chilling winds

What does it say when I'm able to link the fact that it's windy to my mood? 0.0 But yes, as I was walking along the corridor, it was rather windy and though I enjoyed the wind, the word "chilling" came to mind. Ok. That was just random.

Anyway, was commenting that I wanted to blog about a few differences in my behaviour on Sunday compared to normal. Let's see. Normally, I have no qualms about sharing food or drinks with anyone. Sharing in the sense of same utensils/straw/etc... But when someone took a sip out of the packet of grass jelly that I bought, I cringed inwardly. Then, my manners (or to be really honest, lack of it) when I talk to him and stuff like that. Mei pointed it out over the phone when I was in the car. Somehow, my manners kind of erm.. no longer exist that when I'm in his company? It's been like that for quite a few years. Yes, I do feel bad at times about acting this way. But since young, I've never really been polite or courteous? Considering that I used to talk back to him each time several topics were brought up. Oh yes, one more difference in my behaviour that I realized. If people ask me about Jonathan or my family, I'll at least be smiling when I answer or start gushing about Jon's cuteness, ya? When he asks, he gets mono-syllabic replies or really short answers. Mhmm. I see no point in telling him a lot anyway. Oops? Go ahead and tsk me if you want. It's alright.

On a slightly brighter note, had the first meeting to plan for Z1 SP empowerment. Yes yes, my exams start on wednesday and yet I still go. =p Oops? But I do enjoy doing such stuff. Always enjoyed planning, brainstorming and all but opportunities hardly arise. That's why I'm trying to make the most out of each opportunity. Hmm. I shall leave this at that. This topic just triggered off another train of thoughts. =p

On a even brighter note, my dad just came back, and bought lots of chocolate for us. =) Was told to bring some to school for those 3. (Interesting whose name was first mentioned.. Laadeedaas.) And dad gave me some of the currency and even bought stamps for me. =) Ohh! Something else to blog about. While keeping the notes, coins and stamps in the various albums, realized how much I've neglected those collection. When I do have time, I only focus on the notes collection. My poor stamps and first-day covers are collecting dust and not being organized. I'm still rather amused by how I started "stamp-collecting". The reason behind my sudden interest for stamps in primary school. Uhohh. Memories come flooding back. Especially when I was digging out the albums and came across primary school pictures, those few class photos... And though I didn't pull out the picture, I saw the corner of another picture. It was taken after we received the trophies for SMO, I think. -sighs. More memories of primary school. Primary 6. Advanced math club. I remember wanting to enter NUSHS then but was complaining of how the school wasn't ready yet. Sighs. I think that's enough blogging. The more I blog, the more I trigger off memories. I'm not in the best of mood for memories to come flooding back.

Mood: this sense of loss
Music: I don't want to know (yes, it's an actual song)

the next few days...

Whee! Exams start on wednesday and I haven't really started studying yet.. Uhohh. Next few days, I'll have to force myself to study and revise. Anyway, I'm thinking that the next few days would be the most tiring and draining days of the whole year. If I can get through these few days, I'll be really contented. The realization of how "well-prepared" I am for the exams is starting to hit me rather hard. And to add to that, I do have expectations that I want to meet. To obtain a certain range of marks for each subject. But it's really unrealistic right now. I'm not even putting in the effort. That's why I know my marks are so going to fall short of my expectations. I'm not being pessimistic, I'm being realistic. Yes, some might say I should stop spending time blogging and all, but I can't study now. My mind's in this state which I dislike immensely. Of all times, right before the exam. If it was during the holidays, at least I can listen to my head and give it what it wants: which is a lot of sleep and rest. But now, I can't afford to do that.

Oh joy! I just got a phone call from some person in church who tells me that I'm in the sub-committee for the leadership camp in December. 0.0 Did I sign up for that? I don't seem to recall anything along those lines. But anyway, the thing is, that's a meeting tomorrow from 2-4 which means there goes another 2 hours of studying time if I do go.

Forget it. I'm resorting to rather desperate measures. Shall bring my notes along with me when I go out, so that I can read it on the bus or something. But right now, shall go play the piano again. I wonder why the piano's calling out to me so much nowadays. Yeps, I know the answer.

~ I woke up this morning, feeling kind of blue~

Counting down

While most people are about to start their holidays, our school's starting exams next week. Strangely enough, the panic and worry hasn't really hit me. At least not often enough.. This week's been rather relaxed with the nice long weekend (that started on friday after bio bridging module all the way til last night).

Today was also rather slack and it's kind of freaky when I'm so relaxed? Let's see. Free period during math. English was just listening to the other groups present and checking of our CA marks. =) Whee! -feels accomplished- Finally a CA mark that I'm really happy with. =) Chinese lesson consist of getting back our exam paper. Mini roller-coaster ride. Was pleased with certain portions of my paper but other portions.. Sighs. Physics was more or less a free period for us to "study". Ended up sleeping for 15 minutes or so? As in, really fell asleep and wasn't conscious of my surroundings. Mhmm.

Oh yes. I've been rather sleepy these few days. And it gets worse when I get more sleep... Or is it just my body complaining because the past two weeks, I've been sleeping really late? Sighs. Think I'll stop blogging now and go sleep? -yawns- Hopefully, I can sleep peacefully tonight. Unlike yesterday. Highly disrupted sleep. Lost count how many times I woke up in the middle of the night.

saturday's roller-coaster ride

Due to the time now, I really should go to sleep. But I've got to keep my blog active and since I'm still up, why not blog a quick entry? So it'll just be words, ok?

Smses. SPC. Disappointment. Boredom. Wishes. Phone calls. East Coast. Barbeque. Breakwater. Waves. Seashells. Temperature. Frisbee. Memories. "Responsibilities". Cycling. Cross Country. Memories. Missing. Testing the limits. Wind. Loneliness. Cutting cake. More cycling. Songs. Triggers. Failure. Barbeque. Going through the motions. Photos. Getting away. Car ride. Mahjong playing. Apologies. Pushing everything to the back. Hoping.

I might/might not elaborate on this entry... But on a side note, I've changed quite a bit. It's gradual. But the whole day at the beach just made me realize how often I'm physically some place but my mind's no longer there. Family over friends or friends over family? Once, I didn't have to even think about the answer. I promised and was naive enough to think that things could always remain that way. But that's just another thing I was in denial about...

1st half of monday

Aiyoh. I give in to mei to much. Ask me to blog, then I blog now at this time of the day... =p Bearing in mind that I'm blogging this slightly past 12 midnight, I'll have to refer to 16th of Oct as yesterday...

Let's see. Went to school to "dump" my bag as usual. Yay! Mei joined me in school today. Was amused by kor and mei. Then walked to pool. Whee! It's really more enjoyable when there's company. If not, it's like I'll just listen to my mp3 player. Swimming.. Repeated the usual activities again. Wanted to leave earlier so pushed myself a bit harder for the 8 laps. Finally, my swimming shows some signs of improvement.. But yes, I need to get back to swimming more regularly instead of just playing water in the pool like what I've been doing for the past few years. Walked back to school and waited with mei and nes for *drum roll* McDelivery!

