Disclaimer: I am not considering suicide or anything, ok? Read on to find out what prompted me to have such a title.
Anyway, I want to state that I'm going to be rather contradictory at times. Considering the previous two blog entries and what's been going through my mind today, I'm really struggling with a few issues.
I'll fast foward to today's service. During worship, while we were singing this song, these lyrics just stood out. "Lord, I know I'll never be the same again"... The past few days, I've blogged about not wanting to change in terms of who I am and what I value and stuff like that. But then this question popped up in my head. "Am I willing to die to myself?" Often, pastors and leaders remind us to die to our rights, die to our dreams and just let God work in our lives. Still remember how God was asking me if I was willing to die to my wish of taking art last year. But now, this question really made me think. I know I'm willing to give up a lot of things if God tells me to. But am I willing to die to who I am? And just let God mould me once more? To be honest, I can't give an answer yet. I can sense that I'm going to change this year. How? I have no idea. And whether I'll change and my fear comes true, that I become less dependent on my friends, I don't know. I'll blog about it once more when I know the answer. But yes, I got to admit that I want to cling onto who I am. I've gotten used to being like that, I guess. And it's what makes me me? Oh well. Shall stay up to do TAWG later.
Anyway, about today's sermon. What struck me wasn't the sermon but rather the choice of verses. Hebrews 10:22-25. The same few verses that I did for TAWG a week ago? =) And the past few days, most of what I've been reading has to do with faith. Hmm... Maybe I should read Jodi Picoult's "Keeping faith" again, yes? =p But yeps, hoping to read Hebrews 11 which happens to be about faith. Just finished the portion in "Power of a praying teen" about faith a few days ago...
One last thing to blog about. Altar call. Even before altar call, was reminded of what God spoke to me about last week. And once again, just felt my heart being so heavy. The same name came to mind. I really want to see that person in church and receiving God. And at the altar, I was just releasing everything unto God and no longer holding back my tears. What I can't get over is how God keeps reminding me to reach out to that person. And right now, that's probably one of the things I want most. And even though circumstances aren't really in my favour, I know I'll try my best. Besides, isn't that one of my new year resolutions? To give my best in everything I do. =)
Oh. By the way, my internet connection is like its owner and tends to have moodswings. Yeps, it only works once in awhile so I'll blog as and when the connection works. Meanwhile, it's back to blogging in Microsoft Word. And you won't see me online for a long time. At least not til the outside computer is fixed. Dad's worried that this computer will be hit by a virus too if I install Messenger so yeps... =p
Saturday, January 27, 2007
a perfect day
This is going to be another entry about my thoughts and reflections after reading a book. You might call this a book review but I think what I do focus on isn’t the plot or how well it’s written but rather, the whole idea behind it and how it touches my heart.
Returned my library books yesterday and was browsing through the shelves for more books. Hmm. Even that alone brought back memories. I really should stop associating so many things with various people. Anyway, a few books caught my eye and I was looking through them but didn’t borrow since it was part of a trilogy and the first book was not there. Pft. Fortunately, one of the books by the same author was a stand-alone so I borrowed it. “A perfect day” by Richard Paul Evans. I highly recommend it. I rank it along with Mitch Albom and Jodi Picoult. The book is those kind that’s really meaningful and makes you reflect on your own life.
Spent the past 1 hour plus reading through the book and just couldn’t put it down. Towards the end of the book, I was in tears. The story’s that moving. Of course, it does help when you’re like me, awfully sentimental and emotional. =p Will copy down a few lines that mean a lot to me…
“Is there any way that you could let me back in your heart? ... You never left it.”
[These two lines were said by two different characters, a husband and wife. When I read it, I was overwhelmed by emotions. How true it is… When you love someone, that person never leaves your heart.]
“I’ve learned that the measure of life is revealed in the quality of our relationships: with God, our families, our fellow men.”
[A gentle remainder to myself. Even as I push myself beyond my comfort zone, I hope that I don’t lose sight of what’s truly important in life. So to all my friends, I say this. If ever my friends are no longer my top priority, feel free to shout at me or even slap me. Just wake me up, ok? Thanks. =)]
“I’ve learned that the greatest threat to love is not circumstance but the absence of attention. For we do not neglect others because we have ceased to love; rather we cease to love others because we have neglected.”
[Ouch. I think that sums it up? Not just for the current situation but also for so many other times in the past. Just want to say “sorry” to those I’ve neglected. Sorry. Please forgive me?]
And there I was, trying to fool myself. Yesterday, after a few incidents, I was thinking to myself how I had changed or how I was going to change. But after reading the book, I’ve realized that I’ve just been lying to myself in order to numb myself even more. I’m still me. Haha. Looks like it’s confirmed. I can’t change even if I want to. Just a book can get me into this state… Let alone other stuff. Now, I’m just into that really reflective mood. And a disclaimer: tears don’t always mean moodiness. I’m not moody. These tears are just... Sorry but I’m not going to finish the sentence. But trust me when I say that tears don’t equal moodiness or emo-ness, ok?
Returned my library books yesterday and was browsing through the shelves for more books. Hmm. Even that alone brought back memories. I really should stop associating so many things with various people. Anyway, a few books caught my eye and I was looking through them but didn’t borrow since it was part of a trilogy and the first book was not there. Pft. Fortunately, one of the books by the same author was a stand-alone so I borrowed it. “A perfect day” by Richard Paul Evans. I highly recommend it. I rank it along with Mitch Albom and Jodi Picoult. The book is those kind that’s really meaningful and makes you reflect on your own life.
Spent the past 1 hour plus reading through the book and just couldn’t put it down. Towards the end of the book, I was in tears. The story’s that moving. Of course, it does help when you’re like me, awfully sentimental and emotional. =p Will copy down a few lines that mean a lot to me…
“Is there any way that you could let me back in your heart? ... You never left it.”
[These two lines were said by two different characters, a husband and wife. When I read it, I was overwhelmed by emotions. How true it is… When you love someone, that person never leaves your heart.]
“I’ve learned that the measure of life is revealed in the quality of our relationships: with God, our families, our fellow men.”
[A gentle remainder to myself. Even as I push myself beyond my comfort zone, I hope that I don’t lose sight of what’s truly important in life. So to all my friends, I say this. If ever my friends are no longer my top priority, feel free to shout at me or even slap me. Just wake me up, ok? Thanks. =)]
“I’ve learned that the greatest threat to love is not circumstance but the absence of attention. For we do not neglect others because we have ceased to love; rather we cease to love others because we have neglected.”
[Ouch. I think that sums it up? Not just for the current situation but also for so many other times in the past. Just want to say “sorry” to those I’ve neglected. Sorry. Please forgive me?]
And there I was, trying to fool myself. Yesterday, after a few incidents, I was thinking to myself how I had changed or how I was going to change. But after reading the book, I’ve realized that I’ve just been lying to myself in order to numb myself even more. I’m still me. Haha. Looks like it’s confirmed. I can’t change even if I want to. Just a book can get me into this state… Let alone other stuff. Now, I’m just into that really reflective mood. And a disclaimer: tears don’t always mean moodiness. I’m not moody. These tears are just... Sorry but I’m not going to finish the sentence. But trust me when I say that tears don’t equal moodiness or emo-ness, ok?
second glance
Been going a bit crazy with reading books over the past few weeks. Borrowed 9 books at 1 go the previous time I went to the library so ya… Anyway, there’s always a few lines that are worth blogging about. Shall only quote from only one of the books though, “Second Glance” by Jodi Picoult. I shall blog a few lines after each quote if I feel like it…
“A life wasn’t defined by the moment you died, but all the others you’d spent living.”
[Meaningful. How have I been living my life? Interesting food for thought.]
“...that once you had put the pieces back together, even though you might look intact, you were never quite the same as you’d been before the fall.”
[How true is this? Am I really not quite the same as I was before? And heehee, do I even look intact in the first place? With the comments people have been saying about me looking sad even when I’m feeling fine, I think my looks are giving away too much.]
“Did you ever walk through a room that’s packed with people, and feel so lonely you can hardly take the next step?”
[Oh. This one, I understand all too well. In fact, most people should be able to understand this. At times, things just seem to be like that and I just wish I wasn’t so lonely.]
“I wish I could tell him I understand: the higher you raise your hopes, the farther you have to fall.”
[Ouch. How suitable and appropriate? I’ve always had that kind of thinking but deep down, I still hope. In fact, even though I’ve fallen so often, I don’t know what keeps me holding on to my hopes and dreams.]
“I want you to have a better life than the one I had. Even if that means keeping your distance from me.”
[A character in the story said this to his daughter. For me, I’m wondering if I’ll ever be that selfless to say that to anyone. Considering that whenever people I care about keep their distance from me, I hurt so much. For their happiness, would I let them go? I’ve yet to answer this.]
“I think people believe what they need to, don’t you?”
[Whee! I agree. It’s called self denial. =p In the same way that I always do my best to convince myself so that I won’t fall even more.]
“Love’s not a because, it’s a no matter what.”
[I guess that explains why I still keep on hoping? It doesn’t matter what has happened or what will happen. All that matters to me is how much they mean to me.]
“Love meant jumping off a cliff and trusting that a certain person would be there to catch you at the bottom.”
[Whee! –jumps off the cliff- Ohh, wait. What happens if there’s no one there to catch me? Or to be more specific, what happens if the one person who can catch me isn’t there?]
“No promise ever rescued a person; it was the carrying-through of it that brought about salvation.”
[The few lines before this in the book was about words. I didn’t see the point in copying them down. It’s what I already know. This line, I’m familiar with it too… As in, the whole idea and concept behind it. Question: Will you carry out your promises?]
There. I’m done copying out and reflecting on each of the lines. Initially, I had planned to blog on a few topics. Was brainstorming for topics to blog about while in school. But after that, I realized I had to start off with quotes first since I’m going to return the book tomorrow and now, I just know how this entry is going to continue.
Changes. People dread them. But for me, right now what I dread most is that I’ll change into someone that I don’t recognize. Was talking to one of my friends last week on MSN and as I chatted with her, I realized what’s one of my greatest fears. Not being me anymore. And I realized that I don’t want to lose those few weaknesses and flaws that make me who I am. Yes, I’m very emotional. At times, too emotional? I care (too much?) about people and my life revolves around those that I love and care about. And somehow, I continue to hope even when most people think I should have given up long time ago. Hmm. And one more thing, I don’t want to be “strong” in the sense that I don’t ever want to be a person who no longer depends on others. In other words, keep things to myself and just rely on myself. Sure, that means I will get hurt so much more if I stay the way I am but hey, I love to quote this line from the lyrics of “There is life” – “the colder the winter, the warmer the spring, the deeper the sorrow, the more our hearts sing”.
One day this week, I was just asking myself why I still hoped even though I’ve been disappointed time and time again? Well, I guess it’s called I still think with my heart instead of my head. Basically, I’m more emotional than logical. =p
Hmm. The past few weeks sure took its toll on me. And though some might think I’m better, who knows? In a way, I have changed a bit just over the past few weeks. I’ve gotten better control over my emotions. At least in public. Disclaimer: No, I’m not emo-ing by myself in school or what, ok? But I’ve just gotten better at pushing things to the back of my head for now. Thing is, they won’t stay long there. I’m waiting to see how I’ll cope. But I don’t want to change. Even if I get hurt even more, I’ll stay true to who I’ve been for the past few years. (Anyone wants to start calling me crazy or something for caring so much? Go ahead. You won’t be the first.)
“A life wasn’t defined by the moment you died, but all the others you’d spent living.”
[Meaningful. How have I been living my life? Interesting food for thought.]
“...that once you had put the pieces back together, even though you might look intact, you were never quite the same as you’d been before the fall.”
[How true is this? Am I really not quite the same as I was before? And heehee, do I even look intact in the first place? With the comments people have been saying about me looking sad even when I’m feeling fine, I think my looks are giving away too much.]
“Did you ever walk through a room that’s packed with people, and feel so lonely you can hardly take the next step?”
[Oh. This one, I understand all too well. In fact, most people should be able to understand this. At times, things just seem to be like that and I just wish I wasn’t so lonely.]
“I wish I could tell him I understand: the higher you raise your hopes, the farther you have to fall.”
[Ouch. How suitable and appropriate? I’ve always had that kind of thinking but deep down, I still hope. In fact, even though I’ve fallen so often, I don’t know what keeps me holding on to my hopes and dreams.]
“I want you to have a better life than the one I had. Even if that means keeping your distance from me.”
[A character in the story said this to his daughter. For me, I’m wondering if I’ll ever be that selfless to say that to anyone. Considering that whenever people I care about keep their distance from me, I hurt so much. For their happiness, would I let them go? I’ve yet to answer this.]
“I think people believe what they need to, don’t you?”
[Whee! I agree. It’s called self denial. =p In the same way that I always do my best to convince myself so that I won’t fall even more.]
“Love’s not a because, it’s a no matter what.”
[I guess that explains why I still keep on hoping? It doesn’t matter what has happened or what will happen. All that matters to me is how much they mean to me.]
“Love meant jumping off a cliff and trusting that a certain person would be there to catch you at the bottom.”
[Whee! –jumps off the cliff- Ohh, wait. What happens if there’s no one there to catch me? Or to be more specific, what happens if the one person who can catch me isn’t there?]
“No promise ever rescued a person; it was the carrying-through of it that brought about salvation.”
[The few lines before this in the book was about words. I didn’t see the point in copying them down. It’s what I already know. This line, I’m familiar with it too… As in, the whole idea and concept behind it. Question: Will you carry out your promises?]
There. I’m done copying out and reflecting on each of the lines. Initially, I had planned to blog on a few topics. Was brainstorming for topics to blog about while in school. But after that, I realized I had to start off with quotes first since I’m going to return the book tomorrow and now, I just know how this entry is going to continue.
Changes. People dread them. But for me, right now what I dread most is that I’ll change into someone that I don’t recognize. Was talking to one of my friends last week on MSN and as I chatted with her, I realized what’s one of my greatest fears. Not being me anymore. And I realized that I don’t want to lose those few weaknesses and flaws that make me who I am. Yes, I’m very emotional. At times, too emotional? I care (too much?) about people and my life revolves around those that I love and care about. And somehow, I continue to hope even when most people think I should have given up long time ago. Hmm. And one more thing, I don’t want to be “strong” in the sense that I don’t ever want to be a person who no longer depends on others. In other words, keep things to myself and just rely on myself. Sure, that means I will get hurt so much more if I stay the way I am but hey, I love to quote this line from the lyrics of “There is life” – “the colder the winter, the warmer the spring, the deeper the sorrow, the more our hearts sing”.
One day this week, I was just asking myself why I still hoped even though I’ve been disappointed time and time again? Well, I guess it’s called I still think with my heart instead of my head. Basically, I’m more emotional than logical. =p
Hmm. The past few weeks sure took its toll on me. And though some might think I’m better, who knows? In a way, I have changed a bit just over the past few weeks. I’ve gotten better control over my emotions. At least in public. Disclaimer: No, I’m not emo-ing by myself in school or what, ok? But I’ve just gotten better at pushing things to the back of my head for now. Thing is, they won’t stay long there. I’m waiting to see how I’ll cope. But I don’t want to change. Even if I get hurt even more, I’ll stay true to who I’ve been for the past few years. (Anyone wants to start calling me crazy or something for caring so much? Go ahead. You won’t be the first.)
Friday, January 26, 2007
such a change
Hmm. I've got another blog entry in microsoft word but it's back at home in my computer. And since I forgot to transfer it into a thumbdrive and bring it to school, that entry will have to wait. =p
Hmm... My title's so appropriate. A lot of things have changed. For one, my confidence seems to have improved a bit? =p For some areas... Maybe it's not confidence, maybe it's just daring to be who I can be. I don't know. I dare say I know myself well in terms of character and way of thinking. But in terms of abilities, I really don't know myself well. As I said before, it's been a long time since I pushed myself. And I guess that's what I'm attempting to do now. Not just for academics. There are various other areas which I'm trying to improve myself.
This might be repeated in the next blog entry but I'll say this anyway. My control has certainly gotten better. =) Laadeedaa.
Hmm... My title's so appropriate. A lot of things have changed. For one, my confidence seems to have improved a bit? =p For some areas... Maybe it's not confidence, maybe it's just daring to be who I can be. I don't know. I dare say I know myself well in terms of character and way of thinking. But in terms of abilities, I really don't know myself well. As I said before, it's been a long time since I pushed myself. And I guess that's what I'm attempting to do now. Not just for academics. There are various other areas which I'm trying to improve myself.
This might be repeated in the next blog entry but I'll say this anyway. My control has certainly gotten better. =) Laadeedaa.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
heavy heart
On friday night/saturday morning, I blogged about how I was looking foward to service and hearing from God. It's time to blog about yesterday.
It was certainly a change to see everyone in their school uniforms. Heehee. I really should start tying my own tie? =p Anyway, worship for me wasn't anything spectacular, in the sense that I didn't feel like I was in God's presence yet. The sermon was very relevant though. Mhmm. Vision mandate: A generation of faith! For today, I'll not blog about the sermon as that wasn't really the highlight of the service for me yesterday.
Altar call. Even before I went up, I could sense that there was going to be a change in me. For some reason, tears came to my eyes as I thought of a certain person. I still have no idea how to phrase what happened when I was up at the altar. The experience was really different. It was nothing obvious like being struck down onto the floor. But rather, something changed internally. Reason for my title? That was kind of what happened. I don't mean that my heart suddenly weighs more but rather, my heart is feeling heavier. God placed upon me a renewed desire to see souls saved for Him, this new compassion for people. And because of that, my heart's heavier seeing those that I love not receiving God yet. That was why I was crying and just asking God to let me stand in the gap between Him and them. After that, ended off service by singing "History Maker". How appropriate?
Just feel like blogging more about what went through my mind and all yesterday. Before yesterday, I did want to see my friends come to know God and hopefully attend service along with me. But after yesterday's altar call, it's no longer just a matter of wanting. It's so much more than that. It's really this burning desire to see several ones of you saved. And in particular, there's one name that God has spoken to me about. And throughout F.U.E.L, that name never stopped flashing in my head. So many little things would make me think of wanting to see that person in church. And throughout the course of blogging this entry, my heart is still feeling so heavy, as if there's an additional "burden". But this "burden" is something I'm willing to bear. I just pray that one day, preferably soon, those that I love and care for will come to know God.
~keeping you all in prayer~
It was certainly a change to see everyone in their school uniforms. Heehee. I really should start tying my own tie? =p Anyway, worship for me wasn't anything spectacular, in the sense that I didn't feel like I was in God's presence yet. The sermon was very relevant though. Mhmm. Vision mandate: A generation of faith! For today, I'll not blog about the sermon as that wasn't really the highlight of the service for me yesterday.
