That missing piece of the puzzle

Well, my current blogskin doesn't show the title of my entry which is both good and bad, I guess. This time, the title's too much of a giveaway to what I want to write about and we can't have that, can we? Considering that I have every intention of making this blog entry as vague as possible. So ya... Let's see if I can do that.

Let's see. Service. The sermon didn't really speak out to me but rather, it was the time when we were supposed to just close our eyes and listen for God's voice. This image was constantly in my mind. Then altar call. I didn't go up cause I didn't really fit into any of the groups. But in my seat, I was being touched by God. The song "Rescue". Mel or isaac, if you have that song, can send to me next time? Hmm. Realization, that I was so close to repeating the process of last year. Moodiness, depression, tears. Letting go of some things. I've never been good at letting go. Still aren't. But it's like the list just got longer. Relationships, emotions, etc...

FUEL. Erm... Sad that I had to leave half-way. Then when making my way to dinner, I was like calling up people and asking them to call with me on the phone. Thanks Renee and Glo. =) But ya. Even the wanting to talk to someone was telling. It made me realized... Oh well. Dinner. Erm... Felt out of place? Never did like eating in such an enviroment. Doesn't suit me? Anyway, after dinner, went to check out some "Hark Music Cafe". Cousin was having her ROM there. As the name implies, it's cafe with a stage. For karaoke purposes? Anyway, the whole family was just sitting there stoning. I was no exception. Hmm. Then I started thinking... Erm. Ya. The same thing that I realized just now? Ouch. It came back and hit me on the head again. So ya... Not good. Anyway, have I mentioned that it's actually relaxing to stare at the flame of a candle? Haha. Was playing with the camera in my phone and took a picture of the flame emitting blue light. =) Whee!

Sighs. I think I've still not covered what I want to but I think I rather not. Sighs. This entry doesn't make much sense, right?

Today - mood swings (?)

For a lack of a better title, I just picked "Today". Considering that this blog entry will just be about what happened so far today which isn't much really, I can't find a title to cover what I'm going to write about.

It was raining in the morning! I wanted to stand in the rain but for practical reasons and violent objections from sylvie and renee. Sighs. Assembly was in 10 minutes and besides my top is white (colour of my school uniform...)
Had my first exam paper today. Higher Chinese Paper 1. I never did consider paper 1 (english or chinese doesn't matter) as an exam so there wasn't any reason to be nervous. Hmm. I guessed I kind of went crazy and picked the one question I shouldn't have picked? For those who don't know, there are three kinds of questions for the essay.

1) Narrative
2) Exposition
3) Commenting on newspaper article.

The one kind of questions that teachers told us not to do was -insert drum roll- exposition. This round, I was trying to decide between exposition and the commenting on a newpaper article. Let's see. It was either writing on the generation gap between parents and their children or writing my opinion on the recent dialogue session between Lee Kuan Yew and those young adults. Though I had points for both topics, I was really inclined towards the exposition so erm... I kind of threw common sense out of the examination hall and did the topic that I wanted. I think it's probably going to cost me my marks but erm. I don't think I'll regret it. It was just so fun writing about that topic. When I refer to doing an exam paper as "fun", it's safe to say I'm a bit abnormal. As in even weirder than my normal self. Haha.

Ok. Anyway, after that was just lunch and 3 hour of bridging modules. Hmm. I found out my CA grade for coordinate geometry. Need to do way better for my exam paper. I want to put my marks up to above average at the very least. After that, was going home alone. Sorry sylvie, I guessed I wasn't in the mood to go West Mall and all. I was doing sudoku on the bus. *faints* Yeps. I was kind of shocked when I realized that but it was nice to just be focused on something and not stone.

Reached home and erm... slacked. Ya. I really should be mugging but I realized I mug best at night. So I'm slacking now til after dinner? But anyway, was trying to complete the sudoku puzzle. Failed. Never mind. It was still an accomplishment for me as I managed to fill it up a bit more. Anyway, started reading this story on fictionpress. Sammi, your recommendations are good. Hmm. Read "When you own the universe". Erm. What is it with me and getting so caught up in fictional stories? I constantly talk to the television screen, criticizing the characters or when reading fictionpress, I tend to empathize with the characters too much that I get a bit emotional? Oops? Thought about some things when reading the story. Erm. Ya. Why am I blogging this again? Oh ya... Cos I'm actually in the mood too for once to blog something proper. That's all for now.

Scandals

People are attracted to scandals. I guess it's fairly obvious in society and all. Look at all the media attention that celebraties get when they get into anything scandalous. And the reason behind people liking to gossip? Similar reasons, I guess. Anyway, this part of the entry was prompted by the sudden increase in tags on my tagboard ever since recently when a few of my entries became more "scandalous". At least, that must be how it seems. Hmm. I can't say that I'm happy or upset over this link between the content of my entry to the amount of people tagging. Though the number of tags is not always related to the number of visitors to a blog, I still think I'll be right if I say that people visit blogs more when the "scandal" level of the blog is nice.

Why do people visit other's blogs? Boredom? Finding information? Wanting to know what goes on? Amusement/Entertainment? Hmm. For me, I guess the blogs I visit the most often are the blogs of people who I actually care more about and I want to know what I'm missing out on in their lives or what they're thinking about, so on and so forth. Based on that, I've got to admit I don't go regularly to many people's blogs. Only those few. Hmm. You should know who you people are? I think it's fairly obvious. But anyway, the list of blogs that I go to regularly seems to have changed a bit just over these past months. Interesting...

Congratulations

Pft. Congrats to the first two members of ACFC. You've done your job extremely well and the damage has been done. But I've got to admit, in between the times of frustration and trying to answer all the questions from various people, I'm getting amused too. Oh well.

Dedicated to you. =)

Since you asked and me being nice and all, I shall dedicate this whole entry to you and er... ya, just write about you. =)
Hmm. It's been a short time since I started to know you, as in talk to you and all. Not just aware that you exist. Haha. Anyway, how have you impacted me/influenced me?
Ok. For some weird reason, I can't seem to write. Writer's block. Probably due to my reluctance to write about this on my blog.
Well, one of the impact's that fine system that you implemented... Pft. It cost me like $4 already, rite? Oh well. At least I haven't had to pay for the past 1+ months. Hmm. That really helps when it comes to controlling my mood. And er ya... Dunno if you remember the one MSN conv we had and you were kind of telling me off? The one when I was moody and all... A while after I got comissioned, I think. Yep. Anyway, your words kind of stuck. One of the few reasons why I'm probably less moody?
Oh ya. You're very nice. =) Shaln't bother elaborating on this though. And your tolerance level for randomness's quite high. =) That's why it's so fun to sms random things to you. You make me smile and laugh a lot. Yeps. That's one of the biggest impact. Hmm... I really can't think of what to write. Ok... Corrections: I know but I just can't seem to put it into words. If you really want, let you read my notebook next time? Sorry darling. This's all I can write for now. =p

Looking back.

Looking back was never advisable for me. I'll just remember all the pain and hurt that I went through. But I realized on saturday that what didn't kill me made me stronger. Eventually.
Today, during A.C.E, I couldn't help but smirk at the part when Ms Flo said how eventually reflection becomes part of your life, like when you hear a song or read a book. How right. Every thing I do, I start to think about it and reflect. But I no longer reflect in the same way as last year. Last year, reflection = moodiness.
And also, the thing about how only you've been through some sadness, then you'll enjoy happiness. I guess I finally learned how to stop filling that void inside me with moodiness like how I did last year. Sadness and depression were reliable... They filled me up. But not with meaning. This year, that void's filled with happiness at how things are. I treasure each time that I laugh and have fun. And it helps. The amount of time I was moody last year this time is almost equal to the number of times I am happy now. Which shows the distinct improvement.
As to what happened last year, well, what has passed has passed. I don't think that I've regreted what I've done though. Given the choice, would I still do the same thing and go through all the misunderstandings again? I guess I would. That was partly what formed me and our friendship. If you read this, I guess I just want to thank you for being you. Ya, we've been through too many downs but somehow, we always reached the ups once more. Now, I'm going through my ups without you. Hope you're doing as well. I won't know. We've drifted. And it takes too much effort to hold on now. I want to but I got too tired. I learned it the hard way that I've got to let go. Things have changed. So have we.

Recap of saturday.

Sammi reminded me that I didn't blog about westside story and that day... Oops. My apologies. Anyway, that way was hectic and consisted of rushing from one place to another and the best part was I enjoyed every minute of it. Here's how the schedule was like:
9:30 am - 11:30am : Chemistry tutorial
1:30 pm - 4:40 pm : Meet Sis Serena in church to catch up and all followed by service
5:00 pm - Went IMM to support Jonathan in "Cutest kid competition"
7:30 pm - Meet Sammi at Esplanade to watch "Westside Story"
Yes, I'm aware that there are some gaps in times, those times were probably the travelling time.
Hmm. To go into more detail about the day, I guess I'll focus on the last event. Going out with sammi. Even though everything was finalized the night before and was really rushed and last-minute, I can say that I really enjoyed chatting with her and all. It triggered off this thought/realization that I had: "This friendship not only lasted beyond what I expected, but it's probably going to be one of my most lasting friendships, and maybe even longer than some other friendships that I thought would last forever." I rather not go into detail and all but I guess life's just full of the unexpected things. Some things I thought I'll lose, I regained it. Some things I thought I'll have forever, I lost it almost instantaneously.
Anyway, just talking to her was a nice experience. Haven't spent much quality time with her instead of just over the phone. Sammi, I owe you so many more "outings". I'll try my best to get permission for the one thing we both want most, ok? Lol. And ya, we're both booked for Grease, ok? Thanks for inviting me for Westside Story. =)

A new beginning?

Hmm... Realized that in many times, the past few months have been nothing like Sec 1 and 2 but rather, a repeat of primary school? Lol. With a few changes, of course.
But it's like I've started to enjoy studying again. Ya sure, I complain about the workload a lot but I'm actually finding school fun. It's like this whole new beginning. And of course, there are other things that have changed a lot from last year. So many things...
But hmm. To put it simply, I feel like I'm reliving the joy and innocence of childhood again. I'm still able to smile and enjoy life without being that cynical or sarcastic. It's as if the previous two years never happened...