A nice enjoyable 1 hour break since we reached school earlier than normal. Could enjoy and savour the taste of hotcakes with sausage. =) "Singing sessions".. -shakes head- half exasperated, half amused. Math lesson, then lunch then followed by art. Not that much to blog about. Corrections: not that much that I want to blog about...

Random note: What is it with me and having phone calls that last past 1 hour for the past few days? And not just one person..

another wednesday entry

Oops? Blogging during journalism again. =p I would try to write an article except I have no idea what to write about. There's no fixed topic so it's up to us what we want to write about but right now, I can't think of anything. So I'm blogging. =p

Uhohh. There's been a lack of hyper entries and stuff? Heehee. -thinks of how to remedy that- Ohh!! I know. Yay! Can look foward to after CCA. Practice on the piano for 30 minutes, while waiting for mei and kor to end choir. Then later, can go and slack in a classroom and watch a show/listen to music/finish biology assignment. Mhmm. Yeps.

I want to sleep. -yawns- Thing is, I can't close my eyes now. When I close them, my eyes feel so strained and tired. Heehee. Note: I'm saying that my eyes are strained and tired, not that I'm tired. Oh wait. Am I tired? -shrugs- Don't know..

Urk! I want to start writing an article but have absolutely no idea what to write about. Yeps. I have 1 hour to think of something to write and then type it out.

looking for answers

Whee! Could someone please tell me why I want to sleep right now at 8:40pm?! It's not like I've been sleeping late or something. From friday onwards, I've gone back to normal sleep hours. In fact, maybe more than normal.

Actually, I don't think I'm sleepy. More of mind shut down on me. So I can't really do my work and slacking even more will make me feel bad so sleep's the nicer alternative. Then I'll wake up tomorrow and panic because the chemistry lab report's not done.

Ohh. Time to touch more on the title... If not, it would just be a white elephant. Everyone's always looking for answers, to situations and all. "Why is....?", "What is happening?", "Where can I go?", "What can I do?", "How can this be resolved?" Whee! I should do the 5 Ws and 1 H, ya? Lol. Nah.. Forget it. But yes, we're alwaysa asking questions and wanting answers. But hey, what's life without its mysteries? Ohh. A rhetorical question. (Uhohh. Think I'm losing it if I ask blogging senselessly about questions. Oh wait, I'm already crazy/normal.)

Quite a few questions I want to know the answers to... Hmm. Let's play "Guess the context of the question"! (Guess what I'm referring to?) =p
1) How did things turn out this way?
2) What exactly is happening now?
3) Why am I in this state?
4) How do I resolve this and make things better?

So many questions about quite a few situations. But the answers are far more evasive. In fact, at times, not knowing the answer to your questions might be better. It takes quite a bit of strength to bear the burden of the truth. The truth might be too much to handle at times. Is that why lying is justified? So as not to destroy the illusion of others...

Ok. My thoughts are all over the place. Have no idea how I typed out everything I did. But yes, really want to go sleep now. Sadly enough, I can't afford to. Actually, I can but I won't neglect my homework. I'll have to deal with it sooner or later. Xian ku hou tian or xian tian hou ku? I've been brought up to do the former but the latter's always so tempting... =p

birth month determines personality?!

August:
Outgoing personality. Takes risks. Feeds on attention. No self control. Kind hearted. Self confident. Loud and boisterous. Very revengeful. Easy to get along with and talk to. Has an "every thing's peachy" attitude. (At times only?) Likes talking and singing. Loves music. Daydreamer. Easily distracted. Hates not being trusted. Big imagination. Loves to be loved. Hates studying. (Haha. Why did I strike this out? Guess I'm ok with studying?) In need of "that someone". Longs for freedom. Rebellious when withheld or restricted. Lives by "no pain no gain" caring. Always a suspect. Playful. Mysterious. "charming" or "beautiful" to everyone. Stubborn. Curious. Independent. Strong willed. A fighter.

Ok... Those in bold means I agree. Those normal text means I don't have much of an opinion on that. Those that I strike out means I disagree.

Hmm. A short post on this then... Actually, I should strike out "takes risks" but I do, just rarely and mostly "illogical" stuff? Haha. Hmm... Longs for freedom can be bold but if I think about it, do I value freedom that much? Yeps... Hmm. The few things I do agree with a lot is "curious", "stubborn" and "no self control". Yeps... Haha. No strong self so have to strike out "strong willed". I mean, how many times do I give in so easily to you all ah? And let myself be bullied. Lol.

Whee! On a side note: Today was an exceptionally nice day! =) -bounce-

self-awareness

Whee! I prove myself right again... Yesterday night/this morning, one or two possible scenarios crossed my mind. And they came true. Let's see... Was telling myself that there was no way I'll be able to stay awake and not go to sleep. Duh. And the one I want to blog about, wouldn't finish the english article during journalism. And ya, it's my choice that I choose not to write it now and blog instead but seriously, no inspiration. =p Besides, there were actually things to be done. Such as proof-reading the same few pages again. What is it with me and getting the mentor group write-ups? Read through them countless times. Ohh. Was double checking the spelling of the names against a name list. After that, everyone was told to do a small exercise: layout an article using Dreamweaver. Whee! Didn't want to code (can't really code that well anyway) so just use all the tools and finished the layout within minutes. It's really plain and all but oh well, satisfactory for now?

Ack. Forget it. I shall not spend so much time in front of the computer. Time to get down to the piano!

staying up late

Urk. Not a good thing when I start to stay up past 11 for quite a few days... At least it's not consecutive. With the exception of last week. Was rushing out biology assignment. Oh well. Been attempting to do the english articles for the media project. Of all times, why did it have to be now?! I mean, I can't even think of stuff to write and yet I'm trying to produce quality work. It's irritating and annoying. Though it's tempting to go sleep now and just print out whatever I have (which isn't much), I can't. Because I'm having expectations of the level of work that I do. Urk. Feel like swearing. This's just a preview of what it'll be like when the exams come and I start to have expectations. -cringe- I can't just forget about the expectations I have. And then when I fail to meet them, it hurts even more. (Note: interesting use of the word "when"...)

Ohh. And really, I don't think it was such a good idea to pick that particular topic for the English article. I can write it without emotions and stuff, as long as I push things to the back of my head and maintain this weird calmness and control. But it can't last for long. Heehee. Zi zao ma fan? Haha. Laughing at myself. So right, I better get down to finishing up the articles. Oh wait, I've only done half of one and barely started the other one. So corrections, it should be "I better get to down to writing the articles." Heehee. Can't believe I'm finding all these amusing and can spare the energy to laugh at myself. Oh well. Most things are unbelievable anyway.

soft toys!

