Just a quick blog entry about MEW (Maths Enrichment Workshop) first... Then will get to the main purpose of today's entry...
MEW was quite fun lah... The games were ok lah. Fav part was the maths trail... Turns out some of the places i was quite familiar with so teammates thot i very "pro"... you ze zhong shi?? Sigh, wish i could have entered jigsaw puzzle world though..
Don't really feel like blogging abt MEW so it's just this few lines, more details, ask me in person/thru email. But i doubt any1 of u all that wu liao...
Fast foward to Sat.. Forgot that I had CSP and went for piano or at least was on the way there, when Vanessa called. Thanks Vanessa for calling me otherwise i die liao. Went sungei buloh and spotted cute, cute squirrel... then later spotted countless mudskippers and crabs.. Then was sent back to sch where i realized never bring wallet... So had to ask strangers for coins.. So weird?
Went church to help with the worship experience decorations but half way went for cell. Cell was quite fun lah, play some games then later was released a bit late. I couldn't help but rush down to the chapel just to see the decorations... So sad... I couldn't stay for the worship experience, had to go for hong ming kor kor's wedding.
Went there then sat thru all those ceremony.. But when I heard the wedding vows being spoken, i couldn't help but get a bit bitter...
Flashback to the past...
When some people said these vows yet just because of his character, he broke it... What do these vows even mean to him?? Was it just words that he said? He caused my tears... the sorrow, the pain. I wasn't the only one affected but did he care? NO! I'm normally not so bitter and i thot i forgived him but still, I can't help being bitter. He promised and made the vow, was given chances time and time again but? He still chose the other route not caring abt me... But that was just the start.. Several years after, he actually kept his remarriage a secret from me! It seems as if he doesn't hold me in regard... Even til today, what he does is still hard to forgive.. I tried to forgive but i can't forget...
Told my mum abt it at night and she agreed with me and tried to cheer me up.. It worked, slightly. But now, i've realized. Each time i hear the wedding vow being said... I will b sceptical and remember him and how he broke it...
Note: Those who understand, good... Those who don't, think... But i'm being selective of what info u pple will noe...
Today... went into that debate with hui shi, shao and glo about some issues.. I feel... torn
On one side are my friends, on the other, my religion and my beliefs... I just can't put my thots into words but i'll like to use the lyrics of this song...
Your word is a light unto my path
Your word guides me through my darkest light
And even though sometimes your ways I cannot understand
I'll never walk away beacuse my future's in your hand...
I don't care what people will say, I'm running after you
I won't turn back and go their way, I'm running after you
No matter what may come my way, I'm running after you
It's you I'm following today, I'm running after you...
Hui Shi, in reply to your blog entry... I know that you are willing to be there for me and for all of us but still... There are a few reasons why I don't turn to you...
1) Different stand on some issues...
2) Feel more comfortable talking to people who don't really know me cos that equals to "I don't care what they think", but if i talk to you, glo or shao, I'll be too conscious of your reactions
3) Don't want to burden you further, you have your own problems...
These are mainly the reasons... Thanks for offering and i will turn to you but for now, you're not the most suitable choice. No offence, i hope...
That's all for now... Too much things that i can't verbalize...
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