Oh well, I've been wanting to blog about this for a while but circumstances never permitted. But now, when I blog, it's such a short entry... Haha. Maybe another time?

Amusement

Yesterday was interesting, to put it mildly...
Went over to sylvie's house to do physics airlift assignment, or at least attempted to. Sawing wood is fun! Lol.
Anyway, after that was the mad rush from her house to mine and then to sammi's house. I left sylvie's house at 4:40 and went home, bathed, pack my bag and rushed to sammi's house by 6. Not bad... At sammi's hse, I was amusing her, I guess. Took a taxi down to church cause we lost track of time at her house? Lol. Coincidences? Interesting who the first 3 people we saw were. Anyway, lots of shocks, etc. Sammi being evil and being very amused. During doctor's journal, I was stuck between two people who are part of the ACFC. And one of them's like the president of ACFC?! -blinks-
Supper! Being bullied. Sammi, you're supposed to be on my side!
-blinks- why am I even blogging about this in the first place? Oh well... Time to get back to work. Anyway, yesterday was amusing and I digged my own grave so many times too. Haiz.

100th post

Never thought this blog will last so long. My 100th entry! This blog was started at the end of 2004, after I came back from Youth Camp. In the 1+ year that has passed, this blog has recorded so much of what happened. My various mood swings, the more interesting and memorable events that have occured throughout last year and part of this year has been recorded down. How much things have changed... What I tagged on gan jie's blog and what her entry was about just reminds me so much of everything. I'm really too sentimental.
Anyway, I realized that I'm reading too much again... I know I've blogged about that but time to get even more specific. When I was young, the fiction books were always some fantasy/action books. But now, the genre has changed to romance and stuff like that. Why the "stuff like that"? Well, it's cause I don't specifically go for romance books but the books that I've been reading talks about many issues in life that I've always tried to avoid. Relationships, love, life, death, memory, etc. These topics have always tend to make me more "reflective" which used to equal moodiness. But now, I'm coping better, I guess. I get reflective and just think about what I've read but the moodiness doesn't come that badly anymore. But anyway, so many quotes and phrases that I really like... Hmm.
I really want to blog and write on every single phrase that I like from the books that I've read but it just doesn't seem appropriate. Don't ask me why, I have no idea myself... Even the play "A Beautiful Companion" and that whole night, there were so many things that I was thinking about but I just can't seem to put them down into words. But as I said, so many things have changed yet so many things stay the same. And somehow, all my reflections and all always seem to revolve around the same few things/people... Oh well.

Unspoken but written...

1. list 10 things you want to say to 10 people but know you never will
2. don't say who they are
3. never discuss it again
[Took this from gan jie's blog... Abt condition no 1, I'm not so sure about the "never" part but it's probably just highly unlikely. Anyway, some of the people might seem obvious but don't even ask me anything... Refer to condition 3. So here goes...]

1. Have you even realized how much hurt and damage you have caused? It's been a chore to talk to you, to even be civil. But society and my own conscience refuses to let me cut off all ties with you, I guess. I do feel guilty at times but you don't even make a move to mend this gap that just increases with time.

2. You're one of the few people that I felt influenced me quite a significant bit over the time I knew you. How do I say this? It was such a joy and such a pain to know you. Pain, the experience of interacting with you grew tiring but joy, the friendship that we shared just couldn't be compared. Although I'm emotional, I willingly opened up to you more. Compared to others who only knew me through their analysis. I opened up to you. Thanks for being there. But now. I have this question that I hate to ask but it just bothers me, "Would things have turned out better if we didn't know each other?" Less joy but also less hurt. Anywyay, Thanks. I'll try my best to still always be there. That, I promise.

3. Urk. Stop pretending! I don't believe that you're really who you seem to be. You're not. And we all know it so just be yourself for real. So who cares if it's a weaker side of you? So what? I want to know you for who you are. It's been a while since I first knew you but you're still hiding behind the mask.

4. Hmm... Never thought that I'll be writing this to you. But anyway, a small incident long time ago made me feel really bad and guilty. You used to care about me but I kept crushing all your hope and rejecting you. Sorry. It might seem like an excuse but that was my natural reflex. Sorry. When you told me one day that you used to care, I was feeling bad. I don't think you'll remember this incident but anyway, sorry for putting you down so many times.

5. You. Thanks. How many times I want to repeat that? I don't know... But I don't know. I really feel like there's so much to thank you for. Even things that seem insignificant, they made me smile. So ya... Thanks. Heehee. Actually, there's more I want to say but I rather not type it out... =p I don't think anyone will notices this part that's added on... But now, I guess I'll just type it out. I've always been too emotional and feel too much, concerning myself so much when other people have problems. Especially if they're close to me, once they get down, I get affected. You're one of those who I care more about... So it really hurts when you're down and I just feel so helpless cause I don't know how to cheer you up, to bring a smile to your face. I'm not the person for that job, I'm just not the one who can cheer you up. But why do I still try?

6 - 10. I can't think of anyone yet... Heehee... So that's all for now.

If anything sounded a bit more moody than usual, I apologize. I just finished reading a book before that and normally, after reading a mood, I'm a bit too reflective and think too much about the past... =p

Pft...

Ok. I knew it wasn't a smart move to put that Mel's hotter and cuter than Isaac so now, I'm kind of "forced" to write something else. Here goes:
Isaac is hotter and sexier than melanie.
Pft. Done...

Interactions

Friends. That has always been one issue I'm too concerned about.
Anyway, there have been various things that just summarize the state of my various friendships with different groups of people..
Thursday, sylvie came over to my house and we just did our homework and then watched "Pride and Prejudice". Quote: "Goddess Divine". Rofl... But ya, the few hours was mostly quite relaxing and just filled with laughter and random stuff...
Friday, going back to Nanyang. Hmm... Gloria has always been able to read me well. -shrugs- Anyway, I realized how much I was still clinging on to things that I should let go... I'll elaborate more on it later... Oh ya, going to Orchard. Some memories that I hold dear.
Anyway, after that, met up with Melanie... Dinner before Lcell... Lots of laughter and random things and getting traumatized. Oh ya, I promise Mel something... Here goes. Melanie is cuter (minus ugly) and hotter than Isaac! But the best part was we got it wrong... There wasn't lcell. So went to Island Creamery. Anyway, that was for Friday.
Saturday, service... Ouch. The one image that's constantly been in my head for the past few services is the idea of two ropes being connected but then it's cut through... The ropes are only connected by a few strands... The thing is, I've to cut away those strands and it'll hurt... I'm purposely being vague by the way... It's quite obvious though what I'm talking about. Fuel... Hmm. Ouch. Trials. Brother Andy sharing his story... It touched my heart... How true. Even though I thought that I've forgiven and the bitterness and pain is no longer there, each time, the tears flow again. Dinner. Hmm. More amusement and I'm kind of surprised by how things have turned out... Anyway, on the bus trip back, was talking to Sammi on the phone... It struck me how our friendship lasted even after Primary 6, something that was kind of unexpected...
Oh well... To put it simply, the friendship with my friends from various groups... HPPS, NY, NUSHS and church... The situation right now is really unexpected... in a good way and in a bad...

Ok. That's enough of reflecting... And now, I'm getting exploited by Sammi! -sulks- I'm probably going to help her with lit homework... Dots... Pft.. Time to stop blogging and help her...

Books... world of my own.

Recently, I've gone back to reading a lot, or at least more than the past few months.

Since young, I've "devoured" books by the dozen but after primary 6, I've stopped reading as much. Or at least, I haven't just sat down and concentrate on reading. Til recently. Been making weekly trips to JE regional library and spending 1 hr there each time, just browsing or actually reading. Anyway, been finding some nice books to read, those kind that just make me tune out everything and I just can't stop reading and can't bear to put the book down. How to know I'm crazy over that book? When I stay up way beyond my bedtime and turn on my bedside light just to read... Found some lines in one of the latest books I read that were so touching and so meaningful that I actually saved it down...

Then, my latest craze... Books written by this author zhang xiao xian... Yes. Chinese books written by this author. The one I'm reading and enjoying right now is "Ba tian tang huan gei wo"... Direct translation: Return heaven to me. The book's actually a lot of short essays/pieces on various topics compiled together... Most of them touch on the affairs of the heart and relationships, etc... Maybe when I'm free, I'll translate some over to English and post them on my blog... I wanted to do a reflection of what I've read so far from that book in this blog but decided against it. Maybe some other time?

Saturday craziness... -blinks-

Hmm... Ok. Yesterday was my first day on the computer after 5 days away at OBS so it became a time of catching up on my friends' lives through their blogs... As usual, I became kind of affected by what I read as usual and started getting a bit reflective. (Disclaimer: reflective no longer equals moody, ok?) Ok, fine... To be really honest, I think that if anything else had cropped up, I probably would have broken down. I was that close to crying. =p But it was only for about 5 minutes, ok?
After that, went to KAP and had lunch... Lol. Yay! Samantha agreed to go for Games Day! Whee! Anyway, Games Day was fun and amusing and during the short service, I got a reminder of certain stuff that I forgot since 2004... After that, dinner again with the same group of people. Lol. Hmm... Can't blog about it much. So sad. Anyway, after going home, was just so caught up in a book and also being amused. Anyway, I really feel like saying "Thanks!" to those who made me smile or laugh in one way or another yesterday & today! -cough- It really made my day and I cheered up a lot. =) Hmm... Should I do a special mention section? Lol. Anyway, it depends. Hmm. Don't feel surprised if I go around thanking people. Haha. Ok... I think I'm becoming too hyper. =p

Outward Bound

There was a reason why my title didn't include the word "School", I think. -shrugs-
Since most people have been to OBS, I feel that there's no need to blog about the 5 days in great detial. I'll just blog about the highlights of each day or so plus a bit more.
Monday: My watch was Eng Soon. Too bad there was no girls from my class in Eng Soon. But I survived quite well. =) I learned how to kayak! Capsizing is fun! It was interesting to koala bear hug the kayak. Lol. I like kayaking too much for my own good! =) It supports my opinion that my "element" is water.

