reassurance

Heehee. Erm. I can't guarantee that this entry won't be depressing, ah? =p I'll just blog whatever comes to mind and with that, we'll see what the mood of this entry is. It might be a bit low initially but read on. It will get better. Things always get better after awhile. =)


Yay! Mel came for service yesterday. She waited for me at the busstop and we ran to church cos we were running abit late. =p Went up to jump during worship. The thing that shocked me was how tears came to my eyes when I heard the first few lines of the first song. The worship team started off with the song "What the world will never take". Just the first few lines alone touched me as I found it so relevant and appropriate. I'll include the lyrics in this entry. =) (Why do I sense that this entry is going to be long?) =p


What the world will never take
With all I'm holding inside
With all hopes and desires
And all the dreams that I've dreamt
With all I'm hoping to be
And all that the world will bring
And all that fails to compare


You say You want all of me
I wouldnt have it any other way


I've got a Saviour and He's living in me
WHOA I wanna know
I wanna know You today


And You're the best thing that has happened to me
And the world will never take
The world will never take You away


No one could ever take You away
No one could ever take You away


Hmm... But anyway, this song was followed by "One Way". It's just very shocking when tears just continued to flow throughout worship. Normally for this kind of fast songs, nothing like this ever happens. But ya, was reminded by God about a lot of things. To start off, this whole healing process is going to take time. (considering that I'm still crying so badly during worship...) It would be nice if I just snapped my finger and then I'll be alright but that's not the case. Just like putting together a jigsaw puzzle. It'll take time.


Bro Andy was the one preaching today. Talk about coincidence. Guess what he was preaching about? Contagious faith. I said "You're kidding..." out loud and had to explain to mel why I had such a reaction. Anyone remembers a few entries back on how my TAWG seems to revolve around the whole issue of faith? Yeps. I'll fast-foward to altar call. Yes, I know I seem to be going up for each altar call. But anyway, he was calling for those who had needs for God to meet to go up. Also, he mentioned about intervening for our friends but honestly, I was in no state yesterday during altar call to pray about that. Read on...


Went up to the altar and the tears just came. I guess that church is one place where I don't bother or can't control my tears. Bro Andy prayed for me and he said that God had these three words for me, "I love you." I know. One more thing that I haven't really blog about is the whole idea of love. Been thinking about that quite a bit over the past few days. Especially about God's love for people and how love is supposed to be unconditional. I think I'll wait til V-day before I blog on love, ya? =p But yes, I was just letting out whatever I've kept inside. Didn't realize that there was so much inside me that I didn't let go off yet.


For the 2nd time in a long while, I felt the urge to kneel down at the altars. To me, that's my way of saying that I just want to surrender myself totally to God and also how I want to humble myself. Sister Joanne prayed for me as well. Really, all the adult leaders' prayer have been giving me the reassurance that I kow I need. After altar call ended, hugged mel and there's this kind of mutual understanding between us? Yayness! Could go for dinner/supper with mel after FUEL. Took the chance to catch up on each other's lives. Mhmm. =)


Back to my title. Reassurance. Finally got the answer to one of my questions that I asked God a few months ago. But the answer wasn't important anymore. Rather, yesterday was really about being reassured of God's love and forgiveness. Not only that, also a reminder how this healing process won't be easy and it'll take time but things will turn out alright in the end. And yes, I've been convinced. Rather than trying so hard to resist changing, it's pointless. I will change. I know that for a fact. I can sense it already. But I know it's for the better. Mhmm! =)


To all my friends, I'll say this once more. Don't worry so much about me, ok? I'll take care. I won't be back to normal overnight but give me time. The healing's began. Soon, I'll be whole again. Whole.