needing to improve

Sighs. I rarely blog about academic stuff or anything related to studies but then again, there are always exceptions.


Hmm. Didn't blog about this yesterday but I calculated the CAP for each of the individual subjects to check whether I can Major with Honours in them... I didn't bother calculating Physics cause my grades are that bad. But out of fun, I calculated for Chemistry. Sighs. 3.3 But then again, it's unlikely that I'm going to Honours in it so ya... But my greatest disappointment came from Biology. Yes, I can do a Honours in Biology based on my current CAP but it's really low. I rather not put the CAP up here. Ya... On the bright side, didn't except my Maths CAP. 4. =) Ok... I think Maths has the highest CAP. >.< Which is ... weird? And it also speaks volumes about how low my standard is if my highest subject CAP is 4. Ya... So yes, I needed that reality check so now, there's even more reasons for me to do well.


One more thing on studies. Higher Chinese 'O' levels. Today during HCL, the teacher was talking about having the right attitude and all. I've always been one of those who feel guilty after those kind of talks. But today, I knew what the teacher was talking about already and was rather irritated by the teacher repeating himself again. See? The thing is, I have unreasonably high expectations for Chinese. Unreasonable because I know I haven't been putting in enough effort to warrant that kind of marks that I want. But yes, I really need to work harder for Chinese. I'm not contented with just scraping a pass for the 'O's.


Basically, I really need to work harder. To really throw myself into studying. Not just mugging but really putting in effort to learn. Most people would say such things and then resume slacking but considering how I rarely want to do well in studies so badly, I hope it means that this will not just be words, not just empty promises to myself.

'O' level results

Heehee. Was reminded that I've yet to blog about my 'O' level chinese results. Didn't want to have 5 entries in one day so didn't bother blogging it last night.


For those that know my results already, it's no surprise why I'm in no hurry to blog about it. I'm disappointed with them. Here goes... B4. When I got it, I just saw the 'B', not even the 4, ok? And that was bad enough. On the bright side, got distinction for oral. Redeeming factor. Mei was influencing me and we started laughing and going hysterical over our results instead of being all moody and all. Normally, this would hit me quite badly and I'm ashamed of it but I guess other things hurt so much more that this has become rather insignificant for now? But yes.. Already had this feeling I would be disappointed. So it was more bearable when getting the results. Guess it helps that me and mei got some reassurance about our standard of chinese. It really helped. But now, I'm worried abt the next round of 'O' levels. I wanted my A. But I no longer think I can make it...


Pft. I'm in the mood to blog but have no idea what to blog about. Corrections: I've many topics that I want to blog about but they'll just get me into this mood that I rather avoid. I'm already treading the line with this entry. But I guess me being able to blog about the results without breaking means it didn't hurt as much as I feared. Or have I just gotten better at pushing it to the back of my head? That's another fear of mine...

trying

This blog entry is one day overdue... Wanted to blog this last night/this morning but the internet connection was a bit too slow for my liking and I needed to sleep already so yeps.


Yay! Nowadays, I feel more and more accomplished. It's a nice feeling. =) Let's see. Actually bothering to put in decent amount of effort in studying for biodiversity test. Finishing up most of my chinese homework. Stuff like that... While it's true that I rarely hand in late homework last year and all (other than for chinese), this year, I guess I'm trying to do more than that? To clear homework as soon as possible? And surprisingly, I'm doing that along with playing the guitar and TAWG. Where does all this time come from? Maybe it helps that MSN isn't installed on this computer? And that I don't use the computer that much.


I'm really hoping that this attitude towards work actually continues and lasts throughout this year and the next few years. No, I do not intend to spend every waking moment studying/doing work, ok? Just that I hope that I'm able to put in the amount of effort that I used to put in for work. Hmm... Honestly, haven't felt like that for a long time... Sure, there've been incidents here and there but nothing this sustained. Really reminds me of Primary 5. And up til now, I can't figure how I managed to put my grades up that year. Think I can do it again this year? I'll try...

exams

Just had chinese 'O' levels yesterday. Why did I sign up for it in the first place? Oh yes, just wanted to give it a shot. (Why does that remind me of how I persuaded my parents to let me enter GEP in primary 3?) Anyway, shall do a recap of yesterday before blogging about upcoming exams and my expectations.

