in need of rest

I think the lack of rest is affecting my tolerance level. Normally, I wouldn't be as irritated at things as I have been the past two days.


But ya, yesterday was a day I would gladly go without.


Let's see. Some people should know what I wasn't really looking forward to yesterday. Yeps. Then after that, it was so tired. Behaving like someone I'm not really drains me. I rarely, if never, behave like that. It's just not me. But I had to go ahead with it anyway. My fault. So ya... Was just sitting there and watching it rain. As much I wanted to go into the rain, that would attract way too much attention and I would have gotten "killed" by mei and nes. Sighs. But yes, was really, really drained.


During art, I was just focusing on making a prototype and tried not to think too much about stuff. I guess it was one of the few times that I didn't cringe at using a penknife? Disclaimer: I was cutting cardboard and tape with the penknife, nothing else. Yeps. So ya. Then chinese, followed by physics. Rushed home after physics for a massage session. =p Yeps, I'm getting spoilt.


Massage session. Oh well. My neck and shoulders were really aching so was in need of massage. Then my grandaunt was massaging my thigh and it was so painful! Ouch. Painful to the point that tears came to my eyes. She says it's cause I walk a lot. So I guess there's not much I can do about it? But ouch... That was painful. Shoulder area a bit more relaxed but still quite tense. Oh well. Better than nothing.


Today... Really sleepy. Throughout Journalism, I was so tempted to put my head down on the table and sleep. That bad. Mhmm. Guess I'll give Survivor a miss for this week. Not going to stay up... Shall clear some homework first before I sleep though. Yeps. That's all.

looking forward (in a different way...)

Weird title, yes? But anyway, I realize that nowadays, I rarely look forward to stuff. Rather, I look forward to the end of stuff. Basically, I look forward to seeing the things I dislike doing over and done with. This week has been a classic example. First, there was the Talentsearch competition. I looked forward to it ending. So a weight was lifted off my shoulders yesterday. Then I was looking forward to the end of the school day today. Ya... I don't normally dislike thursday unlike mei but today was one day I just wanted to fast forward.


Mhmm. And while I should look forward to the weekend, I can't. Because of the homework that I'll have to do. Because this endless cycle of not enough sleep will continue. Whee. I really should stop blogging and go sleep. So goodnight. Shall end this entry here even though I want to rant even more...


On second thoughts, since sammi's sending me a file, I shall wait til the file's fully transferred before going off the computer. Bah. Forget it. The transfer was interrupted. Sighs. Goodnight. I don't need sleep, I need rest.

irrational.

Honestly, today could have gone way better. Went to school early to practice the piece for Talentsearch. I need more sleep. Yes, I'm still not sleeping early. How can I? There are things that need to be done. This is the price I pay when I don't manage my time well and yet still expect a certain level from myself. Whee.


Overall, the mood of today was rather subdued? Not that noticeable but still... Let's see. House meeting was ok? Haha. Yes mei, I know it's unfair. Oh well. You're pro. =) Then ACE was enjoyable. I want to watch the rest of "October Sky". =) Physics lab was ... as per normal? Except that I really should control myself more. The restraint that I usually show slipped away a bit. That's not good. Sorry. This restraint isn't referring to moodiness or emo-ness by the way. Yeps.


Project work has always been rather enjoyable. At least me and mei are actually learning stuff? =) Yeps. Never thought we'll do a Chemistry project actually. Time to start thinking of how to extend the project for the rest of this year. It's fun playing with fire. Haha. I mean that literally by the way. Observed a methanol flame today. Yeps.


After IR, things started going a bit downhill? Ouch. It was irritating trying to staple the letters to the Journalism board. Because I have to look up and my neck started aching after awhile? Then it was raining. And ya, mei didn't let me go out into the rain. =p Heehee. But I was guai, ok? When walking to the piano to practice even more, I avoided walking out in the open. It was highly tempting though. =p


Then realized I had to play on the keyboard for Talentsearch so took awhile to get used to the keys. Actual auditions itself was just sad. I was really nervous and messed up in the 2nd bar already. So naturally, I got very nervous and made even more mistakes and the cycle continues. Oh well. It's over. Time to move on. That's what I tell others so I should listen to that advice myself.


While sitting in the auditorium and listening to the other groups perform, I was hit by a wave of emotions. Really unexpected. My mind just linked the playing of the various rock groups to last year's Teacher's Day performance. Ouch. That wasn't needed. And in fact, I also thought about Charity Concert. Weird, right? Talentsearch has no link with Teacher's Day and Charity concert but it could still trigger off memories. >.< I am irritated at the way my head works.


Anyway, it was just weird after auditions. Lol. The only girl in the group? And a certain someone was bullying me. -pointed look- Oh well.


On the bright side, got to eat nice chocolate marshmallow cake today! =) And with that, I shall end this entry. On a high note! =) -attempts to hit a high note- Rofl.

why mondays?

I should get worried if this continues... 1st day of school, I overslept and only woke up at around 7:50. Then today, I woke up at 6:50. The part that scares me is how often this has happened... It's just the 2nd week of Term 2. And the fact that I can't hear all 3 of my alarms is just alarming. Lol. The use of the word was not deliberate. Lol. But ya, my handphone, watch and clock didn't wake me up! Urk. That just proves that either I'm a heavy sleeper or I lack sleep.


Oh well. I'm aiming to be asleep by latest 11:30 tonight. Yeps. When that is considered earlier than average, that means I really should get back to my old ways of sleeping early. But easier said than done?


Yes, one might ask why I blog even though I can go sleep instead. Because it's become a habit. Because it's quite a good way of organizing my thoughts and help me settle down.


Hmm... How was today? Alright, I guess. Expected to get 3 test results back but ended up not receiving a single paper back. Went ACM after school to view the "Mystery Men" exhibition... Erm. I guess it didn't really help that the tour was done in Chinese? I tried paying attention.. Lol. A few PRCs asked me once in awhile whether I understood what the tour guide was saying. Haha. That was amusing and rather considerate?


After the exhibition, walked with mei and nes to Raffles Exchange and spent quite awhile at Mount Zion, the bookshop. Whee! I want to spend money! Shall save up again and go spoil myself. Cass joined us. =) Then after that, had sugar rolls and was made to eat the last one. Yes yes, I know I need to gain weight. =p Decided to grab a bit more food with cass and went to Burger King. Mhmm. Talked quite a bit about various stuff... I wonder why I'm still so positive? Someone please tell me why? This kind of faith and hope isn't rational. I've no idea what keeps me believing but I'll still continue. Yeps. It was nice talking to cassie mei... Yeps. I'm not that surprised about how we seem to be on rather good talking terms. I kind of expected it? Considering situations and all... It was just a matter of time?


Anyway, I guess I'll end off this entry by addressing the same issue yet again. I've addressed it briefly in the previous paragraph but I'll touch on it a bit more. Yeps. Hmm. Maybe I'm biased? Maybe I'm too hopeful? But no matter what happens, I'll still believe that things can get better. I do believe in giving people second chances. And I won't stop at just giving second chances. Yeps.