Haha. Can't think of a title so decided to use this for now. Heehee. Too many soft toys are appearing in school, especially this term. Let's see. Current count: 4 toys. Lol. Highly amusing and interesting for everyone. Especially yesterday. It's been too long since the 4 of us could just go hyper in E1-14, ya? Heehee. I like my handphone picture. Renee, I want your boyfriend! So cute! Rofl. Okok. Let me clarify something. Renee's boyfriend isn't a person, ok? Haha. Never mind.

Shall I blog about yesterday? -thinks- Okies! Why not? Since I'll only start work after I'm done blogging.. =p Mentoring session. Urk. When did I start helping mei with leading the discussion? Pft. Never mind. At least it's only this once. =) Then physics. The usual copying and stuff. Mhmm. Break. Relatively normal and stuff? Math bridging module. Ziah. Thanks to mei ah, I'm no longer progressing along with the teacher. Tend to tune out and do what I can by myself/or with mei and nes's help. So was starting on the homework during lesson time. Oops? But still not as fast as mei who's finished everything? 0.0 Then biology bridging module... Pft. No video yesterday. Haha. Never mind. And lesson learnt: Last minute mugging for biology quiz doesn't work. =p Had time for lunch between biology bridging module and chemistry extra lesson. Whew. Luckily. Was getting hungry. Chemistry took less time than expected so 4 of us could go occupy E1-14 for a longer time. Initially, we were all doing our whole things (e.g reading and stuff), then after quite some time, we got more hyper. Mhmm. =) And why am I the one always getting poked? Especially unfair when you all ganged up and poke me at the same time... -pouts- Haha. Oh well.

After staying in school, rushed down to Serene for dinner with mel and saac. Then went to church and met Sis Jas to prepare for Glorify. Still think I get very nervous. Whee! Lcell was in the auditorium. Since it was open and no one else was using it. =) -bounce- Hmm. Getting more and more used to being in Lcell. Compared to the start of the year and all, I think I've improved in certain areas. But of course, there are things I still need to work on. Lots of things. Mhmm. Talked to mei on the phone on the way home. Thank you! =) Heehee. Went home and attempted to do a bit of chemistry lab report. Oh well. Then started reading and erm... -cough- slept relatively late/early. Not intentional. =p Made up for it by not getting out of bed til 10.

Heehee. Guess I better stop slacking and try to figure out the calculations for chemistry?

wed 2-4pm

Hmm... After writing those articles last week and all, I was right, I would get a break from writing. Ya. Was only asked to write something towards the end of journalism. But mainly, I did proof-reading. For the don't know how many times. And it's always the same few pages? But yes, I found it amusing (in the ironic way) that the first set of papers I had to proof read were the descriptions of the pioneer batch of Year 3s. Looking through the names, the pictures, the mentor group descriptions... Whew. Luckily I didn't have to write out the surnames of each of the students for two of the mentor groups. The copy I was proof-reading wasn't updated. Whew. If not, -cringe-. But it's kind of interesting to just read through everything again and again. Black and white pictures of the seniors.

If you all haven't figured out the irony, then never mind. But yes, found it rather ironic that I was proof-reading that set of documents. Laadeedaa. Oh well. Side note: I know the surnames of a few more people? -amused-

can't sleep

Times like this, I'm thankful that the computer's in my room with internet connection. In fact, this's the first time I've turned on the computer to blog just because I couldn't sleep. Mhmm. Ok. Before I blog any further, I have to decide something. Which line of thought to blog about. There's obviously a reason why I'm still up, ya? No matter how much I can't sleep, rarely do I reach this state when sleep really doesn't come easily. For me, that's shocking. But I'm getting used to it. At least I know why I can't sleep.

Think I'll just be vague. Note: If you don't understand the entry, it's understandable. I'll try not to blog with any particular audience in mind but a lot of the things would have to be inferred and you'll need to have some contextual knowledge (-cringe. history.) to figure out.

Some changes are reversible. Sure, there are some there aren't reversible but it can continue changing into something better. At least, that's what I'm hoping. Hope. That is one of the few things keeping me going. And as usual, various promises I made to myself and to others keep me from falling and feeling the impact as much. They're like safety mattresses. I can take them away and just fall, bearing the full blow. Still, I haven't reached that point yet. Fortunately?

Oh well. My pillow will be extremely comfortable to sleep on later if I can find the right position to place my head. The pillow has different temperature at different places. Wonder why. Heehee. Maybe it's due to the aircon. Who knows? It's highly tempting to stay up the whole night but I'll opt for escaping from all this through sleep. If only I can fall asleep.

Retreat and taking a rest might be tactics for war and all but somehow, I still feel like I'm walking away. I've hurt those I care for and love before. Sorry. If only I coud stop doing that... I don't know how but I really want to know. Just to see them well, I'll give as much as I can.

Mood: tired
Music: If I never knew you

quotes

"Memories are important. They're something you can hold on to."

"Memories are precious. Even bad ones. They make us who we are."

"I should let him shelter me a bit, stop jabbing at him, leave my own fear behind. But the fear remained."

"Learn from water. Water is malleable, water is gentle, but drops of water wear away stone, and everything it touches is shaped by its passing."

Hmm. All these are taken from the book I'm reading right now, The Fifth Sacred Thing. The first two lines, I don't think I need to explain why I typed them out. How true... Now, just to combine both together. Memories are important and precious. Even bad ones. They're something you can hold on to and make us who we are. Hmm. Sums it up, pretty well, ya? Again, more things are starting to mean more and more to me. The slightest things can trigger off these whole string of thoughts and stuff.

Third line(s) quoted was for the idea behind the line. The whole "being protected and all is good but there's still fear"... Hmm. Don't feel like elaborating.

Last one. Ahh. My "element". Still have that line from Memoirs of a Geisha in my diary. Also about water, or to be precise, the nature of water. I don't know. Though I'm sure I've displayed both sides of water before, there's one side that feels more natural than the other. It's fairly obvious which side I prefer and am more used to... Sighs. But today, it was a bit towards the other side. Not that I "unleashed" it. But ya.. It was waiting. -cringe- Sounds like I have a split personality, ya? Lol. But nah... Not understanding what I blog about either.

Ok. Enough about elaborating on the quotes and all. Think I'll try to finish more biology homework. Sighs. But really, not in the mood to. Physically and mentally.

you give me wings

You give me wings when I'm falling
You lift me up when I'm down

- Lyrics from "You give me wings"

Hmm. Heard this song yesterday on Singapore Idol. It's an original song composed for the winner of Singapore Idol. The lyrics are really meaningful. Ever more so in this period of time. Was pointing out to mei how this song is so suitable for song dedications and all. Mhmm. Been wanting to blog but can't think of what to blog about.. Or rather reluctant to blog about the things that are taking up most of my thoughts.

Ack. Still very sleepy. Was using the computer then decided to lie down for awhile and ended up making myself comfortable (e.g hugging a soft toy, covering myself with the comforter) and taking a short nap. Was smart enough to set an alarm though. =p After all the times when a short nap resulted in me sleeping for more than an hour. Yeps. Okies. Better stop using the computer. Shall go practice a bit of piano... =)

balancing act

Can't think of a title so shall leave it blank.