Overslept in the morning. I can't believe it. Of all days to not hear all 3 alarm clocks, it had to be yesterday. On the bright side, it didn't really sink in how "dire" the situation was, so my mood stayed as it was. Paper 1. Pft. Was deciding between gong han and si han. The content for si han was easier but I couldn't remember the format so did gong han. -shrugs- And I didn't like the essay questions. As a general rule, I pick either the 2nd or 3rd question, prefer the 2nd question normally. But this round, I picked the bao zhang bao dao. Mhmm. Oh well. It was rather refreshing to do the first part of Paper 2. MCQ question for cloze passage and comprehension. =)
Had piano lesson after that. Haha. Extended piano lesson! =) Elmi jie jie should just rent out that room or something. Then went home and slacked a bit before studying a bit of biology. That's about it for yesterday?

Shall make a "time-table" for the next few days? Let's see.

31st Oct: Reading Day
Mechanics 2 - Practice questions
States of Matter - Read through notes and practice questions
Molecular Models - Read through notes and practice

1st Nov: English, Mechanics 2 and Elements of Music Theory
Reproduction & Inheritance - Read through notes + practice Punnett square
Indices, Surds and Sets - Read through notes

2nd Nov: Reproduction & Inheritance, Indices Surds and Sets
States of Matter - Read through notes and practice questions
Molecular Models - Read through notes and practice

3rd Nov: States of matter and Molecular models
Botany - Read through notes and redo quizzes
Thermodynamics - Do cheatsheet, read through notes

4th Nov: Weekend!
Botany - Read through notes and redo quizzes
Thermodynamics - Read through notes + practice
Trigonometry - Read through notes and practice questions

5th Nov: Weekend!
Botany - Read through notes and redo quizzes (cont'd)
Thermodynamics - Read through notes + practice

6th Nov: Botany and Thermodynamics
Trigonometry - Practice questions
Statistics - Read through notes

Hah. Now to see if I can actually keep to this and whether the things that I plan to do actually help. ^_- Oh. It's annoying when my expectations are of a certain level and I honestly doubt that I can hit them. Let's list by module, the overall grade that I want, ok?

English: B+
Higher Chinese: Wanted B but got B-
Trigonometry: B+
Statistics: A-
Indices, surds and sets: A-
Expo & Log: B+
Reproduction and Inhertiance: A-
Botany: B or B+
Hands-on Chemistry: B
States of Matter: B-
Molecular Models: B
Thermodynamics: B-
Mechanics 2: B-
Elements of Music Theory: A
3D art: B+

Hmm... Some of my aim might be higher than what's listed actually. But I rather push them away cause I don't want to fall from such a great height, ya? =p These are the grades that I'm hoping to get. But for some of them, it's rather unrealistic. Some of them, I'm aiming too low? =p

Counting down

While most people are about to start their holidays, our school's starting exams next week. Strangely enough, the panic and worry hasn't really hit me. At least not often enough.. This week's been rather relaxed with the nice long weekend (that started on friday after bio bridging module all the way til last night).

Today was also rather slack and it's kind of freaky when I'm so relaxed? Let's see. Free period during math. English was just listening to the other groups present and checking of our CA marks. =) Whee! -feels accomplished- Finally a CA mark that I'm really happy with. =) Chinese lesson consist of getting back our exam paper. Mini roller-coaster ride. Was pleased with certain portions of my paper but other portions.. Sighs. Physics was more or less a free period for us to "study". Ended up sleeping for 15 minutes or so? As in, really fell asleep and wasn't conscious of my surroundings. Mhmm.

Oh yes. I've been rather sleepy these few days. And it gets worse when I get more sleep... Or is it just my body complaining because the past two weeks, I've been sleeping really late? Sighs. Think I'll stop blogging now and go sleep? -yawns- Hopefully, I can sleep peacefully tonight. Unlike yesterday. Highly disrupted sleep. Lost count how many times I woke up in the middle of the night.

1st half of monday

Aiyoh. I give in to mei to much. Ask me to blog, then I blog now at this time of the day... =p Bearing in mind that I'm blogging this slightly past 12 midnight, I'll have to refer to 16th of Oct as yesterday...