Think I should go sleep soon. Lots of things that I need to do over the next few days. And oh, I will take care of myself, ok? Yeps. Not just minimal care. Proper care. Mhmm. This is directed to someone who complained that I wasn't really taking care. Yeps. Bye! Goodnight! =)

catching up

Hmm. Considered recounting the whole of yesterday but I think I'll just focus on the later part of the day.


Met up with sammi yesterday night at Holland after Games day. Mhmm. Ended up going to Breko's. Haha. I wonder who suggested that place... 0=) Mhmm. Ordered my usual: potato salad. Lol. And a quicksand twister... Yummy.


Food aside... It was really enjoyable catching up with sammi. =) Thanks babe! =) It never fails to surprise me how our friendship has lasted all these years... Yeps. And it was refreshing to have someone who understands me and my heart so well. Yeps. Lol. Talked about quite a few things... Ranted quite a bit. Not the usual topics that I rant about to others. Yeps. Surprise surprise. Yay! New songs in my MP3 player! =) Went high over the songs when sammi first let me hear them. Went Starbucks after that and continued talking til it was time to rush home. Yeps.


Hmm. I'm still amused by that one question sammi asked. First person to ask the question. Is it because the rest already assume they know the answer? Haha. Yes, sammi. I know that answer's rather dumb and senseless but hey, I think you're pretty used to that? =p Haha. You're one of the few who can get away with criticizing me openly. Enjoy that privilege. Lol. And how do you put up with me? Lol. Since I'm too nice and all. Lol... Yes yes, I know I'm too nice. But can't really help it? Don't really know how to not be nice?


Oh. And one more thing I realized when talking to her. I do get irritated at people and all. But I just keep it within me and after awhile, it gets forgotten. Most of the time. Yeps. Haha. Then again, with sammi around, any negative mood of mine can't last for long. She's too amusing. Yeps.


Thanks sammi for yesterday! Let's try to make it twice a month or something, ok? =) Haha. Yeps.

oceans apart

Hmm... Think I'm in a suitable mood and frame of mind to blog about this book. =) Yeps, the title of this entry is the title of the book. "Oceans Apart" by Karen Kingsbury. One of the books I randomly pull out and end up liking it a lot, just like Richard Paul Evans's books. It does help that she's a Christian author. Mhmm. Ok. Shall blog about the book first and the whole experience of reading it before I continue gushing about Karen Kingsbury's books! =p


Just the first few chapters alone made me think of stuff. Especially the main character's issue with his father. Reminded me of my life. Ya... I always ask myself this question. Will I regret my actions the day that he's no longer alive? If yes, then why do I still persist in being like this? I guess it's something to do with pride. And because I believe that my actions are justified... Yet, there's this part of my conscience that reminds me that he's still my father no matter what he does or does not do.


Love is what happens when people forgive.
This line keeps popping up throughout the book and it's this lesson that a lot of the characters in the book have to learn. Hmm... Let's see. I was reading this book alone in the library and it was actually quite good for just reflective and thinking. Even though it's a public place and all, I was alone in the corner so yeps. Ouch.. Forgiveness has always been something I don't really struggle with apart from that one issue of my dad. But as I was reading, it just hit me how in a way, I was having this bitterness and unforgiveness towards someone else as well. The most unlikely person. It was subtle. But that explains a lot of things from last term. Yeps.


It comes from a part called 1 John, and it says, "As Jesus laid his life down for us, so we must lay our lives down for other people. Anything else is not realy love. Not love for God and not love for people."
To lay down my life for everyone... Am I able to do that? I think I can do that for those I care about. But there's this fear that one day, I'll be hurt til the point when I lose hope, lose my trust... I was so close to that the past week. There are times when there aren't people around for you to lean on and you wonder what's the point of caring so much. Then afterwards, you realize why. Because even if they're not there, they do still care. Right? By the way, the exact Bible reference is 1 John 3:16-17. The lines from the book are rather different. But the main idea's really the same so ya...


There it was; the simple childlike love that had open arms no matter the situation.
This is what I hold on to desperately. I found it and regained it last year... At least, it was more obvious in every moment of my life compared to lower secondary years. But then at the start of this year... I sank back into that state. Sighs. It's been hard pulling myself out of it. But I guess I want back the childlike part of me really badly so it helps? Why do I still trust? Why do I still care? No matter what... Yeps. I guess it's this part of me that I don't want to lose. It's easy to lose it. It's hard to gain it back. So I won't let go of it. Mhmm.


As Karen Kingsbury's a Christian, she also showed the various character's relationships with God. Max, the child who's so faithful. He puts aside time every day to pray, read his Bible. I admire Max. But that's not really what spoke to me the most? Rather. Lines such as "My ways are not your ways..." and "Be still, and know that I am God." Isaiah 55:8-9 and Psalms 46:10 respectively. Mhmm...


My heart felt lighter and I realized that my smiles were a lot more genuine after I read the book and really understood it. It still amazes me how fiction books can speak to my heart so much... Yeps.


Anyway, I'm really interested in this author and want to read the rest of her books. Turns out she has a total of 5 series and 8 stand-alone books... Whoa. More than enough books for me to read. But first, have to find them. =p Yeps.

spoiling myself

Heehee. I should stop spoiling myself. But ya, I guess I've let myself rest more this week compared to the usual? Let's see. Went West Mall alone on Wednesday after CCA and then today, went Jurong East central.


A quick recount of Wednesday. Didn't blog about it previously cos wasn't in the right mood so ya... But anyway, bought the soundtrack of "Music & Lyrics" even though I haven't watched it. Lol. And was walking around looking at the various stores and gushed a bit? Heehee. It's quite easy to buy presents for me really. I'm easily contented. Yeps. But yes, was gushing at various stuff. Mhmm. Went to the library at West Mall. Borrowed a book by this new author. Whee! The book's nice. Finished reading it already. "Oceans Apart" by Karen Kingsbury. Shall blog about it later or something.


Then today. Cancelled CF since half of them couldn't attend. So was free this afternoon. Rather unexpected. Was trying to decide how to make the most of the time... Wanted to go out/do something instead of going home. Considered watching "Music & Lyrics" but since it wasn't showing at Jurong, I gave up on that idea. Ended up going to the library and just reading there. It's been a while since I just sat down and read at the library. Yeps. Read finished "Oceans Apart". Found a few more books to borrow. I've run out of books by my usual authors. Time to reserve books so that I can start on one of Richard Paul Evan's series. Yeps. Then went Prima Deli and bought a waffle. Was eyeing bags.. =p Considered being vain and taking neoprints by myself but decided it was a waste of money to take by myself. So ended up buying 100g of those sour plums. Then went popular and bought 4 more packs of star-folding paper. =) Heehee. Started mei on folding stars during lessons and all so ya... Oops? We've done how many hundred stars in less than a week? =) Anyway, loooked in CD-Rama for the "Happy Feet" soundtrack. There was only one copy left, which I bought. =) Yeps. 2 CD in one week. That's a record? Or is it? Dunno. Last time, all the mass CD-buying was divided between the 4 of us so don't know how to count those. =p Yeps.


