Reflections... masks.

Haven't blog for a week or so. Just wasn't in the mood. But now. Finally got something that I really want to blog about.
Yesterday, the first day of the school holiday. But everything seemed normal. Went for CSP then went home, mum treated the family to high-tea at Conrad Hotel then rushed for service..
Masquerade. Worship, the energy just wasn't there. Something felt lacking... Then anyway, later watched the short skit put on by Brother Kah Fei, Sister Stella and Sister Corinna.. It really spoke to me. Putting on masks so that we would be liked by others, so that we would be accepted. Then they sang "Reflections" from Mulan...

Look at me
You may think you see who I really am
But you'll never know me
Everyday it's as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
I am now
In a world where I have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehowI will show the world what's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me
Why is my reflection someone I don't know
Must I pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside

There's a heart that must be free to fly
That burns with a need to know the reason why

Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel
Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide
I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside

The lyrics, something that I was so familiar with due to my interest in Disney but now, for this time, the lyrics was familiar in a different way, being able to understand the lyrics... Guess that's why I play "Reflections" whenever I'm dissappointed in myself...
After that, the sermon... Shall just summarize it. Basically, Pastor Darrick talked abou the reasons people wear masks and what wearing masks will lead to eventually... Weariness, superficial relationships, hurt- to yourself and others.
Now, the real purpose of my blog entry.. to ponder on what was said and give my opinions, my feelings.. I have been putting on a mask to most of the people around me... Not all, but most.. What Pastor Darrick said was true.. I have been turning weary already. And I guess that's partly the reason why I want to go to NUS, to start anew, to be me and not care anymore what others think.. But now, the current situation, I realize that even those close to me, I have been putting on a mask in front of them. I have realized that I should stop doing that but that's easier said than done. Removing the mask along would be hard but living a life without the masks would be harder. I know the situation that will occur and I dread it.. But guess what? I have no choice. I've given my life to God and I will follow his Word. So maybe this is the right time for a new start, this is what I've been waiting for... Only time will show.