second glance

Been going a bit crazy with reading books over the past few weeks. Borrowed 9 books at 1 go the previous time I went to the library so ya… Anyway, there’s always a few lines that are worth blogging about. Shall only quote from only one of the books though, “Second Glance” by Jodi Picoult. I shall blog a few lines after each quote if I feel like it…


“A life wasn’t defined by the moment you died, but all the others you’d spent living.”
[Meaningful. How have I been living my life? Interesting food for thought.]


“...that once you had put the pieces back together, even though you might look intact, you were never quite the same as you’d been before the fall.”
[How true is this? Am I really not quite the same as I was before? And heehee, do I even look intact in the first place? With the comments people have been saying about me looking sad even when I’m feeling fine, I think my looks are giving away too much.]


“Did you ever walk through a room that’s packed with people, and feel so lonely you can hardly take the next step?”
[Oh. This one, I understand all too well. In fact, most people should be able to understand this. At times, things just seem to be like that and I just wish I wasn’t so lonely.]


“I wish I could tell him I understand: the higher you raise your hopes, the farther you have to fall.”
[Ouch. How suitable and appropriate? I’ve always had that kind of thinking but deep down, I still hope. In fact, even though I’ve fallen so often, I don’t know what keeps me holding on to my hopes and dreams.]


“I want you to have a better life than the one I had. Even if that means keeping your distance from me.”
[A character in the story said this to his daughter. For me, I’m wondering if I’ll ever be that selfless to say that to anyone. Considering that whenever people I care about keep their distance from me, I hurt so much. For their happiness, would I let them go? I’ve yet to answer this.]


“I think people believe what they need to, don’t you?”
[Whee! I agree. It’s called self denial. =p In the same way that I always do my best to convince myself so that I won’t fall even more.]


“Love’s not a because, it’s a no matter what.”
[I guess that explains why I still keep on hoping? It doesn’t matter what has happened or what will happen. All that matters to me is how much they mean to me.]


“Love meant jumping off a cliff and trusting that a certain person would be there to catch you at the bottom.”
[Whee! –jumps off the cliff- Ohh, wait. What happens if there’s no one there to catch me? Or to be more specific, what happens if the one person who can catch me isn’t there?]


“No promise ever rescued a person; it was the carrying-through of it that brought about salvation.”
[The few lines before this in the book was about words. I didn’t see the point in copying them down. It’s what I already know. This line, I’m familiar with it too… As in, the whole idea and concept behind it. Question: Will you carry out your promises?]


There. I’m done copying out and reflecting on each of the lines. Initially, I had planned to blog on a few topics. Was brainstorming for topics to blog about while in school. But after that, I realized I had to start off with quotes first since I’m going to return the book tomorrow and now, I just know how this entry is going to continue.


Changes. People dread them. But for me, right now what I dread most is that I’ll change into someone that I don’t recognize. Was talking to one of my friends last week on MSN and as I chatted with her, I realized what’s one of my greatest fears. Not being me anymore. And I realized that I don’t want to lose those few weaknesses and flaws that make me who I am. Yes, I’m very emotional. At times, too emotional? I care (too much?) about people and my life revolves around those that I love and care about. And somehow, I continue to hope even when most people think I should have given up long time ago. Hmm. And one more thing, I don’t want to be “strong” in the sense that I don’t ever want to be a person who no longer depends on others. In other words, keep things to myself and just rely on myself. Sure, that means I will get hurt so much more if I stay the way I am but hey, I love to quote this line from the lyrics of “There is life” – “the colder the winter, the warmer the spring, the deeper the sorrow, the more our hearts sing”.


One day this week, I was just asking myself why I still hoped even though I’ve been disappointed time and time again? Well, I guess it’s called I still think with my heart instead of my head. Basically, I’m more emotional than logical. =p


Hmm. The past few weeks sure took its toll on me. And though some might think I’m better, who knows? In a way, I have changed a bit just over the past few weeks. I’ve gotten better control over my emotions. At least in public. Disclaimer: No, I’m not emo-ing by myself in school or what, ok? But I’ve just gotten better at pushing things to the back of my head for now. Thing is, they won’t stay long there. I’m waiting to see how I’ll cope. But I don’t want to change. Even if I get hurt even more, I’ll stay true to who I’ve been for the past few years. (Anyone wants to start calling me crazy or something for caring so much? Go ahead. You won’t be the first.)