Went back home and just laid on my bed, reading, listening to my MP3 player and snacked on the pack of sour plums. Heehee. Finished the whole pack within the hour. Oops? Yeps. But anyway, I guess I'm letting myself take more breaks nowadays? I know I definitely need it. In fact, the time alone at the library was much needed. Probably due to how I was just thinking about stuff while reading "Oceans Apart". But that's another entry... =p

irritation

Oh great. I meant to have a high and hyper entry on what I did after school but then again, I'm me. My mood can be affected really easily...


As my title says, irritation. Why do I rarely get irritated at people? Majority of the time, I get irritated at myself or at situations. Now, it's a bit of both.


I know I need to finish up Physics essay or at least get most of it done by tonight as there's SL rehearsal tomorrow... And I only found out about it today. Whee. >.< It's my grandma's birthday celebration tomorrow. Dinner. By the time the rehearsals end, it's going to be a mad rush to reach her house and take part in the celebrations. Yeps.


Then now, I need to finish Physics but of all times to lose focus, it has to be now. Actually, I didn't lose my focus. I didn't have it to start with. Yeps. I'm tired and I need to rest. I can't wait for this school week to be over. Then hopefully, I can rest a bit over the weekends then it'll be back to school... But less work. I just need to clear Physics... That's the last piece of work. Yeps.


I apologize for this rant. Then again, it's not an emo entry so that's good, right? Just me in one of my agitated states and actually showing it. Yeps. Rare. But it does happen. Could someone give me a punching bag? Or even DDR would be good now. Can vent my frustrations by forcing myself to dance some really fast songs. Mhmm.



Bah! Ok. At least I'm not typing in all caps. Now that's just going to be surprising. Mhmm.

5 questions

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can get to know you better. If I already know you well, expect the questions to be a little more intimate insane!
3. Update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. Include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, ask them five questions.

Lol... I asked renee to interview me. And some of her questions were... Oh well. Some of them, I won't post on any of my public blogs so I'm going to be selective and choose which questions and answers to show everyone else.

Qn)If you had to throw all your soft toys away except one, what would that one be?


Yikes! I hate this question. It’s like between moo, panda and big doggie. Ok. It’s harder to decide between moo and panda. Yeps. Due to sentimental reasons, I’ll pick moo. But panda’s definitely more huggable. Sighs…


Qn)If tomorrow were your last day on earth, what would you do?


What would I do? Hmm… Write a will. Lol. There are some things that should go to some people. Yeps. But apart from that, I would ask all my friends out. Yeps, make them ‘pon’ school. =) Oops? But I would go out with each group separately. Make sure I say everything I want to say to those I care about (alternatively, write letters) But I prefer meeting up with everyone face to face. That’s it. Basically, just spend time with friends and family and say my last words to them.


Qn)Which fictional character would you want to be, and why?


Honestly, I’m happy being me. But if I had to choose… The first person that came to mind was Jaime from "A walk to remember"... Interesting choice, ya? Why? I guess I admire her and I'm pretty envious of her life. To be able to stand for what she believed in despite of peer pressure. And she was able to find someone who loved her so much... Even though she ended up dying from leukemia, I guess one of the best ways to die is to die with the knowledge that you're loved by someone and that the person would never forget you.


Mhmm... There. It was pretty enjoyable and yet, a torment to answer the questions... Yeps.

eventful day

Heehee. What a way to start off Term 2. =p


Let's see. I started off the day by oversleeping. Only woke up at 7:47 (handphone time) and had to ask my dad to send me to school. The rest of the day went by as usual though. Yeps. Apart from me starting a star-folding trend in class. 0=)


Oh yes! There was an incident at the end of the school day which made my heart beat a lot faster. Walking down the stairs with mei, I lost my footing and tripped. I almost fell down the flight of stairs. But somehow, my reflexes kicked in fast enough and I ended up doing some really weird footwork down the next few steps. The sequence of events go something like this. Trip, tries to regain balance and somehow manage to walk down the next few stairs really quickly. Had a minor fear of walking down all the way to the first floor after that. =p And even a few minutes after that, my heartbeat was still rather fast and I trembled a bit when I sat down. Oh well. Heehee. The only good thing out of this whole incident is that I know I actually have decent reflexes if the need arises. =p


Ohh. Then went home and had a nice 2 hour long massage session by my grandauntie. Yeps. My shoulder and back have been aching and really tensed so ya... Requested for the massage session. Ouch. When she massaged my shoulder, it hurt a lot. Very, very tense. But it's slightly better now. Whew... =)


Ok. Enough blogging. Time to finish up homework and sleep early tonight. I don't need to oversleep again tomorrow. =p

abnormal behaviour

Heehee. I should stop doing things like that. As my title says, abnormal behaviour. Start off with this morning... Only slept slightly after 3:18 Yeps. Then woke up half an hour after noon. Heehee. It's like the 2nd time I've slept at such an early/late time. I think I'm really becoming nocturnal.


The other instances of abnormal behaviour is when I went really hyper and hysterical over the phone with mei. Once in the afternoon and once just now. Heehee. Why does it fall under abnormal? Cause I haven't been so crazily high for a long, long time. Hey, that makes me sound so old.. =p Ok. You can tell the highness still lingers. Heehee. Excessive use of "Heehee".. Tsk myself. Anw, in the afternooon, I was just going a bit high about cute orisinal games. Especially the one with the doggies! So cute! Then also, the one when you can actually catch a shooting star! Lol. So yeps. There I was intro-ing the games to mei when I was supposed to do English essay... So I tsked myself over the phone a few times.


Then the phone just now was very crazy. I went very hyper and hysterical and laughed til tears came to my eyes. Then mei said that it's good to end the phone call on a high note so I made her sing a high note after saying bye. Rofl. I refused to put down the phone til she did that. Lol. I'm still laughing at the memory of that. Heehee. Time to try to calm down... Except that I don't think that's possible? A bit too awake. Oops? Heehee. -bounces around-

surrendering my wants

It still surprises me how easily tears come to my eyes...


Just looking at the church bulletin for this week and seeing the advertising for "Timeless" on the front page, something stirred inside me. I want to see a certain person come for the event. Yeps. Anyway, fast forward to worship... The lyrics of this song really touched me. "Throne of Praise". The first few lines go like this:


As long as I have breath, I'll find a way to say
That I love you
Everything may change and the world may pass away
I'll still love you


Touching, isn't it? Hmm... Think about the lyrics. And you'll understand why I really like them a lot.


Last thing I want to blog about... The title of my blog entry. Earlier on, I blogged about wanting to see someone come to church. No, God didn't asked me to surrender that particular want. Rather, I've been wanting to stay in my comfort zone and in the later part of Term 1, I became so used to just staying within my comfort zone. I lost the courage to step out of it. I lost the initiative to reach out. For that, I'm sorry. God's been challenging me to not care about what others think, to fulfil His purpose. He has shown me the end result. He's given me a promise to hold on to. But now, it's the process that I've been resisting. I can't wait to see what He has promised becoming a reality. But for that to take place, I have to step out of my comfort zone. I stepped out of it before. But then after various incidents, I retreated back into my comfort zone once more. Even though the end result may seem almost impossible and at times, I do hesitate but I'm growing in my faith. That's the only way I can step out of my comfort zone. By believing in faith.