Tuesday: Those hiking bags are heavy! Trekking 3 over kilometres with that bag and two 2l water bottle isn't easy... Ouch. Shoulder ache. My sleeping pattern's all upside down. Dozed off and woke up quite a few times... Haha. Thanks didi for covering Mei and I with a poncho. If not, we'll probably catch a cold or something. =p Cooking outdoors was interesting. =) Didn't get food poisoning! Lolz...

Wednesday: Height element (aka. Inverse tower)! Ok... I'm really unfit. Took forever to get up there. My leg was shaking... Literally. But it was a good experience. I learned to just not give up and continue trying. Now, I guess I understand the logic behind the idea that only when you're placed out of your comfort zone and faced with challenges, then only would you know your true strengths and subsequently, your limits. I wasn't afraid of the height, which is good. The view from the inverse tower was great! Actually, as long as I can see the sea or something, I'm normally happy. =)

Thursday: Sea expedition! =) We had to kayak from Pulau Ubin to Sembawang beach.. Whew. Tiring. My kayaking partner (aka Lu Xin) is nice. Haha. I kept forgetting to apply sunblock and all. And he reminded me. Thanks! Anyway, kayaking there was tedious but hey, I'm in the sea. That just rocks! (I think I like water too much...) Set up camp and cooked dinner. Dinner tasted good! =)

Friday: Had to kayak back from Sembawang beach... In half the time compared to Thursday cause we were on a tight schedule. We set off early in the morning and as we kayak, we could see the sun rise. It was so nice! -gush- Went back to pulau ubin and packed up, etc...

I feel that the entry's kind of short but it's because that's just a recount of what I did but hmm. It's time for the 2nd part of my entry on OBS.

OBS was about stepping out of our comfort zone so there wasn't the use of the "luxuries" of normal life, it was just the bare necessity. I was kind of shocked to realize what I miss the most about my normal lifestyle: my handphone. I realize that I'm seriously overdependent on it and what it means to me. Contact with people that I hold dear... Each time I star-gazed or looked at the night sky which means almost every night, I'll just start thinking about people in the mainland and how much I wish they were with me.
Thursday night/Friday morning, I was supposed to be on sentry duty so I was still awake while dear didi and meimei fell asleep. Pft. Haha. Just joking. I know we're all tired. But anyway, I just went to the stone ledge and sat there and just stoned... And thought about stuff. Seriously, I just wished that some of those who I missed were there with me.. To just star-gaze and talk... Anyway, when I was stoning, it was high-tide... So the whole atmosphere and all was almost perfect. =) Nice to have the chance to stone at the beach. =) No need to go sentosa and stone, at least not that soon. =p Anyway, OBS was a nice break... So march holidays weren't all that wasted.

Issues

I don't think this entry will make much sense since my thoughts are rather disorganized as usual. =p But seriously, I couldn't come up with a better title because today's entry will cover quite a few things.

A few people have been blogging about the Johari/Nohari window and how it cannot be used to describe a person accurately. In fact, it seems senseless to waste time on this "window", right? Personally, my reasons for asking people to do my Johari & Nohari window were...
1) Fun. Amusement... It was interesting to see how people viewed me as...
2) Comparison. It wasn't to find out who I was. Rather, it was to find out how much of what people think wasn't true or to put it simply, a facade. -blinks- I'm not making sense, am I? Oh well... Next topic. I'll have to edit this part of the entry some other time.

Anyway, over the past one week, I did get moody for one day... Which is kind of surprising. Considering that my mood last year was just this constant moodiness. =p Oh well. Here, I apologize to anyone of you that had to put up with that last year and part of this year. =p Anyway, back to the original topic. I was moody over something that I didn't really expect. Results. After my results last year and all, you would think that I've gotten more used to failure. But this time, I guess it was my pride and ego that was hurt quite badly. I had relatively high expectations for that subject. Strange but true. So when I didn't meet that expectation and did worse than expected, it was quite hard to bear. I almost broke down in class... Note the "almost". I got out of that moodiness soon afterwards though. Then only at home, after showing parents that result, did I finally break. But yes, I just feel like typing out this weird logic that I have. Basically, it's not good to aim high. Because the higher you aim, when you fall, the distance from your aim is more so you get hurt more. Warped? But it applies for me. But there's always exceptions.

Over the course of this week, there were so many things I wanted to blog about but now, I'm just not in the mood. Anyway, would those who actually still visit my blog just tag and say that you people do? Thanks. Because I'm getting tempted to just change the URL of this blog and make it a private blog or something. Since no one's reading. At least, I don't think so.

Joy of life

~I've found it. But at times, I just forget~

Hmm... I'll just be blogging about the previous days, I think...

Thursday
I was extremely hyper and just looking foward to the next day even though there was a major biology exam. In fact, I was hyper right after my chemistry test. Sylvie can vouch for that! =) We went to popular to buy some things and I finally spent my voucher on a CD. It's the new one, the "Greatest love of all". =) Hmm. I wonder why it's filled with love songs... Haha. Then we went around the night market looking at bags and all while waiting for my Ramly burgers... Whee! I had such a good appetite. Bought two home to eat. -slurps- Anyway, back at home, I was being really high... Haha. I pity those who had to put up with me like gan jie, glo and sammi. Thanks so much! But ya.
Friday
I was still hyper even with the biology exam in hours and could really rest and "sleep" in school minutes before the exam. Proness? Haha. After the exam, went back to NY. =) Saw those 3. =) Went out to orchard with glo and gan jie. Bought yet another CD. This one was some "Piano Hits" thing... Yep. Then went j8. Neoprints! =) It's been ages since I took with them so ya... And glo glo was nice! She bought me a blob blob! =) Haha. Then celebrated grandma's dinner.
Saturday
Last piano lesson with my piano teacher... Stopping lessons with her so ya... Went back home and was attempting to start on my homework when I took a break to just reorganize my neoprints... -side-tracking time-
Neoprints... To some people, they might not see the purpose of taking neoprints. After all, it's just some minature pictures that people pay outrageous amount of money for. Yes, it might seem like a waste of money but to me, it's just like personalized photos. Capturing past times. Funny how an inanimate object could invoke emotions within me.. That was what happened on Saturday. Flipping through my old book of neoprints, a few particular pictures just tugged at my heart. And I guessed I was on the verge on breaking. In fact, I probably would have... Thanks glo. Yep. It didn't help that I was listening to piano hits so it set a very "moody" mood... (Does that make sense?) Anyway, gloria was talking to me and I cheered up a bit... Which meant that I just didn't think about the issue much after that. But after talking to her, it was time to rush to church. Somehow, I just think of everything too much whenever I'm in church so this saturday was no exception. Ouch. The issues that bothered me came up again. I don't want to elaborate much so ya. Leave it, ok? But then again, no one reads this blog so it's fairly ok but still... =p Haha. I'm not making sense again. Anyway, that's that. Didn't go for dinner with pple from church cause parents wanted me to eat with them so couldn't say "no". Not much to blog about for that day other than the fact that I was forcing myself to stay up due to homework so ya...
Sunday
Pft. Dad woke up me at 9... I wanted to sleep in til I realize that the whole family was going swimming! =) Whee! Haven't been swimming in ages. So went to Bukit Batok Swimming Complex and just played with my bro at the kid's pool... Haha. Imagine me sliding down the slide meant for kids. Rofl. Then afterwards, had the chance to swim a few proper laps. Ok... I've not swam proper laps for about a few years so it took a while to get used to everything. Pft. I have totally no stamina at all... Oh well. Anyway, after a few laps, joined my mum and bro again. Played water a while before swimming a few more laps with my mum. =) Yay! Private coach! Haha. But ya, my mum could help me watch my swimming stroke and all and corrected me on a few things. So ya. Had to miss D&D cause of homework overload... =( Went home and ya... the usual. Homework, a few breaks, etc... That's about it. =) Now, I'm not hyper yet not down... Things should stay that way.

Ok... I just realized that I didn't cover what I wanted to... Namely, the title. But I'm really not in the mood to blog now. So I guess I'll cover it some other time. That's all for today. =)

School

I've not been blogging in about 1 week which is a bit surprisingly to me since I wanted to blog but just never did know where to start.
Just felt like commenting about school. For some weird reason, school has been bearable and I even venture to describe it as "fun"... I've been hyper for the past weeks and though I've calmed down a bit, I think I'm still quite high at times. Ask Renee... She'll tell you what she has had to put up with. Lol. All the amusing things that happens on a daily basis. Thanks to Sylvie, Renee and all. Haha. I'm getting influenced by them. =) Lol. Private joke.
Just not in the mood to blog. Guess I'm too used to blog angsty entries and all. But since my mood's been relatively ok, that's good. I guess..

Happy Valentine's Day! (belated...)

Ok... It was really tempting to copy my entry from my MSN space but I decided not to... But some of the content will be repeated, so ya...

Anyway, Valentine's Day. For me, the day has never been so much about all the "mushiness", the cliched flowers, chocolate and stuff. It's mostly just another day with the exception of my mum who always give me something and wish me "Happy V-Day!" So ya... This year wasn't really much of an exception. Got to thank Shu Mei for the keychain though. =) And duh, my mum. Whee! New handphone pouch. Cuteness.. Yep. Then the few smses on that day itself.
But what I'll remember most abt this year's V-day was that time after school... Apart from a scrumptious steamboat dinner at my relative's place, I got a "gift" that I liked. Haha. Laughter. No, it's not really a gift but ya, I laughed a lot and was in a good mood so thanks. Yep. That's about it...
This line, I have to repeat what I said on my MSN space. Even though I didn't wish many pple "Happy V-day" or give u all gifts/notes, I just want to say I love you pples a lot still, ok? Mostly directed to my closer friends... Pls dun be mistaken. =p

Calm before the storm.