-cringe- The entry from 2 days ago was so out of character. In the sense that I've tried to bring those kind of entries down to a minimum. Oh well. Things have improved. In a way. Want to blog but have no idea what to blog about. But yes. Right now, everything's just very calm. All the various situations. It's like balancing on a tightrope. I still have the balance and all but one wrong step, one push and everything will probably collaspe.

At least, it's still bearable now. But the silence of the house does gets a bit irritating at times.

~at least, I still have something to grab hold onto if I fall. Thanks.~

broken promises

Though it hurts when people don't keep their promise or I don't keep my promise to others which results in them getting hurt, there's one last situation in which it hurts so much. Me not keeping my promises to myself. So many broken today. Fine, maybe not so many. But the few that I don't want to break the most just had to be broken. And it was my own actions that caused me to break that promise I made to myself.

It's highly tempting to blog one of those entries with a lot of references to "you" and all but there's not much of a point, ya? It's the easy way out to blog. The harder one is actually addressing people face to face. I've been avoiding that. Guess I've got to settle everything soon.
Whee! The piano calls. Actually, a lot of things/places are calling out my name. Shall see how well I am able to respond to these "calls". But highly doubt can answer those "calls". Situation doesn't permit. And some of them, I'm trying my best not to respond to those calls. I can't.

tired

Whoa. Other than selective hearing, looks like I have selective timing. In the sense that my mind chooses when to think about stuff at such wonderful times.

Yayness. Biology test tomorrow. Though I could always do the speed-read through notes way of studying, I actually want to do well in the test. Urk. Of all times to want to do well. I want to study but as usual, it really depends on my mood. Right now, I just want a break. Not just going to the kitchen and grabbing a snack. More than that. -thinks of places- Let's see. Other than biology test tomorrow, there's a chemistry quiz tomorrow and chem lab notebook due. Quiz, first lesson of the day. And my chemistry grade is low enough already. Then after end of school tomorrow, study for expo and log exam. And have to complete math bridging module homework. I really dislike it when my mind chooses to be selective about when I care about academic matters. If it was constantly care/don't care, it's easier to deal with. But at random times, I'll just remember the importance of studies and/or need to prove something to myself and fulfil certain personal expectations.

Sighs. I should go off and study and finish all those things, right? But I've learned that it's no point trying to study if I can't focus. So will allow myself to go on for a while more before I stop blogging. On the bright side, everything should be better after friday afternoon. But first, have to endure through tomorrow and friday. =) Oh well. How bad can it get? There's this resignation to it all. I've been through similar experiences for me to get too worried. Ohh. And realized that I'm sleepy. Sleepy enough to sleep now actually. Just lie down for awhile so ya... Ack. Better continue sitting upright, if not...

CCA - journalism

Urk. I really shoudn't be blogging now, ya? But guess what, I don't really care that much now cause my mood's really too low. I want to get the chemistry week article done but first, I have to write the introduction. Once I can do that, I'll be able to write. Even though I've just written out the points to be covered on foolscap, I doubt I'll be able to start.

Right now, I feel like getting out of the computer lab. It's very restricting to be confined to within the 4 walls. CCA. I have to make up my mind soon. I can't continue on with this attitude if I'm going to stay in Journalism. But if I'm not going to, then what CCA? Though choir was rather an appealing choice, note the "was". Laadeedaa. Mhmm. I don't know... Been having a rather crazy idea to have a certain CCA started in this school but it's really not that feasible and highly impossible. Not the time for it anyway. But yes, shall push that idea to the back of my head.

Whee! I have 35 minutes to finish one article. Quite alright actually but first I have to get into the mood. =p Ack. Some corner's of the school's calling my name. Heehee. -shrugs- Ok. Just try my best to focus and finish up the article and then leave Journalism slightly earlier.

Ohh. There's one feature of livejournal which I rather like and I think I'll do that for this blog.

Mood: thinking (too much...)
Music: Shooting Star - Boyzone (it's an obscure song from Hercules)

so close

I've been on the verge of tears for quite some time, not referring to any day in particular but ya... It's really too often for my liking but never mind. As long as it doesn't get any worse (I'm too hopeful), I'm still not too worried and will just accept it.

Hmm, started reading through my blog entries. Since someone mentioned that my old entries used to be a lot more open, I decided to read through to judge for myself. Yeps. Oh well. I don't know. But one thing's for sure, I'm blogging more often this year.

Today could have been better. Then again, most days are like that, it can always be better. I want to blog but have no idea what to blog about since I typed another entry elsewhere. Go figure which blog. -amused- Can't believe I maintain most of my blogs. Let's see. There's my MSN space which has about 1 entry a month, this blog, the obsession one (which is dead), private blog and my lj account. Haha. My lj's really just used for typing to mei/nes/kor or this latest "craze" that nes started. Mhmm. That's about it?

Shall go attempt to do my work or play the piano.

another sunday

Just feel like doing a recount of today. Mhmm.

Start off with this morning. As in the first few hours of the day. Couldn't sleep. Was really restless and came so close to turning the computer on to blog. Slept later than I preferred. Then again, I would prefer to be able to sleep all the way from the time my head hits the pillow til my alarm clock rings but that doesn't happen so getting used to the change in sleeping times. I have to. Woke up at 8 and started getting ready to meet mei at Jurong East Central for breakfast. Chee cheong fun with prawns is nice! Even if it's a bit oily...

Went Jurong Regional to do CIP. Laadeedaa. Basically, if you need a workout, go help out at the library. You get to walk around and arrange the books and carry stacks of books. Whee! ^_- But yes, it was kind of interesting to see how the librarians sorted out the books and stuff. After that, walked around the library for a quick while then went to grandma's house for lunch. Turns out they were making mooncakes so everyone just helped. Ohh! Gloria came. *I'm referring to my cousin, not glo from nanyang. Got a chance to go view elmi jie jie's new house. =) I like the colour of the various walls. -smiles- It's really nice. Laadeedaa. Then more mooncake making... Finally used up all the supplies bought and could eat dinner. Was rather sleepy (and maybe tired too?) so almost fell asleep there. Came back home, bathe and stone in front of the computer. Think I'll go sleep early today. Will deal with homework tomorrow or something. No, not sleeping now though. It's only 9. But probably before 10. Mhmm.

joy and sorrow.

There are quite a few things that I want to blog about but most of them aren't things for this public blog. Pft. Never mind.

More than ever, I thank God for directing me at the end of last year. While entering NUS High hasn't always been that smooth-sailing despite how things might seem, I don't regret the decision I made. It's been hitting me these two days how this school served as a resting place for me but it'll also be the next "battle-field". But I really don't mind. I've had my chance to rest. At least I had that.