Altar call. Even before I went up, I could sense that there was going to be a change in me. For some reason, tears came to my eyes as I thought of a certain person. I still have no idea how to phrase what happened when I was up at the altar. The experience was really different. It was nothing obvious like being struck down onto the floor. But rather, something changed internally. Reason for my title? That was kind of what happened. I don't mean that my heart suddenly weighs more but rather, my heart is feeling heavier. God placed upon me a renewed desire to see souls saved for Him, this new compassion for people. And because of that, my heart's heavier seeing those that I love not receiving God yet. That was why I was crying and just asking God to let me stand in the gap between Him and them. After that, ended off service by singing "History Maker". How appropriate?
Just feel like blogging more about what went through my mind and all yesterday. Before yesterday, I did want to see my friends come to know God and hopefully attend service along with me. But after yesterday's altar call, it's no longer just a matter of wanting. It's so much more than that. It's really this burning desire to see several ones of you saved. And in particular, there's one name that God has spoken to me about. And throughout F.U.E.L, that name never stopped flashing in my head. So many little things would make me think of wanting to see that person in church. And throughout the course of blogging this entry, my heart is still feeling so heavy, as if there's an additional "burden". But this "burden" is something I'm willing to bear. I just pray that one day, preferably soon, those that I love and care for will come to know God.
~keeping you all in prayer~
Saturday, January 20, 2007
remembering
Let me dwell in memories for awhile before I go on to blog about my real purpose for this entry..
As I went for piano yesterday, was walking along this street and just remembered a conversation that I had with someone at that place. It surprised me how I could remember that conversation so clearly. Guess you could call it a flashback? Really, a lot of things have been striking me the past few days and weeks. So many realizations.
Yay! My mum bought "Power of a praying teen" for me. She came home before I left for lcell so I brought it along with me to read on the bus. Only read through the first few pages, or to be specific, the introduction as I didn't want to read through this book like how I read fiction books. Even as I read, there were a lot of things that went through my mind. Had to control the urge to flip to particular chapters in the book that dealt with various issues and topics. After awhile, decided to sleep on the bus. Lcell. Gel was fun and I really miss Glorify. Looking foward to learning the guitar. Yes yes, I might actually do something about it this year. During the time when everyone shared, it was really amazing how so many of us want to see changes in our school and that God was speaking to each one of us about our school.
The trip back home was really unlike any other. At the busstop, felt the urge to take out my notebook which I use for TAWG and reflect on something that Bro Terence shared about in Lcell: letting the Holy Spirit lead us. How appropriate. Especially since I came across that in the first few pages of "Power of a praying teen" too... So was writing my reflections on it and re-reading the same few pages again and writing down more stuff. So throughout the whole bus ride, was just writing and referring to the book as well. Then even when I alighted from the bus, felt the urge to stay at the busstop and finish writing what God spoke to me about. Didn't want to wait til I got home. Yeps. And as I walk from the busstop to my house, just prayed out loud for various areas in my life. Mhmm.
It's great to reach another level in my relationship with God and really encountering Him every day and not just in church. But there's still so much more that I want. I'm hoping to hear from God tomorrow about the plans He has for the school. We're supposed to wear our school uniforms to church tomorrow. I'm really looking foward to tomorrow's service. Somehow, I think some issues that I've been struggling with will be resolved soon. Heehee. Might start spending money in the bookshop tomorrow. Feel like buying more stuff. But first, shall finish "Power of a praying teen". =) From what I've skimmed through, it's a really good book. Recommended reading!
Shall remember to blog one entry on the book after I'm done reading through it. Of course, I'll probably be writing my reflections after reading in my TAWG notebook as well. Sister Serena made a very good choice when she gave me the Precious Moments notebook. =)
Ok. Did I mention that my sleeping time is so messed up? I'm getting nocturnal. I get so tired in the day but can't sleep at night. Oops? Shall make an attempt to sleep earlier tonight.
As I went for piano yesterday, was walking along this street and just remembered a conversation that I had with someone at that place. It surprised me how I could remember that conversation so clearly. Guess you could call it a flashback? Really, a lot of things have been striking me the past few days and weeks. So many realizations.
Yay! My mum bought "Power of a praying teen" for me. She came home before I left for lcell so I brought it along with me to read on the bus. Only read through the first few pages, or to be specific, the introduction as I didn't want to read through this book like how I read fiction books. Even as I read, there were a lot of things that went through my mind. Had to control the urge to flip to particular chapters in the book that dealt with various issues and topics. After awhile, decided to sleep on the bus. Lcell. Gel was fun and I really miss Glorify. Looking foward to learning the guitar. Yes yes, I might actually do something about it this year. During the time when everyone shared, it was really amazing how so many of us want to see changes in our school and that God was speaking to each one of us about our school.
The trip back home was really unlike any other. At the busstop, felt the urge to take out my notebook which I use for TAWG and reflect on something that Bro Terence shared about in Lcell: letting the Holy Spirit lead us. How appropriate. Especially since I came across that in the first few pages of "Power of a praying teen" too... So was writing my reflections on it and re-reading the same few pages again and writing down more stuff. So throughout the whole bus ride, was just writing and referring to the book as well. Then even when I alighted from the bus, felt the urge to stay at the busstop and finish writing what God spoke to me about. Didn't want to wait til I got home. Yeps. And as I walk from the busstop to my house, just prayed out loud for various areas in my life. Mhmm.
It's great to reach another level in my relationship with God and really encountering Him every day and not just in church. But there's still so much more that I want. I'm hoping to hear from God tomorrow about the plans He has for the school. We're supposed to wear our school uniforms to church tomorrow. I'm really looking foward to tomorrow's service. Somehow, I think some issues that I've been struggling with will be resolved soon. Heehee. Might start spending money in the bookshop tomorrow. Feel like buying more stuff. But first, shall finish "Power of a praying teen". =) From what I've skimmed through, it's a really good book. Recommended reading!
Shall remember to blog one entry on the book after I'm done reading through it. Of course, I'll probably be writing my reflections after reading in my TAWG notebook as well. Sister Serena made a very good choice when she gave me the Precious Moments notebook. =)
Ok. Did I mention that my sleeping time is so messed up? I'm getting nocturnal. I get so tired in the day but can't sleep at night. Oops? Shall make an attempt to sleep earlier tonight.
Friday, January 19, 2007
lack of rest
Bah. I've been really tired the past few days. Guess it doesn't help that I've been staying up either to do work or something? Which means I don't sleep til after 12. =p While that's not that late, it means I'm lacking sleep. And didn't really want to take a nap in the afternoon so I guess I'll have to wait til after I come back home from Lcell. Sighs.
There are a lot of other things I need/want to do now but guess I'm stuck in front of the computer? Heehee. Was reading stories on fictionpress just now. Yay! Found a completed story and read through it. The plot was not bad, if only it wasn't so predictable. But really sweet and cheesy? And of course, happily ever after ending. Mhmm.
Let's see what I'm considering doing after going off the computer.
1) Practice piano
2) Read the last 2 books I borrowed
3) Start clearing homework
4) Sleep
5) Write in my diary
Hmm... Out of all these, it's probably not 4 since there's lcell later and I'm supposed to settle my own dinner. Which means leave the house in an hour or so?
Oh yes. Was commenting to mei how I'm giving myself more challenges this year. Like aiming to take my grade 8 this year. Setting resolutions like how I'll put in more effort for everything. Setting up CF for our level. And it's scary when I'm already so tired and drained and I haven't really started on any of the above.
Ok. This entry hasn't really been about the title? But yes, I need to rest. Heehee. Mei, chasing me back home didn't really work. Didn't sleep or anything so ya... Oops?
There are a lot of other things I need/want to do now but guess I'm stuck in front of the computer? Heehee. Was reading stories on fictionpress just now. Yay! Found a completed story and read through it. The plot was not bad, if only it wasn't so predictable. But really sweet and cheesy? And of course, happily ever after ending. Mhmm.
Let's see what I'm considering doing after going off the computer.
1) Practice piano
2) Read the last 2 books I borrowed
3) Start clearing homework
4) Sleep
5) Write in my diary
Hmm... Out of all these, it's probably not 4 since there's lcell later and I'm supposed to settle my own dinner. Which means leave the house in an hour or so?
Oh yes. Was commenting to mei how I'm giving myself more challenges this year. Like aiming to take my grade 8 this year. Setting resolutions like how I'll put in more effort for everything. Setting up CF for our level. And it's scary when I'm already so tired and drained and I haven't really started on any of the above.
Ok. This entry hasn't really been about the title? But yes, I need to rest. Heehee. Mei, chasing me back home didn't really work. Didn't sleep or anything so ya... Oops?
Thursday, January 18, 2007
selected songs
Hmm. For those who read my MSN space, there are quite a few entries in which I blog about song lyrics and their significance, memories associated, personal opinions, etc...
There are some kind of songs that I purposely avoid. There are some songs that I hope I never have to blog about and say that I understand the lyrics. Some lyrics, I don't want to be able to understand. The emotion behind those lyrics is something I want to stay far away from but now of all times, it's getting harder and harder.
One example. "Blue eyes blue" is a song that never applied to my life. Right now, I'm worried that one day, I'll be blogging about the lyrics of that song and how I find it relevant to my life. And as I was listening to my MP3 this evening, the lyrics of another song hit me. And once again, I'm worried and scared. These are songs I never ever wanted to blog about. But now, I'm just being really naive, really "tian zhen". There will come a time when those lyrics apply.
But for now, am I hoping for too much when I say I really don't want these songs to become reality? I've already had a nightmare about it. And now, I'm so scared that it becomes real. Please. Keep it from becoming a reality, can?
There are some kind of songs that I purposely avoid. There are some songs that I hope I never have to blog about and say that I understand the lyrics. Some lyrics, I don't want to be able to understand. The emotion behind those lyrics is something I want to stay far away from but now of all times, it's getting harder and harder.
One example. "Blue eyes blue" is a song that never applied to my life. Right now, I'm worried that one day, I'll be blogging about the lyrics of that song and how I find it relevant to my life. And as I was listening to my MP3 this evening, the lyrics of another song hit me. And once again, I'm worried and scared. These are songs I never ever wanted to blog about. But now, I'm just being really naive, really "tian zhen". There will come a time when those lyrics apply.
But for now, am I hoping for too much when I say I really don't want these songs to become reality? I've already had a nightmare about it. And now, I'm so scared that it becomes real. Please. Keep it from becoming a reality, can?
wednesday.
Wednesday started off so well...
I didn't sleep til about 1am. At first, was staying up to talk and then after that, had to polish off the rest of dinner. Except that now I realized it wasn't such a good idea. Even though it was one of my favourite dishes: Herbal chicken, I erm... ended up vomitting almost right after eating the rest of the chicken. Guess I ate too much of it or something? Cannot waste food what..
Overslept in the morning. Fortunately, it was only by 10 minutes which doesn't make that much of a difference as long as I rushed a bit. Surprisingly, the 3 hours of our mentor didn't really affect my mood and stuff like that. After lessons ended, went up to the rooftop to sketch out designs for the module Introduction to Design. =p Haha.
Then after designing, there was the whole incident. Mhmm. Oh well. Then some talking on the phone and staying up to rush out designs while being extremely tired. Yeps. Yesterday was one of those days that I could have gone without, I guess.
I didn't sleep til about 1am. At first, was staying up to talk and then after that, had to polish off the rest of dinner. Except that now I realized it wasn't such a good idea. Even though it was one of my favourite dishes: Herbal chicken, I erm... ended up vomitting almost right after eating the rest of the chicken. Guess I ate too much of it or something? Cannot waste food what..
Overslept in the morning. Fortunately, it was only by 10 minutes which doesn't make that much of a difference as long as I rushed a bit. Surprisingly, the 3 hours of our mentor didn't really affect my mood and stuff like that. After lessons ended, went up to the rooftop to sketch out designs for the module Introduction to Design. =p Haha.
Then after designing, there was the whole incident. Mhmm. Oh well. Then some talking on the phone and staying up to rush out designs while being extremely tired. Yeps. Yesterday was one of those days that I could have gone without, I guess.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
renewed
Hmm... Today's service was much needed. As my title says, I was renewed after service today. Sure, my mood picks up and all whenever I'm in church but today was so much more than that.
Went to church with everything pushed to the back of my head. Hmm. Yay! I'm looking foward to my mum buying "Power of a Praying Teen" for me. It caught my eye in Manna and suddenly, I really wanted it. Didn't have enough cash but told my mum about it later so she said she'll buy it for me from campus crusade, this christian bookshop near her workplace. =)
Anyway, worship was really a time for me to let the tears flow. The sermon's really relevant to me. Especially the part of how to be a mighty warrior for God. Pastor Gary told us to take on the mountains in our life and to advance God's Kingdom. This line is particularly meaningful, "Don't just speak about the problem, but speak to the problem." And one bible verse that encouraged me was Isaiah 41:10, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
I was really hoping that there would be an altar call for this service. I needed to respond. Went up to the altar and just felt God's presence so strongly. I was crying and just asking God to take all the sorrow and pain away from me. And I've encountered God in a different way. Was prompted to fall to my knees and seek God, to be in a position of total surrender. The tears continued to flow til a point when I felt that I've lifted up everything unto Him. And one thing that I was really asking God for was joy to fill my heart once more. Most of the time, even when I face problems, there's still this child-like joy in me at simple things. But for the past week or so, it's been missing in a way. Realized this only after someone pointed it out. But after altar call, felt refreshed and renewed. Sure, it's not the first time I've felt renewed after service. My mood picks up in church as I said. But this round, I feel that it's something more than that, something different. Sure, the problem that's been causing me to be so drained hasn't been resolved and I'll still have to deal with it but somehow, I know that I'll be able to weather the storm. So for those who's been worried about me, don't worry so much, ya? I will or have already picked myself out of the moodiness and will do my best to keep myself from being moody again. =)
Went to church with everything pushed to the back of my head. Hmm. Yay! I'm looking foward to my mum buying "Power of a Praying Teen" for me. It caught my eye in Manna and suddenly, I really wanted it. Didn't have enough cash but told my mum about it later so she said she'll buy it for me from campus crusade, this christian bookshop near her workplace. =)
Anyway, worship was really a time for me to let the tears flow. The sermon's really relevant to me. Especially the part of how to be a mighty warrior for God. Pastor Gary told us to take on the mountains in our life and to advance God's Kingdom. This line is particularly meaningful, "Don't just speak about the problem, but speak to the problem." And one bible verse that encouraged me was Isaiah 41:10, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
I was really hoping that there would be an altar call for this service. I needed to respond. Went up to the altar and just felt God's presence so strongly. I was crying and just asking God to take all the sorrow and pain away from me. And I've encountered God in a different way. Was prompted to fall to my knees and seek God, to be in a position of total surrender. The tears continued to flow til a point when I felt that I've lifted up everything unto Him. And one thing that I was really asking God for was joy to fill my heart once more. Most of the time, even when I face problems, there's still this child-like joy in me at simple things. But for the past week or so, it's been missing in a way. Realized this only after someone pointed it out. But after altar call, felt refreshed and renewed. Sure, it's not the first time I've felt renewed after service. My mood picks up in church as I said. But this round, I feel that it's something more than that, something different. Sure, the problem that's been causing me to be so drained hasn't been resolved and I'll still have to deal with it but somehow, I know that I'll be able to weather the storm. So for those who's been worried about me, don't worry so much, ya? I will or have already picked myself out of the moodiness and will do my best to keep myself from being moody again. =)
quiz result
| Your Aura is Blue |
 The purpose of your life: showing love to other people Famous blues include: Angelina Jolie, the Dali Lama, Oprah Careers for you to try: Psychic, Peace Corps Volunteer, Counselor |
Whee! Did quite a few quizzes from blogthings and came across a lot of interesting results. But controlling the urge to post all and only selected this one. Haha. No lah, just too lazy to post all. I really agree with this result. Especially "giving of yourself" and the line right after that. Mhmm. And I don't want to change even if this character of mine gets myself hurt. It's my nature to give. I won't be me if I stop giving and treasuring my relationships with people. So yeps.
Friday, January 12, 2007
thanks
Hmm. There isn't much that I want to blog about but felt like blogging so yeps. Shall spend this entry thanking three people. =)
You 3 know who you are. The past few days, been talking so much more with each one of you. It really touches my heart to know that you all care about me. You three care for me beyond what I expected. At times, I really feel unworthy of such love and care.
Don't worry so much about me, ok? Sure, I may get exceedingly emotional and all but I believe that I will pull through somehow. It's just a matter of time. =p Heehee. Because of you all, I'll do my best to get out of this moodiness and start going crazily high til you all can't stand it. =p Haha.
-hugs- Thanks once again. I really appreciate what you all have done for me. Oh, let me be there for you all too, ok? Love you all. Take care.
You 3 know who you are. The past few days, been talking so much more with each one of you. It really touches my heart to know that you all care about me. You three care for me beyond what I expected. At times, I really feel unworthy of such love and care.
Don't worry so much about me, ok? Sure, I may get exceedingly emotional and all but I believe that I will pull through somehow. It's just a matter of time. =p Heehee. Because of you all, I'll do my best to get out of this moodiness and start going crazily high til you all can't stand it. =p Haha.
-hugs- Thanks once again. I really appreciate what you all have done for me. Oh, let me be there for you all too, ok? Love you all. Take care.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
living on hope
Hmm. Normally, I try to avoid blogging about anything that's even vaguely emotional here... But let's see how this entry turns out?
I really dislike it when I'm proven right. I had the feelings things wouldn't work out well and I was right. I didn't have high expectations. Not as high as normal anyway. Once bitten, twice shy. But deep now, I guess that I was still in denial or something? But there's no mistaking it now. I can't deny that things have turned out this way. I'm still hoping that things can go back to the way they once were. As the title says, I'm living on hope, in the sense that it's one of the factors that's keeping me from giving up.
Ahh. The emo-ness doesn't seem to last long. Yay. =) Been having weird moodswings. Fortunately, I get crazily high at times so ya.. =)
I really dislike it when I'm proven right. I had the feelings things wouldn't work out well and I was right. I didn't have high expectations. Not as high as normal anyway. Once bitten, twice shy. But deep now, I guess that I was still in denial or something? But there's no mistaking it now. I can't deny that things have turned out this way. I'm still hoping that things can go back to the way they once were. As the title says, I'm living on hope, in the sense that it's one of the factors that's keeping me from giving up.
Ahh. The emo-ness doesn't seem to last long. Yay. =) Been having weird moodswings. Fortunately, I get crazily high at times so ya.. =)
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
relationships: give and take
Yay. It's great to be able to blog and publish my entry straightaway instead of typing it out on Word document then trouble others to post it for me...