Read the title... You can guess this entry isn't going to be as cheery as the rest but I'll try to stay in a good mood, ok?
Anyway, I'll just blog a bit more on how I spent the CNY holidays.
2nd day: More visiting of relatives... The usual questions and comments. It's become a routine. The questions about age, school, etc... Oh well. Then after the questions comes the usual comments (compliments. =p)... Haha. Yep. Then dinner at auntie's house to celebrate her birthday... Then... Tadaa... The reason for my extended hyperness for the next day: Karaoke! Haha. Cousin brought me along to this place in Chinatown for karaoke with her friends... Lol. Was there from 10 plus to 2? Yep. 2am. Haha. Ya. But it was rather fun. And I'm still surprised by how many of the chinese pop songs I had heard of before.
3rd day: Whee! Hui Shi's house! It's been blogged about by others... But for me, that day was just R&R... Lots of laughs... Very amusing. Yep. Can't believe I only left her house at 7 though... And I like her hammock. =) Just realized that I didn't NFS... Oh well. Heehee. And the chocolate cake is really too sweet.
That's all... Now. Back to school... Which meant yesterday. Lessons were ok. After all, it's only a short day. Yep. Had first session of CCA. Haha. I'm learning from gan jie, not telling people my CCA. Corrections: not telling some people about my CCA. Quite a few know actually. Yep. =p Anyway, CCA was amusing and brought quite a big surprise.. Haha. I love doing this to you all. =p Then after school, was using the computer... Record number of MSN convs at one time... More than 5.. I rarely talk to so many pple at the same time.. Then trying to understand chemistry...
Then.. Er.. came some problems... Not with chemistry. But er. something else. I'm honest. The hyperness/happiness of the previous days was no longer there. Didn't sleep til 11:30. Those who know me should realize that that is late for me... Especially on a school day. Yep.
But today cheered me up a bit. As I long as I don't think too much about the previous night which is quite hard... But ya. Was sleepy and hyper during school. Then went JE library and then popular! Pft. No idea which CD to buy. Was eyeing a few... And with that, it's time to update my profile. =p

Hyperness during festive season

Haha. I've been relatively hyper the past few days... And considering that it's school term now, I'm pleasantly surprised. Compared to last year, this year's shaping up to be less moody? Haha. Oh well. I shall start with Friday. Was hyper from morning onwards. Heehee. The school celebration was short and sweet. Hmm. A lot of amusing things. Like the cross-talk. All the chinese idioms. Haha.
Then went back to hpps. More amusement... I think it's the first time the girls and guys interacted so much. Haha.
What followed was memorable. It's been covered by the rest but I'll just write a brief paragraph about it. Caught "Memoirs of a Geisha" with gan jie, glo, shao, sammi, zx, gab, nic, bryan and samuel. Lol. Try focusing on the show when there was entertainment provided by -cough- others. Ya... Then after the show, more laughter..
-cough- Dr Crab -cough- Haha. Yep. =) Dinner at Swensens. Hmm. A lot of laughter as discussion about the movie went on. Pft. Got bullied. But haha. A lot, a lot of laughter. Too many personal jokes. But yep, that'll b a day I remember... =)
Then yesterday, reunion dinner. -cough- Haha. My poor cousin. He's the same age as me but he was mistaken as a kid. The restaurant charged us for 6 adults and 2 kids... It's supposed to be either 7 adults +1 kid or 5 adults + 3 kids... They must think he's below 12. Poor cousin. Haha. Then when a guy posing as "Cai Sheng Ye" came, he gave hongbaos to my cousin and his younger sis and totally ignored me. Haha. I think I'm too old... Haha. No longer considered a kid. But oh well. I can't say I mind.. Heehee.
Today, lol. My mum's favourite time to doll me up... Yep. My hair was messed with by my auntie and mum. And they wanted to apply make-up on me! Dots. Haha. Yep. But overall, it's been a few days of laughter and joy. Hope it stays that way. =)

7 things.

SE7EN things that make me smile:
1) Cute puppies
2) Amusing behaviour/speech by others (though I think it's more of a smirk...)
3) Seeing my friends
4) Scenic views
5) Thinking of some memories
6) Receiving presents
7) Jonathan (how could I not include him? haha)

SE7EN ways to win my heart (right now):
1) Talk to me on the phone (haha...)
2) Go with me to some place random like er. Sentosa (haha... personal joke)
3) Make me laugh
4) Just spend time with me actually
5) Bring me to watch "Memoirs of a Geisha".
6) Buy me a stuffed toy.
7) Let me be part of your life..

Disclaimer: Please note that this part is really not that accurate... Yep.

SE7EN things I believe in:
1) God.
2) Jesus.
3) That I won't get a boyfriend before the end of the year. =p (this comment was due to Shao. haha.)
4) Solitude is both good and bad for me.
5) Outwardly, I'm crazy and don't make sense...
6) Inwardly, I know what I'm talking about and it does make sense.
7) Love is another double-edged sword, just like solitude.

SE7EN things I'm afraid of:
1) Losing people that I care for.
2) Others being able to read my mind...
3) Failure.
4) Letting some people enter my heart more than I'm willing to let them in.
5) That I'll sink into depression
6) Not knowing myself
7) That I'll hurt others

SE7EN things that I do everyday:
1) Sleep
2) SMS
3) Listen to my MP3
4) Live
5) Eat
6) Talk
7) Think

SE7EN people I want to see right now:
1) Gan Jie
2) Glo
3) Shao
4) Sammi
5) Someone.
6) Jonathan
7) Gloria Tan

SE7EN people who should also do this:
1) Glo
2) Renee
3) Gloria Tan
4) Sammie (if you haven't already done this...)
5) Joseph (if you haven't already done this...)
6) Delia
7) Isaac

Old videos

Hmm. Realized that I blog about my childhood/the past a lot. This entry is no exception. Parents were watching some videos taken in 2002. Lol. That was so interesting to see how I was like then.
Hmm. Try picturing this. Short. Like below, 150, i think? Short hair before my shoulder. Straight fringe. Spectacles (not much difference from now, though... haha). But anyway, seriously, I look so blur and "gong" as my dad put it. And my mum just added another adjective to describe me. "Nerdy"/"geeky"... Haha. But ya, it was just interesting to see the physical differences.
But as usual, after the physical comes the "internal body"... my character and personality. In Primary 5... Hmm. For that, should really ask my classmates then but when I think of primary 5, I split it into two halfs. The first half of the year when my studies were just hopeless and the second half of the year when my results improved dramatically and yet, I learned how to play more. Arcade. Friendship with Samantha. But that only covers me in school. Hmm. I guess "childish" would be the word to describe me. But I don't really use "childish" as a negative term, it's just an adjective. In a lot of ways, I was still like a child. Innocent. Easily satisfied with what life offered.
But now. Oh well. Enough of comparisons. I do too much of that. But if you want to compare, just think. Primary 5 compared to Secondary 3... Isn't it obvious how different I would be? But at times, I know there are quite a few similarities... After all, I still have the diary entries from then. =p Haha.

Unlike me... so unlike me.

Yes yes, I know the normal thing is to blog about school and all but don't feel like doing that, so too bad. =p Just want to blog about how my behaviour today was so unlike me...
Went chinese new year clothes shopping with my mum and her friend..
Far East Plaza. Mum had this idea of me in boots... Ok... And a denim dress... It was ok but I just had something against the pink collar... Anyway, mum was fixated on the idea of me buying new shoes and outfit so yes... got 2 pair of shoes... One's a slipper... Pink though. Yes kor, don't cringe... Then got a top that's pink and blue... Long sleeve collared shirt.. But yes. The thought of buying so much never occured to me... Especially not at Far East... Oh well... Shall comfort myself that it's due to CNY... But unfair, guys don't really need to dress up as much as girls. Pft... Haha.

2006 - Happy New Year!

Hmm. I guess it's normal to put one's New Year resolution/s on their blogs... But for me, I don't know. I haven't really put them down into words so whatever I'm going to type next is just the first things that come into my mind.

1) Do my TAWG regularly... at least every alternate day.
2) Improve my grades = no more slacking as much as Sec 1 and 2...
3) Complete at least the 2 disney jigsaw puzzles that I've bought but haven't done.
4) Learn to play the guitar (ok.. this was just random but since there's a guitar in my room, why not?)
5) Be more fit physically (benchmark: improve my 2.4 timing by a minute??)

Hmm.. That's all for now. Feeling too lazy to think of some more... Besides, it'll be nice if I even fulfil half of those resolutions. =p

Malaysia trip. Ups and downs. Literally?

I'll try to avoid making this entry about my trip to Malaysia a boring recount... But if it is, er.. sorry.

Long drive up to KL... Slept most of the time. In fact, as long as I'm in car for long enough, I'll fall asleep. =p Stayed at the malaysian equivalent of a condo. Loaned to my family by my uncle's friend. Did a lot of window shopping. Emphasis on "window". In fact, in this whole trip, I only bought 1 shirt. Not bad. But ya. KL was actually just going to malls and eating. Nothing special.

Hmm... Let me do a quick comparison of the views from each of my room's window.
Kuala Lumpur. I could see the Petronas tower and all the other towers. It was nicer at night with all the lights shining against the darkness.
Penang. Hmm... The ocean and the sky. The first day, I saw the view after sunset. The sky wasn't dark yet, instead it was filled with streaks of orange, red and pink. In the morning, the view would be just blue meeting blue. It was hard to separate the sky from the sea.
Now, which do you think I liked better? The answer would also be the answer to which place I preferred overall...

Penang. Was happier and had a chance to relive some of the past memories. The memories I had of my innocence. The butterfly farm, the fruit farm. Went there on a previous trip 3 years ago... Some things changed, some things stay the same. Even just being able to get butterflies onto my fingers long enough for a picture was so satisfying... Enjoying the view from the fruit farm as I ate my lunch which consist of fruits and ice kachang. =) Even things like these which don't cost much brought laughter to my face. But now, as I think about it, something's tugging inside me. Tears are about to fall. Cause I don't know how long it will be before I'm so happy again. Anyway, one more memorable part of my stay in Penang.

