disappointed

Though my previous entry rather depressing and all, towards the end of the entry, I kind of expressed my hopes for the next day. But I was being way too hopeful. I imagined that there would be a light at the end of the tunnel. But right now, I'm still stumbling along in darkness. If anything, yesterday was considerably bad. What hopes? All gone. And although I want to keep hoping that with each new day, things will improve, that hasn't been the case.

Ohh. Interestingly enough, I think my emotional/mental state is taking a toll on my physical well-being more than ever. Saturday night, Sunday night and last night. I manage to sleep at relatively decent times. Before 10:30. But the bad part comes after 12 midnight. I've woke up every hour since 1. Let's see. It's like this. Wakes up, looks at my handphone for the time. "Ohh, it's 1am. Go back to sleep". Then the whole cycle repeats for 2am, 3am, some time before 5am, 5am, so on and so forth. Just the number of times that I wake up and check the time exceeds 5. Not even counting the times when I don't check the time. So I wake up in the morning extremely irritated and frustrated because I lack restful sleep. I might be in bed for 10+ hours. But too much of it isn't restful. My mum was speculating that I was worried and stressed over the PTM. Hah. As if. If that was the case, I wouldn't have gone through the whole cycle again last night. Laadeedaa. How about this? I think I know why I've not been sleeping well. Let's put it this way. The day I see the light at the end of the tunnel will be the day I sleep well. Ohh! Other than being really sleepy, there was the chance of me falling sick. Think I avoided it though. Since I've been drinking a lot more water. My throat demands it. But another bad thing is that I lost my appetite the whole of yesterday. -cringe- Not good.

Oh well. Let's stop dwelling in self-pity for now and blog about PTM. Cap of 3.44 Sighs. It's higher than what I calculated so I'm not too shocked or disappointed anymore. And there are certain parts of the report that I can take pride in and my parents were rather fine with my results. That doesn't mean I'm not grounded. They want to view my marks on espace first before deciding my "sentence".

I don't dare to hope that today will be better. I hoped that yesterday would be the day that the situation changed but the whole day, I was just so tired. In fact, more than ever? So I don't want to hope for today. But if things don't get better, I don't know how long more I can last. On the bright side, it's a lot more bearable for my physical state to be weak than for my emotional state to be weak. At least, this toll on my physical has helped to keep my emotional state at a decent level. =)