Pft. I've got a time limit to blog this entry because I want to catch the results show of "The Arena". Except that jose just told me the results... Never mind. Shall watch it anyway.
Hmm. Time to blog about the title. Why are things like that? I gain and I lose. Or at least that's how things seem to be. Last year, I gained more than what I ever expected but I also lost so much... Now, I seem to be gaining quite a bit but somehow, I seem to be losing you. I hate this whole give-and-take situation. Is it too much to ask for that I get to keep all that I have? It's just weird how I can't seem to keep what I want for long. Is this all some irrational fear of mine? I really hope so...
Ack. I'm being vague. But I don't want to go any deeper. Oh. This year has already proved that it's going to be similar to previous years in some ways. For one, the rollercoaster ride has already started. Sometimes, I'm so freakily high. Then the next moment, everything is drained away from me and I'm so tired.
Hmm. Think it's time to change my blogskin soon since I've been getting complaints that it's hard to read my blog... But I like this skin! >.< Oh well. Changing of blogskin will have to wait. Still have other things to do.
Pft. I've got a time limit to blog this entry because I want to catch the results show of "The Arena". Except that jose just told me the results... Never mind. Shall watch it anyway.
Hmm. Time to blog about the title. Why are things like that? I gain and I lose. Or at least that's how things seem to be. Last year, I gained more than what I ever expected but I also lost so much... Now, I seem to be gaining quite a bit but somehow, I seem to be losing you. I hate this whole give-and-take situation. Is it too much to ask for that I get to keep all that I have? It's just weird how I can't seem to keep what I want for long. Is this all some irrational fear of mine? I really hope so...
Ack. I'm being vague. But I don't want to go any deeper. Oh. This year has already proved that it's going to be similar to previous years in some ways. For one, the rollercoaster ride has already started. Sometimes, I'm so freakily high. Then the next moment, everything is drained away from me and I'm so tired.
Hmm. Think it's time to change my blogskin soon since I've been getting complaints that it's hard to read my blog... But I like this skin! >.< Oh well. Changing of blogskin will have to wait. Still have other things to do.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
2007, welcome?
Hmm. Even before 2007 started, I already knew that it’s going to be yet another year of changes and more roller-coaster ride. Duh. That’s life. Haha. But anyway, there are some things that will or have already changed in 2007. Oh well. Interestingly enough, I haven’t made any New Year resolutions yet. As in, I have a vague idea of what I hope to achieve in 2007 and stuff like that but it’s not written out in black and white. So I guess I shall do it on this blog?
2007 is going to be challenging. And the best part is that I’m the one who’s going to make my life challenging. I actually want to put in a decent amount of effort for my studies for once and see results. Although right now, it’s just words and there’s this fear that I’ll lose that spirit as the year goes on. There’s also the additional challenge of wanting to build up the Christian fellowship in school. Heehee. Am I intending to take on more than I can chew? Who knows?
Hmm… Shall have a paragraph of my hopes regarding relationships in 2007. The state of my relationship with various people have changed a lot in 2006 but as 2007 starts, I’m hoping that certain relationships don’t end up the way other relationships turn out. Ok. I’m being really vague, aren’t I? Oh well. Enough with the vague-ness already. There’s bound to be changes in 2007 and some of them are already starting to be very obvious. But I’m really hoping that there wouldn’t be this distance between various people and me. In 2006, certain relationships suffered. I don’t want to go through that again for the other relationships… However, to quote this line from a song, “But now, even I can tell, that I confused my feelings with the truth”. It’s a rather sad reality that I’m going to have to face. The state of my relationship with people is going to change and there is bound to be changes for the worse but hopefully, there would be changes for the better. To certain people, things weren’t that smooth in 2006 and I was disappointed but I’m hoping that it changes this year. I still hope and cling on to those relationships. Do you all?
To end off, the 9 of you mean a lot to me and I treasure my relationship with you all. Ohh, I probably made a reference to my relationship with each of you in the previous entry. =p And in the unlikely event that you all don’t know which are the 9 that I’m referring to, it’s Sammi, Gan Jie, Shao, Gloria, Isaac, Mel, Mei, Nes, Kor…
All the best for 2007! Blessed New Year!
2007 is going to be challenging. And the best part is that I’m the one who’s going to make my life challenging. I actually want to put in a decent amount of effort for my studies for once and see results. Although right now, it’s just words and there’s this fear that I’ll lose that spirit as the year goes on. There’s also the additional challenge of wanting to build up the Christian fellowship in school. Heehee. Am I intending to take on more than I can chew? Who knows?
Hmm… Shall have a paragraph of my hopes regarding relationships in 2007. The state of my relationship with various people have changed a lot in 2006 but as 2007 starts, I’m hoping that certain relationships don’t end up the way other relationships turn out. Ok. I’m being really vague, aren’t I? Oh well. Enough with the vague-ness already. There’s bound to be changes in 2007 and some of them are already starting to be very obvious. But I’m really hoping that there wouldn’t be this distance between various people and me. In 2006, certain relationships suffered. I don’t want to go through that again for the other relationships… However, to quote this line from a song, “But now, even I can tell, that I confused my feelings with the truth”. It’s a rather sad reality that I’m going to have to face. The state of my relationship with people is going to change and there is bound to be changes for the worse but hopefully, there would be changes for the better. To certain people, things weren’t that smooth in 2006 and I was disappointed but I’m hoping that it changes this year. I still hope and cling on to those relationships. Do you all?
To end off, the 9 of you mean a lot to me and I treasure my relationship with you all. Ohh, I probably made a reference to my relationship with each of you in the previous entry. =p And in the unlikely event that you all don’t know which are the 9 that I’m referring to, it’s Sammi, Gan Jie, Shao, Gloria, Isaac, Mel, Mei, Nes, Kor…
All the best for 2007! Blessed New Year!
Bye 2006…
Heehee. There’s a sudden increase in the amount of blog entries because I’ve been wanting to rant on during my trip about various things but since I didn’t use the computer there and my internet connection was down when I came back to Singapore, I had to type it on Word first.
Anyway, I want to sum up how 2006 has been for me. I used the word “heartache” to describe 2005. This round, the word I choose to sum up 2006 is “relationships”. Had a lot of time to think about stuff during the Thailand trip and just look back on everything…
In this case, relationships don’t refer to BGR or stuff like that, I’m talking about every single relationship. Relationship with my family, friends, etc… You get the idea.
Sure, 2006 was a year of adjustment and changes since I transferred to NUS High but really, my year was centred around relationships. What strikes me most about this year is my relationships with various people. Closer bonds and increasing distance in various relationships, new relationships formed, certain relationships lost? And some just remain the same. Yeps, last year really centred around the people around me. If it wasn’t for them, 2006 would have been totally different.
Because of changes in the state of certain relationships, my general mood changed for the better. Because of new relationships being formed, life was more light-hearted. Other relationships gave me the strength to go on while others caused me to be pulled down at times. It’s no surprise that 2006 has been quite a roller-coaster ride as usual. I’ve hit quite a few high points during the year but I’ve also been at the lowest ever during the year.
Enough for now about relationships. It’s time to look back on how I’ve changed over the past 1 year. Rather dramatic change in some areas? In other areas, I’m still the same. Physically… If my NAPFA results are anything to go by, that’s improved slightly. Thanks to mei for causing my 2.4 m timing to be better. =) Height and weight not much of a change. Haha. Unless you count the extra weight I’ve put on during the Thailand trip. But I’ll probably lose it soon. That’s almost always the case. Hmm. Academically, I was cruising most of the time so it shows in my results. Average or somewhere around there. Not surprising.
Next, the part that’s harder to gauge. Internally, how have I changed? Oh. I’m still rather emotional. That hasn’t changed for sure. But character wise, I’m really not that sure. Minor changes. Or maybe some things have been made more obvious in 2006. My priorities in 2006 certainly changed compared to previous years though. But internally, I didn’t change that much. At least, not that I think so…
Anyway, I want to sum up how 2006 has been for me. I used the word “heartache” to describe 2005. This round, the word I choose to sum up 2006 is “relationships”. Had a lot of time to think about stuff during the Thailand trip and just look back on everything…
In this case, relationships don’t refer to BGR or stuff like that, I’m talking about every single relationship. Relationship with my family, friends, etc… You get the idea.
Sure, 2006 was a year of adjustment and changes since I transferred to NUS High but really, my year was centred around relationships. What strikes me most about this year is my relationships with various people. Closer bonds and increasing distance in various relationships, new relationships formed, certain relationships lost? And some just remain the same. Yeps, last year really centred around the people around me. If it wasn’t for them, 2006 would have been totally different.
Because of changes in the state of certain relationships, my general mood changed for the better. Because of new relationships being formed, life was more light-hearted. Other relationships gave me the strength to go on while others caused me to be pulled down at times. It’s no surprise that 2006 has been quite a roller-coaster ride as usual. I’ve hit quite a few high points during the year but I’ve also been at the lowest ever during the year.
Enough for now about relationships. It’s time to look back on how I’ve changed over the past 1 year. Rather dramatic change in some areas? In other areas, I’m still the same. Physically… If my NAPFA results are anything to go by, that’s improved slightly. Thanks to mei for causing my 2.4 m timing to be better. =) Height and weight not much of a change. Haha. Unless you count the extra weight I’ve put on during the Thailand trip. But I’ll probably lose it soon. That’s almost always the case. Hmm. Academically, I was cruising most of the time so it shows in my results. Average or somewhere around there. Not surprising.
Next, the part that’s harder to gauge. Internally, how have I changed? Oh. I’m still rather emotional. That hasn’t changed for sure. But character wise, I’m really not that sure. Minor changes. Or maybe some things have been made more obvious in 2006. My priorities in 2006 certainly changed compared to previous years though. But internally, I didn’t change that much. At least, not that I think so…
Monday, January 01, 2007
Thailand trip
Whee! I’m back in Singapore after 2 weeks of being in Thailand. There’s quite a bit to blog about so whoever’s going to read this, happy reading! =p To give you a rough idea of how long this entry might be, let’s just say I wrote in my notebook during the trip and it took up 2 A4 sides and that’s just a record of what I did... Anyway, since there’s so much to blog about, I better organize my blogging a bit so I’m going to include the records from my notebook, which will be in italics, and then add on other comments and details day-by-day in the normal font. Here goes…
Day 1 (18/12): The trip could have started off better… Vomited right after lunch @ the budget terminal. Anyway, realized that the last time I took a plane ride was in Primary 4. Ohh, the view from above is really nice! –gushes over clouds-
Dinner was different was Singapore cuisine (duh!). Surprised myself by trying out dishes that were hot/spicy. At least I’m showing signs of improvement. =p
Next stop, night bazaar! Mostly, it was just window shopping. I like the furniture! Especially the design of the lights and lamps. Ack, I still miss that pair of pants that I didn’t buy…But it was rather overpriced. Pft.
[Heehee. For those who are about to kill me for not taking care or what, I’ve been ok throughout the trip. That was just a one-off incident. Yay! I can at least take a bit of spicy food now, I think. It’s actually more like I can take but normally, I choose not to. =p]
Day 2 (19/12): -teeth chatters- Bathing with cold water in the morning isn’t something I enjoy. BBQ chicken for lunch! –slurps– Oh yay, took pictures with my grandaunt’s dogs.
MBK! At least I have a chance to go there. Whee! My favourite shop of all time, NPB! (For clothes only..) Bought 5 shirts at 1 go, oops? But other than that, not much…
After walking around, it was time for some massage. Ahh… -dozed off- Yeps. Relaxing. Didn’t ache as much after that. Still have to catch a train tomorrow so off to bed now…
[Ack. Ended up eating BBQ chicken almost every day… Oh well. That’s probably part of the reason why I gained weight. I’m now 2 kg heavier. By the way, MBK’s a shopping centre and NPB’s a brand of clothes. Disclamer: I bought 5 shirts from there because it’s really cheap and I like the cut of the shirts. Mhmm. Heehee. Oh well.]
Day 3 (20/12): Writing this on the train… 12 hour ride from Bangkok to Chiangmai. One thing’s for sure, I sure caught up on my sleep… -gushes- I love staying at my uncle’s place! When I looked up at the sky, there were so many stars…
[Whoa… Long, long train ride. Mhmm. Mostly, I slept or listened to my mp3 player or read. =) Ohh! Uncle Phorn’s (second grandma’s son) place is NICE!! We stayed at this place throughout the whole time we were in Chiangmai. Cause he bought some land and built a few “houses” and so we stayed in one of them. It’s similar to a chalet? Yeps. A lot, a lot of stars in the sky. Couldn’t stop gushing when I first looked up.]
Day 4 (21/12): A long car ride up a mountain and then various stops on the way down.
Hmong village. Just walking and looking at the various shops. I have a growing obsession with stars. –eyes my bracelet- Rented the outfit of the Hmong people & took photos. =p
Next stop, the winter palace, a retreat of the royal family. There’s over 250 kinds of flowers there. 0.0 Very scenic but not much time to enjoy it all.
Went to the Chiangmai zoo for a few select exhibits only. The pair of panda bears, the koala bear exhibit and the deer exhibit. Just realized that deers have long eyelashes..
After dinner, it was time for the family to be dolled up in Thai costume. Everyone looks really different..
[Ohh, remembered the name of the mountain at long last. It’s Doi Suthep. Pretty, pretty flowers at Bhu Ping palace! Especially since the roses were in full bloom. Didn’t have much time at the zoo so only saw those few exhibits. The panda bears have a celebrity status of sorts since they were flown there from China, etc etc. Haha. The dolling up in Thai costume was a photo shoot of sorts. The whole family dressed up in Thai royal outfits to have our picture taken. For my mum and I, it meant doing our hair and having make-up put on too… That elaborate. The photographer has a very unique way of taking photos. He sings karaoke while taking the photos. Mhmm.]
Day 5 (22/12): Before lunch, made a detour to a shopping centre to look at pants. That overpriced pair of pants was in the shop. Bought it anyway..
After lunch, the flower show. Didn’t quite meet my expectations. But the floats at the end was rather impressive.
[Ahh. The same pair of pants that I saw in Bangkok was in the store. I went high when I first saw it and then when I saw the price tag, -cringe. Fortunately, my grandma bargained it down a bit. Oh well. I like that pair of pants.. Mhmm! The flower show I’m referring to is the Royal Flora exhibition in Chiangmai to commemorate the King’s 60th year on the throne. Maybe cause I prefer to see flowers rather than greenery, so I didn’t enjoy that place as much as Bhu Ping. Ohh. Whoever design the mascots of the exhibition is a clever person. 9 mascots in total, so imagine the amount of merchandise and souvenirs being sold. But they’re so cute! Haha. I even ran around the place trying to look for the drink stand so as to buy the cups with the mascot for my mum.]
Day 6 (23/12): Early morning wake-up call due to the need to get to Maesa elephant camp for a performance. Drawing, dancing, dart-throwing, etc done by elephants.. Then, a visit to see how umbrellas are made. Got my jeans and jacket painted. =)
Ended off the day with a massage session.
[This record was shorter since I reached the end of the page in my notebook. =p The paintings by the elephants are good! Considering that the paintings sold for a few thousand baht each. I still like the painting of the bonsai. But I wouldn’t have bought it anyway… Went to see how those traditional paper umbrellas are made. I’m super impressed with the handicraft. Each part of the umbrella is painstakingly handmade. And of course, I have to gush over the designs of the umbrella. Ohh! It’s really cool when all those who paint the umbrella seat in one row and provide painting services for your clothes, handphones, etc… For a price, of course. But very affordable. 50 Baht (around $2 plus?) Got my pair of jeans painted with some pink butterflies as to the design on my jacket… What else? Dolphins! –bounce- Haha. Shall bring the jacket to school to replace my black one, which I still can’t find.]
Day 7 (24/12): Had the chance to sleep in. =) After breakfast, went around looking for things to sketch. The price one has to pay for a chance to sketch roses: getting a tan on one side of my face. In total, 9 sketches. Quality-wise, not bad but can be improved.
Went to “People’s Walk” at night, walked about 1 km and bought lots of things. Yay! Bought a pressed flower lamp. Hmm.. What a way to spend Christmas eve..
[Bought a notebook the day before at the umbrella making center so used it to sketch. I’m rather proud of the sketches. Considering how long it’s been since I sketched anything. Oh. Disclaimer: Not all 9 sketches are of roses. Considering Jonathan asked me to draw the mascot plushie and various other things as well. Whee! I like the subjects of each sketch. Regarding the tan, I didn’t realize until my mum commented that one part of my cheek was darker than the rest. I don’t know the name of the place where we walked at night. But the direct translation is “The street where people walk” so yeps. My dad counted the number of lampposts and then multiplied it by the distance between each lamp so that’s how the 1 km came about. Still can’t believe I really bought a lamp and that my parents actually allowed! Whee! It’s like nice. Pressed paper flower lamp. Yeps.]
Day 8 (25/12): Blessed Christmas! Had to wake up early to go Doi Inthanon, a mountain. It’s the highest in Thailand. Went to the summit first and bought a jacket. =) The temperature was around 70C!
After that, drove to see two pagodas. The view from there is really spectacular. Blue sky, which was cloudless, and lots of greenery.
Last stop at the mountain: Mae Ya waterfall. –gush- Breathtaking.. Wish I could have spent more time there…
Other than Doi Inthanon, went to walk around a “village” of shops. There wasn’t really much that I like but got to say that I’m impressed with the handicraft.
[I like Doi Inthanon! That day was one of my favourite days during the trip. Had to wake up early (what’s new?) to drive there but it was worth it. The view’s breathtaking. Shall upload pictures onto my MSN space as soon as possible. I like the jacket I bought! It’s those kind which you pull over your head. Been looking for one so yeps, I like the one I bought! It’s black and has a hood and the design’s not bad. It’s just words saying that Doi Inthanon’s the highest mountain in Thailand and the exact height is there too. Mhmm. The view from outside the pagodas is really spectecular! You can see the mountains shrouded in clouds and the colour of the sky is really, really blue. Dad took one picture with his hand phone, which I sent to my phone almost immediately when we came back to Singapore. Very scenic place. Started gushing once I saw the waterfall (duh! It’s a waterfall!). But since there wasn’t much time, couldn’t stay there for long. Pft.]