Para-sailing. Before trying it, I was dreaming about it, wanting to have that experience. But once I had the chance, I was fearful. Hesitant... Oh well, at least I did have that experience in the end. The real thrill is when you're taking two steps on the beach and in a few seconds, you find yourself up in the sky. Hmm. It was nice just enjoying the view from above... But yep... Doesn't feel right blogging about it so that's all...

In fact, I'm no longer in the mood to blog... But actually, this is all I want to blog about. So don't expect anymore entries on my trip. But if you have any questions about my trip, feel free to ask me, ok? That's all. Good night.

Remembering how to smile.

Ok... This entry will be completely random... Judging from the title and all.
The week after camp, no major changes or anything to the way i live my life but I know I tend to be happier and more light-hearted now. SP course, spending quality time with my mum (which involves training of muscles cos I had to help pack the house and was moving boxes up and down)... But ya. Was smiling and laughing quite often, no issues to weigh me down.. At least if I don't think about them. But since there's nothing to remind me of the issues, I was fine. The way I live became a nice routine. Business in the day. At night, just time to settle down and rest. Watching shows til 11, doing my TAWG, listening to music, randomly sending smses and falling asleep.

Highlight of the week: Friday and Saturday!
Went to orchard road to SALT people. The group I was in was supposed to stay at Far East Plaza. Hmm. A learning experience. Didn't noe that I was that thick-skinned but since it's for God, anything's possible. After that, went window-shopping and lost track of time... =p Oops? Had to rush for family cell x'mas dinner. Hmm... Ya.

Saturday, piano then went Jurong Point to shop for x'mas presents... Ah... I miss the arcade... Oops? Guilty. But ya. Bought presents then went home then went to church. Hmm... The part that I feel like mentioning is during service. We were sitting on the floor and I was amused by something. can't remember what. But anyway, it just hit me that I was happier than I've been in a long time. That amused smile that I always like. It's on my face more often. I think I know why... It's due to several things, events, people, situation... Oh well. Just wanted to say thanks. To those that place a smile on my face. And hmm... I hope I can keep smiling even when school term starts. But this time, I'm assured. I'm starting to think that I'll be fine. =)

Infused - Youth Camp 05

Ok... This is my second draft of my entry on church camp... Had some change in ideas and all so I've decided to rewrite everything. I don't think all those reading would be interested in a activity by activity recount so will blog about the things that touched my heart.

The first night's service: Defuse
Hmm... The sermon spoke to me about things that I didn't want to confront with for a long time. Anger, softening of my heart, sin... I guess it's time to be honest. Anger in my heart towards, him - my father. It's not easy typing it out but yes. After a talk with jeann on sat, I realize that though God spoke to me, it's still a struggle to let everything down. But on that night, it was a relief to cry out the tears that I've been waiting to release.

Hmm... Actually, for the second day's service... I was still dealing with the same issue though the sermon topic was different. But yes, it's hard to let go of something that's so complex. A burden that's been eating at me for so long. Then, there were the war games at night. Hmm... There were some things that I really enjoyed. The unity as a team... Even though we had to go against the other "army".

The third day's morning service: Infused for Impossibilities
Ezekiel 37 - The valley of dry bones.
Ouch. The emotional pain when I recalled the valleys in the past year. And I kind of had an idea of the valleys that I would encounter in the new year. Ouch. My heart can already feel the pain. Yet, God spoke to me and reminded me. There would not be any obstacle that I cannot handle. God would fill me with His Strenght.

Night service: Infused with God's mantle
The whole key point of the sermon or at least the part that impacted me most was dying to myself. Dying to myself. No, it's not a physical action. Rather, it's dying to my rights, my dreams, my ambitions. At first, before the service, I felt that there wasn't really anything that I held onto that dearly... Other than my parents and jonathan, of course. But God spoke to me and asked me, "Would I be willing to not take art as my humanities subject next year?" Ouch. I didn't realize that I held on to that decision, that choice so much. It hurt when I gave up my art lessons and it's always been a regret that I had to give it up. But now, when I could fulfil my dream again and now God's asking me to let it go. It hurt so much. I was holding on to it and took a well to let it go. Even now, if God says not to take art as one of my subject, I will give it up. Reluctantly. I admit. But I will. That really taught me how to give up something close to my heart. But yes, I still have to work hard to improve myself in that area. As you will realize if you read on...

The last day's sermon: Made for mission
I didn't really think I would be as touched by God that day but I was wrong. That shows why God's God. =) When we went for altar call, God spoke to me and gave me my answer to a question that I've been asking for a long time. How did I get into NUS High? My confidence level has been low this year so that question was really uppermost in my mind as some people know... But God answered me. It's because God chose me to be there. That's the reason why. It was by God's will that I got in. So it was really a relief to hear the answer.

Hmm... Due to time constraints, shall end the blog entry. But have you all realized? The entry's only about how God touched me. One or two more things I want to blog about. Dinner after camp and saturday... And lastly, I want to thank several people. Shall blog about it on my MSN space, most likely, ok? Good night.

quizzes... a break from entries

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/keystoyourheartquiz/">What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

hmm... got tagged...

Bah.. Gan jie tagged me... So I have to list down 5 random/weird things about myself...
1. I get moody and feel abandoned when I'm home alone... (believe me?)
2. I can't sleep without listening to a few songs on my MP3 first... (Most of the times)
3. I get hyper without taking chocolate... just the smallest things make me high!
4. I pour honey syrup on the sausage in McDonald hotcake meal.. =) (It's nice!)
5. When I can't sleep, I send random smses to random people... Haha. That's so fun! =)

That's all for now...

Oh ya, I need to tag 5 more people... This is added on... Hmm.. Ok, I'll tag gloria, shao, joseph... Hmm. 2 more. Ok then, Jeann and ... er.. Joshua? I'm feeling random. =p

Back after 2 weeks

Hiya... I'm back after 2 weeks... The absence was because I was grounded. Don't ask about it, ok? Lol... Time to recount my 2 weeks of holidays... Quite a lot to blog about but I'll try to summarize, ok?

8 Nov: Choral nite fund-raising... Haha. Class theme, collared tee-shirt + tie... Haha. "koped" a mickey mouse tie from my dad... was trying to tie the tie the whole night... Lol. Poor doggie. I was practicing on big doggie... Dun kill me, k? [comment directed to glo, kor and gan jie] Oh ya, was talking to gan jie.. Being random. We were sitting on the track and just talking... Lol. Some pple tried to discreetly walk over and er.. check on us. Had to shoo them away. Oops? Anyway, went out ot grab a bite and ended buying maggi mee and er.. walking back from coronation plaza to school... all the while eating maggi mee... =p That's about it for that day...

9 Nov - 11 Nov: Chalet! Ok... it's really too much to blog about but what can I say? It's weird to have ur ex-classmates in a chalet organized by ur close friends... lol. Anyway, it was fun lah... NFSU2. =) Need for speed. Yes kor, i know I'm bad at driving.. But hey, it was fun... The events. Shall just give them names... Ordering McDonalds and getting "stalked", groccery shopping, almost getting strike by lightning, barbeque... all these. all so memorable...

12 Nov: IRS exhibition... Haiz. Was chosen.. Had to wear the "banana" suit... Actually, it's our school blazer. Problem was glo brought shoes for me but it was too big so was walking around in sport shoes... =p haha. anyway, the best part was when the exhibition ended... Could break our board... gan jie joined in too. =) Had lunch with char, deb and gan jie b4 rushing to church... Hmm. was asked to draw a graph of our mood... honestly, the graph was a bit too dreamy? it wasn't accurate.. especially the middle part... like i was that happy... hah. right. those who know me know what I mean. Service.. ok. Here's the highlight of the day... Was worshipping.. Jump jump when it just came to me why I've stopped enjoying para para... Cos subconsciously, I compare the joy i experienced to worship... I'm really most as ease and hyper during worship... Though there are times when I'm also quite hyper... But not in church... More on that later. Had dinner... The girls were commenting on me being quiet... I gave them the answer "I'm always like that"... Ouch. Lying's no fun... But seriously, I'm not like that... Oh well... After a while, I had to join in the conversation... It was getting tiring saying "I'm always like that"... That's for that day...
13 Nov: Parents wedding anniversary... Some memories... that's all I shall say...

The rest of the week was just lazing around... Spending quality time with my mum... Helping her to do "market research"... Lol. Er... there's more to blog about ... But got to go... It's way past my bedtime. I'll blog more tomorrow about fri and sat... Quite a few things to blog about on those two days....

lack of updates for 2 weeks

this blog wil be inactive for two weeks starting from yesterday. I will be uncontactable via hp or email or any other forms of technology, including letter-writing ;), so dun even bother trying. for more information pls contact gloria or huishi...

From, Chermaine

(typed by gloria in case ure wondering)

P.S. we r jking about the last part...so dun take it for real

Crazy me...

Hmm... Time to tell the world how crazy and random I am... =p
Had choral night yesterday but rewind to the morning and the afternoon...
Rehearsals started at 8, ended at 12 plus...
I've been wanting to go to the beach and soak in the sea since don't know when so since there was a break from 12 plus til 5, our reporting time...
I er... went down to Sentosa... Now before that, I must explain that I'm not normal. Lol. But seriously, was wondering if I should go to Sentosa alone cos it seems really weird... But ya in the end, I went down alone.
So took a bus from school to Little India then took the MRT to HarbourFront before taking the free shuttle bus to Sentosa. Went Palawan Beach and er... ya. Soaked in the water. Er.. was thick-skinned enough to ask a stranger to take care of my bag for me... Oops? Anyway... was soaking in the water and just relaxing and singing random songs... mostly Christian songs... They calmed me down quite a bit. One of the most relaxing times ever...
Then after changing, ya, i bought a change of clothes... Went down to the Ferry Terminal and got late lunch... oops? Burger King... Then went back to HarbourFront and eventually school..
After make-up and briefing, choral night... Fast-foward to the highlight of the day.
gan jie, shao and glo gave me this big doggie. -hugs- thanks. that's all for now.. dun feel like blogging anymore. yep

last week of school. mood swings.

