even now, I'm still so amazed by it. Loving someone for who they are, no matter what they do. It's not easy. I know what I feel isn't just a crush. And now, I'm hoping that one day, I can love others the way God loves me. Unconditionally. Selflessly. Subconsciously, I realized I do want something in return when I love others. That was the main issue I was struggling with for the past few weeks. I think I've understood the concept of agape love. That was the easy part. Now, the challenge is to show it to others. I'm trying. I've been trying.
Monday, February 12, 2007
5 love languages
Since Wed's Valentine Day, I guess I shall stop practicing self-control and start blogging these whole series of entries on love and anything related to that. Finally... It's been accumalating over the past few weeks. Heehee.
Hmm. 5 love languages. For those who don't know, it's words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of services and physical touch. Basically, these 5 kind of sum up the ways of showing love to a person. Yeps. Everyone's different so it's a given that people have different love languages. What is your primary love language? Or to be put it most simply, which love language out of the 5 is the most important to you in a relationship?
Love languages in a relationship consist of how you show your love to the other person and also how you want them to show their love to you. No prizes for guessing my love languages. But actually, it's changed a bit over the years.
In my childhood days, I know gifts from my mum certainly made my day. But apart from gifts, words of affirmation and quality time were especially important to me. In fact, quality time was probably the most important thing for me in primary school. That would explain why I dislike him so much even though he pampered me with everything I wanted. Sighs.
But anyway, it's changed slightly in secondary school. Yes, I still like gifts and you should see my reaction whenever I receive something I like but they're no longer as important. I did a test recently.. My primary love language is quality time, which had 10 points. And then, a bit of a surprise. Physical touch at 8 points followed by receiving gifts and words of affirmation which were tied at 5 points. Hmm... I'll start off with my preference in the 5 love languages. Quality time's always been very important to me, guess that's why my friends take priorities over a lot of things. It's true, I value quality time a lot so one of the things that always hurt is when I'm deprived of quality time with friends.
Physical touch. Before anyone starts thinking in a twisted way, let me clarify. Physical touch can also be hugs between friends, ya? But yes... The past month, I realized that I really needed a hug from one of you. Erm, hope this doesn't hurt anyone but I was rather disappointed, I didn't get it. Oh well, the few of you have always been good listeners and all but only 2, maybe 3 of you ever understood physical touch as a love language. Thanks to those who've hugged me before when I'm down. I think I'm dwelling in lower secondary memories again. Still remember that time after the abortion video? I broke down and you came over and hugged me. Thanks. =) You know who you are. In fact, thanks for everything you've done in the past and recently. =) Ok. That was side-tracking a bit. But yes, physical touch means more to me than I let on, I think. I didn't even realize it myself til recently. Oh well.
I think I've blogged enough about what I expect from people. Time to analyze myself and see how well I know myself. I know what I want, but do I know what I give in return? Actually, it's pretty obvious too, yes? I give what I want. Quality time, words of affirmation. Physical touch, not so much. As I said, only 2-3 of you ever fell under that catergory of people who I hug. But yes, quality time. I try my best to give whatever time I can to my friends. Guess that's why all the 3 hour conversations over the phone and all comes in? And trying to meet up with you all as much as possible. Words of affirmation... Think I've cut down a bit on that. After a few incidents, I think actions really speak louder than words so I prefer to spend quality time instead of just promising that I'll be there. So yeps...
Hmm... There's this book by Gary Chapman titled "The five love languages". Still haven't finished reading through it but think it's a book worth reading. Often, relationships fall apart because we aren't meeting the other person's needs, we're not speaking the same love language... Mhmm. And with this, I'll end off. Don't just think about what you want from the person, think about what the person wants from you. =)
Hmm. 5 love languages. For those who don't know, it's words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of services and physical touch. Basically, these 5 kind of sum up the ways of showing love to a person. Yeps. Everyone's different so it's a given that people have different love languages. What is your primary love language? Or to be put it most simply, which love language out of the 5 is the most important to you in a relationship?
Love languages in a relationship consist of how you show your love to the other person and also how you want them to show their love to you. No prizes for guessing my love languages. But actually, it's changed a bit over the years.
In my childhood days, I know gifts from my mum certainly made my day. But apart from gifts, words of affirmation and quality time were especially important to me. In fact, quality time was probably the most important thing for me in primary school. That would explain why I dislike him so much even though he pampered me with everything I wanted. Sighs.
But anyway, it's changed slightly in secondary school. Yes, I still like gifts and you should see my reaction whenever I receive something I like but they're no longer as important. I did a test recently.. My primary love language is quality time, which had 10 points. And then, a bit of a surprise. Physical touch at 8 points followed by receiving gifts and words of affirmation which were tied at 5 points. Hmm... I'll start off with my preference in the 5 love languages. Quality time's always been very important to me, guess that's why my friends take priorities over a lot of things. It's true, I value quality time a lot so one of the things that always hurt is when I'm deprived of quality time with friends.
