thoughts from today

I thought I was getting numbed to the whole situation but then again, as you all always say, I'm constantly in self-denial. Turns out I'm just getting better and better at pushing things to the back of my head and just forgetting all about it. But today as I was making my way home, was thinking a lot (synonym for getting moody =p). Nothing new really. The usual, how do I associate and make links between things so well til almost anything can trigger off a set of memories? Wanting to just examine my heart/head. Wanting to know why I'm like that. Wanting to remove whatever part of my heart/head that causes me to be like this. You get the general idea... =p


Also, I realized one more thing. I doubt I'll be crying that easily or that often anymore. By the way, altar call and during service is excluded. =p I mean, it's like the only place I cry alone is either at home or somewhere in school. But I rather avoid school cause there are way too many memories and well, memories aren't good at times. Not if I'm emotional. Home is just ... sad. I don't want to relive those times again. So ya... Heehee. It's as if circumstances are no longer permitting me to cry. Oh well. That's good, I guess?


It's interesting how things have been. I still go high and start gushing/obsessing stuff or what but at the same time, there's just this constant damper on my mood. It's nothing major but I'm just a lot more reflective nowadays. Even the few seconds during ACE when our mentor showed us snippets from "Tuesday with Morrie" was enough to make me think. A lot.


Need to go off the computer. Hmm. That shall be it for now.