Another want that I was struggling with again today... I already blogged about how I'm considering not dropping physics at the end of the year. Today at the altar, I was just asking God to help me surrender my wants, my desires to Him. Art's been something that I hold close to my heart. One of my few regrets in life was stopping art lessons. So I really wanted to major in Art. At the end of Sec 2, during youth camp, God had asked me whether I would not take Art if He asked me to. At that time, it was more like a food for thought. The purpose of that question was to prove to me that there were things I held close to even though I thought otherwise. But now, I get this feeling that this round, it's not just simply a question. If I drop Art and take physics, I'm surrendering my dreams as well... By taking physics, it kind of means that I am willing to give up my dream job. I'm still seeking God as to what are the plans He has for me. I need Him to guide me. Especially for my subject combination for the next two years. It's a bit early to think about it but there's this urgency in me to find out the answer.


Yes, I do have homework to do but I think that this overrides homework cause I'm not just blogging... It's more than that. Yeps.

reflections on Pahang

Oops. The previous entry was really badly written. >.< Yeps. It was obvious that I was just rambling without any real focus. And since I dislike deleting entries, I'll kind of do a repeat entry? But this round, it'll be better, I hope.


Let's see... Pahang was a break for me, I guess? In the sense that I was away from most of the issues, except for one. And even so, it was still bearable. I enjoyed each day and had fun in the various activities. I guess I was slightly more self-centered during camp and took more care of myself? Yes, I did look out for others but not to the extent that I do everyday. Ok. That sounds really self-centered and selfish. What I'm trying to say is that at times, I just gave some time to myself and it was just me and whatever I was doing. A good example would be during rock-climbing and caving. Times like that, it was really just about me and my thoughts.


Yeps, I still go rather high when I recount Pahang to others. That shows how much I enjoyed it? But yet, I don't wish it lasted forever. As mentioned in my previous entry, there are some things in Singapore that I can't or don't want to neglect. Mhmm... Yes, it's going to drain me again but hey, that's part of what I do. Hmm... With that, I'll end off all entries on Pahang. Overall, an experience I don't regret. Then again, how many of my experiences do I regret? =p

after Pahang

Hmm... I need a break from doing homework so decided to blog. =p


It's been 2 days since I'm back from Pahang. Various blog entries on the Pahang camp have been popping out. One of the common points is how Pahang was so fun and if only it was longer, never ended, etc...


Do I wish it never ended? Strangely enough, no. Yes, I admit that the camp was fun and I enjoyed it a lot. I don't mind if it was longer but I need to be back in Singapore after awhile. Yeps. There are too many things that I miss and too many things that I need to do in Singapore. Commitments. Responsibilities.


Sighs. Pahang was a break, I guess. Not totally but good enough. The only part that I'm not that happy about is how I became a bit emotional during one night. Yeps. >.< Then again, I'm me. =p How is it possible for me to go through a few days without being emotional? =p


Hmm... I got to get ready for church now. Think I should end off the blog entry now. Especially since I can't really focus since too many things are going through my head. =p Yeps. Will probably blog again tonight.

thanks cassie mei!

Heehee. Must have one entry where I thank mei for being with me through camp! =) Yeps. =)


Thank you for sharing the experience of Pahang camp with me.
Thank you for encouraging me throughout the night walk and having confidence in me.
Thank you for talking to me during camp.
Thank you for making me laugh.


But really, it was great getting to know you better and being friends with you during camp. =)


Hmm. A new term, a new beginning, ya? =) Take care, ok? No more grabbing of vines with thorns and all. =p

pahang camp

Hmm... Think I'm still not in the right frame of mind to blog about Pahang but shall give it a try anyway. =p


Monday:
Reported to school with a fat and heavy bag. >.< Haha. Anyway, we were allowed to choose our own groups so was in the same group as cass, he na, wu rui, ju yi and yi chen. Yeps. Long long bus ride up to our campsite... Slept a lot, snacked a lot, played a bit of cards and watched "I not stupid 2". Highlight of monday was the night walk! =) We could walk into the forest(?) with a torchlight but we were challenged to not talk at all. But coming out was the difficult part. Had to turn off our torchlights and each group was given one candle and we were supposed to find our way out. 0.0 And it's pretty stressful to be the leader, as in the one leading the group out. I wasn't the leader of the group. Cass was. =) But yes, the nightwalk was challenging. Thankful that I have such nice supportive groupmates. =) Especially mei. Good thing she was right behind me and became my "eyes", looking out for the path to take while I concentrated on keeping the candle burning and not tripping over roots and all. =p Yeps. Yay! We managed to find our way out without too much help. =p Ohh. I think mei and I are 2 of the few who managed to see more than 1 firefly. =) Yay! It's so cute! To see this light flying about among the trees. =)


Ended off the day by joining some Tao Nan scouts at their campfire. Haha. That was fun! I mean, they were very spontaneous and would sing one song after another. Yeps. And they didn't have any qualms about shaking their bodies and all. Even at Pri 5, a lot of us already became very self-conscious? It's times like that when I think about how much of the child-like mentality I've lost. Yeps. Children just have this innocence and pure joy... But yes, really enjoyed the campfire. Heehee. Being a Brownie last time really helped. =)


Ohh. Me and mei got one tent to ourselves for the two nights that we spent sleeping in the caves, since the other group members didn't mind being in one tent. So yeps. =)


Tuesday:
Whee! I like that day a lot! =) Ok. Wait. I like every day of the camp. Haha. =) Let's see. Abseiling and rock-climbing. Whee! Abseiling was ok. Just a bit scared at the start. But I guess doing trust falls and just having this blind faith and trust in a lot of things make me feel less worried about leaning back on the harness. =p Yeps. -bounces- Heehee. I like rock-climbing! Yeps. Took the red rope even though it's harder. Oops? Have I mentioned that I like challenges? 0=) Yeps. Whee! I didn't realize that I actually have enough muscles to climb the rock wall. Oh, for those who don't know. The rock wall is an actual rock wall, completely natural. Not man-made. Yeps! Yay! Reached the top. =) At what cost? Erm. A few scratches here and there. Heehee. In fact, I noticed my right hand was slightly scratched on the way up and I was being rather fascinated by the cut. =p No worries, it's slightly less than 1 cm so yeps, nothing serious. Heehee. And I realized something interesting. Normally, I assure people that I won't hurt myself or anything since I can't stand pain but during rock-climbing, that mentality went out of the window? Since I didn't care if the rocks were sharp or not and just grabbed onto them. As long as I found my way to the top... Uhohh. Hope that focus doesn't apply for self-mutilation or anything. =p


Next part of tuesday's activities: caving! -bounces around- Ok. I think I'm nuts. I really enjoyed caving and erm... I want to do it again. Heehee. I like my mum's torchlight. It's bright! So yeps. But ya, it was fun exploring the various caves. Don't think anyone heard me but I was singing various Christian songs to myself during some parts of caving. I guess I was that awe-struck by the caves and marvelling at God's creations. Yeps. =) Hmm. I really wished we spent more time caving. I really enjoyed it. Just being part of nature and exploring without disturbing it much. Yeps. Had our own campfire at night. Hmm... Haha. It was enjoyable in its own way? Yeps.