Physical touch. Before anyone starts thinking in a twisted way, let me clarify. Physical touch can also be hugs between friends, ya? But yes... The past month, I realized that I really needed a hug from one of you. Erm, hope this doesn't hurt anyone but I was rather disappointed, I didn't get it. Oh well, the few of you have always been good listeners and all but only 2, maybe 3 of you ever understood physical touch as a love language. Thanks to those who've hugged me before when I'm down. I think I'm dwelling in lower secondary memories again. Still remember that time after the abortion video? I broke down and you came over and hugged me. Thanks. =) You know who you are. In fact, thanks for everything you've done in the past and recently. =) Ok. That was side-tracking a bit. But yes, physical touch means more to me than I let on, I think. I didn't even realize it myself til recently. Oh well.
I think I've blogged enough about what I expect from people. Time to analyze myself and see how well I know myself. I know what I want, but do I know what I give in return? Actually, it's pretty obvious too, yes? I give what I want. Quality time, words of affirmation. Physical touch, not so much. As I said, only 2-3 of you ever fell under that catergory of people who I hug. But yes, quality time. I try my best to give whatever time I can to my friends. Guess that's why all the 3 hour conversations over the phone and all comes in? And trying to meet up with you all as much as possible. Words of affirmation... Think I've cut down a bit on that. After a few incidents, I think actions really speak louder than words so I prefer to spend quality time instead of just promising that I'll be there. So yeps...
Hmm... There's this book by Gary Chapman titled "The five love languages". Still haven't finished reading through it but think it's a book worth reading. Often, relationships fall apart because we aren't meeting the other person's needs, we're not speaking the same love language... Mhmm. And with this, I'll end off. Don't just think about what you want from the person, think about what the person wants from you. =)
Sunday, February 11, 2007
restless
Only after I typed the title, did I realize how there can be more than one meaning to the word. I'm restless. Originally, I meant it as "I can't sit sitll, can't settle down to sleep, etc". You get the idea. It's way past my normal bedtime. Oh wait, what is my normal bedtime again? Nowadays, sleeping before 11 is a treat. In fact, sleeping before 12 is surprising enough. Uhohh. Yes yes, I should go sleep but as I said, I'm restless. =p Besides, so many things to do, so little time.
But fine... I'll attempt to make this entry short. The other meaning of the word "restless" is just simply breaking the word up, rest less or in other words, not enough rest. How true, ya? For those who know my meaning and definitions of sleep and rest, you should understand. At times, sleeping is a form of resting. And ya, I'm definitely short of that. But apart from sleeping, I am really lacking rest. I can't rest anymore. I mean, I either rest with people or there's always that incident of going down to Sentosa to rest alone. But now, I'm reluctant to rest with people and as much as I have places in mind to go too, time doesn't permit. If it does, trust me, I will. But yes, I think I need to rest soon. As in, really rest. But for now, sleep shall be my rest. It helps a bit, I guess. As long as I fall into one of those dreamless sleeps and don't wake up til the next morning... At least, that's been the case so far. With a few exceptions. =p
But fine... I'll attempt to make this entry short. The other meaning of the word "restless" is just simply breaking the word up, rest less or in other words, not enough rest. How true, ya? For those who know my meaning and definitions of sleep and rest, you should understand. At times, sleeping is a form of resting. And ya, I'm definitely short of that. But apart from sleeping, I am really lacking rest. I can't rest anymore. I mean, I either rest with people or there's always that incident of going down to Sentosa to rest alone. But now, I'm reluctant to rest with people and as much as I have places in mind to go too, time doesn't permit. If it does, trust me, I will. But yes, I think I need to rest soon. As in, really rest. But for now, sleep shall be my rest. It helps a bit, I guess. As long as I fall into one of those dreamless sleeps and don't wake up til the next morning... At least, that's been the case so far. With a few exceptions. =p
'O' level results
Heehee. Was reminded that I've yet to blog about my 'O' level chinese results. Didn't want to have 5 entries in one day so didn't bother blogging it last night.
For those that know my results already, it's no surprise why I'm in no hurry to blog about it. I'm disappointed with them. Here goes... B4. When I got it, I just saw the 'B', not even the 4, ok? And that was bad enough. On the bright side, got distinction for oral. Redeeming factor. Mei was influencing me and we started laughing and going hysterical over our results instead of being all moody and all. Normally, this would hit me quite badly and I'm ashamed of it but I guess other things hurt so much more that this has become rather insignificant for now? But yes.. Already had this feeling I would be disappointed. So it was more bearable when getting the results. Guess it helps that me and mei got some reassurance about our standard of chinese. It really helped. But now, I'm worried abt the next round of 'O' levels. I wanted my A. But I no longer think I can make it...