And it's great to know that I haven't changed much. Really. But yes, I just want to say that no matter how things might seem to be, I'm still me. I'm thankful that I can still be happy over simple things such as walking home from the busstop and feeling the breeze and enjoying the view of the night sky. During F.U.E.L today, I gushed over a powerpoint background. But yes, it's nice to know that I'm still me. Various other events have proved it. And because I'm still me, my priorities hasn't changed. So to you, all you need to do is call and I'll do my best to be there. Even now. No matter what. I made a promise to you and I still intend to keep it. There.

ramblings - quizzes overload

My Personality

Neuroticism	60
Extraversion	18
Openness To Experience	52
Agreeableness	89
Conscientiousness	11

Find your MySpace/Xanga/Hi5 soulmate / pysch twin Test Yourself Compare Yourself View Full Report MySpace Surveys, Survey Software

Hmm... Rather interesting?

You Are 52% Happy

You're definitely a happy person, even though you have your down moments.You tend to get the most out of life, though there's always some more happiness to be squeezed.

How Happy Are You?

Whee! I shaln't comment too much for each result since I intend to do quite a lot. Basically, I'm just taking the links of those isaac did on his blog. Heehee. Not much work to do anyway so can afford time for all these. =) Hmm. This result is rather true?

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy.You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts.People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused.But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Uhhuh. Right.

Your EQ is 133

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick!51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese.71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely.91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that.111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

Whoa. I doubt I would havve gotten low but this is still relatively high. Still... All quiz results are to be taken with a pinch of salt. Or maybe two pinch. =p

Your Life Path Number is 5

Your purpose in life is to life freely and collect experiences. You love life - new adventures, new people, new ideas.You are very curious, and you crave novelty in all forms.You tend to make friends easily, and you enjoy the company of all types of people. In love, you are fun and even a bit intoxicating. But you won't stick around for long. You are impulsive and spontaneous - which sometimes leads you to do things you regret.Sometimes you can be overindulgent with food, sex, or drugs.You have many talents, so many that you are often scattered and unfocused.

What Is Your Life Path Number?

-blinks- Some parts might reflect me but some parts are quite off?

Your Element Is Water

A bit of a contradiction, you can seem both lighthearted and serious.That's because you're good at going with the flow - but you also are deep. Highly intuitive, you tune in to people's emotions and moods easily.You are able to tap into deep emotional connections and connect with others. You prefer a smooth, harmonious life - but you can navigate your way around waves.You have a knack for getting people to get along and making life a little more peaceful.

What's Your Element?

Ah. Water again. =) Isaac, how long did it take to do so many quiz?! 0.0 Haha. Never mind. I'm being amused by the results and it calms me down to sit in front of the computer. Compared to 2 hours ago... =p Heehee. Shall blog about that later.

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is high.You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person.And in return, you expect the same from who you love.Any sign of straying, and you'll end things. Experience Level: Your experience level is medium.You probably have had a couple significant loves.And you may have even had your heart broken.But you haven't really dated a wide variety of people. Dominance: Your dominance is low.This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced.You know a relationship is not about getting your way.And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom. Cynicism: Your cynicism is low.You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance.No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter.You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate.And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon. Independence: Your independence is medium.In relationships, you need both "me time" and "we time."You usually find it easy to be part of a couple.But occasionally you start to feel a little smothered.

The Five Variable Love Test

-blinks- There's one part I really have this reaction: ^_- and disagree with. Experience level... Like dots. No. of times I dated. Let's see. If you really know me, you should know the answer.

You Are Sunshine

Soothing and calm. You are often held up by others as the ideal. But too much of you, and they'll get burned You are best known for: your warmth Your dominant state: connecting

What Type of Weather Are You?

Only those around me can judge how accurate this is.

Your Values Profile

Loyalty: You value loyalty a fair amount.You're loyal to your friends... to a point.But if they cross you, you will reconsider your loyalties.Staying true to others is important to you, but you also stay true to yourself. Honesty: You value honesty a fair amount.You're honest when you can be, but you aren't a stickler for it.If a little white lie will make a situation more comfortable, you'll go for it.In the end, you mostly care about "situational integrity." Generosity: You value generosity a fair amount.You are all about giving, as long as there's some give and take.Supportive and kind, you don't mind helping out a friend in need.But you know when you've given too much. You have no problem saying "no"! Humility: You value humility highly.You have the self-confidence to be happy with who you are.And you don't need to seek praise to make yourself feel better.You're very modest, and you're keep the drama factor low. Tolerance: You value tolerance a fair amount.You are open to new cultures, beliefs, and ideas.You have very few prejudices that you're aware of.And while you are tolerant, you do stand true to what you believe.

The Five Factor Values Test

Hmm. Another one that's fairly accurate? Can't be bothered to analyze line by line so yes. =p A few more to go so hang in there for the results. =p Heehee.

Your Aura is Blue

Spiritual and calm, you tend to live a quiet but enriching life.You are very giving of yourself. And it's hard for you to let go of relationships. The purpose of your life: showing love to other people Famous blues include: Angelina Jolie, the Dali Lama, Oprah Careers for you to try: Psychic, Peace Corps Volunteer, Counselor

What Color Is Your Aura?

Whee! -bounce- I'm biased. I like anything that has a link to water including the colour. =p

Your Power Color Is Teal

At Your Highest: You feel accomplished and optimistic about the future. At Your Lowest: You feel in a slump and lack creativity. In Love: You tend to be many people's ideal partner. How You're Attractive: You make people feel confident and accepted. Your Eternal Question: "What Impression Am I Giving?"

What's Your Power Color?

Ah... Another interesting result. Never mind, shaln't elaborate or anything. =p

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a warm hearted and open minded person. It's easy for you to forgive and forget. You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds. You believe that people see you as a bit small and insignificant. People pay more attention to you than you think. Your near future is calm, relaxing, and pretty much what you want. And it's something you've been anticipating for a while now. For you, falling in love is all about flirting and feeling playful. You couldn't fall in love with someone who took life too seriously.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

Hmm. I look at the last part and raise my eyebrows again. And the line about forgiving and forgetting... It really depends on the situation, ya?

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down.

How Do You Live Your Life?

0.0 The line about friends... Hmm. Those who know me for a while, please tell me what you think? I kind of disagree. Mhmm. That's about it though.

Ahh... Finally the end of the quiz results but nope, I'm not going to end the blog entry yet. =p

Got to recap today. Quite a few high points today. Or should I say very high? I'll fast foward to the end of school? =) CCA.. Erm. Bearable, I guess? Actually finished my article and managed to come up with a blog entry on my MSN space. Then after that! -bounce- As usual, nes, mei and I stayed up and the sad thing was our normal classroom was taken by the Drama Club and so we were roaming around and nes tried the classroom opposite from E1-14 and the door was unlocked! It's unbelievable. Haha. Considering how it's almost always locked. Not that I mind it being unlocked. =) Listening to music, going to the canteen for milo dinosaur and famous amos cookies. =p Then more music and "karaoke" session. Whee! We were all seriously high throughout. -bounce-

Then parents came to pick me up which disrupted the plans I had to go IMM after school Pft. So I turned the situation around and suggested going to IMM! Heehee. Had an ulterior motive. Mhmm. But anyway, went there and even had time to drop by Mini Toons. Twice. =) -bounce- I want to buy the whole shop! But never mind, shall console myself by hugging my big doggie now since it's from there. The best part of the day was when my mum and I left IMM and we walked to the childcare to pick up my brother. I was really, really high and hyper. As in, it's obvious from the way I walk (actually, walk + a bit of jumping) and the tone of my voice. Mhmm. Wished any of those 3 were there so that I could have passed it on but never mind, shall attempt to go hyper on friday. =) Ohh! Bought more snowskin mooncakes. Haha. That was random.