Wednesday:
Took the bus to Taman Negara. Had to trek up to the summit of Bukit Teresek... 1720m. Not that bad except that it's mostly uphill and the path's not man-made. So it means a lot of sand, soil, rocks, roots, etc... Yeps. Pft. Mei grabbed hold of a vine that was in her way and ended up having scratches on her hand. Sighs. >.< But ya, the trek was rather exhausting. The view wasn't too bad but not spectacular. A lot of photographs were taken. Heehee. Think it's one of the few times that I asked for my picture to be taken. =p Then had to trek back down to the canopy walk. Hmm... Nothing that memorable but yeps, nice view. Had lunch in the boats before we went for rapids shooting! -bounces around- Was really really high. =) Pft. Why wasn't it high tide? But anyway, since I like water so much, really enjoyed rapids shooting. Heehee. There was this mini-war going on between the 4 boats. Yeps. Haha. Basically, each time 2 or more boats were side by side, then the boatman would use the paddle and spray water towards the other boat. =p So yeps, got very wet. Especially since my boatman used the oar and sprayed water towards me and mei. One of the problems of sitting in front? =p But yeps, I like water!


Dried up a bit before heading to the bus which drove us to the resort. =) Hot water shower! Thanks mei for letting me go first. =p Had dinner, then after that, it was free time til the next morning. Heehee. Most of us started wandering around and heading to other people's rooms. Yeps. 11 of us ended up in 1 room at one point in time. Yeps. Haha. Lots of card-playing and just talking about random stuff. Took a break and had supper before going back to May Fong's room. More cards. Then after that, wanted to go star-gazing but before that, some of us were trying to sleep awhile and going out to star-gaze but a certain person couldn't stop laughing. Lol. Yeps. But eventually, everyone quietened down. I fell asleep for awhile. =p Woke up and wanted to star-gazing but it was very misty so couldn't star-gaze. =( And yes, the new term was coined. Sighs. All because mei heard me wrongly... >.< Oh well. Went back to my room with mei. Yeps. Then ding came over and we started watching tv and commenting on the shows. Only slept at around 3 and woke up only at 6 plus. =p


Thursday:
Last day of the camp. =( Basically, a long bus ride back to Singapore. Slept til before lunch. Had lunch at KFC. =) Then after that, a lot of card playing. Then I got bullied quite badly. Being tickled and poked by the person beside and behind me. You two ahh... >.< Pft. Oh well. Heehee. Once we crossed the 2nd link, me and mei started trying to get back Singapore network. =p Replied the various smses I had and called various people. Mhmm. After we were dismissed from school, went for dinner with hao yi, ding, mel and her bf, mei. Yeps. Thanks Hao Yi for treating! -feels bad-But ya, hmph. Was bullied even during dinner. But dinner was rather nice? Buffet. =)


And with that, I've recounted how camp was generally. Heehee. There are other things that I didn't elaborate or what but ya, the gist of it has been covered. Hmm... Think it's time to have another entry. =p

instant relapse

Sighs. I dislike the way my mind works..


Shall blog about pahang camp tomorrow since I'm not in the right frame of mind to blog about it now... Besides, it'll take time to blog a long entry and already told my parents that I'll sleep by 12. Mhmm...


Just blogging for the sake of ranting on about how much I don't like the way my mind works. Yeps. The title says it all. =p But yes...


Maybe I should stop reading fictionpress. But then again, that's not realistic and almost impossible. =p Oops?

before I go...

Heehee. It's so fun to have a series of blog entry on each camp or trip. I think I'll make it a habit or something? =p The best example was the set of entries on last year's youth camp.


Anyway, I'll be at Pahang from tomorrow til Thursday. Going for an adventure camp organized by the school. Hmm... I got to admit that I'm placing quite a bit of hopes and expectations for the next few days.


Hmm... Even though this trip is optional and I could choose not to go, I guess I enjoy things like this? I mean, since I have the chance, why not go for it? Yeps. But pft. You two abandon me. -sniff- Sighs. Oh well. I'll treat it as training for the next 2 year? In the event that both of you aren't in some of my classes. =(


Whee! I've packed my bag. =) Thing is, it's so bulky... >.< Sighs. I blame it on the slping bag. Mhmm. Looking forward to tomorrow. Maybe I should sleep earlier tonight? Nah... Unlikely. Oh yes, I'll be bringing my handphone along so if you want, go ahead and message me but don't expect a reply til I'm back in Singapore. Bringing my phone more for the camera feature so yeps.

day in town

I have no idea how I'm still up. >.< Heehee. I think I'm mildly proud of the fact that I only slept at around 4 this morning... Broke my record, I think. Mhmm.


Anyway, hitched a ride down to the Esplanade today since Dad wanted to go IT show at Suntec. Hmm... Was just throwing myself into looking for books and ended up spending more time looking for mei's books. In the end, just got her to come down. =p I am good. Heehee. Last minute notice somemore. While waiting for her, walked around Citylink.


Had to eat lunch so ya... Got a sandwich which was really filling. Heehee. Then walked around the usual shops. Interesting how my mood differs so much within a few minutes... First stop, MPH. Jodi picoult has a new book! Went a bit high... >.< Resisted the urge to buy it even though I had the cash. It's like $28 plus... After that, went to HMV. That was such a smart move... Ohh. Happy feet is now on VCD and DVD! =) Still waiting for the price of the soundtrack to drop before I buy it. Mhmm. Went over to the soundtrack section and was browsing through random titles. Somehow, the whole atmosphere and mood caused me to become really reflective and moody. Started thinking of things... It didn't get any better when I went over to look at VCDs. Found "Tuesday with Morrie" there. But it didn't really bring a smile to my face? Why? I'll explain later. Found a few more shows that I wanted but didn't get anything. Lack of cash for one. But there's one more thing... This thought came to me. I would rather not have a single one of the disc in exchange for the chance to go out with selected people and go crazy gushing... It's different when you're alone. There wasn't any point in gushing or going high. So yes... But guess what? There are too many things I want but out of so many of them, how many will actually become a reality?


Yeps. Met mei at esplanade and we went around looking for books for English. Accomplished what I set out to do. Found 2 really good books on "Phantom". After that, went up to the roof with mei and finished up the last bit of my sandwich. =p Hmm... I think that the Marina area is quite a good getaway place. Another alternative... =p But I'll have to focus. As much as I wanted to go out on Friday, work comes first... =( See how things go. If I can spare some time, I'll take another break on Friday.

His way

I won't really do a recount of today's service or anything. Rather, I want to share what God has been speaking to me about.


Just a bit of background history first. My school's organizing a trip to Italy for the Art students but due to the price, my parents preferred that I don't go. And I guess I was a lot more disappointed than what I was willing to admit to myself. Since at the altar today, the tears were flowing partly because of that. I didn't realize how badly I wanted it and how I had to let it go. Since last week, God was already speaking to me about going for missions trip this year and it hit me that maybe that's why He's not making a way for me to go to Italy. Because that's what I want and not what He wants for me.


And today, the pastor was saying how interested youths should go approach their adult leaders about the missions trip. Mhmm. Approached Sis Fran and she asked about whether my parents agree. Oops. Didn't ask yet. So went home and asked them. Whee! They gave me the permission to go. But that doesn't automatically mean I'll be going. Still have to apply and go through a selection process. Yeps. It's probably during the June holidays. Don't mind though. I really want to go.