Pft. I'm in the mood to blog but have no idea what to blog about. Corrections: I've many topics that I want to blog about but they'll just get me into this mood that I rather avoid. I'm already treading the line with this entry. But I guess me being able to blog about the results without breaking means it didn't hurt as much as I feared. Or have I just gotten better at pushing it to the back of my head? That's another fear of mine...
For those that know my results already, it's no surprise why I'm in no hurry to blog about it. I'm disappointed with them. Here goes... B4. When I got it, I just saw the 'B', not even the 4, ok? And that was bad enough. On the bright side, got distinction for oral. Redeeming factor. Mei was influencing me and we started laughing and going hysterical over our results instead of being all moody and all. Normally, this would hit me quite badly and I'm ashamed of it but I guess other things hurt so much more that this has become rather insignificant for now? But yes.. Already had this feeling I would be disappointed. So it was more bearable when getting the results. Guess it helps that me and mei got some reassurance about our standard of chinese. It really helped. But now, I'm worried abt the next round of 'O' levels. I wanted my A. But I no longer think I can make it...
Pft. I'm in the mood to blog but have no idea what to blog about. Corrections: I've many topics that I want to blog about but they'll just get me into this mood that I rather avoid. I'm already treading the line with this entry. But I guess me being able to blog about the results without breaking means it didn't hurt as much as I feared. Or have I just gotten better at pushing it to the back of my head? That's another fear of mine...
Saturday, February 10, 2007
poems from the past
Uhohh. I know there's this renewed urge in me to start writing again, which isn't good.
Anyway just now, felt like looking this notebook which I almost never use. I wrote about 3-4 poems in there. And after that, I remembered that my diary had a few more poems so just read through them. Hmm. Poems from the past. In another entry from today, I blogged about how I uploaded one of the poem up to my Eportfolio. Really, poems seem to be coming back into my life. What with the english assignment and finding poems from the past...
It freaked me out when I realized how those poems I wrote a few years back are just so fitting for this whole situation now. Hmm... Should I place them on my blog? I'll consider. It's not because of how well or how badly the poems are written which is making me hesitate. Rather, it's the content of the poems and how they're really a reflection of how I feel. Considering that a line from one of the poems was going through my head even before I re-read it for the first time in a long while. Some things never change, do they? When I read the poems, I was surprised at how I have certain beliefs that never change. And yet, there was one poem that stood out from the rest. Hmm... I'll blog it but let me state that I don't really agree with what I wrote at that time. Background history, it was written at the start of last year. Didn't even remember I wrote anything like that...
Relationships
Walking in pairs
Hands intertwined
The look in their eyes
speaks louder than words
But how long before
love turns to hurt?
Feeting happiness
Temporary bliss
The unspoken reality
that everyone knows.
Are we so easily contented
with this passing dream?
Hmm... I edited the last line. Because the original version just seemed weird so yeps. But seriously, the poem's so unlike something written by me since that's one kind of attitude I rarely ever have about love. Which was why I got a bit disturbed that I could write something like that once. At that time, I wrote a short reflection after writing the poem and really, the most important question I asked myself at that time, "Was I that cynical of relationships?"...
Anyway just now, felt like looking this notebook which I almost never use. I wrote about 3-4 poems in there. And after that, I remembered that my diary had a few more poems so just read through them. Hmm. Poems from the past. In another entry from today, I blogged about how I uploaded one of the poem up to my Eportfolio. Really, poems seem to be coming back into my life. What with the english assignment and finding poems from the past...
It freaked me out when I realized how those poems I wrote a few years back are just so fitting for this whole situation now. Hmm... Should I place them on my blog? I'll consider. It's not because of how well or how badly the poems are written which is making me hesitate. Rather, it's the content of the poems and how they're really a reflection of how I feel. Considering that a line from one of the poems was going through my head even before I re-read it for the first time in a long while. Some things never change, do they? When I read the poems, I was surprised at how I have certain beliefs that never change. And yet, there was one poem that stood out from the rest. Hmm... I'll blog it but let me state that I don't really agree with what I wrote at that time. Background history, it was written at the start of last year. Didn't even remember I wrote anything like that...
Relationships
Walking in pairs
Hands intertwined
The look in their eyes
speaks louder than words
But how long before
love turns to hurt?
Feeting happiness
Temporary bliss
The unspoken reality
that everyone knows.
Are we so easily contented
with this passing dream?
Hmm... I edited the last line. Because the original version just seemed weird so yeps. But seriously, the poem's so unlike something written by me since that's one kind of attitude I rarely ever have about love. Which was why I got a bit disturbed that I could write something like that once. At that time, I wrote a short reflection after writing the poem and really, the most important question I asked myself at that time, "Was I that cynical of relationships?"...
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