Day 9 (26/12): A long drive from Chiangmai to Mae Hong Son. Around 300km and 1864 curves. Went to the village of “Longneck Karen”. Pft. Foreigners always have to pay more.. I like the handicraft! Shawls and handphone holder. =)
[Hired a minibus to drive the 10 of us up to Mae Hong Son. My parents, Jonathan, my grandma, my second grandaunt, her daughter (Auntie Yang), Uncle Phorn and his wife, Uncle Vincent and me. Mhmm. Long, long trip. Ended up sleeping a lot. Ohh. The part about the foreigners having to pay more is cause some locals charged us another 250 Baht for each tourist which meant my family and Uncle Vincent. In the end, my grandma bargained it down.. But still. It’s aggravating to have to pay more just because you’re not Thai. Sighs. Yay! I finally have a shawl that I can call my own. Been using my mum’s each time I needed one. Anyway, Auntie Yang bought the shawl for me. Cause I was looking at it and asking her to help me find out the price. It’s like a blue-green colour. Mhmm.]
Day 10 (27/12): Yet another long drive from Mae Hong Son to Pai. Stopped for lunch by the Pai river. After lunch, more driving, all the way to Chiangrai. Altogether, a rather uneventful day. Oh yes, did I mention that hitting your head on the minibus window repeatedly results in a particular part of your head to hurt, quite badly?
[Ok. The last line is due to the fact that when I fell asleep on the minibus, I ended up hitting my head against the window several times. And ouch, it hurt? So had 2 bruises for quite a few days. It was super irritating when that particular spot got itchy and I couldn’t scratch it cause it hurt to touch my head. Ack.]
Day 11 (28/12): Went to Doi Tung, the Queen Mother’s palace. The garden’s rather big and there’s a high quantity of flowers but not that much variety. A lot of nice scenes to sketch but didn’t have the time. Also walked around her villa. Very clear view of the mountains from there.
After Doi Tung, it was off to Mae Sai. Crossed over the border to Myanmar for a high amount, 600 Baht per head. A lot of jackets & imitation goods sold at the shops.
Last stop before heading back to Chiangmai, the Golden Triangle. Could see Laos and Myanmar from where we were. Finally back in Chiangmai now…
[Doi Tung is nice! Doi Tung and Doi Inthanon are my favourite places in Chiangmai! With the sole exception of Uncle Phorn’s place. The gardens are planted with a large quantity of flowers rather than a large variety but it’s still very scenic. And the flowers in full bloom are big! Bigger than my palm anyway. Didn’t really enjoy going to Mae Sai and crossing the border. Not much point anyway? The high fee that we had to pay was due to the fact that we’re … not Thai. Whee! Oh. Met the son of Uncle Phorn and he went back with us to Chiangmai. Mhmm.]
Day 12 (29/12): No programme planned so slept in. Walked around and sketched a bit. Lunch, followed by another sketch and then a 2 hour long nap. Tea-break, then last sketch of the day: a rose in full bloom. Watched the sunset alone from one of the houses.
After dinner, it was time for a karaoke session at our chalet. Sang til 11 plus, local time.
[The sunset was nice... Hmm. Karaoke session was rather interesting.]
Day 13 (30/12): Yet another massage session before going to the “People’s Walk” for one last shopping trip. Covered a lot more shops in a shorter amount of time. Went back to Uncle Phorn’s house and slept in the Thai-style “house”.
[There's not much to add on so I'll not add on. =p]
Day 14 (31/12): Last day of the trip. Woke up early and headed to the airport. Writing this on the plane now. 2 more hours til we reach Singapore, can’t wait to be back home.
[I'm back. What else is there to blog about? Oh. On the plane ride, realized how homesick I was. Pft.]
Day 1 (18/12): The trip could have started off better… Vomited right after lunch @ the budget terminal. Anyway, realized that the last time I took a plane ride was in Primary 4. Ohh, the view from above is really nice! –gushes over clouds-
Dinner was different was Singapore cuisine (duh!). Surprised myself by trying out dishes that were hot/spicy. At least I’m showing signs of improvement. =p
Next stop, night bazaar! Mostly, it was just window shopping. I like the furniture! Especially the design of the lights and lamps. Ack, I still miss that pair of pants that I didn’t buy…But it was rather overpriced. Pft.
[Heehee. For those who are about to kill me for not taking care or what, I’ve been ok throughout the trip. That was just a one-off incident. Yay! I can at least take a bit of spicy food now, I think. It’s actually more like I can take but normally, I choose not to. =p]
Day 2 (19/12): -teeth chatters- Bathing with cold water in the morning isn’t something I enjoy. BBQ chicken for lunch! –slurps– Oh yay, took pictures with my grandaunt’s dogs.
MBK! At least I have a chance to go there. Whee! My favourite shop of all time, NPB! (For clothes only..) Bought 5 shirts at 1 go, oops? But other than that, not much…
After walking around, it was time for some massage. Ahh… -dozed off- Yeps. Relaxing. Didn’t ache as much after that. Still have to catch a train tomorrow so off to bed now…
[Ack. Ended up eating BBQ chicken almost every day… Oh well. That’s probably part of the reason why I gained weight. I’m now 2 kg heavier. By the way, MBK’s a shopping centre and NPB’s a brand of clothes. Disclamer: I bought 5 shirts from there because it’s really cheap and I like the cut of the shirts. Mhmm. Heehee. Oh well.]
Day 3 (20/12): Writing this on the train… 12 hour ride from Bangkok to Chiangmai. One thing’s for sure, I sure caught up on my sleep… -gushes- I love staying at my uncle’s place! When I looked up at the sky, there were so many stars…
[Whoa… Long, long train ride. Mhmm. Mostly, I slept or listened to my mp3 player or read. =) Ohh! Uncle Phorn’s (second grandma’s son) place is NICE!! We stayed at this place throughout the whole time we were in Chiangmai. Cause he bought some land and built a few “houses” and so we stayed in one of them. It’s similar to a chalet? Yeps. A lot, a lot of stars in the sky. Couldn’t stop gushing when I first looked up.]
Day 4 (21/12): A long car ride up a mountain and then various stops on the way down.
Hmong village. Just walking and looking at the various shops. I have a growing obsession with stars. –eyes my bracelet- Rented the outfit of the Hmong people & took photos. =p
Next stop, the winter palace, a retreat of the royal family. There’s over 250 kinds of flowers there. 0.0 Very scenic but not much time to enjoy it all.
Went to the Chiangmai zoo for a few select exhibits only. The pair of panda bears, the koala bear exhibit and the deer exhibit. Just realized that deers have long eyelashes..
After dinner, it was time for the family to be dolled up in Thai costume. Everyone looks really different..
[Ohh, remembered the name of the mountain at long last. It’s Doi Suthep. Pretty, pretty flowers at Bhu Ping palace! Especially since the roses were in full bloom. Didn’t have much time at the zoo so only saw those few exhibits. The panda bears have a celebrity status of sorts since they were flown there from China, etc etc. Haha. The dolling up in Thai costume was a photo shoot of sorts. The whole family dressed up in Thai royal outfits to have our picture taken. For my mum and I, it meant doing our hair and having make-up put on too… That elaborate. The photographer has a very unique way of taking photos. He sings karaoke while taking the photos. Mhmm.]
Day 5 (22/12): Before lunch, made a detour to a shopping centre to look at pants. That overpriced pair of pants was in the shop. Bought it anyway..
After lunch, the flower show. Didn’t quite meet my expectations. But the floats at the end was rather impressive.
[Ahh. The same pair of pants that I saw in Bangkok was in the store. I went high when I first saw it and then when I saw the price tag, -cringe. Fortunately, my grandma bargained it down a bit. Oh well. I like that pair of pants.. Mhmm! The flower show I’m referring to is the Royal Flora exhibition in Chiangmai to commemorate the King’s 60th year on the throne. Maybe cause I prefer to see flowers rather than greenery, so I didn’t enjoy that place as much as Bhu Ping. Ohh. Whoever design the mascots of the exhibition is a clever person. 9 mascots in total, so imagine the amount of merchandise and souvenirs being sold. But they’re so cute! Haha. I even ran around the place trying to look for the drink stand so as to buy the cups with the mascot for my mum.]
Day 6 (23/12): Early morning wake-up call due to the need to get to Maesa elephant camp for a performance. Drawing, dancing, dart-throwing, etc done by elephants.. Then, a visit to see how umbrellas are made. Got my jeans and jacket painted. =)
Ended off the day with a massage session.
[This record was shorter since I reached the end of the page in my notebook. =p The paintings by the elephants are good! Considering that the paintings sold for a few thousand baht each. I still like the painting of the bonsai. But I wouldn’t have bought it anyway… Went to see how those traditional paper umbrellas are made. I’m super impressed with the handicraft. Each part of the umbrella is painstakingly handmade. And of course, I have to gush over the designs of the umbrella. Ohh! It’s really cool when all those who paint the umbrella seat in one row and provide painting services for your clothes, handphones, etc… For a price, of course. But very affordable. 50 Baht (around $2 plus?) Got my pair of jeans painted with some pink butterflies as to the design on my jacket… What else? Dolphins! –bounce- Haha. Shall bring the jacket to school to replace my black one, which I still can’t find.]
Day 7 (24/12): Had the chance to sleep in. =) After breakfast, went around looking for things to sketch. The price one has to pay for a chance to sketch roses: getting a tan on one side of my face. In total, 9 sketches. Quality-wise, not bad but can be improved.
Went to “People’s Walk” at night, walked about 1 km and bought lots of things. Yay! Bought a pressed flower lamp. Hmm.. What a way to spend Christmas eve..
[Bought a notebook the day before at the umbrella making center so used it to sketch. I’m rather proud of the sketches. Considering how long it’s been since I sketched anything. Oh. Disclaimer: Not all 9 sketches are of roses. Considering Jonathan asked me to draw the mascot plushie and various other things as well. Whee! I like the subjects of each sketch. Regarding the tan, I didn’t realize until my mum commented that one part of my cheek was darker than the rest. I don’t know the name of the place where we walked at night. But the direct translation is “The street where people walk” so yeps. My dad counted the number of lampposts and then multiplied it by the distance between each lamp so that’s how the 1 km came about. Still can’t believe I really bought a lamp and that my parents actually allowed! Whee! It’s like nice. Pressed paper flower lamp. Yeps.]
Day 8 (25/12): Blessed Christmas! Had to wake up early to go Doi Inthanon, a mountain. It’s the highest in Thailand. Went to the summit first and bought a jacket. =) The temperature was around 70C!
After that, drove to see two pagodas. The view from there is really spectacular. Blue sky, which was cloudless, and lots of greenery.
Last stop at the mountain: Mae Ya waterfall. –gush- Breathtaking.. Wish I could have spent more time there…
Other than Doi Inthanon, went to walk around a “village” of shops. There wasn’t really much that I like but got to say that I’m impressed with the handicraft.
[I like Doi Inthanon! That day was one of my favourite days during the trip. Had to wake up early (what’s new?) to drive there but it was worth it. The view’s breathtaking. Shall upload pictures onto my MSN space as soon as possible. I like the jacket I bought! It’s those kind which you pull over your head. Been looking for one so yeps, I like the one I bought! It’s black and has a hood and the design’s not bad. It’s just words saying that Doi Inthanon’s the highest mountain in Thailand and the exact height is there too. Mhmm. The view from outside the pagodas is really spectecular! You can see the mountains shrouded in clouds and the colour of the sky is really, really blue. Dad took one picture with his hand phone, which I sent to my phone almost immediately when we came back to Singapore. Very scenic place. Started gushing once I saw the waterfall (duh! It’s a waterfall!). But since there wasn’t much time, couldn’t stay there for long. Pft.]
Day 9 (26/12): A long drive from Chiangmai to Mae Hong Son. Around 300km and 1864 curves. Went to the village of “Longneck Karen”. Pft. Foreigners always have to pay more.. I like the handicraft! Shawls and handphone holder. =)
[Hired a minibus to drive the 10 of us up to Mae Hong Son. My parents, Jonathan, my grandma, my second grandaunt, her daughter (Auntie Yang), Uncle Phorn and his wife, Uncle Vincent and me. Mhmm. Long, long trip. Ended up sleeping a lot. Ohh. The part about the foreigners having to pay more is cause some locals charged us another 250 Baht for each tourist which meant my family and Uncle Vincent. In the end, my grandma bargained it down.. But still. It’s aggravating to have to pay more just because you’re not Thai. Sighs. Yay! I finally have a shawl that I can call my own. Been using my mum’s each time I needed one. Anyway, Auntie Yang bought the shawl for me. Cause I was looking at it and asking her to help me find out the price. It’s like a blue-green colour. Mhmm.]
Day 10 (27/12): Yet another long drive from Mae Hong Son to Pai. Stopped for lunch by the Pai river. After lunch, more driving, all the way to Chiangrai. Altogether, a rather uneventful day. Oh yes, did I mention that hitting your head on the minibus window repeatedly results in a particular part of your head to hurt, quite badly?
[Ok. The last line is due to the fact that when I fell asleep on the minibus, I ended up hitting my head against the window several times. And ouch, it hurt? So had 2 bruises for quite a few days. It was super irritating when that particular spot got itchy and I couldn’t scratch it cause it hurt to touch my head. Ack.]
Day 11 (28/12): Went to Doi Tung, the Queen Mother’s palace. The garden’s rather big and there’s a high quantity of flowers but not that much variety. A lot of nice scenes to sketch but didn’t have the time. Also walked around her villa. Very clear view of the mountains from there.
After Doi Tung, it was off to Mae Sai. Crossed over the border to Myanmar for a high amount, 600 Baht per head. A lot of jackets & imitation goods sold at the shops.
Last stop before heading back to Chiangmai, the Golden Triangle. Could see Laos and Myanmar from where we were. Finally back in Chiangmai now…
[Doi Tung is nice! Doi Tung and Doi Inthanon are my favourite places in Chiangmai! With the sole exception of Uncle Phorn’s place. The gardens are planted with a large quantity of flowers rather than a large variety but it’s still very scenic. And the flowers in full bloom are big! Bigger than my palm anyway. Didn’t really enjoy going to Mae Sai and crossing the border. Not much point anyway? The high fee that we had to pay was due to the fact that we’re … not Thai. Whee! Oh. Met the son of Uncle Phorn and he went back with us to Chiangmai. Mhmm.]
Day 12 (29/12): No programme planned so slept in. Walked around and sketched a bit. Lunch, followed by another sketch and then a 2 hour long nap. Tea-break, then last sketch of the day: a rose in full bloom. Watched the sunset alone from one of the houses.
After dinner, it was time for a karaoke session at our chalet. Sang til 11 plus, local time.
[The sunset was nice... Hmm. Karaoke session was rather interesting.]
Day 13 (30/12): Yet another massage session before going to the “People’s Walk” for one last shopping trip. Covered a lot more shops in a shorter amount of time. Went back to Uncle Phorn’s house and slept in the Thai-style “house”.
[There's not much to add on so I'll not add on. =p]
Day 14 (31/12): Last day of the trip. Woke up early and headed to the airport. Writing this on the plane now. 2 more hours til we reach Singapore, can’t wait to be back home.
[I'm back. What else is there to blog about? Oh. On the plane ride, realized how homesick I was. Pft.]
Monday, December 18, 2006
going away
Hiya! For those who don't know, I'll be going away today all the way til 31st.
Ack. I want to be in Singapore especially during Christmas. Pft. At first, I wanted to mail you all your presents but decided not to. So sorry. That means you all will have to wait til I meet up with you all the next time. Mhmm.
Bah.. Honestly, I'm not going to enjoy the trip as much as I would have a couple of years back. My friends are starting to be at the same level of priority with my family and that says quite a bit..
I'm going to miss you all so much. Each time I go overseas, I always wish that one of you are with me. Whatever sight-seeing I do on this trip, I just know that my thoughts would be "If only so-and-so can see this..", that kind of thinking..
I won't be bringing my handphone along so I'll be uncontactable for the next two weeks. Go ahead and message me if you want but I'll only read them on the 31st.
3 of you, can you all discuss if we're meeting up on the 1st? Time/location/activity. That's provided that we can all go out on that day.
I'll miss you all.
Ack. I want to be in Singapore especially during Christmas. Pft. At first, I wanted to mail you all your presents but decided not to. So sorry. That means you all will have to wait til I meet up with you all the next time. Mhmm.
Bah.. Honestly, I'm not going to enjoy the trip as much as I would have a couple of years back. My friends are starting to be at the same level of priority with my family and that says quite a bit..
I'm going to miss you all so much. Each time I go overseas, I always wish that one of you are with me. Whatever sight-seeing I do on this trip, I just know that my thoughts would be "If only so-and-so can see this..", that kind of thinking..
I won't be bringing my handphone along so I'll be uncontactable for the next two weeks. Go ahead and message me if you want but I'll only read them on the 31st.
3 of you, can you all discuss if we're meeting up on the 1st? Time/location/activity. That's provided that we can all go out on that day.
I'll miss you all.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
unusual ramblings
Whether this post will really be unusual, I don't know yet. I know what I want to blog about but as usual, I don't know how to go about blogging it.
Let's start off with saying "Happy Birthday" to those whose birthday falls on today, though none of them read my blog, I think. Checked my email and saw 3 friendster birthday reminders for today. And I was only aware of one of them. =p There's another person who's not my friend on friendster whose birthday also falls on today. Mhmm. Heehee.
The really nonsensical thing is I sent out an e-card. =p I don't know why but even though I'm not close to that person, I see quite a few similarities between me and that person.. In a different situation, I might have gotten to know that person better. But that's really unlikely in real life. Oh well. Tempted to address the person in this post but there's really no point? Since I doubt the person reads my blog. Or do you? I read yours though. Laadeedaa.
Enough about that person for now.. Got this feeling that this won't be the last time I blog about that person. Especially since I want to build up Christian fellowship in school. -coughs- That cough is due to the fact that the identity of the person is really, really obvious by now. Or at least, it should be to the three of you. -pointed look-
Ohh. Finally bought hershey's today. Cookies and cream flavour. Dang. Even that brings back memories. Or was I doing it deliberately? Sighs..
Ohh! After the briefing for people staying at Adam, Bro Andy talked to me for awhile. He commented that I looked a bit sad. Hmm.. My mood wasn't that high/happy. But sad? It's probably rather accurate. But dang, it shows. Pft. People aren't supposed to notice, unless you're one of those few people who I can't hide much from. Oh well. Enough rambling for today, I think. This might be my last entry before I go thailand. See how. Will attempt to blog tomorrow if possible. Or monday before I leave for the airport. Considering that the flight's in the afternoon.
Let's start off with saying "Happy Birthday" to those whose birthday falls on today, though none of them read my blog, I think. Checked my email and saw 3 friendster birthday reminders for today. And I was only aware of one of them. =p There's another person who's not my friend on friendster whose birthday also falls on today. Mhmm. Heehee.
