Unspoken but written...

1. list 10 things you want to say to 10 people but know you never will
2. don't say who they are
3. never discuss it again
[Took this from gan jie's blog... Abt condition no 1, I'm not so sure about the "never" part but it's probably just highly unlikely. Anyway, some of the people might seem obvious but don't even ask me anything... Refer to condition 3. So here goes...]

1. Have you even realized how much hurt and damage you have caused? It's been a chore to talk to you, to even be civil. But society and my own conscience refuses to let me cut off all ties with you, I guess. I do feel guilty at times but you don't even make a move to mend this gap that just increases with time.

2. You're one of the few people that I felt influenced me quite a significant bit over the time I knew you. How do I say this? It was such a joy and such a pain to know you. Pain, the experience of interacting with you grew tiring but joy, the friendship that we shared just couldn't be compared. Although I'm emotional, I willingly opened up to you more. Compared to others who only knew me through their analysis. I opened up to you. Thanks for being there. But now. I have this question that I hate to ask but it just bothers me, "Would things have turned out better if we didn't know each other?" Less joy but also less hurt. Anywyay, Thanks. I'll try my best to still always be there. That, I promise.

3. Urk. Stop pretending! I don't believe that you're really who you seem to be. You're not. And we all know it so just be yourself for real. So who cares if it's a weaker side of you? So what? I want to know you for who you are. It's been a while since I first knew you but you're still hiding behind the mask.

4. Hmm... Never thought that I'll be writing this to you. But anyway, a small incident long time ago made me feel really bad and guilty. You used to care about me but I kept crushing all your hope and rejecting you. Sorry. It might seem like an excuse but that was my natural reflex. Sorry. When you told me one day that you used to care, I was feeling bad. I don't think you'll remember this incident but anyway, sorry for putting you down so many times.

5. You. Thanks. How many times I want to repeat that? I don't know... But I don't know. I really feel like there's so much to thank you for. Even things that seem insignificant, they made me smile. So ya... Thanks. Heehee. Actually, there's more I want to say but I rather not type it out... =p I don't think anyone will notices this part that's added on... But now, I guess I'll just type it out. I've always been too emotional and feel too much, concerning myself so much when other people have problems. Especially if they're close to me, once they get down, I get affected. You're one of those who I care more about... So it really hurts when you're down and I just feel so helpless cause I don't know how to cheer you up, to bring a smile to your face. I'm not the person for that job, I'm just not the one who can cheer you up. But why do I still try?

6 - 10. I can't think of anyone yet... Heehee... So that's all for now.

If anything sounded a bit more moody than usual, I apologize. I just finished reading a book before that and normally, after reading a mood, I'm a bit too reflective and think too much about the past... =p