Sleepless night

Ack. My thoughts are all over. Before I start blogging, I'll be really random and blog a recount of last night from 10:15 til the time I fell asleep. Considering that Renee got pretty tickled and amused by it... Laadeedaa. Erm. Got chased to bed by mum so couldn't finish reading the book Mel lent me. Laid down on my bed with my MP3 player on and just tossed and turned for about 30 minutes thinking about everything under the sun. Ok, not really but was thinking about a lot of things. I'll blog about some of them later. Couldn't sleep so sent a few random messages. Turned off my MP3 player. Tossed and turned for about 20 minutes more while trying to fall asleep using various methods like counting sheeps (which didn't work...) and then start thinking of songs in my head (which brought back too much memories but worked...) and eventually fell asleep. Let's see... I can even tell how soon I dozed off cause I don't remember finishing the lyrics of "I lay my love on you"... Laadeedaa. Isn't it nice how I can blog one paragraph on something so trivial? Haha. Anyway, finally fell asleep slightly before 11:30. Pft. I was supposed to be asleep by 10:30... Bah. Overslept this morning.

Anyway, back to the main reason for blogging. Hopefully, blogging helps me get my thoughts in line and so I can doze off faster tonight... By the way, most of what I was thinking all involved relationships and all but with the various groups of people in my life. Firstly, parents. Erm. For some reason, I didn't get my mum anything for Mother's Day this year. It's like unthinkable, I know but still, don't know what got into me and all. Ya, go ahead and start "tsk-ing" me. But I'm still trying to figure out why I didn't get her anything. It's not that I forgot about Mother's Day. I did think of various gift ideas but it wasn't practical or way out of my budget. Then in the end, it's like resignation. Can't think of anything and I guessed I was too busy with other things to even make a card. Hmm. Things have changed. More than I ever expected. Ack. I just can't blog openly... Hmm. Sorry if this seems like a cliffhanger.

Ok... Time to change topic and see if it helps. Oh ya, only one more paper to go! =) Had chemistry and chinese today. Hmm. I got to admit that the comprehension passage was fun to do... The content was especially intersting and thought-provoking. The passage was on marriage. Ever wondered why you never read about life after marriage in fairytales? Think about it... There was also a line on how marriage seems to lead to the "death" of love but people still get married. The small anecdote in the passage was one of those touching recount of how the author saw an old couple taking care of each other and how that made him realize that love is found in the most common everyday thing and is not always expressed about sweet-nothings, romantic gestures, etc... (By the way, it sounds way nicer in chinese. Maybe I'll type it out one day in chinese...) Hmm. The small things in life mean so much. Not just in relationships between couples but also between people. And so for that, thanks Jeann for remembering that my last paper's tomorrow and smsing me well wishes. =)

There's one more thing that I want to blog about. It's been on my mind for close to a week and was one of the various things that I was thinking about yesterday... Ack. It's one of those topics I rather not face and don't like blogging openly about. Erm. Hope whoever actually reads my blog entry don't mind if I'm being vague. Anyway, after something took place, the situation just hit me. I've been coping with it and was getting used to it but how real and the degree of change was just a bit overwhelming. I had placed too much expectations on that and right now, I'm seriously let down. I was the one that you all were worried about, worried about how I would change in a new school. Ya, I admit I've changed but I kept my word. I didn't let go of who I am. Ironic how the situation changed because of you. Urk. I'm not making sense cause everything's too vague but if I blog in detail, it'll lead to consequences that I'm not ready to deal with yet. But no matter how the situation has changed and no matter how I'm feeling about that, at least you seem happier and you have them to be there for you so I think I'm going to let go more than ever... Reluctantly. But still, I think I got to. Unless things change and you make the first move once more...

Laadeedaa. Nope, I'm not being moody by the way. I just need to let this out... Yeps.