Reflections... masks.

Haven't blog for a week or so. Just wasn't in the mood. But now. Finally got something that I really want to blog about.
Yesterday, the first day of the school holiday. But everything seemed normal. Went for CSP then went home, mum treated the family to high-tea at Conrad Hotel then rushed for service..
Masquerade. Worship, the energy just wasn't there. Something felt lacking... Then anyway, later watched the short skit put on by Brother Kah Fei, Sister Stella and Sister Corinna.. It really spoke to me. Putting on masks so that we would be liked by others, so that we would be accepted. Then they sang "Reflections" from Mulan...

Look at me
You may think you see who I really am
But you'll never know me
Everyday it's as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
I am now
In a world where I have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehowI will show the world what's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me
Why is my reflection someone I don't know
Must I pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside

There's a heart that must be free to fly
That burns with a need to know the reason why

Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel
Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide
I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside

The lyrics, something that I was so familiar with due to my interest in Disney but now, for this time, the lyrics was familiar in a different way, being able to understand the lyrics... Guess that's why I play "Reflections" whenever I'm dissappointed in myself...
After that, the sermon... Shall just summarize it. Basically, Pastor Darrick talked abou the reasons people wear masks and what wearing masks will lead to eventually... Weariness, superficial relationships, hurt- to yourself and others.
Now, the real purpose of my blog entry.. to ponder on what was said and give my opinions, my feelings.. I have been putting on a mask to most of the people around me... Not all, but most.. What Pastor Darrick said was true.. I have been turning weary already. And I guess that's partly the reason why I want to go to NUS, to start anew, to be me and not care anymore what others think.. But now, the current situation, I realize that even those close to me, I have been putting on a mask in front of them. I have realized that I should stop doing that but that's easier said than done. Removing the mask along would be hard but living a life without the masks would be harder. I know the situation that will occur and I dread it.. But guess what? I have no choice. I've given my life to God and I will follow his Word. So maybe this is the right time for a new start, this is what I've been waiting for... Only time will show.

Insults

Just came back from Dunman High.. Had some drama enrichment talk there. Anyway, was very pissed off at some guy in the morning before I left for Dunman... He should be thanking his lucky stars that I didn't make a scene at Dunman, cooled down liao. But anyway, can't understand why some people make false accusations without any proof, I mean.. look at that guy's tagboard. Insulting gan jie like that when he doesn't know anything. What the **** lah. One last note to say about all those supporting that guy, make sure you get the facts first before deciding whether or not to support that guy... Too pissed off to blog much liao...

But on a lighter note, saw Yi Kai and Zoe at Dunman today.. Finally, after so long lor.. Then the whole talk was really quite dull.. Was being entertained by kor kor.. Couldn't stop laughing along with gan jie.. =) Not much to say liao. That's all folks.

Public Speaking Competition

Ok. Shall try to address some of the things that have been raised throughout this whole time.
First, it was wrong of the people to criticize the emcees for cutting people off. Could you people just understand the logic behind that? And when they try to defend themselves, you start insulting them and calling them names. Can you people put yourself in their shoes? Why is it that it is only some ACS(I) people who criticize the emcees? You don't see people from other schools like RI, Dunman High, etc criticizing, you know?
Due to time constraints, can't blog anymore. Got to let gan jie blog liao..

New blogskin

Hope my new blogskin doesn't seem angsty? Just wanted something with a nice sunset. Looks quite ok except for that surfer there but nvm, it's still quite nice. =)
Tired. want to slack. Thing is, i think i've just been banned from using msn. Dun ask why, k? Which probably means half of u all will start pestering me.. Nvm. Gtg.

Clothes

It hit me recently that each time I put on a different set of clothes, I seem to change.
Can you picture me in a childish t-shirt with shorts and sandals?
I mean, most of my friends see me wearing either the school uniform, or top plus jeans and sports shoes. Can you picture a casual side of me? A side that wants to go back to childhood days, enjoying swings, playground, etc.
I mean, just try comparing me in school uniform and a t-shirt + jeans. There's like a world of difference already. So does the person change the clothes or does the clothes change the person?

Anyway, clothes aside, been in a fairly ok mood these few days. Had fun going out with frenz on sat after sports meet. Went j8, walked around, went kfc then swensens followed by neoprints. Lol, got michael and elisha to take neoprints with us. More details, refer to hui shi's blog. But ya, it was quite fun lah. Only downside was that I missed service but nvm, will go this saturday.

Not much to write about now, not in the mood? Got to go.

Gep events...

Got to do a very quick summary about the day’s events…
Let’s see. I’ll just fast forward to the public speaking competition.
Bah, I dislike all these gep events.. Each time I entered, let’s say the audi, I have 2 try to not look around, be oblivious of the people around me. Anyway, it was rather funny today lah.
Can’t deny the fact that these events caused me lots of embarrassment (?), it provides a lot, a lot of laughter. Yep, was trying 2 control my laughter throughout the competition thanks to the interesting “show” by some people in the auditorium. Anyway, noticed a trend in the presenting style of guys. They tend to use a lot of self-flattery? Shall not mention the names of the school in case it gets too sensitive and the people can’t take the criticism. Pity Glo and Hui Shi who had to be the mc and cut people off half-way… That’s not a nice job but hey, someone’s got to do it. Due to time constraints, got to go. Might elaborate further later? Depends.

Recap.

Finally, some time to really blog. Been occupied so haven’t been blogging. Quick summary of what happened over the long weekend.
Saturday
Walkathon in the morning from school to SMU. Sighs. Not what I want to do on a sat morning, Wasn’t in the mood lah. Just wanted to stay home and rest but hey, wishes don’t come true.
Walkathon over, body combat at SMU. I think I need a punching bag liao. Quite “fun” to just punch/kick the air. Then after that, go home lah, what else?
Went home, rest then go church. Cell. Service. My mood that day wasn’t very good so I guess was a bit quiet and didn’t take part in teasing Brother Kah Fei. Shall help them next week. Then for service, it was “Straight Talk with Pastor Darrick and a mystery guest”. A lot of comic relief lah. All the cues on the screen to tell us to “applause”, “thundering applause”, “lol”, “rofl”, etc.. Due to lack of mood to continue to blog about service, shall stop now. All I have to say that it was really meaningful and helped a lot.
Sunday
Not much to blog about. Other than the trip to Mount Faber after dinner. Just went there and admire the night view of Singapore. It’s not the nicest but hey, at least it’s something. Just letting the wind blow, I was so contented at that moment. I mean, moments before, hearing my favourite Disney songs on the radio then the cooling breeze. I felt I went back in time to primary school when I was so carefree. Enjoying these simple thing so much. Sighs. I really need to just chill out more. And I don’t mean slacking in front of the computer screen. =p