The really nonsensical thing is I sent out an e-card. =p I don't know why but even though I'm not close to that person, I see quite a few similarities between me and that person.. In a different situation, I might have gotten to know that person better. But that's really unlikely in real life. Oh well. Tempted to address the person in this post but there's really no point? Since I doubt the person reads my blog. Or do you? I read yours though. Laadeedaa.
Enough about that person for now.. Got this feeling that this won't be the last time I blog about that person. Especially since I want to build up Christian fellowship in school. -coughs- That cough is due to the fact that the identity of the person is really, really obvious by now. Or at least, it should be to the three of you. -pointed look-
Ohh. Finally bought hershey's today. Cookies and cream flavour. Dang. Even that brings back memories. Or was I doing it deliberately? Sighs..
Ohh! After the briefing for people staying at Adam, Bro Andy talked to me for awhile. He commented that I looked a bit sad. Hmm.. My mood wasn't that high/happy. But sad? It's probably rather accurate. But dang, it shows. Pft. People aren't supposed to notice, unless you're one of those few people who I can't hide much from. Oh well. Enough rambling for today, I think. This might be my last entry before I go thailand. See how. Will attempt to blog tomorrow if possible. Or monday before I leave for the airport. Considering that the flight's in the afternoon.
Emerging..
This entry is overdue by 3 days. Though it would have been nice to blog about everything related to camp in 1 entry, I had to go for dinner after blogging the previous entry and it just wasn't the same if I blogged after that. I started being distracted by other things. Any of my entries related to camp, I want them to be written when I'm fully focused on blogging. So I shall continue blogging now. =)
The last two areas that God spoke to me about: reaching out to others and giving my all. Although the first area can get me quite emotional, there's no point in avoiding that issue. In church, we're told to invite our friends for events, for services, so on.. In primary school, I wasn't really interested in going to church anyway so didn't bother inviting my friends. Secondary school.. Somehow, things changed. Especially last year and this year. In secondary 2, gloria and shao came quite a few times. This year, sammi came quite a few times too. =) But even so, my heart was never fully into saving souls for God. The whole thing about me not feeling like I fit in in church didn't help. Who would want to invite their friends when they felt so alone in church? You wouldn't want your friend to go through that too... That was what went through my mind previously. Anyway, I've sidetracked. Even after being an SP, I haven't gone all out and tried to reach out to my friends. One service during camp, the altar call was about us reaching out to our friends and the pastor was telling us to have in mind people that we want to reach out to after camp. Three names came to mind almost immediately. It hurts so much to realize how little I've done even though I value those 3 so much. I found out that a really effective form of motivation is when you think of how you'll lose those close to you because you didn't put in the effort. The tears that I've shed.. I'll be trying.
Last area that I'll want to cover about camp is how I finally acknowledged my lack of effort in so many areas. I wanted to use the word "realized" instead of "acknowledged" but then found it rather unsuitable. I know I haven't been putting in my best. But now, it's finally hit me and I chose to face the reality. When was the last time I gave my all? Or even tried hard to achieve something? Though I shouldn't look back on past glories, I think the one time I really put in effort was in Primary 5. To this day, I've no idea what I did. But that period of time, my grades had quite a dramatic improvement. But after PSLE, everything went tumbling down and I stopped bothering after awhile. Sure, I was disappointed with my grades and all in Sec 1 and 2 but still, I didn't study hard. I just mugged at the last minute. This year, I cruised along for the first semester and was rather content with my marks. Then semester 2's CAP was .. disappointing (to put it mildly). God spoke to me about my effort (or lack of it). And it wasn't just for my studies. Various other things, I haven't given as much as I can. There's probably only one area that I can say that I've given a decent amount of effort at least. But it's just one out of so many areas. Let's see.. Studies, SP, D&D, friends, family, goals, etc... Out of those I've listed so far, I can only be proud of one area. And to be honest, I'm only proud of a small part of that area of my life. The other parts of that area, I've not given my best. Ack. Shall stop being so vague. Since I've been rather honest and open, may as well continue and just state down things for how they truly are. The only area that I've put in decent amount of effort into is my friendship with one person. But I feel that I've failed in doing my part in friendships with so many others. Especially you three. I really thought that we would last forever. This past week, I've been looking back and just acknowledging my lack of effort so many times. I've never pushed myself to my limits before. I know I have the potential to do so much more but it's always been wasted. To quote my parents, "You just cruise along." I want to step out of my comfort zone and just push myself more. Of course it'll hurt but I want to try. I've lost that spirit that I had in Primary 3. Then, I wanted to try out being in the GEP even though my parents were a bit worried about me. I persuaded them by saying that "I want to try. Even if I can't last in the GEP, at least I know I've tried." Nowadays, I've stopped trying. I want to give my all once more. In fact, the only areas that I've given my all is probably giving my time and energy to those 2. It didn't matter how things would turn out, it was just instinct to give whatever I could to them. It still is, by the way. Anyway, I'm hoping that in 2007, I can push myself so much more. I know I can do so much more but only if I try and put in all I've got. How much is that? I've no idea. But I intend to find out.
The last two areas that God spoke to me about: reaching out to others and giving my all. Although the first area can get me quite emotional, there's no point in avoiding that issue. In church, we're told to invite our friends for events, for services, so on.. In primary school, I wasn't really interested in going to church anyway so didn't bother inviting my friends. Secondary school.. Somehow, things changed. Especially last year and this year. In secondary 2, gloria and shao came quite a few times. This year, sammi came quite a few times too. =) But even so, my heart was never fully into saving souls for God. The whole thing about me not feeling like I fit in in church didn't help. Who would want to invite their friends when they felt so alone in church? You wouldn't want your friend to go through that too... That was what went through my mind previously. Anyway, I've sidetracked. Even after being an SP, I haven't gone all out and tried to reach out to my friends. One service during camp, the altar call was about us reaching out to our friends and the pastor was telling us to have in mind people that we want to reach out to after camp. Three names came to mind almost immediately. It hurts so much to realize how little I've done even though I value those 3 so much. I found out that a really effective form of motivation is when you think of how you'll lose those close to you because you didn't put in the effort. The tears that I've shed.. I'll be trying.
Last area that I'll want to cover about camp is how I finally acknowledged my lack of effort in so many areas. I wanted to use the word "realized" instead of "acknowledged" but then found it rather unsuitable. I know I haven't been putting in my best. But now, it's finally hit me and I chose to face the reality. When was the last time I gave my all? Or even tried hard to achieve something? Though I shouldn't look back on past glories, I think the one time I really put in effort was in Primary 5. To this day, I've no idea what I did. But that period of time, my grades had quite a dramatic improvement. But after PSLE, everything went tumbling down and I stopped bothering after awhile. Sure, I was disappointed with my grades and all in Sec 1 and 2 but still, I didn't study hard. I just mugged at the last minute. This year, I cruised along for the first semester and was rather content with my marks. Then semester 2's CAP was .. disappointing (to put it mildly). God spoke to me about my effort (or lack of it). And it wasn't just for my studies. Various other things, I haven't given as much as I can. There's probably only one area that I can say that I've given a decent amount of effort at least. But it's just one out of so many areas. Let's see.. Studies, SP, D&D, friends, family, goals, etc... Out of those I've listed so far, I can only be proud of one area. And to be honest, I'm only proud of a small part of that area of my life. The other parts of that area, I've not given my best. Ack. Shall stop being so vague. Since I've been rather honest and open, may as well continue and just state down things for how they truly are. The only area that I've put in decent amount of effort into is my friendship with one person. But I feel that I've failed in doing my part in friendships with so many others. Especially you three. I really thought that we would last forever. This past week, I've been looking back and just acknowledging my lack of effort so many times. I've never pushed myself to my limits before. I know I have the potential to do so much more but it's always been wasted. To quote my parents, "You just cruise along." I want to step out of my comfort zone and just push myself more. Of course it'll hurt but I want to try. I've lost that spirit that I had in Primary 3. Then, I wanted to try out being in the GEP even though my parents were a bit worried about me. I persuaded them by saying that "I want to try. Even if I can't last in the GEP, at least I know I've tried." Nowadays, I've stopped trying. I want to give my all once more. In fact, the only areas that I've given my all is probably giving my time and energy to those 2. It didn't matter how things would turn out, it was just instinct to give whatever I could to them. It still is, by the way. Anyway, I'm hoping that in 2007, I can push myself so much more. I know I can do so much more but only if I try and put in all I've got. How much is that? I've no idea. But I intend to find out.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Emerge.. A new generation
I'm back from youth camp. Been looking foward to typing this blog entry. Throughout camp, there would be times when I think "Hmm.. I must blog about this, I must blog about that". The only problem is that there are a lot of things that I want to blog about. This blog entry wouldn't just be a blog entry. It would also serve the purpose of recording down what God has spoken to me about and what has been impressed upon my heart. Even before the leaders and pastors told us to write down in our camp booklets about what we received from God, that idea already came to my mind. =)
This entry is going to be edited so many times.. I want to blog while everything's still fresh in my mind. I know! I shall just blog about camp in two entries. =) One entry will be on the activities during camp and stuff like that while the other entry will be a reflection of sorts. No prizes for guessing what I'm going to blog about in this entry.
I'm not too sure how to start off my reflections on camp. Never mind, shall just type whatever comes to mind. Throughout the camp, there have been a few adult leaders who have prayed for me but I'll only blog about what 3 of them prayed about. Bro Adrian laid hands upon me and prayed this "God has impressed this word upon me: Captivate." He went on about how God wants to captivate me with his love. Throughout camp, there have been quite a few recurring thoughts in my head. One of them concerned loving God and being loved by God. A pastor raised up a good point about love and giving to your loved ones today. If you give and you expect something in return, then sooner or later, the relationship wouldn't work out. In the same way, we can't give God our praise and worship and expect him to give us back in return. Anyway, I would like to think that I've given quite a bit of myself to my friends. So how much more does God deserve? I've given so much to my friends but I've given so little to God in comparison. Ouch. It wasn't painless coming to that realization..
Sis Joanne prayed this over me, "You have been rooted and the foundation is set. God wants you to build a house for Him." She went on about building for God. Appropriate, very appropriate. I'm hesitating before I blog about my reflections on this because there are some actions that I feel I have to take but it won't be easy. So once I start blogging about it, I don't want to give up half-way. Throughout the past year, there's been this idea in my head to either form Christian fellowship as a CCA or at least have a Christian fellowship group in school. This idea probably started since the day I heard "One Way" being played in the school canteen. Subsequently, there was that time at the piano too.. But I've just rejected and dismissed it as an idea that won't work out. Guess it's cause I'm afraid and don't have the courage. It's great how God works. Last year during camp, he assured me as to how and why I managed to enter NUS High. This year, he starts showing me the plans he has for me and for the school. Now that I've blogged about it, that confirms it. I have to at least try and do something. Even if Christian fellowship isn't an actual CCA, I want to build up the Christian fellowship group(s) in school. It's going to be difficult, realized it from the start. But I want to sustain the fire inside me. It's irritating when it starts dying out awhile after camp. To quote the pastors, "There's this cycle. We all get spiritually high during camp and it lasts for a while before it dies out and then we go back to normal til the next camp."
Last prayer from an adult leader that I want to blog about is what Sis Jasmine prayed for me about, "A new mantle of leadership". Whoa. There's quite a bit that I want to blog about on leadership but can't really get my thoughts organized enough. Basically, I want to step out in faith and let God guide me. Basically, stepping out to lead in church and also in school. I have a vague idea of how the former is possible but the latter? To be honest, I am scared of what next year will bring.
There are a few more things that God spoke to me about. My lack of regular TAWG, reaching out to people and lastly, giving my all into every aspect of my life. My lack of regular time alone with God. Sighs. I really lack the self-discipline and self-control but this can't go on. I have to set aside some time each day or every alternate day. That's one way to keep the fire burning in me.
The last two areas, I think I'll blog on them separately. It hits quite a few raw nerves.
This entry is going to be edited so many times.. I want to blog while everything's still fresh in my mind. I know! I shall just blog about camp in two entries. =) One entry will be on the activities during camp and stuff like that while the other entry will be a reflection of sorts. No prizes for guessing what I'm going to blog about in this entry.
I'm not too sure how to start off my reflections on camp. Never mind, shall just type whatever comes to mind. Throughout the camp, there have been a few adult leaders who have prayed for me but I'll only blog about what 3 of them prayed about. Bro Adrian laid hands upon me and prayed this "God has impressed this word upon me: Captivate." He went on about how God wants to captivate me with his love. Throughout camp, there have been quite a few recurring thoughts in my head. One of them concerned loving God and being loved by God. A pastor raised up a good point about love and giving to your loved ones today. If you give and you expect something in return, then sooner or later, the relationship wouldn't work out. In the same way, we can't give God our praise and worship and expect him to give us back in return. Anyway, I would like to think that I've given quite a bit of myself to my friends. So how much more does God deserve? I've given so much to my friends but I've given so little to God in comparison. Ouch. It wasn't painless coming to that realization..
Sis Joanne prayed this over me, "You have been rooted and the foundation is set. God wants you to build a house for Him." She went on about building for God. Appropriate, very appropriate. I'm hesitating before I blog about my reflections on this because there are some actions that I feel I have to take but it won't be easy. So once I start blogging about it, I don't want to give up half-way. Throughout the past year, there's been this idea in my head to either form Christian fellowship as a CCA or at least have a Christian fellowship group in school. This idea probably started since the day I heard "One Way" being played in the school canteen. Subsequently, there was that time at the piano too.. But I've just rejected and dismissed it as an idea that won't work out. Guess it's cause I'm afraid and don't have the courage. It's great how God works. Last year during camp, he assured me as to how and why I managed to enter NUS High. This year, he starts showing me the plans he has for me and for the school. Now that I've blogged about it, that confirms it. I have to at least try and do something. Even if Christian fellowship isn't an actual CCA, I want to build up the Christian fellowship group(s) in school. It's going to be difficult, realized it from the start. But I want to sustain the fire inside me. It's irritating when it starts dying out awhile after camp. To quote the pastors, "There's this cycle. We all get spiritually high during camp and it lasts for a while before it dies out and then we go back to normal til the next camp."
Last prayer from an adult leader that I want to blog about is what Sis Jasmine prayed for me about, "A new mantle of leadership". Whoa. There's quite a bit that I want to blog about on leadership but can't really get my thoughts organized enough. Basically, I want to step out in faith and let God guide me. Basically, stepping out to lead in church and also in school. I have a vague idea of how the former is possible but the latter? To be honest, I am scared of what next year will bring.
There are a few more things that God spoke to me about. My lack of regular TAWG, reaching out to people and lastly, giving my all into every aspect of my life. My lack of regular time alone with God. Sighs. I really lack the self-discipline and self-control but this can't go on. I have to set aside some time each day or every alternate day. That's one way to keep the fire burning in me.
The last two areas, I think I'll blog on them separately. It hits quite a few raw nerves.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
before Emerge
To be honest, I got to admit that I'm a bit reluctant to blog this type of entries once more. The last time, those entries brought about quite a bit of conflict between me and my friends.. But anyway, here goes.
One more day to Emerge! For those not from church, that's the theme of my church's youth camp for this year. I'm intending to blog an entry on my expectations, feelings before the camp. Then afterwards, compare it to the entry that I'll have after the camp. =)
Yay. I'm thankful that I've been allowed to go for the camp. At first, parents disapproved because of the original location but after the location was changed, parents gave permission straightaway. Then there was my grandfather's condition to consider..
There's one thing that's going to be different this camp compared to the previous two camps I've been to, the position that I've been placed at. When I received the call from Sister Jas, the first feeling was that I was overjoyed. Deep down, I was hoping that I would have a chance to be in a leadership position. Yayness. =) I'm assistant leader of one of the groups. The contradictory thing is I normally avoid leading as it means being in the spotlight. There are other reasons why I avoid being a leader such as a sense of inadequency and feeling that there are others more well-equipped to lead. Or the issue that was on my mind before I became an SP, "How can I expect to lead others in the right way when I feel so lost in my life?" You get the general idea. Yet, I was happy. And I've no idea why I wanted the position. But honestly, I'm still nervous. But the leader's briefing was enjoyable and did help calm me down a bit and I was given some assurance by the adults said. Mhmm. =)
I'm expecting quite a few things from the camp. Each year, my expectations for camp have been met beyond what I expected. Each youth camp has changed me a bit but to be honest, it only lasts for a while. The fire within me dies out after awhile. But somehow, there's this anticipation inside of me. I just sense that I will change quite a bit after camp. Whether it's me being more confident/comfortable being in leadership positions or something else, I've no idea. But to quote my MSN nickname, "I know I will change, for the better. Will you all see it that way?" I guess there's still a bit of insecurities in me after the previous incident. Didn't realize it. Only a few of you have known me when I was really passionate about running after God. Honestly, I haven't shouted my faith out loud. Why? I've got to ask myself that too.
One last thing to round up this entry. The previous time, someone I hold dear to me was hurt because the person felt worthless since my relationship with God, going to church, etc seemed to be the only thing that made me happy. My friends felt worthless. But I want to get this clear. Yes, I am happy and my spirits are lifted up in service especially when I encounter God's presence. But no, that's not the only thing that makes me happy. I value my friends so much. So here's a promise that I'll make to my friends. No matter how I've changed after the camp, my friends will always be important to me. I just hope that even if I do change, the way you treat me won't. Other than being nervous, I'm scared too..
One more day to Emerge! For those not from church, that's the theme of my church's youth camp for this year. I'm intending to blog an entry on my expectations, feelings before the camp. Then afterwards, compare it to the entry that I'll have after the camp. =)
Yay. I'm thankful that I've been allowed to go for the camp. At first, parents disapproved because of the original location but after the location was changed, parents gave permission straightaway. Then there was my grandfather's condition to consider..
There's one thing that's going to be different this camp compared to the previous two camps I've been to, the position that I've been placed at. When I received the call from Sister Jas, the first feeling was that I was overjoyed. Deep down, I was hoping that I would have a chance to be in a leadership position. Yayness. =) I'm assistant leader of one of the groups. The contradictory thing is I normally avoid leading as it means being in the spotlight. There are other reasons why I avoid being a leader such as a sense of inadequency and feeling that there are others more well-equipped to lead. Or the issue that was on my mind before I became an SP, "How can I expect to lead others in the right way when I feel so lost in my life?" You get the general idea. Yet, I was happy. And I've no idea why I wanted the position. But honestly, I'm still nervous. But the leader's briefing was enjoyable and did help calm me down a bit and I was given some assurance by the adults said. Mhmm. =)
I'm expecting quite a few things from the camp. Each year, my expectations for camp have been met beyond what I expected. Each youth camp has changed me a bit but to be honest, it only lasts for a while. The fire within me dies out after awhile. But somehow, there's this anticipation inside of me. I just sense that I will change quite a bit after camp. Whether it's me being more confident/comfortable being in leadership positions or something else, I've no idea. But to quote my MSN nickname, "I know I will change, for the better. Will you all see it that way?" I guess there's still a bit of insecurities in me after the previous incident. Didn't realize it. Only a few of you have known me when I was really passionate about running after God. Honestly, I haven't shouted my faith out loud. Why? I've got to ask myself that too.