Ok, I can't be bothered to tell how my whole week was like so I'll just blog about the highlights.
On tuesday, went Botanic Gardens. Slacked around for 5 hours or so. Pigged out on junk food. Walk around. Talk with friends. Stone. Doodle. Actually, only sketched one pic but it was nice lah.. If only I didn't wear black. The sun was beating down on me as I sketched. That contributed to my tan. :p
Fast-foward to thursday.After school, went Junction 8. Walked around. Gan Jie had a hair cut. She looks even more chio now. Took neoprints... We're getting better at taking and decorating them... Haha. But ya, even as I'm so happy. I can't help but think of what was to come.
Friday. The last official day of school. I was upset. Over results and several other things... I knew my marks all along. But the confirmation... I passed. That much, I should be thankful for. But it's because of moderation. The utter dissapointment in myself. My pride has taken yet another bashing. I was upset. So many times I was on the verge of tears. And I just gave in. I had to resort to hiding in the toilet cubicle to let my tears out before going for assembly. I didn't hide how upset I was and all but I refuse to cry in front of most of you... Then after school, I was really pissed off and upset cause I was running late for piano. I was listening to my newest CD, some chinese love songs and all. And I was on the bus. Gan jie, you should be able to guess what happened. Ah well... To the rest of you, all the best in guessing. Had piano. Cheered up a bit... Was just stoning and slacking the night away...
Saturday. Lit sem. How can I not cheer up? Lol. Watching the plays and all... Lol. I'm getting repetitive but the MOV play was really funny and interesting. And Sly Lock can rap... Haha. So sad. Missed gan jie's presentation. But they chose to go first and never tell us. After lit sem, had some time to kill b4 going for cell so went gan jie's hse. Ate lunch. Watched parts of shows and all. Lol. Then she scare me by exaggerating how long 93 will take to school, that area... Anyway, reached church early. Loitered in manna... Bought something. Eyeing one of the notebooks too. Haha. See how. Might buy...
Cell. Confusion during Gel. Heehee. Played traffic light. But only 1 grp got it. Ah well. Hmm. Fast foward to service. Oops, forgot to mention. Signed up for youth camp! =) =) Me happy! Ok. Back to service. Worship. Wasn't really in the mood to jump or anything. Jumped lah but not as hyper... Announcements and all. Yeh! The new name of the youth ministry was announced. IGNYTE! =) The memories that the word brings back. June conference! Ok. I'm hyper now.. =p Anyway, sermon was about "3 Gifts to God"... Felt so guilty. Been neglecting my TAWG.... Anyway, went for altar call and apologized to God. Forgetting my previous concerns about various issues. Just concentrating on Him alone. As usual, after that, my mood gets better. But I've realized that if I only seek God's presence on Saturdays then of course, I won't grow and in a way, be moodier... So must constantly remind myself to do TAWG. =p
That's all for this week... I think....

Internet & blogging.

First, before I start blogging, let me just write out how I will use my various blogs from now on. Since I have 4 blogs, it gets hard to maintain but I still want to keep all of them so just use them for different occasions.
This blog - my life + christian perspective on how things went?
http://melikes.blogspot.com - mostly for me to gush on about my obsessions...
MSN space - hmm. random topics? will be rather similar to this blog at times... might copy entries over, okie?
Private blog - quite "duh". private. things i want to blog abt without letting others read

Ok. Now shall blog about yesterday. My weekly entry on church and all. In the morning, had secondary school league, bowling... Didn't do very well so shall fast-foward? But quite happy that my mood wasn't affected by my poor performance.

Rushed home for lunch, bath, then went for core group.. er. was late so went in during glorify.. sorry. but ya, really enjoyed it. the cons of skipping church for even one week. Had a quick sharing and testified of how God helped us during exams.. Ya, I can finally cheer up about my results. It's not good but I choose to look at it another way... At least I passed the 50 mark...

Cell.. Hmm.. Gel was fun. growth was a nice reminder to me about several issues... ah well. Fast-foward to service. The p6s joined us! Thus, the chapel was really crowded... Had to sit quite far back.. Nvm lah. It was nice to see the chapel packed. Worship. The usual. -jump jump jump- Yippee! Registration for youth camp starts next wk. Finally... Looking foward to it so much.. Sermon... Er.. "What in the world-wide-web are you doing?" Basically, the Internet. Did a internet addiction test.. Oops. I'm in the middle range.. There were a few other things but was starting to feel guilty... Didn't go up for altar call but was still touched by God.. In the sense that I just knew what I had to do after the service.. Yikes. Tears of guilt. But I needed those tears lah. =)

Dinner. Finally went for dinner as a cell after exams. But the queue and the price of Black Canyon put some people off.. Was tempted to just eat Macs as well. Ah well, could finally get a seat so just joined them at Black Canyon. Ordered hot dog set... Then went to Macs with Kelly to find Jeann and Jo.. waiting for the food to come so was bored...
Finally, food arrived. Actually, it was rather fast but it was just late. After 8. So was hungry... Should not have ordered hot dog. My fries were being eaten.. Lol. Just jkg. It was nice to have dinner and watch all the "entertainment"... haha. Hmm. I'm having a mind block now, can't write much anymore. Ah well, that's it then. But ya, my mood is rather good now.

My week

Hiya. Haven't blogged for quite a long time... So this might be a long entry. Depending on how much time I want to spend blogging and how much time I can spend blogging. I'll be doing a chronological account, okie?
Monday (10/10)
Last paper.. History. It was delayed by 45 min so was talking to gan jie.. The paper then after that... Escape 101. Go read gan jie's blog if you want. But the gist of it was that gan jie didn't feel like going out and in the end, we just stayed on the bus and er... separated from glo and shao... And actually we thought of the escape idea in only 5 min... After that, we convinced them we were going to bugis but we actually went j8 with hui shi's cuz... After that, was just lots of laughter.
Tuesday (11/10)
Didn't have any more papers so didn't go school... Went and visit Vera jie jie, my mum's friend's daughter... But ya, it was fun talking to her. After that, went with my mum to uncle's office for a photo shoot. Lol. Cos my uncle was helping to take pictures of my mum's beaded ascessories. My mum gave me the title of "Art Director". Lol. Was supposed to help think of design ideas so that the pictures would turn out nice. Such as scattering beads next to the products and such. Very fun.. =)
Wednesday (12/10)
Dad took leave too. So brought us to the zoo.. Ok, I was obsessing over the different animals.. Such as the white tigers, mangooses, etc... Dun ask why I like them. My taste is just weird... But it was fun watching the various shows and all. And a lot of walking. So got tired and all. After walking from 9 to 3, just went home and everyone just rested... There are some pictures. Might upload onto my MSN space, okie?
Thursday (13/10)
Dad still on leave. So went Science Centre. Had nice breakfast. Pancakes at Macs. Yummy. Then after that, was walking around looking at the various exhibits. Rather fun. Especially with Jonathan around. Lol. Walked for longer than expected. Dad decided to drive up to JB for lunch. So had lunch before driving to Pasir Ris Park. Interesting how I'm so busy... And how my dad gets all these ideas for family bonding. But it works.. Anyway, picture this. Playground, younger brother, me. I get so childish and start running around and playing with him. More pictures... I might upload.
Friday (14/10)
Supposed to go back to school. But in the end, since my group wasn't selected for choral nite, I was just slacking around. Watching gan jie's group rehearse... Lol. Then after that, grabbed a bite b4 going back to HPPS. Dragged gan jie along. =) Talked to Ms Chiang. Rather interesting. Then I had to rush back to school for CCA meeting. After CCA meeting, went to Coronation. Gan jie still with me. =) Had maggi mee and bubble tea. Then talked for over an hour... Yep, gan jie, we talked that long. It rained heavily outside. That was just random. But to me, it means quite a bit...
Saturday & today
Don't feel like blogging anymore. Gist of things is that my mood took a downward turn.. Dun ask why. I won't tell most people. I've decided not to open up other than to the selected few. and it's really few... That's all. See ya. Bye bye.

bad mood

Before i start blogging the focus of this entry, shall first start screaming at you...
You are really a coward. You didn't dare to look this way. Were you afraid that there's poison? What the... Stupid person. Your friend had to pull you yet you ran away. So pro...

There. I'm done scolding you. Now, to blog about why I was in such a bad mood even before that episode with 'you'. Had maths paper this morning. Haiz. I knew it. I knew it. I knew that I would die badly for the paper. Wouldn't it be ironic if I actually passed my science yet failed my maths? Sighs. Anyway, there's history on monday but i'm really tempted not to study... it'll make me more relaxed... Ahh!!!! I'm so dead. Then again, that's what I've been saying since after the maths paper. While I'm at it, I like to declare that I've got crazy. I'm insane too.. Whee... =) Rite. that's all for now. my nice nice post about my day...

Exams. Stress. Giving up?

Ok. I'm no longer in the mood to blog about each of my paper and what were the questions... So it'll be a rather short summary. Yesterday, English. Today, HCL. Prefer the chinese essay qn. Describe a reunion with your primary school classmates... Lol. English was ... describe a decision you made that led to a positive change in your life. I was so tempted to write about church camp.. but the teacher probably wouldn't approve... So decided to do the safe topic.. GEP. But I had time to write 2 paragraphs about camp. =)
That's the nice part of the exams. Now, it's totally different. I'm feeling stressed out. I'm feeling stressed out. Geog, Lit, Science, Maths, History. Hmm... One word: Fail. I admit my revision wasn't adequate but hey, it gets discouraging when your previous attempts to revise still resulted in fails and you have a track record of not being able to pass a single science test since ... last year? Geog ah. I'll see how much I know.
But revising now would not be wise. I'm not good at mugging the day before.. It makes me scared and even more stressed. But now, I realized, blogging actually gets me more stressed. but i'm too lazy to write in my diary so.. this will have to do.
Oh well, at least I get a one week break til I get my results...
That's all for now. Don't comment, okie? Not if you're going to reassure me... Cause I'm a pessimist now in case you haven't realized...