2 more things God's been talking to me about. I'll assume it's from Him since I'm definitely against this idea and this thought has never crossed my mind before but not, it's just lodged in my head like a thorn. I might not drop physics after all. In that case, I'll probably drop art and take triple science. =( Yes, I'm highly reluctant to do that. The reason behind it? Hmm. Short-term wise, it's because art's time consuming and my time can be better spent serving God. But long-term, it's because I might want to aim for taking a degree in medicine. I'm very against the idea. Ok. Corrections, it's not that I'm against the idea but rather, I see way too many obstacles in the way. I don't think I can do it. Medicine. I need high grades for that. And my grades are so high. -cough- As if. But yes, there's something that I really want to do: Go on missions trips. Even when I'm an adult, I want to go for missions trip and help others. If I did take medicine, I'll be more equipped with the skills and all to offer practical help and aid. So yes... Fortunately, I don't have to make a decision that soon. At least not until it's time for me to select my subjects...


And the last thing? The same issue that I've blogged many times about recently. God has opened my eyes to see how I'm afraid of being rejected. How I don't dare to reach out because I'm scared and fearful. Scared and fearful of rejection, of being hurt. But guess what? He's told me to press on. To not give up. And as hard it will be, I know I have to listen. Like what the adult leaders say, don't just try for 7 times, try for 77 times... I can't and I won't give up. Saw this line once,"Don't give up on the things that make you smile..." Some things matter too much to be given up. They're not to be let go of, no matter what the cost.

term 1

Term 1 has ended. It really flew by. It's been one difficult journey to make. And sorry, I didn't make it out in one whole piece. In fact, I'm not sure if I'm even in two pieces.


Interesting how everything comes back full circle. Started off the term really low and depressed. Crying every day. Then in the middle of the term, I forced myself to glue myself back and pull myself together. I guess it kind of worked. At least my mood improved slightly. And though situations don't improve, I got by. But right at the end of the term, in the last week, the glue didn't hold anymore. Uhohh. But yes, go figure what happened. Basically, last day of school, we had inter-house games. Those who know about last year should know why I wasn't exactly looking forward to inter-house games and sadly enough, I wasn't proven wrong.


It wasn't just the past that came back to haunt me. The present too. Oh well. But there's only one thing that's mildly comforting. My heart definitely hasn't hardened. And yes, that was the lie in the 3 questions blog entry. That sight still brings tears to my eye. And I've failed you. So many times. I've lost the courage, the initiative and the strength. I'll try to improve next term. It doesn't matter what happens, a promise is a promise.

3 questions

Three Names You Go By: Chermaine, chermy, jie


Three Parts of Your Heritage: Chinese, Singaporean, Thai?


Three of Your Everyday Essentials: Phone, friends, conversation


Three Things You're Wearing Now: Random shirt, imitation billabong berms, necklace


Three of Your Favourite Bands or Musical Artists at the moment: Avalon, Casting Crowns, Corinne May


Three of Your Favourite Songs at the moment: Everything to me, Can't live without You, Little Superhero Girl


Three Things You Want In A Relationship (other than love): trust, open-ness, sincerity


Two Truths and A Lie: I'm a child of God. I love someone. My heart has been hardened.


Three Physical Things about the Opposite Sex that Appeal to You: Height, smile, facial features


Three of Your Favourite Hobbies: Reading, talking, surfing the Internet


Three Foods You Cannot Do Without: sugar(who cares if it's not a food?), steamed fish, rice


Three Things You Want Really Badly Right Now: good health of my family and friends, love, be able to go for the Italy trip


Three Places You Want To Go To On Vacation: Australia, Switzerland, Italy


Three Things You Want To Do Before You Die: scuba dive, spend time with my family and friends, have as many memories as possible (even if they're not pleasant.)


Three People I Would Like To See Take This Quiz: mei, nes, cassie mei

needing to improve

Sighs. I rarely blog about academic stuff or anything related to studies but then again, there are always exceptions.


Hmm. Didn't blog about this yesterday but I calculated the CAP for each of the individual subjects to check whether I can Major with Honours in them... I didn't bother calculating Physics cause my grades are that bad. But out of fun, I calculated for Chemistry. Sighs. 3.3 But then again, it's unlikely that I'm going to Honours in it so ya... But my greatest disappointment came from Biology. Yes, I can do a Honours in Biology based on my current CAP but it's really low. I rather not put the CAP up here. Ya... On the bright side, didn't except my Maths CAP. 4. =) Ok... I think Maths has the highest CAP. >.< Which is ... weird? And it also speaks volumes about how low my standard is if my highest subject CAP is 4. Ya... So yes, I needed that reality check so now, there's even more reasons for me to do well.


One more thing on studies. Higher Chinese 'O' levels. Today during HCL, the teacher was talking about having the right attitude and all. I've always been one of those who feel guilty after those kind of talks. But today, I knew what the teacher was talking about already and was rather irritated by the teacher repeating himself again. See? The thing is, I have unreasonably high expectations for Chinese. Unreasonable because I know I haven't been putting in enough effort to warrant that kind of marks that I want. But yes, I really need to work harder for Chinese. I'm not contented with just scraping a pass for the 'O's.


Basically, I really need to work harder. To really throw myself into studying. Not just mugging but really putting in effort to learn. Most people would say such things and then resume slacking but considering how I rarely want to do well in studies so badly, I hope it means that this will not just be words, not just empty promises to myself.

touching.

Hmm... Do I start blogging again on yet another book? Sighs. Time to prioritize though? There's physics. I'll just do a short entry on the book for now. Then maybe, I'll add in the quotes or something later?


Another book by Richard Paul Evans. His books are going to be on my wishlist. They're that worth it. For someone who borrows most of her books from the library and rarely buys books, I guess that says a bit? Mei was saying how she felt that "A Perfect Day" wasn't that well-written. True, maybe that's the case. But the reason why I like his books are because of the way they touch my heart. The phrases he use, the ideas and themes covered in his books. A lot of life's lessons can be found in the book. Was finishing up "The last promise" when I reached home. Half-lying on my parent's bed and reading it, I kind of lost track of how many times tears came to my mind. Don't think I was emotional or moody but just really touched...


The books I want to buy... Hmm. Think I'll put the list on my profile later. Yeps. Heehee. Sighs. The book was really realistic most of the time but thing is, books almost always have happily ever after endings. Will my story have one too? Reality check. My life isn't a fairytale, is it?

longing for a rest...

This entry is probably to be rather moody or depressing? I want to avoid having such an entry again but I need an outlet to let it out.


I'll recount today. And maybe throw in a few other things...


Dialogue session with the principals. Not bad. I think it's the first time I voiced out my opinion in such a setting. Oh well. It's time for me to do that more, I think. I've been distracted and losing sight of my goals. But other than that, I want to know what I got myself into. Do I really want to be more active in school or is it just a way of distracting myself? If it's the latter, then I'll be very ashamed of myself... Only time and reflection will tell me the answer.


Fast-foward until Talent time auditions. Whee! It's great being nervous. I could see my fingers shaking. Mhmm. I feel bad for pulling down the other two. Sorry. But there's no point looking back and thinking that I could have practiced more or what. The only constructive thing I can do at this point is to pull in more effort and play well for the final round.


