realizations...

The last time I blogged was 5 days ago. So many things have changed in such a short time. Things changing not really referring to situations and all but rather more of something inside of me.

Memories. Snapshots of past times. Most of the stuff that I've been wanting to blog about concerned these few things. Don't really know how to start blogging. My thoughts are still rather disorganized. And trying to blog using chronological order doesn't work. Hmm... Ok. Let me just do a quick recount of the previous days first then work on that. Been spending most of the time in church from wednesday to friday because of Life Conference. It's been refreshing. Just like how I didn't want last year IGNYTE conference in June to end, I didn't want it to end. Not yet anyway.

I haven't even touched on what I've wanted to blog about. Haiz. Ok. Hmm. There's been so many times where various sceneshots from the past just fill my mind. And it's almost always the same few... I feel like blogging about some of them. The one that's rather interesting is one in which I was at the balcony in Nanyang last year. Time for a quick explanation for those who don't really understand what I'm talking about. Last year in nanyang, our class had a balcony and I would retreat there quite a fair bit. Yes, note the usage of the word "retreat"... Anyway, I think I've cried a fair bit out on the balcony. But there's this time that keeps flashing through my head. I was feeling rather down and all. Looking at the sky and singing Christian songs just to let it all out? At that time, sadness and all was really all I felt. But right now, as I look back to those times at the balcony, I miss it so so much. It's been quite a while since I turned to God with such desperation... And other than that, that time was just a retreat, just like how Sentosa became a retreat too...

There are of course a few other snapshots from the past that kept going through my head during Life Conference. The other one was from DL days... I can't remember the time and all but I do remember just crying at the altar and Pastor Priscilla was there praying for me and my mum came over and hugged me. Haiz... I have a fairly good idea what I was crying about. Oh well... That sceneshot coupled with the singing of a song from DL days made me think about how it's been in church the past few years. Things have changed... A lot. Internal and external.

Other things have been triggering off various memories and sceneshots. A lot of stuff and a lot of memories... Even that day when I was packing my cupboard and making it neater, folding the clothes could bring me back to the past. Certain pieces of clothes mean quite a lot to me. One reason why I'm reluctant to throw some of it away.

Enough about memories and all though. A bit more about Life conference. It's been good. The issues that God spoke to me about were what I've been avoiding. The same few things... There are always images that go through my head a lot, either sceneshots from the past or just images. It used to be that of a rope almost cut into two pieces and was just being held together by a few strands of thread and a few other images which I rather not blog about. It's changed... During altar call, some images came into my head. Situations that I didn't think about before, situations I would not have thought possible... Well. It's time to believe, isn't it? I want those images to come true. I believe they will, one day.