One last thing to round up this entry. The previous time, someone I hold dear to me was hurt because the person felt worthless since my relationship with God, going to church, etc seemed to be the only thing that made me happy. My friends felt worthless. But I want to get this clear. Yes, I am happy and my spirits are lifted up in service especially when I encounter God's presence. But no, that's not the only thing that makes me happy. I value my friends so much. So here's a promise that I'll make to my friends. No matter how I've changed after the camp, my friends will always be important to me. I just hope that even if I do change, the way you treat me won't. Other than being nervous, I'm scared too..
Friday, December 08, 2006
one normal day
Whee! Today finally felt like a holiday, compared to the past few weeks. Meeting up with friends, slacking, doing things that I enjoy, etc... =)
Kor, Mei and Nes (duh, who else?) came over to my house today in the morning. Morning referring to 8am. 0.0 Nice of them, ya? Haha. I didn't really mind. They are pro! Helped me finished the Disney princess jigsaw puzzle. After that, they played for an hour or so on the piano before we watched Mr and Mrs Smith while eating lunch (which was soon neglected and forgotten). Then more fixing of a new jigsaw puzzle. But it was a lot harder since the picture's of a pair of dolphin in this sea that's rainbow-coloured. Nes suggested playing bridge so ended up going downstairs to buy a deck of cards. Sadness. Didn't have any cards at home. Oh well. Played bridge the rest of the time. Heehee. I am really the rewols one. Somehow, I managed to play through a few games being really blur and confused as to who my partner was and stuff like that. Then nes had to leave and kor also left. Mei stayed for awhile before she left too.. =( Oh well. Sighs.
The saddest thing is after I transferred what we've done of the dolphin puzzle unto the board, when I brought it in my room, the board dropped a bit and half of what we did went unto my bed. So naturally, some of those we joined together came apart. Had to rush off to meet my mum so didn't fix everything back. But everything's on the board at least. And the border's still in place. =)
Rushed down to central to meet my family and had dinner before watching Happy Feet. Ack. Another example of my ssenwols: didn't realize that the entertainment centre's been renovated and the ticket counter's now on the 2nd floor. Mhmm. Happy Feet is cute! -gushes over Mumble and Gloria- Ohh! I like Gloria's heartsong. It is nice. The heartsong of Mumble's parents is nice too. Mhmm! =) Must remember to get the show when it's out on VCD/DVD. Ok. It's getting late/early. Better go sleep now. Goodnight!
Kor, Mei and Nes (duh, who else?) came over to my house today in the morning. Morning referring to 8am. 0.0 Nice of them, ya? Haha. I didn't really mind. They are pro! Helped me finished the Disney princess jigsaw puzzle. After that, they played for an hour or so on the piano before we watched Mr and Mrs Smith while eating lunch (which was soon neglected and forgotten). Then more fixing of a new jigsaw puzzle. But it was a lot harder since the picture's of a pair of dolphin in this sea that's rainbow-coloured. Nes suggested playing bridge so ended up going downstairs to buy a deck of cards. Sadness. Didn't have any cards at home. Oh well. Played bridge the rest of the time. Heehee. I am really the rewols one. Somehow, I managed to play through a few games being really blur and confused as to who my partner was and stuff like that. Then nes had to leave and kor also left. Mei stayed for awhile before she left too.. =( Oh well. Sighs.
The saddest thing is after I transferred what we've done of the dolphin puzzle unto the board, when I brought it in my room, the board dropped a bit and half of what we did went unto my bed. So naturally, some of those we joined together came apart. Had to rush off to meet my mum so didn't fix everything back. But everything's on the board at least. And the border's still in place. =)
Rushed down to central to meet my family and had dinner before watching Happy Feet. Ack. Another example of my ssenwols: didn't realize that the entertainment centre's been renovated and the ticket counter's now on the 2nd floor. Mhmm. Happy Feet is cute! -gushes over Mumble and Gloria- Ohh! I like Gloria's heartsong. It is nice. The heartsong of Mumble's parents is nice too. Mhmm! =) Must remember to get the show when it's out on VCD/DVD. Ok. It's getting late/early. Better go sleep now. Goodnight!
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
closest
I've been blogging a lot of entries on my friends, be it thanking them or summarizing the various friendships in my life. This entry's going to quite similar except that I'm going to direct it to two people only. On my MSN space, I dedicated the song to the same two people. In fact, I think I directed almost that whole post to them. =p
I really know how to pick my friends, don't I? To be honest, the amount of tears I've shed over you two probably makes up the majority of my tears in secondary school. On the other hand, a lot of things remind me of you two, even really trivial stuff. Sure, I've had unpleasant memories that concern you two but there are also memories of you two that I want to keep with me forever.
Ok. Enough with that paragraph. It was way too general. Time to address each of you separately. I'll start off with the one that I knew earlier.
You. Haha. Even blogging in this style reminds me of you. After all, we've had so many entries in which we don't mention names and just use "you". You've influenced me a lot and changed me a lot. I think I became a bit less innocent. =p Still remember the question mark notebook? I still wonder what happened to it... Anyway, that aside. My favourite memory of us was when we were to Junction 8 and then you cut your hair. After that, we took neoprints. To this day, I think that set of neoprints is the nicest in my collection. For once, I looked photogenic. =p Haha. But not only that, it was one of the rarer times when it was only two of us going out and taking neoprints. And the smiles on our faces were so genuine. It was also well-decorated. Anyway, I attribute a lot of my behaviour to you actually. There are certain habits that I have even til this day. But times have changed. We've drifted quite a bit. And though things have been improving slightly over the past month, it hasn't reached the level that we were once at. Sighs. Once, you said that you read my blog every alternate day or something like that. I was pleasantly surprised. I thought you stopped reading my blog. Now, do you still read it as often? I know I still check yours each time I go online. Please leave a tag if you still read. Thanks.
Next, unto you. It's a bit harder to blog a paragraph addressing you, I much rather talk to you or something. But anyway, it feels weird if I only address the other person and not you. Mhmm. My friendship with you is rather different compared to my friendship with other people. Normally, I try to be the listener rather than the talker. But with you, I tend to just rant on more, especially over the phone. At times, I'm not used to it. But it's also this that makes your friendship so much more valuable to me. And I have no idea why, but whether guards I have in place all just collapse when I'm talking to you. It's all unintentional. For example, I can just be talking and then I realize the emotions that I've buried beneath and it all comes out. And though you haven't changed me as much as the other person has, you've brought out quite a few aspects of me even more. And there's something I haven't told you. You unknowingly fulfilled two wishes that I made a long time ago. =p Mhmm. Shall end this paragraph here. Let's see if what I'm hoping for now comes true. =p
You two ah... So many things can trigger off memories, both good and bad. But I'm getting used to it. Besides, I don't regret knowing either one of you, my two closest friends cum siblings (even if we're not related by blood).
There. Finished the entry at last. This entry was written in two parts. Was interrupted last night when parents came back so had to stop blogging. Have fun guessing who those two people are. It's really obvious though. =p
I really know how to pick my friends, don't I? To be honest, the amount of tears I've shed over you two probably makes up the majority of my tears in secondary school. On the other hand, a lot of things remind me of you two, even really trivial stuff. Sure, I've had unpleasant memories that concern you two but there are also memories of you two that I want to keep with me forever.
Ok. Enough with that paragraph. It was way too general. Time to address each of you separately. I'll start off with the one that I knew earlier.
You. Haha. Even blogging in this style reminds me of you. After all, we've had so many entries in which we don't mention names and just use "you". You've influenced me a lot and changed me a lot. I think I became a bit less innocent. =p Still remember the question mark notebook? I still wonder what happened to it... Anyway, that aside. My favourite memory of us was when we were to Junction 8 and then you cut your hair. After that, we took neoprints. To this day, I think that set of neoprints is the nicest in my collection. For once, I looked photogenic. =p Haha. But not only that, it was one of the rarer times when it was only two of us going out and taking neoprints. And the smiles on our faces were so genuine. It was also well-decorated. Anyway, I attribute a lot of my behaviour to you actually. There are certain habits that I have even til this day. But times have changed. We've drifted quite a bit. And though things have been improving slightly over the past month, it hasn't reached the level that we were once at. Sighs. Once, you said that you read my blog every alternate day or something like that. I was pleasantly surprised. I thought you stopped reading my blog. Now, do you still read it as often? I know I still check yours each time I go online. Please leave a tag if you still read. Thanks.
Next, unto you. It's a bit harder to blog a paragraph addressing you, I much rather talk to you or something. But anyway, it feels weird if I only address the other person and not you. Mhmm. My friendship with you is rather different compared to my friendship with other people. Normally, I try to be the listener rather than the talker. But with you, I tend to just rant on more, especially over the phone. At times, I'm not used to it. But it's also this that makes your friendship so much more valuable to me. And I have no idea why, but whether guards I have in place all just collapse when I'm talking to you. It's all unintentional. For example, I can just be talking and then I realize the emotions that I've buried beneath and it all comes out. And though you haven't changed me as much as the other person has, you've brought out quite a few aspects of me even more. And there's something I haven't told you. You unknowingly fulfilled two wishes that I made a long time ago. =p Mhmm. Shall end this paragraph here. Let's see if what I'm hoping for now comes true. =p
You two ah... So many things can trigger off memories, both good and bad. But I'm getting used to it. Besides, I don't regret knowing either one of you, my two closest friends cum siblings (even if we're not related by blood).
There. Finished the entry at last. This entry was written in two parts. Was interrupted last night when parents came back so had to stop blogging. Have fun guessing who those two people are. It's really obvious though. =p
Monday, December 04, 2006
bottling
Have I mentioned that my subconscious is capable of so much more than I give it credit for?Hmm. There was this incident on Saturday that made me realized how well I could push things to the back of my head. While I've been able to push things to the back of my head rather effectively (by my standards), the past week just beats everything hands down.
I didn't even realize what I've been bottling inside me. Had to force everything back into the bottle almost immediately after the bottle was open. After the bottle's been open for the first time, the cap's a lot looser. The bottle has been on the verge of opening quite a few times but each time, I have to force the cap on tightly. But not tightly enough. In fact, I want to remove the cap and let the contents of the bottle spill out but there hasn't been a time for that. The saddest thing is that I thought the bottle was empty or at least empty enough so it doesn't matter if the cap comes loose. But as usual, I'm either in denial or I'm just really naive to think that everything was settled. Oh. It turns out that the bottle was capped for a week at the very least before it was first opened on Saturday. Actually, it was probably capped since the start of the holidays? Oh well. And right now, the cap's looser than ever. But I can't risk letting everything come out of the bottle. Not now anyway.
Ok. That paragraph was just really really different. Quite understandable, I think. Doesn't matter. Not really in the mood to blog now.
I didn't even realize what I've been bottling inside me. Had to force everything back into the bottle almost immediately after the bottle was open. After the bottle's been open for the first time, the cap's a lot looser. The bottle has been on the verge of opening quite a few times but each time, I have to force the cap on tightly. But not tightly enough. In fact, I want to remove the cap and let the contents of the bottle spill out but there hasn't been a time for that. The saddest thing is that I thought the bottle was empty or at least empty enough so it doesn't matter if the cap comes loose. But as usual, I'm either in denial or I'm just really naive to think that everything was settled. Oh. It turns out that the bottle was capped for a week at the very least before it was first opened on Saturday. Actually, it was probably capped since the start of the holidays? Oh well. And right now, the cap's looser than ever. But I can't risk letting everything come out of the bottle. Not now anyway.
Ok. That paragraph was just really really different. Quite understandable, I think. Doesn't matter. Not really in the mood to blog now.
Friday, December 01, 2006
quick note
Yay. I'm home. Quite unexpected really. Was supposed to stay overnight at my grandmother's house again but came back home because my brother missed his bed so much. But the sad thing is that my overnight bag is still at my grandmother's place. Went to the funeral parlour with only my handphone. So I'll have to wait til tomorrow before getting back my MP3 player and various other things. Ack. Oh well.
Not much to blog about really. Just wanted to enjoy using the computer. =p
Ohh. Shall blog about my rather uneventful day. Basically, I've become the unofficial "babysitter" during this time. At first, it only consist of taking care of Jonathan from morning til evening. Today, I had to watch over Jonathan and my 3 younger cousins. All girls, one primary 5 this year, one primary 4 next year and one primary 1 next year. The bad part is when I get sleepy but can't sleep cause the two older girls fell asleep so no one left to watch over the two kids. >.< Oh well. And I finish reading salem falls by about 1pm so had to stone with my MP3 player or watch whatever was on TV. Fortunately, the kids chose to watch "8 below". Whew. So had something to do, which I enjoyed. =)
Why do I have this feeling that tomorrow's going to be a repeat of today? Sighs. The most irritating thing about this whole period of time is not the fact that I can't go out or what, it's the fact that everything's so last minute. I only knew 5 minutes before we boarded the taxi that we'll be going home to sleep tonight. Little things like that. It'll be nice to know where I'll be tomorrow but no one can give me the answer so I have no idea what to pack in my bag when I leave the house. And I have no idea whether I'll be home tomorrow night. It's things like this. Sighs. Got to admit that right now my mind's already on next week. I want to go out with all my friends before the 10th.
You know that I told some of you all that my trip to Thailand was cancelled? Well, it turns out that I still might go. But it's all not confirmed. I'm not sure whether I'll be in Singapore or Thailand. Sighs. The only event confirmed for the next few weeks is that I'm allowed to go for youth camp. Yay. 10th - 13th December. That's it.
Not much to blog about really. Just wanted to enjoy using the computer. =p
Ohh. Shall blog about my rather uneventful day. Basically, I've become the unofficial "babysitter" during this time. At first, it only consist of taking care of Jonathan from morning til evening. Today, I had to watch over Jonathan and my 3 younger cousins. All girls, one primary 5 this year, one primary 4 next year and one primary 1 next year. The bad part is when I get sleepy but can't sleep cause the two older girls fell asleep so no one left to watch over the two kids. >.< Oh well. And I finish reading salem falls by about 1pm so had to stone with my MP3 player or watch whatever was on TV. Fortunately, the kids chose to watch "8 below". Whew. So had something to do, which I enjoyed. =)
Why do I have this feeling that tomorrow's going to be a repeat of today? Sighs. The most irritating thing about this whole period of time is not the fact that I can't go out or what, it's the fact that everything's so last minute. I only knew 5 minutes before we boarded the taxi that we'll be going home to sleep tonight. Little things like that. It'll be nice to know where I'll be tomorrow but no one can give me the answer so I have no idea what to pack in my bag when I leave the house. And I have no idea whether I'll be home tomorrow night. It's things like this. Sighs. Got to admit that right now my mind's already on next week. I want to go out with all my friends before the 10th.
You know that I told some of you all that my trip to Thailand was cancelled? Well, it turns out that I still might go. But it's all not confirmed. I'm not sure whether I'll be in Singapore or Thailand. Sighs. The only event confirmed for the next few weeks is that I'm allowed to go for youth camp. Yay. 10th - 13th December. That's it.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
eventful days
Hmm. I probably won't be able to blog til after saturday or sunday. In fact, I doubt I'll be home much the next few days. High chance that I'll be staying over at my grandmother's place. But I'll still be contactable by my handphone, ok? -hint- (I'm going to be bored in the morning/afternoon.) =p
Oh. For those who don't know, I blacked out for a minute on tuesday afternoon. Oops? Before I get killed by everyone, let me state clearly that I did eat my lunch on that day. Omelette + large bowl of mashed potato. So there. Urk. Don't like the experience of blacking out. One moment, I was listening to my parents talk, then when I came to, I was on the floor. >.< Luckily my parents caught me. =p Oh well. So because of this incident, my mum insists that I go for a full body check-up soon. That'll have to wait til everything's over and everyone's no longer so busy.
And another piece of new for those who don't know, the reason why I'll be busy and staying over at my grandmother's place is because my grandfather passed away yesterday.
Sighs. I'm tempted to blog an entry on life and death and how we should appreciate what we have, etc, etc. But not now. Maybe when my thoughts get a bit more organized.
Oh. For those who don't know, I blacked out for a minute on tuesday afternoon. Oops? Before I get killed by everyone, let me state clearly that I did eat my lunch on that day. Omelette + large bowl of mashed potato. So there. Urk. Don't like the experience of blacking out. One moment, I was listening to my parents talk, then when I came to, I was on the floor. >.< Luckily my parents caught me. =p Oh well. So because of this incident, my mum insists that I go for a full body check-up soon. That'll have to wait til everything's over and everyone's no longer so busy.
And another piece of new for those who don't know, the reason why I'll be busy and staying over at my grandmother's place is because my grandfather passed away yesterday.
Sighs. I'm tempted to blog an entry on life and death and how we should appreciate what we have, etc, etc. But not now. Maybe when my thoughts get a bit more organized.
Monday, November 27, 2006
200th post
Whoa. After close to 2 years, I've finally reached the 200th post. Guess I'll use this post as a time for a reflection yet again. Even though I'm bound to start reflecting on the past a lot more when it's the end of the year/start of 2007.
This blog was created at the end of Secondary 1, after the youth camp. Things have really changed over these 2 years. Transferring from nanyang to nus high, knowing new friends, drifting away from old friends. Gaining more experiences and memories. Knowing myself better at times. Yet, even as I think that I know myself better, there are always new experiences in which my responses are totally unexpected. Think I've blogged a lot more over this past year. I feel a mild sense of accomplishment that I still maintain most of my blogs. I don't consider my livejournal as a blog though. My main blogs are this one, my MSN space and occasionally my private blog. =p I'm tempted to start reading all my entries again from each blog. But not now... Need to go for piano lesson soon.
I want to blog more about the changes between now and last time... Hmm. Ohh. Just checked my archives. Yeps, I've proof that I've been blogging more. I hit my 100th entry this year in April. And now it's only November and I've hit the 200 mark. =) Okie. That settles it. I shall blog about the difference between this semester and the previous semester. =p
Academically, I've done worse this semester for the exams but I think my CA did improve. I'm disappointed with my exam grades but I won't go beat myself up over it. Mhmm. Emotionally, I think this semester has been quite a roller-coaster ride. More eventful and a lot more emotional than the 1st semester. Although I agree that being emotional isn't that good and stuff like that, I think the past 6 months have made me realize various truths about myself. Hopefully that means that I know myself a bit better instead of being in denial. =p Haha. Spiritually.. Hmm, I've been praying more. A lot more. But still need to do my TAWG regularly. Priorities over this semester has changed quite a bit. Corrections: it hasn't changed. It's just a lot more clearer to me now. I think.