Let's see. Went to school to "dump" my bag as usual. Yay! Mei joined me in school today. Was amused by kor and mei. Then walked to pool. Whee! It's really more enjoyable when there's company. If not, it's like I'll just listen to my mp3 player. Swimming.. Repeated the usual activities again. Wanted to leave earlier so pushed myself a bit harder for the 8 laps. Finally, my swimming shows some signs of improvement.. But yes, I need to get back to swimming more regularly instead of just playing water in the pool like what I've been doing for the past few years. Walked back to school and waited with mei and nes for *drum roll* McDelivery!

A nice enjoyable 1 hour break since we reached school earlier than normal. Could enjoy and savour the taste of hotcakes with sausage. =) "Singing sessions".. -shakes head- half exasperated, half amused. Math lesson, then lunch then followed by art. Not that much to blog about. Corrections: not that much that I want to blog about...

Random note: What is it with me and having phone calls that last past 1 hour for the past few days? And not just one person..

Exams

It's that time of mugging once more. Ack. Ok... I'm getting too critical of my writing style. Edited the introduction twice already. I shall just not bother about the style and write normally. Taking the English exam today was enough. Blogging's meant to help me settle down and just relax, not make my mind active. At least, not now...

Anyway, for those who don't know, I'm going through my mid-years now except that it isn't really a mid-year examination. My mid-year = end of years? Considering that my school operates on a 6 monthly modular system so each module ends after 6 months. But surprisingly, I'm not as stressed out now compared to when I was preparing for eoys last year. I wonder why... Before I continue, I must thank my nice mei, Renee, who studies over the phone with me for like all the subjects? Haha. We covered all the math modules, physics, bio and even english over the phone for the past few days. =) And yet another realization: Revision can actually be done effectively over the phone! Mei, we so rock! Haha. But it helps to study over the phone and go through the questions together.

Just had my first few major papers today. English, Physics, Polynomial Equations and Functions. Erm. English was ok, I guess? But I did leave some questions unanswered. Lack of time. But it shouldn't affect my marks that badly, I hope. Physics. Erm... Ok. This is the really sad part. It was an open book examination which means we could bring in one piece of A4 paper with anything we want written on it. And yet, I think I'll still fail the examination. Though someone said that I shouldn't just be aiming to pass, for physics, passing means a lot to me already. To make up for the dismal performance in physics, I did try aiming high for other modules.

Then came Polynomial Equations and Functions. Erm. I would probably get a B grade or so? But that's really falling short of my aim. I was aiming for 90% in my exam so that I can pull up my overall grade to A- but now, I really doubt it. Oh well, time to look foward to the next few exams. Matrices and Coordinate Geometry tomorrow. Though I used to think I shouldn't aim high as it'll just hurt more when you fall, I shall dare to aim high for once. Only for one math module do I care to aim for a overall 90 grade. Matrices. As long as I'm careful, I know I can achieve that. -blinks- When did I actually begin to have confidence in myself? Especially when it came to academic grades. -shrugs- We'll see how things go. All the best to everyone! =)

Exams. Stress. Giving up?

Ok. I'm no longer in the mood to blog about each of my paper and what were the questions... So it'll be a rather short summary. Yesterday, English. Today, HCL. Prefer the chinese essay qn. Describe a reunion with your primary school classmates... Lol. English was ... describe a decision you made that led to a positive change in your life. I was so tempted to write about church camp.. but the teacher probably wouldn't approve... So decided to do the safe topic.. GEP. But I had time to write 2 paragraphs about camp. =)
That's the nice part of the exams. Now, it's totally different. I'm feeling stressed out. I'm feeling stressed out. Geog, Lit, Science, Maths, History. Hmm... One word: Fail. I admit my revision wasn't adequate but hey, it gets discouraging when your previous attempts to revise still resulted in fails and you have a track record of not being able to pass a single science test since ... last year? Geog ah. I'll see how much I know.
But revising now would not be wise. I'm not good at mugging the day before.. It makes me scared and even more stressed. But now, I realized, blogging actually gets me more stressed. but i'm too lazy to write in my diary so.. this will have to do.
Oh well, at least I get a one week break til I get my results...
That's all for now. Don't comment, okie? Not if you're going to reassure me... Cause I'm a pessimist now in case you haven't realized...