After that, lunch and the rest of mini-project. Hmm... Lunch was ok. But my mood throughout mini-project was rather unlike me? I wasn't depressed or moody but rather, irritated, frustrated, pissed off. Take your pick. It carried on from the auditions so ya... I guess how I react to situations is changing gradually. I can't afford to get moody or depressed so I just become irritated and all. Why? It's really fun to make myself feel stressed out. After being disappointed at myself, I had to stress myself out further by freaking out over what needed to be done and all. So ya... So I just immersed myself into researching for the mini-project for 1 hour and tried to push away anything that wasn't related. of course, it didn't work. Considering that... Forget it.


Oh great. It's really obvious to me that the irritation and frustration was to prevent me from breaking down since my mood has taken quite a drop. Oh well...


Then after AXIS, there was the field-trip to Evolution Garden. It was bearable, in a way. But it's just that there are too many memories at Botanic Gardens. And it's like rubbing salt into the wound when I wanted to find time to go Botanic Gardens but when I do go there, it's a school-related trip and I can't exactly go off alone. I can't tell whether it's a good or bad thing that I went for dinner right after the field trip... If I was left alone, what would have happened? Would I have taken the bus back to school or wandered around the place alone?


After the field trip, yet another proof of how circumstances are ganging up against me. Was walking from Botanic Gardens to Mr Prata and on the way, one of my bag strap broke. Sighs. Oh well. Time to change bag or something? Oh wait. It's almost 12 midnight and I haven't packed my bag. In fact, I have to find an alternative bag... Oh well. Must finish blogging first. =p


One of the highlights of the day though was dinner with mei, nes, cassie (mei) and angela. Finally got the chance to eat at Mr Prata. And yes, the bandung was really sweet but it still failed to make me go high. What a pity. And I suspect I'm rather dehydrated. Ok. Shall go drink a cup of water now. Back. After that, went to Venezia/Coffee Bean with mei and nes. A lot of sugar intake today. Bought a value pack and brought it to Coffee Bean. Bought a regular Black Forest. Ya... I've been educated on the rules of eating ice cream with mei and nes. Haha. Refer to mei's lj. I'm too lazy to blog about it.


Bus ride home was just ... Can't find a suitable word at the moment. But yes, even small things such as trying to balance on the bus and grabbing hold of something to stand still reminded me of stuff... Why? Oh well... It was interesting to observe my reflection in the glass window. Yeps, fine. My eyes show the sadness in me rather evidently. And even when I tried to smile, it was so obvious that it was forced.


Came back home and my mood didn't really improve so ya... It's obvious that I'm really tired. It's not just sleepiness by the way. It's deeper than that. And now, I realized that it's actually good that I blog. At least, I let a bit of it now instead of keeping it all inside. Besides, blogging helped indirectly too. Facing the reality makes me lose my control, which is good. I hate masking. I'm getting too good at it for my own good. Then again, it crumbles easily at times.


Whee! I just thought of a day in which I can be alone. Hmm... Tempting. =) See how? I'll blog about it if I do pull that off once more. Heehee. Anyway, better stop blogging now. Still got things to do. Mhmm. Goodnight!

the sunflower

It used to be my favourite flower when I was young. But my taste changed as I grew older? Actually, I don't think I have a favourite flower now. Mhmm. Ok, that was just out of point. "The Sunflower" is the title of another book written by Richard Paul Evans. If anyone still remembers my previous blog entries, I said I borrowed 4 books from the library and that there's a book I'm almost definitely going to blog on. This is it. =) As usual, I want to blog about lines from the book.


There are times, it seems, that God throws a cosmic switch that moves the tracks beneath us, hurling our lives headlong in a new and uncertain direction. Of these times just two things are certain: It's best we don't know what's ahead. We can never go back.
My life has taken a new direction a few times... Just transferring from one school to another is a good example of how my life takes a new direction. Hmm... And this year, it's certainly taken a direction which I didn't expect. Only two things are certain? I'm not sure whether ignorance is bliss in this case. But I agree that we can't go back into time. I know it. Now, it's just a matter of accepting that.


Hope grabes on to whatever floats.
I know I grab onto whatever I can. Maybe that explains why I'm relatively hopeful?


The surest way to minimize your own burdens is to carry someone else's.
I suspect that's what I'm doing, which is a bit worrying. I don't mind. But if I'm doing it to minimize my own problems, then it's just wrong of me to do it.


As much as I have schemed and planned to the contrary, the most central experiences of my life have all been accidents.
I just find this line interesting.. Mhmm. But yeps, life's always unexpected.


"The moral of my little tale is that when love is right, things work out. Not necessarily the way you think they will, but they do work out."
How I really hope this line is accurate... Not just for myself, but also in general. If this was true, a lot of people would face less problems.


We carry around in our heads these pictures of what our lives are supposed to look like, painted by the brush of our intentions. It's the great, deep secret of humanity that in the end none of our lives look the way we thought they would. As much as we wish to believe otherwise, most of life is a reaction to circumstances.
Yeps! This line is similar to the other one. I certainly didn't expect how my life so far would have turned out. A reaction to circumstances? Ya... That's true. Considering that a lot of my decisions are based on circumstances.


Love is never convenient - and rarely painless.
Of course I agree. In fact, anyone who has been in love should agree. Since when was love painless? I'll like to know.


I've heard it said that to love someone is not to desire them but to desire their happiness. If this is true then I must question my love - because I desperately desire her.
I understand what the character was going through... I can't tell whether I desire the happiness of those I love or do I desire them? I really want to answer that. It will make my resolve stronger.


Absence is to love what wind is to fire - it extinguishes the small and inflames the great.
How do you define small or great? Hmm...


Love is stronger than pain.
This is one of the most memorable lines in the book... And it really touches my heart. Maybe that explains everything...


The book is nice. In fact, I highly reccomend this author. I've borrowed one more book written by him! =p Let's see how it is... Might or might not blog about it.

how tempting

Whee! It's really tempting to just start dwelling in self-pity and feel sorry for myself or something. But that's one thing I really try to avoid. I mean, I go into depression and get all emotional but it's mostly because I'm upset or hurt or something along those lines... But today, it was tempting to start pitying myself but realized that was just pointless.


I dislike it when I don't get emotional. My mood tends to go to the other extreme. But at least that's more controllable than being emo? So maybe that's the bright side? But yes... Why am I doing this to myself? It's called purposely giving myself stress. So I shall stop all work today and slack the rest of the day away. =) And maybe get around to writing out more chapters of my story? At long last...


Heehee. Wanted to blog about the books I borrowed from the library but er... not in the mood to do that now so I'll postpone the entry, ya?


Ohh. Must end off the entry in a relatively better mood. Thank you cassie mei for the note! It brought a big smile to my face! =) Looking forward to Pahang. =)

day off

Hmm. I let myself rest quite a bit today... Heehee. Oh well.