And of course, how can I forget one of the most important areas of my life? My friends. How have things changed? Erm.. The truth hurts at times so I'll do a bit of censoring and minus out some names. So I'll keep this part nameless.
Group 1 - Drifted quite a bit. I got to say I didn't expect it. I was always the naive kid, ya? Disappointed. I'm still hoping though. Things seem to be picking up for the better. Or at least my relationship with one of you's getting slightly better than last semester. But the rest of you, I don't think things will go back to the way they were. At least she's making the effort.
Group 2 - My friendship with you all is really quite unexpected. In the sense that I didn't expect to be that close with you all and going out with you all so much. It's fun to hang out with you all. And I can go crazy (or normal depending on how you look at it)... The sad thing is I'm almost always the one being bullied. >.< But yeps, I don't want to imagine life without any one of you.
Individual 1 - Most consistent friendship. Lasted longer than what people expected. It lasted longer than my own expectations. For that, I'm thankful. Got to catch up with you more though. =p Now if you'll stop being so buzy with other people. -coughs-
Individual 2 - Drifted quite a bit this past month? Why? Oh well. Hopefully things change during this holiday. But yeps, you're one friend that I don't regret knowing. Then again, I rarely regret knowing anyone. But you've taught me quite a bit, directly and indirectly. Mhmm.
Individual 3 - Thank God for you. As we both said, it was good timing that we knew each other when we did, ya? To have someone to be able to talk to openly and that we understand each other's situation. Oops. Owe you one outing. Got to meet up with you soon. Mhmm.
Hmm. These people/group of people are those who have been close/are close to me. The total number of people is 9. Quite obvious which 9...
Ok. Long enough blog entry. Ohh. -pouts- -whines- Some people are away at camp!! I miss them. And they've only just went for camp today. Kor, Mei and Nes, we are so meeting up for a move marathon, can? Please... -whines. =p
This blog was created at the end of Secondary 1, after the youth camp. Things have really changed over these 2 years. Transferring from nanyang to nus high, knowing new friends, drifting away from old friends. Gaining more experiences and memories. Knowing myself better at times. Yet, even as I think that I know myself better, there are always new experiences in which my responses are totally unexpected. Think I've blogged a lot more over this past year. I feel a mild sense of accomplishment that I still maintain most of my blogs. I don't consider my livejournal as a blog though. My main blogs are this one, my MSN space and occasionally my private blog. =p I'm tempted to start reading all my entries again from each blog. But not now... Need to go for piano lesson soon.
I want to blog more about the changes between now and last time... Hmm. Ohh. Just checked my archives. Yeps, I've proof that I've been blogging more. I hit my 100th entry this year in April. And now it's only November and I've hit the 200 mark. =) Okie. That settles it. I shall blog about the difference between this semester and the previous semester. =p
Academically, I've done worse this semester for the exams but I think my CA did improve. I'm disappointed with my exam grades but I won't go beat myself up over it. Mhmm. Emotionally, I think this semester has been quite a roller-coaster ride. More eventful and a lot more emotional than the 1st semester. Although I agree that being emotional isn't that good and stuff like that, I think the past 6 months have made me realize various truths about myself. Hopefully that means that I know myself a bit better instead of being in denial. =p Haha. Spiritually.. Hmm, I've been praying more. A lot more. But still need to do my TAWG regularly. Priorities over this semester has changed quite a bit. Corrections: it hasn't changed. It's just a lot more clearer to me now. I think.
And of course, how can I forget one of the most important areas of my life? My friends. How have things changed? Erm.. The truth hurts at times so I'll do a bit of censoring and minus out some names. So I'll keep this part nameless.
Group 1 - Drifted quite a bit. I got to say I didn't expect it. I was always the naive kid, ya? Disappointed. I'm still hoping though. Things seem to be picking up for the better. Or at least my relationship with one of you's getting slightly better than last semester. But the rest of you, I don't think things will go back to the way they were. At least she's making the effort.
Group 2 - My friendship with you all is really quite unexpected. In the sense that I didn't expect to be that close with you all and going out with you all so much. It's fun to hang out with you all. And I can go crazy (or normal depending on how you look at it)... The sad thing is I'm almost always the one being bullied. >.< But yeps, I don't want to imagine life without any one of you.
Individual 1 - Most consistent friendship. Lasted longer than what people expected. It lasted longer than my own expectations. For that, I'm thankful. Got to catch up with you more though. =p Now if you'll stop being so buzy with other people. -coughs-
Individual 2 - Drifted quite a bit this past month? Why? Oh well. Hopefully things change during this holiday. But yeps, you're one friend that I don't regret knowing. Then again, I rarely regret knowing anyone. But you've taught me quite a bit, directly and indirectly. Mhmm.
Individual 3 - Thank God for you. As we both said, it was good timing that we knew each other when we did, ya? To have someone to be able to talk to openly and that we understand each other's situation. Oops. Owe you one outing. Got to meet up with you soon. Mhmm.
Hmm. These people/group of people are those who have been close/are close to me. The total number of people is 9. Quite obvious which 9...
Ok. Long enough blog entry. Ohh. -pouts- -whines- Some people are away at camp!! I miss them. And they've only just went for camp today. Kor, Mei and Nes, we are so meeting up for a move marathon, can? Please... -whines. =p
Sunday, November 26, 2006
NTUC concert
Don't feel like blogging about the whole of the past week.. Shall just blog about my brother's year-end concert yesterday. Skipped service and FUEL because of it. Anyway, went there and watched kids from various childcare centres perform. The accompanying music at time is really... cutesified. =p For example, the kids were doing a morning workout to this song which went "ohh eee ohh ahh ahh zing zang wala wala bing bang.." Was really amused by the whole performance. I like the finale the best though. 187 kids standing on stage and most of them singing the two songs chosen for the finale. The songs were "peng you" by zhou hua jian and "That's what friends are for". I want the songs!! Actually, there should be a copy of "peng you" somewhere around the house. Shall go dig it up later. Meaningful songs... =)
Yay. I know. "That's what friends are for" shall be the next song that I'll blog about in my MSN space. =) At least, I'm maintaining some of my blogs...
Not really in the mood to blog. >.< Oh well.
Yay. I know. "That's what friends are for" shall be the next song that I'll blog about in my MSN space. =) At least, I'm maintaining some of my blogs...
Not really in the mood to blog. >.< Oh well.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
disappointed
Though my previous entry rather depressing and all, towards the end of the entry, I kind of expressed my hopes for the next day. But I was being way too hopeful. I imagined that there would be a light at the end of the tunnel. But right now, I'm still stumbling along in darkness. If anything, yesterday was considerably bad. What hopes? All gone. And although I want to keep hoping that with each new day, things will improve, that hasn't been the case.
Ohh. Interestingly enough, I think my emotional/mental state is taking a toll on my physical well-being more than ever. Saturday night, Sunday night and last night. I manage to sleep at relatively decent times. Before 10:30. But the bad part comes after 12 midnight. I've woke up every hour since 1. Let's see. It's like this. Wakes up, looks at my handphone for the time. "Ohh, it's 1am. Go back to sleep". Then the whole cycle repeats for 2am, 3am, some time before 5am, 5am, so on and so forth. Just the number of times that I wake up and check the time exceeds 5. Not even counting the times when I don't check the time. So I wake up in the morning extremely irritated and frustrated because I lack restful sleep. I might be in bed for 10+ hours. But too much of it isn't restful. My mum was speculating that I was worried and stressed over the PTM. Hah. As if. If that was the case, I wouldn't have gone through the whole cycle again last night. Laadeedaa. How about this? I think I know why I've not been sleeping well. Let's put it this way. The day I see the light at the end of the tunnel will be the day I sleep well. Ohh! Other than being really sleepy, there was the chance of me falling sick. Think I avoided it though. Since I've been drinking a lot more water. My throat demands it. But another bad thing is that I lost my appetite the whole of yesterday. -cringe- Not good.
Oh well. Let's stop dwelling in self-pity for now and blog about PTM. Cap of 3.44 Sighs. It's higher than what I calculated so I'm not too shocked or disappointed anymore. And there are certain parts of the report that I can take pride in and my parents were rather fine with my results. That doesn't mean I'm not grounded. They want to view my marks on espace first before deciding my "sentence".
I don't dare to hope that today will be better. I hoped that yesterday would be the day that the situation changed but the whole day, I was just so tired. In fact, more than ever? So I don't want to hope for today. But if things don't get better, I don't know how long more I can last. On the bright side, it's a lot more bearable for my physical state to be weak than for my emotional state to be weak. At least, this toll on my physical has helped to keep my emotional state at a decent level. =)
Ohh. Interestingly enough, I think my emotional/mental state is taking a toll on my physical well-being more than ever. Saturday night, Sunday night and last night. I manage to sleep at relatively decent times. Before 10:30. But the bad part comes after 12 midnight. I've woke up every hour since 1. Let's see. It's like this. Wakes up, looks at my handphone for the time. "Ohh, it's 1am. Go back to sleep". Then the whole cycle repeats for 2am, 3am, some time before 5am, 5am, so on and so forth. Just the number of times that I wake up and check the time exceeds 5. Not even counting the times when I don't check the time. So I wake up in the morning extremely irritated and frustrated because I lack restful sleep. I might be in bed for 10+ hours. But too much of it isn't restful. My mum was speculating that I was worried and stressed over the PTM. Hah. As if. If that was the case, I wouldn't have gone through the whole cycle again last night. Laadeedaa. How about this? I think I know why I've not been sleeping well. Let's put it this way. The day I see the light at the end of the tunnel will be the day I sleep well. Ohh! Other than being really sleepy, there was the chance of me falling sick. Think I avoided it though. Since I've been drinking a lot more water. My throat demands it. But another bad thing is that I lost my appetite the whole of yesterday. -cringe- Not good.
Oh well. Let's stop dwelling in self-pity for now and blog about PTM. Cap of 3.44 Sighs. It's higher than what I calculated so I'm not too shocked or disappointed anymore. And there are certain parts of the report that I can take pride in and my parents were rather fine with my results. That doesn't mean I'm not grounded. They want to view my marks on espace first before deciding my "sentence".
I don't dare to hope that today will be better. I hoped that yesterday would be the day that the situation changed but the whole day, I was just so tired. In fact, more than ever? So I don't want to hope for today. But if things don't get better, I don't know how long more I can last. On the bright side, it's a lot more bearable for my physical state to be weak than for my emotional state to be weak. At least, this toll on my physical has helped to keep my emotional state at a decent level. =)
Sunday, November 19, 2006
illogical links
Initially, I wanted to blog about Worship Experience yesterday and one of the most interesting taxi rides that I ever had but now, I just want to blog something that's been occupying my head for a good part of yesterday.
"Cry". Clouds. Pictures of scenery. Bottle of water. MPH. "For one more day". Precious moments. Soundtracks. Can anyone figure out how these items all link together? Or how they're similar? Actually, the list can be way longer but right now, these are the few that I remember most. No, they're not a list of things that I like. Aybody up for playing hangman? All these items fall under one catergory. The word is 8 letters long. To help whoever's interested, many things can fall under this catergory. In the same way that KFC, mashed potatoes, neoprints, Cineleisure, MRT lines, so on and so forth can fall under the catergory. No, the word isn't memories by the way. It occured to me though. =p
Whee!! One more day... Tomorrow will finally come. I'm not counting down to the parent-teacher meeting or even Jonathan's birthday. I'm hoping that tomorrow marks the end of my tiredness. It's really draining to have to go through this really tired state for 3 consecutive days with anything to look foward to or anything to give me hope. The worst part is when sleep doesn't help anymore. Slept early last night at 10. But was tossing and turning a lot throughout the night and woke up quite a few times. Including that irritating time when I woke up at 5.05am. I really should stop looking at the clock. From then til 8 plus, it was aggravating. I wanted to sleep but the sleep wasn't restful. Very fragmented and uncomfortable. Oh well. That's that. Just wondering what will tomorrow hold? More tiredness? Or finally, the light at the end of the tunnel? I'll find out tomorrow..
"Cry". Clouds. Pictures of scenery. Bottle of water. MPH. "For one more day". Precious moments. Soundtracks. Can anyone figure out how these items all link together? Or how they're similar? Actually, the list can be way longer but right now, these are the few that I remember most. No, they're not a list of things that I like. Aybody up for playing hangman? All these items fall under one catergory. The word is 8 letters long. To help whoever's interested, many things can fall under this catergory. In the same way that KFC, mashed potatoes, neoprints, Cineleisure, MRT lines, so on and so forth can fall under the catergory. No, the word isn't memories by the way. It occured to me though. =p
Whee!! One more day... Tomorrow will finally come. I'm not counting down to the parent-teacher meeting or even Jonathan's birthday. I'm hoping that tomorrow marks the end of my tiredness. It's really draining to have to go through this really tired state for 3 consecutive days with anything to look foward to or anything to give me hope. The worst part is when sleep doesn't help anymore. Slept early last night at 10. But was tossing and turning a lot throughout the night and woke up quite a few times. Including that irritating time when I woke up at 5.05am. I really should stop looking at the clock. From then til 8 plus, it was aggravating. I wanted to sleep but the sleep wasn't restful. Very fragmented and uncomfortable. Oh well. That's that. Just wondering what will tomorrow hold? More tiredness? Or finally, the light at the end of the tunnel? I'll find out tomorrow..
Saturday, November 18, 2006
a kind of routine...
As I told mei, these few days and the next few would probably consist of me being at the hospital or me being at home with Jonathan. Of course, there's been a few "inconsistencies" here and there such as yesterday from noon til about 5. I'll blog about that first then blog about the general state of things.
Met up with those 3 during their break from arts fest rehearsal. Went to the arcade for a while before catching "Step Up". Hmm... It's not bad actually. The dance routines were impressive. Ohh. What is it with phrases and stuff like that speaking out to me?? I blame it on erm.. a guilty conscience? Laadeedaas. After that, drank one bowl of soup at Pizza Hut before I had to rush off and meet my mum. Went to the childcare and was very tickled by the behaviour of the kids there. And also by how short the chairs were. To think that I was once at that age and in that exact same childcare. Oh, I remember my mum once said this to me, "Are you very stressed or something? You're getting so tickled over such a simple thing." So yesterday, it occured to me. Was I really amused by what was happening or was I trying too hard to convince myself? Laadeedaas. But it was really heart-warming to see the smile on Jonathan's face during the whole time. After that, went down to the hospital. Left earlier than normal because Jonathan was being really restless and so had to bring him home.
Ohh! While blogging this, my mum called and told me that I can go for service later. Yay! =) I thought I was going to miss Worship Experience again.
Last thing to blog about. Even though I've been sleeping quite a lot, my eyes constantly want to close and I long to just sleep as much as possible. This tiredness started since yesterday or maybe even thursday? And I've got this really bad feeling that it's going to last for quite awhile. Even sleeping more doesn't seem to help much. The only good thing about sleep is that you're not aware of what's going through your head unless you have dreams or anything. But fortunately, I don't dream often. But one of the bad thing is that right before I sleep, my mind starts going on overload and I end up thinking too much or -cringe- imagining too much. Let's just say my head was having fun tormenting me before I fell asleep. And oh, my pillow was ever so comfortable yesterday. =p
Met up with those 3 during their break from arts fest rehearsal. Went to the arcade for a while before catching "Step Up". Hmm... It's not bad actually. The dance routines were impressive. Ohh. What is it with phrases and stuff like that speaking out to me?? I blame it on erm.. a guilty conscience? Laadeedaas. After that, drank one bowl of soup at Pizza Hut before I had to rush off and meet my mum. Went to the childcare and was very tickled by the behaviour of the kids there. And also by how short the chairs were. To think that I was once at that age and in that exact same childcare. Oh, I remember my mum once said this to me, "Are you very stressed or something? You're getting so tickled over such a simple thing." So yesterday, it occured to me. Was I really amused by what was happening or was I trying too hard to convince myself? Laadeedaas. But it was really heart-warming to see the smile on Jonathan's face during the whole time. After that, went down to the hospital. Left earlier than normal because Jonathan was being really restless and so had to bring him home.
Ohh! While blogging this, my mum called and told me that I can go for service later. Yay! =) I thought I was going to miss Worship Experience again.
Last thing to blog about. Even though I've been sleeping quite a lot, my eyes constantly want to close and I long to just sleep as much as possible. This tiredness started since yesterday or maybe even thursday? And I've got this really bad feeling that it's going to last for quite awhile. Even sleeping more doesn't seem to help much. The only good thing about sleep is that you're not aware of what's going through your head unless you have dreams or anything. But fortunately, I don't dream often. But one of the bad thing is that right before I sleep, my mind starts going on overload and I end up thinking too much or -cringe- imagining too much. Let's just say my head was having fun tormenting me before I fell asleep. And oh, my pillow was ever so comfortable yesterday. =p
Thursday, November 16, 2006
drained - resting
For the first time in a long while, I've drained myself a bit too much physically, I think. =p Oops. Let's see. I didn't know how tiring it was to play DDR on standard mode. I tried for about 2-3 songs? Then after playing, had to pack up my stuff and all. I was exhausted. And course I wouldn't be going down to school tomorrow, had to empty out my locker today. Uhohh. Finally opened it for the first time this semester. Let's just say I really shouldn't have done everything today. I left my art supplies from last semester in the locker so had to bring everything back. So erm... I went home with as much stuff as when I came to school. My black sling bag, the plastic bag with the dance mat and a toolbox of art supplies. Heehee. It wasn't really heavy. More of bulky and troublesome. On the bright side, this is way better than the previous time I exerted myself so much physically. Looks like I really should train my endurance or something.