Sorry.

Gloria, I don't know when you'll read this entry but I feel like I need to say this, "Sorry."
On friday, I was pissed off. About what? I can't tell you. But er.. you should have been able to guess. The badminton session during lunch was just emotion-packed. Each of my serve were all overhead shots, each with my anger in them. My wanting to play with my spectacles off and hair let down. Weird. I didn't give you a normal game. The game was one-sided. All my shots were all overhead. So sorry. It wasn't fair to subject you to my anger... On second thoughts, it might have been. Oops, I didn't say that. =p Lolz. Anyway, sorry..

Wanting to give up.

I don't anymore what you people think after reading my blog entry. So what if I'm depressed? So what if I'm emotional? I don't want to hear anymore. I don't want to listen anymore.
It's so tempting to just give up. On everything. Exams. Life. Everything that I hold dear. Relax, I'm not thinking of attempting suicide. It's just that I fail to see why I trusted. I'm tired.
Oh forget it. Please DO NOT comment. I needed to get everything out...

Repeated entry from MSN space

Ok... After that highly bitter entry, there was actually more to come. Piano exam results. It wasn't good. That's all I shall say. But anyway, was playing the piano to try to calm myself down but instead I was crying as I played the piano. Cause in that piano book, there was "Everytime" by Britney Spears, "Don't Cry Out Loud" by ... Can't remember who. So those songs didn't exactly help my mood.
Went into my room and wrote in my diary and it just hit me. Why I've been feeling so down. Why I couldn't find a solution to calm myself down. I've been neglecting God and TAWG. Oops. So I just took out this book I had called "God's words of life for teens". There were the various sections. Anger. Emotions. Forgiveness. Priorities. Stress. I had to read through those, don't you think? The various verses just popped out in the book and I couldn't help but laugh at how I've been so blind.

"Take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." - James 1:19-20

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." - Romans 12:2

"Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall." - Psalm 55:22

"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." - Colossians 3:13

"Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sings against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." - Matthew 18:21-22

This two verses on forgiveness were the ones that I had problems with. I know what God says. But yet, it's so hard to follow. To forgive that person seventy-seven times. I've forgiven him more than seven times. And it's fast approaching a high number. The things that he does.

"The Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you." - Deuteronomy 31:6

"In the day of my trouble I will call to you, Lord, for you will answer me." - Psalm 86:7

Anyway, after reading the verses, I felt much better. Felt happier for the first time in this few weeks. Could finally enjoy dinner. Chicken chop and ice kachang. Though, I ended up shivering away. The lady gave me so much ice that it took a while just to finish the ice.

new bloggie: Initial D

yep. the title says it all. because it didn't feel right using a non-christian blogskin for this blog so I decided to come up with a new blog for blogskins and to write about random things like my latest obsession. which is currently initial d.
anyway, go take a look at that blog if you want. no intention of making a tagboard unless there's popular demand so just tag on this blog about the other one, k?
http://melikes.blogspot.com

lolz. gtg. time to surf the net for more info on initial d. =p

Cell outing + Service

Finally in the mood to start blogging about my life. Instead of those depressed ramblings like last time.
Anyway, on saturday had cell outing at Marina. Could only reach there at 11 as I had piano. Reached there and we played catching. Did I mention that I made the mistake of wearing jeans and running in the hot noon sun? =p After catching, lunch, bee hoon. Hmm.. Not bad. After lunch, cleaned up and the girls headed to eloise's house. So it's basically Eileen, Delia, Shu Mei, Helen, Delia, Chelsea, me and of course Elo. After 15 min of waiting for the bus to take to her house, it started raining. And we still needed to walk to her house so we just ran in the rain. Corrections, it was a drizzle at first but each step we took, the rain got heavier. Lol. Went to her house, grabbed towels and went down to the swimming pool showers to bathe. Oops. Then went back to her house, grabbed our bags and went to J8 and took neoprints. After that, rushed to church.
Worship Experience! Yippee! Me hyper! Even though we were so tired from celling outing and all but worship rox, as usual. =) Jolyn was singing.. Sermon and then communion. After that, a bit more worship. During that time, I felt like I was about to cry but no tears came. That's been so common recently. Hmm... Dunno why. After that, just went for dinner with family. Bee hoon and fried noodles with chicken wings. Yummy. 1 1/2 plates. Not bad, but could be better. I think my record's 1 3/4 plates... Lol. I'm really random now. Haha. That's all for now.

Random

Lol. At gloria's house now. Her birthday. And she wants me to blog and since it's her birthday, I shall listen to her. Had lots of laughs just now. Watching legally blonde and eating mashed potatoes.. Lol. Me hyper! Especially since it's saturday. The only sad thing about today is that I had to miss church. Sermon notes anyone? Please. There. There's enough for a blog entry. Happy now, Glo?

14th birthday =)

Lol. For those that didn't know, I turned 14th last night at 11pm. So actually everyone wished me in advance. =)
Shall blog about my birthday before I thank everyone, k? So be patient. =p Had to go to school. Got jigsaw puzzle from glo, shao and gan jie. They lost one piece though. Lol. Creative idea of fixing that.. =) Yah, gan jie got me the dolphin card that I like so much. *smiles* After that, normal school day. Went home, slacked. =) watched DVD. Then met mum and bro at the childcare before going to Pizza Hut. The cheesy pizza's nice. Ate 2 1/2 slices.. Oops. Then collected the mango cake at four leaves before going to aunt's house to cut the cake...
Now, shall blog about the presents. Got most of them rather early though. Let's see, my MP3 was a few months in advance, my nice T-shirt with the Christian saying. =) From my mum and dad. Earrings from aunt, dolphin cuddly from rachel, fish toy from marcus. CD from jose kor. Glo (couz) gave chocolates. Yummy. Dolphin candle holder from fishie. Doggie keychain from han chang. Thumbdrive from another aunt. Notebook and pen from auntie amy. Lots and lots of well-wishes from various people. You know who you are, shan't bother typing it out, k? Unless anyone has any violent objections... =p
That's about it. Shall say "thanks" once more. Thanks. Ok I'm hyper now.. Thus all the smilies. =)

Fyi, this is a copy and paste entry from my msn space. Can't be bothered to type it out again. That's all. =)

Everything.

This is only meant for the reading of you three, hui shi, gloria and shao wen. so everyone else, can i please ask that you all respect that and not read? And no, I'm not naive and believe that everyone will listen but even if you read, don't comment, ok? Please.

Anyway here goes. Even typing this blog entry takes a lot out of me. After reading what gan jie and gloria wrote, I think it's my turn. I guess it's just right to start from yesterday. Yesterday, after seeing your arm, I already started hurting again inside. Your laughter, your treating it as such a joking matter didn't help. Do you know why it hurts us? Not only because you're cutting yourself, but also because we who care for you are powerless to stop you. Nothing we say seems to stop you, the helplessness of it all. I just couldn't take it and broke down during chinese lesson. I pity gloria. I guess, in a way, she was stuck. Hui Shi, when you read this, know that Gloria never approved of it. I suggested telling lao shi before and she stopped me. But I was crying and breaking down, kicking the table and the chair, banging my fist on the table in frustration. That was why she relented and came with me to tell laoshi. Now, for me to explain why I wanted to tell laoshi. I didn't expect much from telling laoshi, it's not like you'll stop. I'm not that naive. I know that once you start, it's hard to stop. But considering the fact that at least laoshi has some authority, I had been hoping that at least she could try to help. I mean, which one is worse? Us trying to talk to your mum or laoshi? At least, laoshi has more chance. On hindsight, it obviously wasn't such a good idea to tell laoshi.
Next, your reaction to it all. You felt that we've betrayed you. Fine, I admit that we did tell laoshi all these private and personal things that you trusted us with. That part, we were wrong. But please, what did you expect us to do? Sit there and watch you cut yourself even more? Do you know that almost everyday, I think of your cuts and feel helpless and cry at least once every week cause the image of your wrist is always in my mind. The cuts in the shape of a "z", the ones that are getting even longer. I can't get them out of my head. I'm too worried about what will happen if one day, things go wrong and accidents happen. I know that we've lost your trust. And I know that it's very hard to regain a person's trust. It takes time and willingness on both parties. So I ask only this of you, give us that chance. Gloria does have a point. It's because of how close we were to each other that's why you feel so betrayed, that's why we're hurting so much inside. No matter how much we've lost your trust, no matter how unwilling you are to be close to us, I ask that you at least let us care for you, to show our care and concern. I still say what I said one year ago, when I smsed you. I remember what you said that you were kind of surprised to hear that from a friend you knew for only a few months. I said that I'll always be there for you and always willing to lend you that listening ear or that shoulder to cry on. It still remains the same.

HPPS.

