surrendering my wants

It still surprises me how easily tears come to my eyes...


Just looking at the church bulletin for this week and seeing the advertising for "Timeless" on the front page, something stirred inside me. I want to see a certain person come for the event. Yeps. Anyway, fast forward to worship... The lyrics of this song really touched me. "Throne of Praise". The first few lines go like this:


As long as I have breath, I'll find a way to say
That I love you
Everything may change and the world may pass away
I'll still love you


Touching, isn't it? Hmm... Think about the lyrics. And you'll understand why I really like them a lot.


Last thing I want to blog about... The title of my blog entry. Earlier on, I blogged about wanting to see someone come to church. No, God didn't asked me to surrender that particular want. Rather, I've been wanting to stay in my comfort zone and in the later part of Term 1, I became so used to just staying within my comfort zone. I lost the courage to step out of it. I lost the initiative to reach out. For that, I'm sorry. God's been challenging me to not care about what others think, to fulfil His purpose. He has shown me the end result. He's given me a promise to hold on to. But now, it's the process that I've been resisting. I can't wait to see what He has promised becoming a reality. But for that to take place, I have to step out of my comfort zone. I stepped out of it before. But then after various incidents, I retreated back into my comfort zone once more. Even though the end result may seem almost impossible and at times, I do hesitate but I'm growing in my faith. That's the only way I can step out of my comfort zone. By believing in faith.


Another want that I was struggling with again today... I already blogged about how I'm considering not dropping physics at the end of the year. Today at the altar, I was just asking God to help me surrender my wants, my desires to Him. Art's been something that I hold close to my heart. One of my few regrets in life was stopping art lessons. So I really wanted to major in Art. At the end of Sec 2, during youth camp, God had asked me whether I would not take Art if He asked me to. At that time, it was more like a food for thought. The purpose of that question was to prove to me that there were things I held close to even though I thought otherwise. But now, I get this feeling that this round, it's not just simply a question. If I drop Art and take physics, I'm surrendering my dreams as well... By taking physics, it kind of means that I am willing to give up my dream job. I'm still seeking God as to what are the plans He has for me. I need Him to guide me. Especially for my subject combination for the next two years. It's a bit early to think about it but there's this urgency in me to find out the answer.


Yes, I do have homework to do but I think that this overrides homework cause I'm not just blogging... It's more than that. Yeps.