Ok. I shall stop making you all read this really whole entry so there. Goodnight. And yes, I doubt I'll be on MSN much since the computer with MSN doesn't have internet connection for now and my dad doesn't want me to install it on this computer. That's all. Bye!

7 questions

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll challenge you to try something.
3. I'll pick a colour that I associate with you.
4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory about you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
8. You must post this on yours.

Doing this again. This time for kor. Mhmm.

Kor:
1. You are good at pulling out random books. (whee!)
2. Pack your file and keep it that way. (Heehee. Had something else in mind but then it wouldn't work since you'll throw it back at me. Namely, ban a certain phrase.)
3. Blue! (No, actually should be multi-colour. Whee! I'm going a bit crazy now.)
4. Kor's nice!
5. Hmm. First time I was at Renee's house and you called her and I was thinking "must be that senior from YO". =p Term 2.
6. Eagle. (Ok... I give really random answers for this question.)
7. Again, I can't think of anything to ask. Since I normally ask the question once I think of it. Mhmm.

There. Haha. Those bracketed comments are amusing. -bounce- Should I do that too for mei's? Never mind. Yayness. I really should be doing work but don't want to. =p Especially a bit of the SL project report and the article on charity concert for CCA. Oops? Why can't I sign into Windows Messenger? -whines-

Whee! Random comment time. The florist at JE MRT sells Kalms bears at really expensive prices. Was walking around with sylvie today and then saw this huge bear in the display window which was $400+?! Even the minature version which has the height of an A4 paper is like $40+?! Ack. I don't want to stop blogging. Shall go on then...

Ohh. What is it with people not believing it when I tell them it's my first time at -insert activity-? For example, pool. Then yesterday, art. Trying to throw a pot. Ms Ching complimented me and asked whether it was really my first time. Uhhuh. -blinks- I'm not that good til it's perfect and all but really, it's kind of nice to be able to handle the task well enough. So ya... Just finding it interesting.

Let's see. Shall blog about today. Nothing much except that I miss mei! Pft. Never mind. Went school later since I saw no point in going early. Was kind of weird to stand alone during flag-rising since I was in the center of the line. Heehee. Then chemistry. Mei, you don't have that much to catch up but you missed a quiz. Mhmm. Break. Chinese. -cringe- Was trying to stay awake. He spent 40 minutes going through one zuo wen question. Uhhuh. Then after that, english. -bounce- For once. Too bad you missed it, mei. She was asking as to identify the title of the songs based on the lyrics and stuff. Then later, had to come up with new song lyrics for an existing tune and the lyrics were supposed to be about one of the topics we've studied so far. E.g. Persuation/Argument/Reviews, etc... Mhmm. -feels rather accomplished- Tell you more about it tomorrow or something. Lunch. A part of it was spent in a classroom and blasting music. =) Relaxing. Physics. Haha. Skip to music theory. As usual, doing and doing more theory. Mhmm. After that, went JE central with sylvie. Gave the library a miss due to time constraints. Pft. That's about it, I guess. Ok... This paragraph seems to be an account of school. Weirdness.

got tagged.

Oh well. Mei tagged me to do this (as usual...) so yeps. Hmm. If anyone of you wants me to do, just leave a tag on my blog or something then I'll answer the questions for you.

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll challenge you to try something.
3. I'll pick a colour that I associate with you.
4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory about you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
8. You must post this on yours.

Mei:
1. Your personality's like Gabriella! =)
2. Agree with me, kor and vanessa when we praise you.
3. Pink, purple, blue. Haha. Basically, your few scrunchie colours that I see the most.
4. You're nice too!
5. Erm. Erm. Let's see. I don't remember much about you from last year except that you were chasing everyone for money. Treasurer. Glo was slacking so much.
6. Deer. Random but yeps.
7. Ack. I can't think of a question. Guess it's because we just ask each other the questions straight away.

What mei said about me:
1) Fun to tease. Though remember never to take me seriously about stuff like that. Hahaha.
2) Not stay up and talk on the phone for at least one whole month.
3) White (don't ask me why. I've no idea either.)
4) Your chio-ness!! WHEE. Haha. Erm. Fine. Your niceness. xD
5) Haha. I dunno leh. Lol.
6) Dolphin! Lalala.
7) Haha. Will ask when I think of something to ask. (again)

Disclaimer: I do not agree with the first part of (4). Mhmm. And er.. I doubt I can fulfil (2). Oh well. I'll try my best, ok? But erm... Seriously, I doubt so.

1/2 of sep hols

Hmm. Haven't been blogging cause I wasn't in the mood or had no time, not because of my computer. Heehee. In fact, it was fine the night I went back home from mei's house. Mhmm.

Let's see. I'll do a short recap of the past few days.

Wednesday. Went out with kor, mei and nes to catch "The Devil wears Prada" @ Cineleisure. Rather interesting. Then after that, headed to Plaza Sing. Then walked around more at Plaza Sing. Basically, one day of rest away from the 4 walls at home and a pile of homework. Yeps. =) Laadeedaas. (Do I sense someone trying to keep the mood up?)

Thursday. Attempting to do homework but to be honest, not that successful. =p Evening time, dinner with the section (or those who could make it) and then watched "A Series of Unfortunate Events" at Powerbase. Very comfy beanbags. =)

I'll skip friday because there wasn't much to blog about. Saturday... Hmm. Lunch with Sis Serena before service. Just a time of catching up? Service - Faith promise. FUEL - time management. Haha. What a suitable topic. My time management is almost non-existent. Cause I tend to mix up my priorities. =p Dinner with mel, jeann and isaac. Then... *drum roll* went home. And got my handphone confiscated. Haha. Yeps. My mum was angry at the fact that I only drank 1 cup of water from the time I woke up til the time I reached home. (in my defence, I drank a lot of liquid such as coke but nvm...) So yes, my dad suggested hitting where it hurt the most so had to surrender my phone. Surprisingly, I was rather numb to it all and didn't freak out like normal. Guess that isn't what hurts the most. As I wrote in my diary after my phone was confiscated, it isn't taking away of material things that hurt the most. I do value them but there are some things I value more. Mhmm.