After "much" thought, decided to retype the whole blog entry about monday and tuesday.
On Monday, had to go to school for national day celebration.. Shaln't elaborate too much. Then after that, rushed down to HPPS with rachel. Had fun talking to the teachers, as usual. And had to convince them to stay for the others.. -cough cough- Anyway, can't resist commenting that some pple didn't even say hi to the teachers before they started to play soccer. Guess that's their real reason for going back to HPPS: soccer. Most of the guys shot up a lot... Sighs. That's about it. Oh ya, saw Zoe and Yi Kai after so long. Had fun talking to them too. =) After that, had to go straight home. But at least could slack for the rest of the day.
Tuesday...
Met Gloria at the MRT Station, went and get the cake, walked around, grabbed a bite at KFC before meeting the rest, Rachel, Lim Yu, Nikki, Sammi, Gan jie, gloria (cuz), adwyn, gabriel, soon yoong, bryan. After a while, took the bus to West Coast, where we slacked, play cards, truth or dare -cringe-, etc... The guys left to play Lan. After a while, Marcus came. Stuck with all girls. =p. Went playground and play. Forced to agree to 2 more dare for gloria (cuz) and sammi's sake. Cos three of us was in this "enclosure" and every1 else started spinning us around. =p they were getting giddy but the others didn't let us out unless i agreed to the above mentioned condition. Sighs. Took a break at Macs before heading back to where we put our things. Govind, Joseph, Gabriel came back and the guys went off to play soccer. The girls decided to play frisbee but in another area. So we just took our valuables and since some of the guys' things were lying all around, we took it with us. Frisbee playing was fun! Our aim was -cough cough- not that good. =p Anyway, was quite fun watching the guys try to take back their things. My family came so had to watch over jon and missed out so much things. Sad. Later, it was supposedly time to eat. Mum told me to serve the guys since they weren't eating.. Sighs. So had to take food to Gabriel and Govind. After that, Gloria came up with such a "great" idea.. Let the guys think of my dare. Sighs. Had to go around asking strangers whether they wanted some food. Lol. Can't believe 2 out of 4 agreed. Aiyah, everything was rather fun lah. After a while, it was really just the girls left. The sun set! View was a bit obstructed but nvm. Still could see the sun set. =) Played hoverdisc with jon jon. =p Got to admit that everything was fun even though i was apprehensive about it at first.
Anyway, as everything is settled, there is no need for me to rebut what adwyn say. Just let the past be the past. =) Just want to add that I got a tan from that day at west coast. Lol. I'm starting to get obsessed with my tan. =p Fyi, I'm in a random mood now. =)

*Blogger's note: This blog entry was continued after a long period of time as blogger was not in the mood. Content was changed to suit the current situation of things.

Festival of Praise! Whoo!

Whee! I'm hyper now. Thanks to yesterday night lah.
Anyway, went Indoor Stadium for Festival of Praise. Was trying to find christabel when samuel saw me. Lol. A bit unexpected. Found bel and was walking around with her, talked to pple from cell, walked around some more, etc. Basically being very random. =)
After 1 hour or so of queuing, finally entered the stadium. Sat behind the stage, south wing. So during worship, had to read the lyrics opposite. Lol. Me and bel both not really in the mood to jump... So ya. After worship was prayer and then sermon. After sermon, bel was trying to persuade her parents to let her go up and join the guys from cell. But her parents don't let so I went up alone. We were hoping that if I go up, Bel's parents might relent. Sad thing was she did come up but only to pass me my bag before leaving. -sniffs- After sermon, was praise and worship once more. Guys, got to hand it to you all. I've seen you all jump during service but yesterday was like "wow!" You all were so hyper that I couldn't resist jumping too! Jump jump jump! -sorry, i'm hyper!- Anyway, I was jumping til my legs started aching so had to stop jumping, for a while only. Anyway, after that, smsed my dad and fortunately, he came and fetched me. So didn't have to take the bus and mrt which would mean i'll only reach home 12 plus. Was still so hyper in the car yet also tired. Mind was working but body wanted to rest... Oh ya, started to lose my voice also.. Sighs. Anyway, fop rox! Wish I went on friday.. -sniffs- Nvm, there'll always be next year! =)

maturing? i hope so...

Let's see what's happened recently.. For those who don't know, I got hit with a yellow disciplinary form for not handing up homework.. Shaln't elaborate too much cos it's not something to be proud of... But ya, realize that i've been slacking way too much and -cough cough- got to swallow my pride.. If you don't get it, then don't bother asking. But ya.. Really regret it but it's too late.
Time to look on the bright side.. I'm not really sure what the adult leaders see in me but i've been asked to join core group. It's kinda weird for me cos i'm usually very quiet and everything so was actually a bit nervous even though i know the people there. But it turned out fine, a learning experience. Similar to the IGNYTE conference for SPs, i too had doubts about that, but everything turned out bery well. Still.. It's like everyone sees something in me but I have no idea what that is. Same for being accepted at NUS High, still trying to come to grasp with that.
Anyway, service rox as usual! But guilt arose in me because i felt that i've dissapointed God through my actions. That form. So was a bit upset with myself, have been for the past few days as well.. But I kind of pushed those feelings away with God's help. I really don't know why but the image of the form being torn up kept going through my mind. The way it was being torn struck me. From the top, down then from the left to the right.. So was kind of like a cross. Reminded me of the play that I watched during SonicFest. The actresses torn up pieces of paper which symbolizes their broken hopes and dreams and paste all the pieces into the shape of the cross. It meant that we should bring our sufferings, our pain, our guilt, to God. So I managed to calm down.
Sermon was by this Pastor Timothy about running after God. Reminds me of last year's camp. The most important thing was about keeping our focus. That's always been my biggest problem, I guess. Went up for altar call. Could feel God's presence but surprisingly, I didn't really cry til after the altar call when we sang "running after you". I could feel the tears coming but I held back the tears and just sang the song as my heart's cry.
That's about it all. I've got to go offline now. Getting tired.

Finally have a chance to blog after 1 week... been either busy or just not in the mood.
Anyway, for the past 3 nights, been going down to Fort Canning for Sonicfest. It rocks! =) Shall elaborate more now! =)
Thursday, met joseph at plaza sing and waited for his friends. Then walked to fort canning. Saw sophia and her friend, annette. So ya, decided to go with them instead of with joseph and his friends. So joseph, no need to apologize for not being a good host, i decided to go with my friends what. Anyway thanks for telling me about sonicfest, it was a very nice experience. =) Interview with planetshakers and then an autograph session. Then soph, annette and I went for this performance in the theatre about love, about suffering. The gist of it was how we get hurt in our lives yet how the answer to our suffering is God. The great love of God. The play talked about about "the pain of suffering, the value of sacrifice." Talking about how when you love someone, you sacrifice all for that person. That play held a lot of meaning for me. That were other ideas discussed in the play like why do we have to suffer even though Jesus died on the cross for us.. The play touched me. Wish that some of my friends were there to watch the play too cos it applies to them as well.. Anyway, next was planetshakers up on stage. The atmosphere was .. Wow! Passion! Ministry brought my level of worship to another level but Sonicfest showed me the passion of others in other churches. During the songs, I was reminded of God's promise to me. Felt more relaxed and happier for the first time in that week. Another joy was to see teenagers so passionate in worshipping God, the experience was undescribable. Sophia and Annette wanted to stay in front so imagine the speakers blasting away, the vibrations so great that you can feel it. And the jumping up and down on the slope. Everything just becomes part of this wonderful experience. In my opinion, the concert ended too early even though it was 10pm liao.. Wanted this to go on.. Nevermind, there would always be friday!
Friday, after history drama, went down to Plaza Sing again. Pulled Gloria along for dinner. Then went to fort canning again for planetshaker and sonicflood's performance. Highlight was of course sonicflood's performance. The familiar songs that I haven't heard for such a long time, touching my heart. I was chao hyper! Jumping up and down! The few places that my mood will always be quite ok, consistent, etc is at home, church and such events. There's this freedom, no need to hide away. Words just can't be used to describe...
Saturday, bowling competition, cell, church. Will elaborate about those on my msn space. so refer there, k? but you'll have to be on my msn contact list. Then after church, grabbed a bite at Macs and rushed down to Fort canning. So sad, the book i wanted to buy was no longer sold... -sniffs- should have bought it the previous days. went for sonicflood's performance. was alone. my choice actually so joseph, just in case u're going to start apologizing, no need. it was nice being alone. i decided to just stand at the back and watch everyone else. besides, was too tired to jump. =[ It was nice to just watch everyone jumping, all united in praising God. At the end, after their last song, everyone was shouting "encore" so we got one more song. A nice way to end everything. Overall, it was a wonderful experience, wishing it could last longer. =p Thanks joseph for telling me about this and helping me get the ticket. Thanks sophia, annette, christabel yeo for being with me on thurs and fri! Had so much fun. =) Still so hyper now. =) Anyway, time to blog on my MSN Space... =p

bubbles.

this blog has been rather abandoned... oops. But it's cos I prefer blogging on my MSN Space. Dunno why though. Anyway, I want to blog about my weekend but feeling a bit tired. So shall blog about my obsession with bubbles. =)
Was at a chalet last night (refer to MSN Space for more details) and was blowing bubbles, bursting bubbles, etc... But when I blew the bubbles, I began to admire the beauty of the bubbles, catching the colours of the rainbow, floating higher then slowly settling to the ground before it burst. Bubbles are so beautiful yet they're almost unreal. They're barely there and easily destroyed. Kind of like our hopes, our dreams, our wishes, our aspirations... To us, we all hold our dreams dear to us, it's perfect, maybe a future that we want or something that we want to do. But yet, the world around us, the people, society seems to destroy this wishes, they make it seem like something impossible. Too many dreams trampled on, hope taken away. But yet, we still continue hoping no matter how many times others have burst our bubble.. That's the beauty of bubbles, our hopes and dreams...

Anyway, what I blogged just now is really random and I barely know what I'm talking about, it just seem to just come out from my mind as i blogged. Interesting, isn't it?

Attempting to be happy.

Changed my layout at long last. Just a reminder to myself that I'll never be alone and that God's always with me. =)

calm before the storm.

the calm is just over. after I finally made up my mind to go NUS High, made the decisions that I have to make, solve most of my problems. Then competition. Get so freaking stressed out. Start criticizing other schools just bcos I don't like someone in there. It's not me lor. I need a punching bad real badly. I don't want to mistreat my piano so I shall not bang on it. Shall just try to cool down. anyway I'm so pissed off due to my stupid bowling score today. I'm getting frustrated thinking about it. I'm so upset. Tears are threatening to come again. I know that I just want to forget that school ever existed and pon this whole week. Then maybe, I can regain enough strength to go back. Who knows? Quartets on thursday. Technically, it can't get any worse... I think. Who knows???

Shall stop blogging before i type in all the things that I feel like saying. which includes 4 letter words that aren't very nice...

Changes...

Been abandoning this blog... So sorry. Just didn't have the mood to blog here anymore.
Anyway, just a quick update of my life. NUSHS results still not out yet. I entered the school team for bowling.. not very confident. History drama next fri... that shud b quite ok... Oh and my friends are bullying me. That's about all. =p