His way

I won't really do a recount of today's service or anything. Rather, I want to share what God has been speaking to me about.


Just a bit of background history first. My school's organizing a trip to Italy for the Art students but due to the price, my parents preferred that I don't go. And I guess I was a lot more disappointed than what I was willing to admit to myself. Since at the altar today, the tears were flowing partly because of that. I didn't realize how badly I wanted it and how I had to let it go. Since last week, God was already speaking to me about going for missions trip this year and it hit me that maybe that's why He's not making a way for me to go to Italy. Because that's what I want and not what He wants for me.


And today, the pastor was saying how interested youths should go approach their adult leaders about the missions trip. Mhmm. Approached Sis Fran and she asked about whether my parents agree. Oops. Didn't ask yet. So went home and asked them. Whee! They gave me the permission to go. But that doesn't automatically mean I'll be going. Still have to apply and go through a selection process. Yeps. It's probably during the June holidays. Don't mind though. I really want to go.


2 more things God's been talking to me about. I'll assume it's from Him since I'm definitely against this idea and this thought has never crossed my mind before but not, it's just lodged in my head like a thorn. I might not drop physics after all. In that case, I'll probably drop art and take triple science. =( Yes, I'm highly reluctant to do that. The reason behind it? Hmm. Short-term wise, it's because art's time consuming and my time can be better spent serving God. But long-term, it's because I might want to aim for taking a degree in medicine. I'm very against the idea. Ok. Corrections, it's not that I'm against the idea but rather, I see way too many obstacles in the way. I don't think I can do it. Medicine. I need high grades for that. And my grades are so high. -cough- As if. But yes, there's something that I really want to do: Go on missions trips. Even when I'm an adult, I want to go for missions trip and help others. If I did take medicine, I'll be more equipped with the skills and all to offer practical help and aid. So yes... Fortunately, I don't have to make a decision that soon. At least not until it's time for me to select my subjects...


And the last thing? The same issue that I've blogged many times about recently. God has opened my eyes to see how I'm afraid of being rejected. How I don't dare to reach out because I'm scared and fearful. Scared and fearful of rejection, of being hurt. But guess what? He's told me to press on. To not give up. And as hard it will be, I know I have to listen. Like what the adult leaders say, don't just try for 7 times, try for 77 times... I can't and I won't give up. Saw this line once,"Don't give up on the things that make you smile..." Some things matter too much to be given up. They're not to be let go of, no matter what the cost.