Today. Usual. Went to my dad's house. Attempted to do work but as usual, not that successful. Thanks mei for helping. =) And since I was rather bored there, installed AuditionSea on the computer. It's basically an online dancing game where you "dance" using the keyboard. Kind of sad that I'm actually playing that. But since I'm there only once a month or so, can't get addicted so didn't see the harm in playing and amusing myself. Today and every other sunday I'm there just serves to reinforce my theory that ... I have almost no appetite on Sundays. I'm fine with eating my lunch at 3pm and (almost) skipped dinner. Forced myself to buy something and brought it home to eat. So there. Then finished up my physics project and finally I'm blogging...
This entry is still shorter than what I want but never mind, really got to sleep now. School starts again tomorrow. Swimming PE first thing in the morning. How fun.

Side note: It's hard to find PJs that don't have some cute hello-kitty or some other cartoon on them. (Need PJs for swimming...) Found a nice blue one though. Plain enough.

meeting up with mei

Whoa. Met up with mei yesterday, today and probably tomorrow. Yesterday and today was to do physics project. Tomorrow's just to catch "The Devil wears Prada" with her, nes and maybe kor? Mhmm.

Haha. Both days have been rather fun and bearable even though we met up for -cringe- physics. Let's see... Yesterday, she came over at 9am and fattened her up a bit with mashed potatoes before going to the library. Lunch followed by a trip to popular for stationery. Ohh! We bought matching notebooks! =) Then went back to my house where my computer decided to die and couldn't boot up. Which explains why I've been missing from MSN and probably won't be on much the next few days. So no blog entries, i think. Managed to do 2 sections of our report before we decided to rest for the day and watched "Ice Princess". Yayness! I got mei wanting to look for the soundtrack. Forgot how nice it was already. Mhmm. =)

Today... Went over to her house at 10am and then started doing more work and typing out our report. We came up with a very nice system. One of us would be using the computer and typing out the stuff while the other one slacks. And then we alternate. Works pretty well actually. Since each of us have sections we prefer to do so it's fairly even. =) And yayness! We finally completed the project. Fine... At least 90% of it anyway. Left the pasting of the information unto the board and the decoration. That's up to me to do... Worried about destroying the board. -pressurized- Haha. Never mind.

Okies. It's past 5:30pm now... I really should leave mei's house now. -shudders at the thought of the rush hour crowd- Haiz. Hopefully my computer gets repaired soon so I can go online more often. Mhmm. Bye for now. Ohh! One more thing. Realized that me and mei have the habit of talking to inanimate objects. At first, I said it was more normal than talking to yourself but then I realized that at least you get a response when you talk to yourself but when you talk to inanimate objects... Rofl. Whee! I'm sleepy but now getting a bit crazy. Mhmm. =) Okies. Question of the day: Does talking to inanimate objects run in the family?

everything in a new light

Hmm... Thank you mel for having dinner with me yesterday. =) It was great being able to talk freely with someone. Anyway, realized how things have changed when I was answering some questions that mel asked.

I've realized for quite some time already that the situations I find myself in is really different compared to before. But it's different when you actually acknowledge it and accept that the situation has changed. I guess that's what happened last night when I couldn't sleep and started writing in my diary. (Ok... I'm not really making sense. Heehee. Even I can't figure out what I'm trying to write about.)

Okies. Enough of the weird vague sentences and all, time to blog about events and stuff? Yayness. It's the sep hols. =) Even though it's only a 1 week break, that means it's 1 week where I don't have to wake up at 6am. =) Time to catch up on my sleep. As much as possible anyway. And besides, I get the house to myself for the whole day. There's already certain activities planned for this holiday such as mei coming over to discuss -cringe- physics project, going out to watch "The Devil wears Prada". Mhmm... That's about it for now, I think.

Uhhoh. Better stop spending time on the computer. Time to tidy up the house/my room since mei's coming over. Heehee. Actually, I'm just going to fold the clothes while watching the last disc of that dancing series that I've neglected since the June holidays. Yeps. =p

attempts

Before this, I came up with a draft of a blog entry but I just deleted it. Firstly, it isn't all that relevant now.

Anyway, I really should be doing my work but right now, nothing seems to be getting in my brain. Let's see. Only 3 physics questions and a few diagrams of cells to draw but I haven't had any progress since a few hours ago. Really tried attempting but nothing seems to work. Right now, all I want to do is to lie down on my bed and sleep but I'll get it tomorrow with all my work undone. So I'm staying up. I can't afford to not hand it and have that pull down my CA grade. No matter what I say and/do, I do still have an expectation for myself in terms of academic results.

Talking about attempts... Haiz. So many failed attempts. At least I consider them failures while others might view it differently. Hmm, interesting how I still keep on trying again and again even when I've failed so many times. Then again, I'm only referring to a specific area in life. Now if only that applied to my attitude towards studies, etc...

charity concert

I'm finally getting down to blogging about the charity concert. Yayness! =)

Okies, shall start off with a bit about the rehearsals on wednesday and friday? Actually, it was never a proper rehearsal in the sense that they didn't manage to run through the whole show but it was fun! =) At least we managed to enjoy ourselves, ya? Then on fri... -cringe- That was a weird day. After math test, then rehearsal. But cause there was quite a bit of free time in between and we had nothing to do so our minds would wander. Yeps. But yes, I just want to say "Thanks!" to you two. Mhmm. Though I wouldn't have mind being alone, it means a lot that you two came. =) Yeps, so thank you! =) And at least, we ended the day on a high note. =) -starts belting out songs from HSM-

Then, finally 26th Aug. A bit after 2 months since the idea first came about. Hmm. Started off the day really high! Ordered McDelivery to school and ate before lazing around and putting on make-up. -blank- Like hmm. Putting on make-up was rather amusing since it's been awhile since I had to put on make-up. And considering I've never put make-up on myself before.
-amused- Mhmm. Yay. Had mei and charmaine to help me. But then had to touch up a bit on my own. Then rehearsal in the auditorium again followed by the matinee (is that how you spell it?). Erm. To be honest, it wasn't that good? At in our performance. Think we were more hyper as a group on friday's rehearsal. But oh well. Then dinner followed by another 1-2hr of waiting before the final performance. Hmm. That was one roller-coaster ride of emotions again? Deja vu, hmm? Thanks mei for letting me go up to the 5th floor. =) And see, just as I said, "ask and it will be given"... Lol. But yes, I'll try my best to not run off (w/o telling you two), ok? I can't promise no matter how much i want to. Mhmm. Then the attempt to bring the hyperness level up and it worked! =) Yayness. Was jumping backstage and being really high. Yeps. Think the energy level improved a lot from the afternoon show. =) But oops, forgot my steps. To make things worse, it was the Wildcats part lah. -mei lian jian ren- Haha. It's hanyu pinyin by the way. Mhmm. Yeps. Then was so high + the fact that I got permission to stay out and celebrate. =) -bounce- Really late dinner at Macs then went home and finally managed to sleep at 1.

Then yesterday, me and mei were feeling rather bored and started looking around at blog entries by others on the charity concert. Found quite a few interesting comments. But shaln't post them. Mhmm. Sighs. It's all over.
-sniffs- I'm going to miss those fridays where we stayed back to slack/sing/dance, etc... Never mind, we shall try to continue staying back on fridays, ok? =)

birthday! =)

Okies. Now that my birthday's over, can blog about it. Yeps. =)

Firstly, thank you to all those who've wished me happy birthday be it through MSN, sms, phone call or in person. Yeps. Yay! I shall list out the whole list of people then. Makes me feel good. Haha.

