can't sleep

Times like this, I'm thankful that the computer's in my room with internet connection. In fact, this's the first time I've turned on the computer to blog just because I couldn't sleep. Mhmm. Ok. Before I blog any further, I have to decide something. Which line of thought to blog about. There's obviously a reason why I'm still up, ya? No matter how much I can't sleep, rarely do I reach this state when sleep really doesn't come easily. For me, that's shocking. But I'm getting used to it. At least I know why I can't sleep.

Think I'll just be vague. Note: If you don't understand the entry, it's understandable. I'll try not to blog with any particular audience in mind but a lot of the things would have to be inferred and you'll need to have some contextual knowledge (-cringe. history.) to figure out.

Some changes are reversible. Sure, there are some there aren't reversible but it can continue changing into something better. At least, that's what I'm hoping. Hope. That is one of the few things keeping me going. And as usual, various promises I made to myself and to others keep me from falling and feeling the impact as much. They're like safety mattresses. I can take them away and just fall, bearing the full blow. Still, I haven't reached that point yet. Fortunately?

Oh well. My pillow will be extremely comfortable to sleep on later if I can find the right position to place my head. The pillow has different temperature at different places. Wonder why. Heehee. Maybe it's due to the aircon. Who knows? It's highly tempting to stay up the whole night but I'll opt for escaping from all this through sleep. If only I can fall asleep.

Retreat and taking a rest might be tactics for war and all but somehow, I still feel like I'm walking away. I've hurt those I care for and love before. Sorry. If only I coud stop doing that... I don't know how but I really want to know. Just to see them well, I'll give as much as I can.

Mood: tired
Music: If I never knew you