Let's see. I stayed up to read and couldn't put down the books til I finished them both. =p So that meant I stayed up til around 2 plus? 0=) Woke up at 12:30pm. Like what the?! I didn't expect to sleep in... Sighs. And my parents didn't wake me up. Wasted how many hours that could have been spent doing other stuff? Oh well. Did a bit of bio grp project and then watched the last episode of some Hongkong serial with my mum. Heehee. We could be directors. The way that we predict the ending... Accurately. Heehee. Decided to not care about biology lab report first and went swimming. It's been awhile since I went swimming. Didn't really swim much but at least I chased myself out of the house and exercised a bit.


After that, had dinner at IMM. Realized that it's the first time this year that I've been to IMM. The last time I was there was like in December?! Oh well. Was a bit apprehensive about going IMM since even that place contained memories. But I guess I'm improving gradually? I just try to enjoy the memories. Hmm. Skip dinner. Fast forward to walking around IMM. Whee! IMM is being renovated big time! Popular's going to be there too. =) Heehee. Anyway, it's turning to be a better hangout place. Nes, go there next time, can? Please... But ya, forsee that I'll be going there quite a bit. =p Went to the Christian store, which was next to Jigsaw Puzzle World! Heehee. Two nice shops side-by-side. Need to go back there with more cash. Mhmm. =) But ya, I want jigsaw puzzles! Saw even more nice ones. And those stained art jigsaw puzzles are expensive... =( $149 for a 500 piece one. I guess I'll stick to the normal ones. Heehee. Might go crazy this year and buy quite a few. Have a few ideas regarding jigsaw puzzles. =p Oh. It's time to start looking out for laptops. =p My dad's telling me to start researching and see what I want, then buy at the end of the year. =p Whee! Can't wait.


Anyway, today's been rather relaxing overall? Mhmm. Time off for myself. I mean, slacking's a form of resting but it's not enough at times? Today was just enjoyable. But as usual, it could have been better. =p Oops? High expectations?

time to try harder?

It's become almost a routine to blog about service and occasionally FUEL? Which is good... It makes me reflect on what was shared and hopefully, stays in my head longer that way?


I think I'm spending way too much time just browsing at Manna. Ok.. That was random. Time to start the entry proper.


Service. I wonder why I don't go up and jump anymore? But I'm rather contented just worshipping God from my seat. So ya... Anyway, this whole week is Mission Convention. And after watching the video on missions, just felt this tugging at my heart. It hurt so much to see those kids who have so little... I want to do something for them. It's as if God is softening my heart even more. And for an instant, I understand why it may be a good thing that I'm not going for Italy. I'm hoping to have the chance to accompany the adults on a mission trip. It's not up to me but ya... I want to help and not just by donating money.


During altar call, God spoke to me about the same issue again. It's really essential that I believe in faith... There's still a part of me that doubts the reality of that happening. And I can't have that. I'm hoping. I want to see that image come true. Anyway, one more thing that God spoke to me about was how the "chains" are about to be broken. I saw this image of chains just being broken. How I wish it's true.. There are too many things holding me back. Too many things weighing me down. But yes... Each time I resolve to move on, I still don't let go completely. I'm hoping this round, it'll be different. The lyrics of this song came to mind," No limits, no boundaries. I see victories all around me..." I want to claim that.


FUEL. Heehee. Guesss what's the topic? Understanding and handling emotions... I was smiling and laughing to myself a lot. Mhmm. I wonder why.. Especially when the pastor shares about depression and various other stuff. Oh and that was the whole, "How people deal with emotions?" I fit into 2 of the three catergories... Avoidance and confrontation. =p As in, I push the issue to the back of my head at times but other times, I address it. Heehee. Contradictory. And that was one more thing that I couldn't stop shaking my head at... There was this part about what emotions should and shouldn't be. Emotions should be an alarm clock, serving as a warning. But they shouldn't be a trigger. Rofl. Let's see. Triggers's like one of my favourite word when it comes to memories and emotions? Oops.. Question of the day: Are emotions good or bad? There's no right or wrong answer, ya? But anyway, almost everyone should know what's my answer. If you don't, I'm rather surprised.


Yeps... Anyway, there were a few things that I really should learn. It's just head knowledge so far. I mean, I know how I should control and manage my emotions instead of letting them control me. But really, it's hard to apply them. I've always been emotional... Still am, I think. It's just less obvious (to most people) nowadays?

easily satisfied?

Yay! Today was quite a good day? =) Heehee. Yes, like what my mum said of me last time, "ni hen rong yi pian." Didn't realize I was still so easily satisfied. Time to recount my day.


Shaln't blog about ACE or break or PE. Start off with Higher Chinese lesson! Test today... But whee! I like the comprehension passage. I think my taste's too predictable. Mei was commenting on how she was smiling to herself when she read the passage and knew that I'll like it. Heehee. It was talking about various aspects of love, etc... Think I spent too much time reading and enjoying the passage so had to rush out my answers. Oops? Math was math. Two quiz. Uhohh. I wish Mr Ng didn't show us our marks yesterday. Because now I'm placing more pressure on myself to improve. Good and bad? Higher expectations, that's for sure.


Lunch, nothing much. CCA, the usual. Ended CCA early. Pft. Why is the 6th floor out of bounds? I was being guai and didn't go up. It was agonizing to be in the computer lab and see it rain outside. But anyway, was wandering around school and realized that it's hard to find a place to be alone during CCA hours... Especially if I wanted to be near the rain. -cough- Laadeedaa. Sorry? But yes, after that, was loitering around school then tried out "Can you feel the love tonight?" on the piano, along with didi and Shi Yi. Mhmm. Left school at around 6 and headed to the library.


At long last... =) Whee! I went a bit crazy? First shelf, Jodi Picoult's "Second Glance". Borrowed it for mei. Then next shelf, Sparks. Realized I've read almost every other book written by Nicholas Sparks. Oh well... Which shelf next? Guess... Two authors whose books are placed quite near each other. Mercedes Lackey and Tim Lahaye. =) As I was walking to the library, I was hoping that I'll find the last book of the Left Behind series and yeps, you got it. It was there! Whee! Heehee. Then out of habit, checked out Mercedes Lackey. I mean, there are lot of books I haven't read but most of the first books aren't there so I wouldn't start. But yes! I saw a title that I haven't seen before and grabbed it. Was wondering whether I read it and whether it was the sequel and whee! It was the sequel. Exile's valor. =) Didn't expect to find any books from that shelf actually. Mhmm. So ya... Thing is, both books were big and in hardcover. 0.0 Oh well. And "Second Glance" isn't very small either. After that, checked out my new favourite author. Richard Paul Evans. Sighs. Jurong Regional doesn't have the first book in one of his series. And I'm a bit confused about the order of his books and whether they're stand-alone or part of a series. Even so, borrowed one that I was pretty sure was on its own. It fits the kind of books that I like. Almost sure that I'll be blogging about that book after I've read it. =) Anyway, started looking out for books on "Phantom of the Opera" because of English research project. I guess I'll have to go down to the Esplanade library? Anyone up for going with me? =p


Let's see... Anyway, that's about it, I guess? The library trip was the highlight of my day. =) But now, as I blog about my day, memories are coming back. And a lot of "What if.." and "If only..." came to my mind. =p Oh well. Shall try to enjoy the joy I found in such things. At least, I still can find the joy in such things... Whee! I want to start reading! =)