Random

Lol. At gloria's house now. Her birthday. And she wants me to blog and since it's her birthday, I shall listen to her. Had lots of laughs just now. Watching legally blonde and eating mashed potatoes.. Lol. Me hyper! Especially since it's saturday. The only sad thing about today is that I had to miss church. Sermon notes anyone? Please. There. There's enough for a blog entry. Happy now, Glo?

14th birthday =)

Lol. For those that didn't know, I turned 14th last night at 11pm. So actually everyone wished me in advance. =)
Shall blog about my birthday before I thank everyone, k? So be patient. =p Had to go to school. Got jigsaw puzzle from glo, shao and gan jie. They lost one piece though. Lol. Creative idea of fixing that.. =) Yah, gan jie got me the dolphin card that I like so much. *smiles* After that, normal school day. Went home, slacked. =) watched DVD. Then met mum and bro at the childcare before going to Pizza Hut. The cheesy pizza's nice. Ate 2 1/2 slices.. Oops. Then collected the mango cake at four leaves before going to aunt's house to cut the cake...
Now, shall blog about the presents. Got most of them rather early though. Let's see, my MP3 was a few months in advance, my nice T-shirt with the Christian saying. =) From my mum and dad. Earrings from aunt, dolphin cuddly from rachel, fish toy from marcus. CD from jose kor. Glo (couz) gave chocolates. Yummy. Dolphin candle holder from fishie. Doggie keychain from han chang. Thumbdrive from another aunt. Notebook and pen from auntie amy. Lots and lots of well-wishes from various people. You know who you are, shan't bother typing it out, k? Unless anyone has any violent objections... =p
That's about it. Shall say "thanks" once more. Thanks. Ok I'm hyper now.. Thus all the smilies. =)

Fyi, this is a copy and paste entry from my msn space. Can't be bothered to type it out again. That's all. =)

Everything.

This is only meant for the reading of you three, hui shi, gloria and shao wen. so everyone else, can i please ask that you all respect that and not read? And no, I'm not naive and believe that everyone will listen but even if you read, don't comment, ok? Please.

Anyway here goes. Even typing this blog entry takes a lot out of me. After reading what gan jie and gloria wrote, I think it's my turn. I guess it's just right to start from yesterday. Yesterday, after seeing your arm, I already started hurting again inside. Your laughter, your treating it as such a joking matter didn't help. Do you know why it hurts us? Not only because you're cutting yourself, but also because we who care for you are powerless to stop you. Nothing we say seems to stop you, the helplessness of it all. I just couldn't take it and broke down during chinese lesson. I pity gloria. I guess, in a way, she was stuck. Hui Shi, when you read this, know that Gloria never approved of it. I suggested telling lao shi before and she stopped me. But I was crying and breaking down, kicking the table and the chair, banging my fist on the table in frustration. That was why she relented and came with me to tell laoshi. Now, for me to explain why I wanted to tell laoshi. I didn't expect much from telling laoshi, it's not like you'll stop. I'm not that naive. I know that once you start, it's hard to stop. But considering the fact that at least laoshi has some authority, I had been hoping that at least she could try to help. I mean, which one is worse? Us trying to talk to your mum or laoshi? At least, laoshi has more chance. On hindsight, it obviously wasn't such a good idea to tell laoshi.
Next, your reaction to it all. You felt that we've betrayed you. Fine, I admit that we did tell laoshi all these private and personal things that you trusted us with. That part, we were wrong. But please, what did you expect us to do? Sit there and watch you cut yourself even more? Do you know that almost everyday, I think of your cuts and feel helpless and cry at least once every week cause the image of your wrist is always in my mind. The cuts in the shape of a "z", the ones that are getting even longer. I can't get them out of my head. I'm too worried about what will happen if one day, things go wrong and accidents happen. I know that we've lost your trust. And I know that it's very hard to regain a person's trust. It takes time and willingness on both parties. So I ask only this of you, give us that chance. Gloria does have a point. It's because of how close we were to each other that's why you feel so betrayed, that's why we're hurting so much inside. No matter how much we've lost your trust, no matter how unwilling you are to be close to us, I ask that you at least let us care for you, to show our care and concern. I still say what I said one year ago, when I smsed you. I remember what you said that you were kind of surprised to hear that from a friend you knew for only a few months. I said that I'll always be there for you and always willing to lend you that listening ear or that shoulder to cry on. It still remains the same.

HPPS.