I'm supposed to go down to the hospital down but I think I'll take a nice, cold shower to wake me up or something. Then later, see the weather condition. Although I like the rain a lot, I do have some common sense (at times.) It started pouring 5 minutes after I came home. Yay! I have good timing. For once, I was happy that I missed the rain. Mhmm. And now, it's really heavy and I'm quite deterred from going down to Novena. >.<
After this post, I have this feeling that various people might want to kill me. Especially since my own actions made myself so drained. Time to pamper myself and let myself rest. I will rest and take care, ok? =)
I'm supposed to go down to the hospital down but I think I'll take a nice, cold shower to wake me up or something. Then later, see the weather condition. Although I like the rain a lot, I do have some common sense (at times.) It started pouring 5 minutes after I came home. Yay! I have good timing. For once, I was happy that I missed the rain. Mhmm. And now, it's really heavy and I'm quite deterred from going down to Novena. >.<
After this post, I have this feeling that various people might want to kill me. Especially since my own actions made myself so drained. Time to pamper myself and let myself rest. I will rest and take care, ok? =)
Monday, November 13, 2006
2nd last week of school
This entry's almost a week overdue. Wanted to blog about how I celebrated the end of exams on Tuesday. But wasn't really in the mood so haven't blogged. And the past week was actually "blog-worthy" (if there's such a term? =p). But even now, I'm not really in the mood yet but if I continue to postpone the entry, it'll never be done. So I'll do in word/phrase form. =p
Tuesday: Last paper! Bowling ball. Bukit Panjang Plaza. Closed bowling alley. Swensens. Cut and paste. Jumbled up. Ice cream. Salmon baked rice. Library. Vanessa's house. Princess Diaries 2. Fruits. Photos. Phone call. Realization. Priorities.
Wednesday: Withdrawal. Disappointment. Decision. Mistaken. Rumours? Subway. Honey oat. Arcade. Flushed away. Excess of NUSHS people. CD search. Comparison of prices. Spending cash. Soundtracks! =)
Thursday: Delivery service. 1 extended til 3:30. Taunting of rain.
Friday: Delivery service. Cake buying. The story behind the plates (and spoons). Present. Surprise? (Not really, ya?)
That's it for now? Mum's going to be back soon. Shall attempt to practice my piano again. I know my first and 2nd attempt didn't really work out. -shrugs- Didn't realize that practicing piano can actually not work out. I mean, I've tried practicing twice already? And both times, couldn't persevere. >.< Oh well. Oh yes, I wanted to blog about today too. But forget it, I don't think that's such a good idea now. Mhmm. On the bright side, I want to see how bad tomorrow can get. Yeps.
Tuesday: Last paper! Bowling ball. Bukit Panjang Plaza. Closed bowling alley. Swensens. Cut and paste. Jumbled up. Ice cream. Salmon baked rice. Library. Vanessa's house. Princess Diaries 2. Fruits. Photos. Phone call. Realization. Priorities.
Wednesday: Withdrawal. Disappointment. Decision. Mistaken. Rumours? Subway. Honey oat. Arcade. Flushed away. Excess of NUSHS people. CD search. Comparison of prices. Spending cash. Soundtracks! =)
Thursday: Delivery service. 1 extended til 3:30. Taunting of rain.
Friday: Delivery service. Cake buying. The story behind the plates (and spoons). Present. Surprise? (Not really, ya?)
That's it for now? Mum's going to be back soon. Shall attempt to practice my piano again. I know my first and 2nd attempt didn't really work out. -shrugs- Didn't realize that practicing piano can actually not work out. I mean, I've tried practicing twice already? And both times, couldn't persevere. >.< Oh well. Oh yes, I wanted to blog about today too. But forget it, I don't think that's such a good idea now. Mhmm. On the bright side, I want to see how bad tomorrow can get. Yeps.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
2 more days to go...
I have no idea what to do at this point. There's only so much that my brain will absorb. I feel guilty if I slack especially since I've been slacking so much today. Let's see. After finishing up physics cheatsheet with mei over the phone, we continued chatting for another 45 minutes or so til 12:30. After that, lazed around and read stories on fictionpress for most part of the afternoon. Once in awhile, I would read through botany as a break from fictionpress. So twisted, right? It's supposed to be studying then take a break by slacking. I slack and take a break by studying. Anyway, the rest of the evening/night was spent putting more effort into studying for botany. I've almost given up on thermodynamics already.
Ok. This is what I plan to do before I sleep. Read through thermodynamics notes once more. Skim through botany. Start reading through trigonometry notes. Oh well. Won't be sleeping before 10, i guess. Never mind. Shall aim to sleep by 11.
Ok. This is what I plan to do before I sleep. Read through thermodynamics notes once more. Skim through botany. Start reading through trigonometry notes. Oh well. Won't be sleeping before 10, i guess. Never mind. Shall aim to sleep by 11.
Friday, November 03, 2006
Prayer. Thanks.
Hmm... During the later part of lcell, had this urge to blog about what was shared and covered today. Then later, felt like blogging more about various stuff that hit me this week. Mhmm. So even though I really should go sleep soon, I felt like blogging first.
Bro Andy asked us this question, "If God was to grant you one prayer request, what would you ask for?" (Apart from wanting more prayer requests to be granted. =p) The first answer that came to mind just really shows how I have changed and yet how my priorities are still very similar. I'll be open, ya? The first answer was the good health of my friend. After giving more thought to the question, my answer changed a bit. This is what I replied, "My prayer request would be that for my friends and family to be happy and in good health." Anyway, Bro Andy continued on by saying that since that's our prayer request, that would mean it's the top on our priority list. 2nd question: "How often do you pray for that?" It was just a question for us to think about and we didn't have to share. But yes, I've changed compared to one year ago? Just talking about prayer alone, I've changed. For the better, I would like to think. I'll just briefly cover the rest of what was covered concerning prayer during lcell then I'll add my own reflections.
To have faith that our prayers will be answered. Persevere and keep on praying. Pray together with others. To have the right motives for our prayers. Approach God in prayer with a pure heart.
Honestly, I grew up only praying during service or when I'm about to have an exam and then I start panicking and praying to God. But over the course of this year and last, there's been a marked difference. Yes, I still have numerous prayer requests and most of the time, pray to God for help. But there have been also times when I pray to thank God for how He has blessed me so much. Especially this year. And one more thing about my prayer requests, they're no longer centered around me. So often, I'm asking God to help my friends in their lives and stuff like that. Even this week, during the exam period. Yeps, for those 3 in school.
Think I've covered what I want about prayer. For now. Not done blogging yet though. =p Want to blog about the various essay questions in the english exam. The questions were all so nice to write about! =) As in, I enjoy blogging about those topics and such but prefer not to do a formal essay. =p Oops? Can only remember 3 out of 5. But anyway, shall list the two questions that I was deciding between. We were supposed to write an argumentative essay on one of the questions.
1. Friends are more important than family.
2. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me."
The 2nd question was what I wrote about. Obviously, I don't agree with that saying. It might apply to some people but it's rarely ever been that way for me. Words can hurt me so much. Mhmm. To those who've been around me and really know me, you should know how I'm like and what gets me up and what gets me down. Yeps. Though at times, I want to have this shield that prevents me from being hurt so easily due to my character, I won't be me if I have a shield. Got to thank someone for pointing it out a few months ago. There isn't really much I want to blog about for this question. Not really. Just that it's so not true for me?
1st question is a lot harder. My first priority used to be my family during primary school days and even to a good degree of lower secondary. But things have changed. I value my friends a lot more nowadays compared to last time. If I was given a choice to pick between family and friends, I have no idea. And that's what worries me. I was so naive last time. I used to think that because of the good relations between me and my parents, things wouldn't change when I become a teen. -coughs- As if. Things have changed. I have changed. Oh well. Enough dwelling on such issues now.
Lastly, I want to spend the rest of this entry thanking various people. Mel was constantly pointing out how cute I am during dinner and all. And I was trying to figure out why I'm so much more hyper and act cute so often nowadays. Yeps. Certain reasons came to mind. And of course, I've got to thank certain people for brightening up my life or making me realize various things which cause me to enjoy life more and stuff like that. In no particular order...
Melanie: Thank you for being someone who I can talk to in church and have dinner together with. You've helped me feel a greater sense of belonging in church. And your positive mood is contagious. Like how you being so happy to see me just brings my mood up. =) With you, I can go "crazy" and just joke around but I can also talk to you. Thank you!
Tian Cheng: You've helped me appreciate the "kid" in me more. You give me more reason why I should keep finding joy in simple things, never really knew how my joy at things could affect others positively. So more than ever, I can find the joy in seemingly simple things. And thank you for the reassurance that you give. It really helps and lifts my mood up.
Renee: It's great when I can just go hyper and keep you amused. And then after I did that for some time at the beginning of the year, you start getting more hyper. =) Thank you (for the don't know how many time) for being willing to occupy me when I'm on the bus and stuff like that. Mhmm! =) You make school so much more fun and bearable. Not even covering how you've helped me academically. Mhmm.
Ok. There are others that I want to thank like samantha, Vanessa, Isaac and the list continues... But right now, I really should go and sleep soon. So sorry if I didn't mention you in this entry or something. But yes, the past few months of this year has been really enjoyable. I thank you all for bringing out the "kid" in me even more. Especially those 3 in school and Mel.
One last thing that I want to say. To all my friends: No matter how things are, were or will be, I don't regret knowing any one of you all.
Bro Andy asked us this question, "If God was to grant you one prayer request, what would you ask for?" (Apart from wanting more prayer requests to be granted. =p) The first answer that came to mind just really shows how I have changed and yet how my priorities are still very similar. I'll be open, ya? The first answer was the good health of my friend. After giving more thought to the question, my answer changed a bit. This is what I replied, "My prayer request would be that for my friends and family to be happy and in good health." Anyway, Bro Andy continued on by saying that since that's our prayer request, that would mean it's the top on our priority list. 2nd question: "How often do you pray for that?" It was just a question for us to think about and we didn't have to share. But yes, I've changed compared to one year ago? Just talking about prayer alone, I've changed. For the better, I would like to think. I'll just briefly cover the rest of what was covered concerning prayer during lcell then I'll add my own reflections.
To have faith that our prayers will be answered. Persevere and keep on praying. Pray together with others. To have the right motives for our prayers. Approach God in prayer with a pure heart.
Honestly, I grew up only praying during service or when I'm about to have an exam and then I start panicking and praying to God. But over the course of this year and last, there's been a marked difference. Yes, I still have numerous prayer requests and most of the time, pray to God for help. But there have been also times when I pray to thank God for how He has blessed me so much. Especially this year. And one more thing about my prayer requests, they're no longer centered around me. So often, I'm asking God to help my friends in their lives and stuff like that. Even this week, during the exam period. Yeps, for those 3 in school.
Think I've covered what I want about prayer. For now. Not done blogging yet though. =p Want to blog about the various essay questions in the english exam. The questions were all so nice to write about! =) As in, I enjoy blogging about those topics and such but prefer not to do a formal essay. =p Oops? Can only remember 3 out of 5. But anyway, shall list the two questions that I was deciding between. We were supposed to write an argumentative essay on one of the questions.
1. Friends are more important than family.
2. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me."
The 2nd question was what I wrote about. Obviously, I don't agree with that saying. It might apply to some people but it's rarely ever been that way for me. Words can hurt me so much. Mhmm. To those who've been around me and really know me, you should know how I'm like and what gets me up and what gets me down. Yeps. Though at times, I want to have this shield that prevents me from being hurt so easily due to my character, I won't be me if I have a shield. Got to thank someone for pointing it out a few months ago. There isn't really much I want to blog about for this question. Not really. Just that it's so not true for me?
1st question is a lot harder. My first priority used to be my family during primary school days and even to a good degree of lower secondary. But things have changed. I value my friends a lot more nowadays compared to last time. If I was given a choice to pick between family and friends, I have no idea. And that's what worries me. I was so naive last time. I used to think that because of the good relations between me and my parents, things wouldn't change when I become a teen. -coughs- As if. Things have changed. I have changed. Oh well. Enough dwelling on such issues now.
Lastly, I want to spend the rest of this entry thanking various people. Mel was constantly pointing out how cute I am during dinner and all. And I was trying to figure out why I'm so much more hyper and act cute so often nowadays. Yeps. Certain reasons came to mind. And of course, I've got to thank certain people for brightening up my life or making me realize various things which cause me to enjoy life more and stuff like that. In no particular order...
Melanie: Thank you for being someone who I can talk to in church and have dinner together with. You've helped me feel a greater sense of belonging in church. And your positive mood is contagious. Like how you being so happy to see me just brings my mood up. =) With you, I can go "crazy" and just joke around but I can also talk to you. Thank you!
Tian Cheng: You've helped me appreciate the "kid" in me more. You give me more reason why I should keep finding joy in simple things, never really knew how my joy at things could affect others positively. So more than ever, I can find the joy in seemingly simple things. And thank you for the reassurance that you give. It really helps and lifts my mood up.
Renee: It's great when I can just go hyper and keep you amused. And then after I did that for some time at the beginning of the year, you start getting more hyper. =) Thank you (for the don't know how many time) for being willing to occupy me when I'm on the bus and stuff like that. Mhmm! =) You make school so much more fun and bearable. Not even covering how you've helped me academically. Mhmm.
Ok. There are others that I want to thank like samantha, Vanessa, Isaac and the list continues... But right now, I really should go and sleep soon. So sorry if I didn't mention you in this entry or something. But yes, the past few months of this year has been really enjoyable. I thank you all for bringing out the "kid" in me even more. Especially those 3 in school and Mel.
One last thing that I want to say. To all my friends: No matter how things are, were or will be, I don't regret knowing any one of you all.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
exams
Just had chinese 'O' levels yesterday. Why did I sign up for it in the first place? Oh yes, just wanted to give it a shot. (Why does that remind me of how I persuaded my parents to let me enter GEP in primary 3?) Anyway, shall do a recap of yesterday before blogging about upcoming exams and my expectations.
Overslept in the morning. I can't believe it. Of all days to not hear all 3 alarm clocks, it had to be yesterday. On the bright side, it didn't really sink in how "dire" the situation was, so my mood stayed as it was. Paper 1. Pft. Was deciding between gong han and si han. The content for si han was easier but I couldn't remember the format so did gong han. -shrugs- And I didn't like the essay questions. As a general rule, I pick either the 2nd or 3rd question, prefer the 2nd question normally. But this round, I picked the bao zhang bao dao. Mhmm. Oh well. It was rather refreshing to do the first part of Paper 2. MCQ question for cloze passage and comprehension. =)
Had piano lesson after that. Haha. Extended piano lesson! =) Elmi jie jie should just rent out that room or something. Then went home and slacked a bit before studying a bit of biology. That's about it for yesterday?
Shall make a "time-table" for the next few days? Let's see.
31st Oct: Reading Day
Mechanics 2 - Practice questions
States of Matter - Read through notes and practice questions
Molecular Models - Read through notes and practice
1st Nov: English, Mechanics 2 and Elements of Music Theory
Reproduction & Inheritance - Read through notes + practice Punnett square
Indices, Surds and Sets - Read through notes
2nd Nov: Reproduction & Inheritance, Indices Surds and Sets
States of Matter - Read through notes and practice questions
Molecular Models - Read through notes and practice
3rd Nov: States of matter and Molecular models
Botany - Read through notes and redo quizzes
Thermodynamics - Do cheatsheet, read through notes
4th Nov: Weekend!
Botany - Read through notes and redo quizzes
Thermodynamics - Read through notes + practice
Trigonometry - Read through notes and practice questions
5th Nov: Weekend!
Botany - Read through notes and redo quizzes (cont'd)
Thermodynamics - Read through notes + practice
6th Nov: Botany and Thermodynamics
Trigonometry - Practice questions
Statistics - Read through notes
Hah. Now to see if I can actually keep to this and whether the things that I plan to do actually help. ^_- Oh. It's annoying when my expectations are of a certain level and I honestly doubt that I can hit them. Let's list by module, the overall grade that I want, ok?
English: B+
Higher Chinese: Wanted B but got B-
Trigonometry: B+
Statistics: A-
Indices, surds and sets: A-
Expo & Log: B+
Reproduction and Inhertiance: A-
Botany: B or B+
Hands-on Chemistry: B
States of Matter: B-
Molecular Models: B
Thermodynamics: B-
Mechanics 2: B-
Elements of Music Theory: A
3D art: B+
Hmm... Some of my aim might be higher than what's listed actually. But I rather push them away cause I don't want to fall from such a great height, ya? =p These are the grades that I'm hoping to get. But for some of them, it's rather unrealistic. Some of them, I'm aiming too low? =p
Overslept in the morning. I can't believe it. Of all days to not hear all 3 alarm clocks, it had to be yesterday. On the bright side, it didn't really sink in how "dire" the situation was, so my mood stayed as it was. Paper 1. Pft. Was deciding between gong han and si han. The content for si han was easier but I couldn't remember the format so did gong han. -shrugs- And I didn't like the essay questions. As a general rule, I pick either the 2nd or 3rd question, prefer the 2nd question normally. But this round, I picked the bao zhang bao dao. Mhmm. Oh well. It was rather refreshing to do the first part of Paper 2. MCQ question for cloze passage and comprehension. =)
Had piano lesson after that. Haha. Extended piano lesson! =) Elmi jie jie should just rent out that room or something. Then went home and slacked a bit before studying a bit of biology. That's about it for yesterday?
Shall make a "time-table" for the next few days? Let's see.
31st Oct: Reading Day
Mechanics 2 - Practice questions
States of Matter - Read through notes and practice questions
Molecular Models - Read through notes and practice
1st Nov: English, Mechanics 2 and Elements of Music Theory
Reproduction & Inheritance - Read through notes + practice Punnett square
Indices, Surds and Sets - Read through notes
2nd Nov: Reproduction & Inheritance, Indices Surds and Sets
States of Matter - Read through notes and practice questions
Molecular Models - Read through notes and practice
3rd Nov: States of matter and Molecular models
Botany - Read through notes and redo quizzes
Thermodynamics - Do cheatsheet, read through notes
4th Nov: Weekend!
Botany - Read through notes and redo quizzes
Thermodynamics - Read through notes + practice
Trigonometry - Read through notes and practice questions
5th Nov: Weekend!
Botany - Read through notes and redo quizzes (cont'd)
Thermodynamics - Read through notes + practice
6th Nov: Botany and Thermodynamics
Trigonometry - Practice questions
Statistics - Read through notes
Hah. Now to see if I can actually keep to this and whether the things that I plan to do actually help. ^_- Oh. It's annoying when my expectations are of a certain level and I honestly doubt that I can hit them. Let's list by module, the overall grade that I want, ok?
English: B+
Higher Chinese: Wanted B but got B-
Trigonometry: B+
Statistics: A-
Indices, surds and sets: A-
Expo & Log: B+
Reproduction and Inhertiance: A-
Botany: B or B+
Hands-on Chemistry: B
States of Matter: B-
Molecular Models: B
Thermodynamics: B-
Mechanics 2: B-
Elements of Music Theory: A
3D art: B+
Hmm... Some of my aim might be higher than what's listed actually. But I rather push them away cause I don't want to fall from such a great height, ya? =p These are the grades that I'm hoping to get. But for some of them, it's rather unrealistic. Some of them, I'm aiming too low? =p
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