After "much" thought, decided to retype the whole blog entry about monday and tuesday.
On Monday, had to go to school for national day celebration.. Shaln't elaborate too much. Then after that, rushed down to HPPS with rachel. Had fun talking to the teachers, as usual. And had to convince them to stay for the others.. -cough cough- Anyway, can't resist commenting that some pple didn't even say hi to the teachers before they started to play soccer. Guess that's their real reason for going back to HPPS: soccer. Most of the guys shot up a lot... Sighs. That's about it. Oh ya, saw Zoe and Yi Kai after so long. Had fun talking to them too. =) After that, had to go straight home. But at least could slack for the rest of the day.
Tuesday...
Met Gloria at the MRT Station, went and get the cake, walked around, grabbed a bite at KFC before meeting the rest, Rachel, Lim Yu, Nikki, Sammi, Gan jie, gloria (cuz), adwyn, gabriel, soon yoong, bryan. After a while, took the bus to West Coast, where we slacked, play cards, truth or dare -cringe-, etc... The guys left to play Lan. After a while, Marcus came. Stuck with all girls. =p. Went playground and play. Forced to agree to 2 more dare for gloria (cuz) and sammi's sake. Cos three of us was in this "enclosure" and every1 else started spinning us around. =p they were getting giddy but the others didn't let us out unless i agreed to the above mentioned condition. Sighs. Took a break at Macs before heading back to where we put our things. Govind, Joseph, Gabriel came back and the guys went off to play soccer. The girls decided to play frisbee but in another area. So we just took our valuables and since some of the guys' things were lying all around, we took it with us. Frisbee playing was fun! Our aim was -cough cough- not that good. =p Anyway, was quite fun watching the guys try to take back their things. My family came so had to watch over jon and missed out so much things. Sad. Later, it was supposedly time to eat. Mum told me to serve the guys since they weren't eating.. Sighs. So had to take food to Gabriel and Govind. After that, Gloria came up with such a "great" idea.. Let the guys think of my dare. Sighs. Had to go around asking strangers whether they wanted some food. Lol. Can't believe 2 out of 4 agreed. Aiyah, everything was rather fun lah. After a while, it was really just the girls left. The sun set! View was a bit obstructed but nvm. Still could see the sun set. =) Played hoverdisc with jon jon. =p Got to admit that everything was fun even though i was apprehensive about it at first.
Anyway, as everything is settled, there is no need for me to rebut what adwyn say. Just let the past be the past. =) Just want to add that I got a tan from that day at west coast. Lol. I'm starting to get obsessed with my tan. =p Fyi, I'm in a random mood now. =)

*Blogger's note: This blog entry was continued after a long period of time as blogger was not in the mood. Content was changed to suit the current situation of things.

Festival of Praise! Whoo!

Whee! I'm hyper now. Thanks to yesterday night lah.
Anyway, went Indoor Stadium for Festival of Praise. Was trying to find christabel when samuel saw me. Lol. A bit unexpected. Found bel and was walking around with her, talked to pple from cell, walked around some more, etc. Basically being very random. =)
After 1 hour or so of queuing, finally entered the stadium. Sat behind the stage, south wing. So during worship, had to read the lyrics opposite. Lol. Me and bel both not really in the mood to jump... So ya. After worship was prayer and then sermon. After sermon, bel was trying to persuade her parents to let her go up and join the guys from cell. But her parents don't let so I went up alone. We were hoping that if I go up, Bel's parents might relent. Sad thing was she did come up but only to pass me my bag before leaving. -sniffs- After sermon, was praise and worship once more. Guys, got to hand it to you all. I've seen you all jump during service but yesterday was like "wow!" You all were so hyper that I couldn't resist jumping too! Jump jump jump! -sorry, i'm hyper!- Anyway, I was jumping til my legs started aching so had to stop jumping, for a while only. Anyway, after that, smsed my dad and fortunately, he came and fetched me. So didn't have to take the bus and mrt which would mean i'll only reach home 12 plus. Was still so hyper in the car yet also tired. Mind was working but body wanted to rest... Oh ya, started to lose my voice also.. Sighs. Anyway, fop rox! Wish I went on friday.. -sniffs- Nvm, there'll always be next year! =)

maturing? i hope so...

Let's see what's happened recently.. For those who don't know, I got hit with a yellow disciplinary form for not handing up homework.. Shaln't elaborate too much cos it's not something to be proud of... But ya, realize that i've been slacking way too much and -cough cough- got to swallow my pride.. If you don't get it, then don't bother asking. But ya.. Really regret it but it's too late.
Time to look on the bright side.. I'm not really sure what the adult leaders see in me but i've been asked to join core group. It's kinda weird for me cos i'm usually very quiet and everything so was actually a bit nervous even though i know the people there. But it turned out fine, a learning experience. Similar to the IGNYTE conference for SPs, i too had doubts about that, but everything turned out bery well. Still.. It's like everyone sees something in me but I have no idea what that is. Same for being accepted at NUS High, still trying to come to grasp with that.
Anyway, service rox as usual! But guilt arose in me because i felt that i've dissapointed God through my actions. That form. So was a bit upset with myself, have been for the past few days as well.. But I kind of pushed those feelings away with God's help. I really don't know why but the image of the form being torn up kept going through my mind. The way it was being torn struck me. From the top, down then from the left to the right.. So was kind of like a cross. Reminded me of the play that I watched during SonicFest. The actresses torn up pieces of paper which symbolizes their broken hopes and dreams and paste all the pieces into the shape of the cross. It meant that we should bring our sufferings, our pain, our guilt, to God. So I managed to calm down.
Sermon was by this Pastor Timothy about running after God. Reminds me of last year's camp. The most important thing was about keeping our focus. That's always been my biggest problem, I guess. Went up for altar call. Could feel God's presence but surprisingly, I didn't really cry til after the altar call when we sang "running after you". I could feel the tears coming but I held back the tears and just sang the song as my heart's cry.
That's about it all. I've got to go offline now. Getting tired.