Sammi has the honour of being the first to wish me happy birthday. As I said to her, very fitting. Yeps. Then mei and didi. Thanks. =) The rest, I'll shall list the names, ok? Ding, Kor, Sylvie, Isaac, Nes, An Ren, Shao, Gloria (both my friend and my cousin), Rachel, my mum, my uncle, my father, Han Chang, Bryan (as in my senior from school), Jeann, Shu Mei, Hannah, Juztin, Nicolas, gan jie. Er... Did I miss out anyone? -blurred- I apologize if I did, ya? But thanks to everyone. Including those who went on the 10th of aug. Mhmm.

Okies. Now that I've done thanking you all for the birthday wishes, next, it's time to blog about the day itself and presents! -bounce- Let's just say the day started off in a way I never forseen. Haha. Starting referring to 12midnight. Various smses and one phone call. Then go to school and receive presents! =) I like. =) Had to sit through various 2-hr long lessons.
-yawns- Got poked a lot since someone came up with the weird logic that since it's my 15th birthday, my "family" get to poke me 15 times. Let's see. Lux, Sylvie, Ding, didi, Kor, mei and Nes. Go calculate how many pokes. But yay! Kor and didi are nice. Didn't poke me. =) went to auntie's house for delicious dinner. Whee! I like the birthday cake from N.Y.D.C Chocolate!! =) But yes, realized I cut 3 cakes this year. ohh well. There. Next, presents! Ok, I'm kind of lazy to blog in detail cause I want to go sleep soon but I'll spare a few lines.

Thank you to all those who gave me presents! Haha. I got 2 wind-chimes from different people. Yayness. Finally. So shall hang in my room. Hanged up one already. Now trying 2 figure out where to hang the other one. =) Ohh. Piglet! It's really cute and actually quite huggable. Other presents were also nice such as what my parents gave. New 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle! And also got a nice new wallet and a bag. Whee! My cousin and auntie have good taste. And as usual, various red packets. Whew. Was almost broke before that. =p Heehee. But ya, there wasn't anything that large other than the 10th aug thing but still this birthday is one of those memories I want to keep. =)

questions

Since mei tagged me... Oh well. Here goes.

Q: NAME A FRIEND WHO'S NAME STARTS WITH A "S"
A: Sammi! =)

Q: 4TH PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALLS:
A: No one cause I just cleared my call history a few days ago. =p

Q: WHAT DID THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECEIVED SAY?:
A: Hey! Happy birthday! =) know that God is always watching over you!

Q: DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?
A: Nope.

Q: DO YOU HAVE CURLY HAIR?
A: Erm. In between curly and wavy? =p

Q: WHAT IS THE NEXT CONCERT YOURE GOING TO?
A: Charity Concert! Actually, I'm performing but still counted, right?

Q: WHOS THE COOLEST PERSON IN YOUR LIFE?
A: Huh?!

Q: WHAT WORDS DO YOU SAY A LOT?
A: Uhhuh... (But really, quite a few words.)

Q: WHAT IS THE LAST THING YOU ATE:
A: M&M with peanut inside

Q: WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU SAID TO SOMEONE AND WHO WAS IT?
A: "Nothing. Just something my friend said." in reply to my mum when she asked who I was smiling to... =p

Q: DO YOU WATCH TV?
A: Sometimes.

Q: HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE DONNIE DARKO?
A: What's that? Nope.

Q: EVER BEEN HUNTING?
A: No.

Q: IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?
A: Erm. A bit early to think about it, ya?

Q: WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU" AND MEANT IT?
A: Hmm. Probably to mei. But in a strictly platonic way.

Q: WHAT SHOULD YOU BE DOING RIGHT NOW?:
A: Looking through my notes for trig viva tomorrow or doing log assignment?

Q: DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?
A: a few. most used ones are chermy/mei/jie?

Q: DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?
A: No?

Q: WHO'S THE YOUNGEST ONE IN THE FAMILY ?
A: Jonathan. =)

Q: IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?
A: Mhmm.

Q: ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?
A: Quite. But nowadays, I'm no longer such a heavy sleeper.

Q: DO YOU CLEAN UP NICE?
A: Don't even understand the question.

Q: LAST TIME YOU USED A SKATEBOARD?
A: Haven't used.

Q: WHERE WAS THE LAST PLACE YOU SLEPT BESIDES YOUR HOUSE?
A: Erm... Dozed off at my auntie's hse quite a few times?

Q: EVER RUN OUT OF GAS ON THE ROAD?
A: No. No car what.

Q: BEST MOVIE YOU'VE SEEN IN THE PAST TWO WEEKS?
A: None.

Best
1. Male friend: Kor and Isaac? -shrugs-
2. Female friend: Quite a few though. Sammi, gan jie, mei, etc...
3. Vacation: None in particular.
4. Day of the week: No particular day but most probably friday?
5. Food: now now, that's obvious, isn't it? I have a sweet tooth. =)
6. Memory: Quite a few. Today's one of them. =)

Last [Not counting family]
1. Person you saw: stranger at the void deck downstairs?
2. Talked to on the phone: Mei.
3. Hugged: Hmm. Can't seem to remember. Honestly.
4. Person you texted: MSN, sammi. Sms, kor.

Today
1. Is: my birthday!
2. Got any plans: Finish blogging then look thru trig notes?
3. Dislikes about tomorrow: Chinese essay test.

Favorites
1. Number(s): 22
2. Song: Several. Just go through my MP3 player?
3. Color: blue! my "element"'s water. =)
4. Season: Haven't been in a country with seasons but I'll like to experience spring and autumn.

Currently
1. Missing someone: Yeps.
2. Mood: Happyish + sleepy.

True or False
I am a morning person: depends.
I am a perfectionist: depends on what area of life.
I am an only child: False
I am currently in my pajamas: False
I am online 24/7: False
I am very shy around the opposite gender: depends
I can be paranoid at times: So true. -pointed look-
I currently regret something that I have done: not really.. (surprising.)
I enjoy talking on the phone: True
I have a lot to learn: True
I have a secret: True

There. All answered. Though I want to blog about today, I'll leave that for later. Shall do a bit of work and revision first. =( Haha.

recovery time

Heehee. I'm not exercising enough self-control. Tsk myself. Even though there's chem test tomorrow, unfinished shui bi and biology flipbook, I'm still taking time to blog, read blogs, listen to music, etc. =p Oops?

Anyway, today was fascinating and it was rather interesting to observe my mood throughout the day. Actually, it's not that fascinating or interesting but rather two main areas that I find surprising. Yeps. Started off today quite well. Carry-over from yesterday's mood? =) -feels accomplished- Continued being in quite a good mood throughout math. English was average but something came to mind and brought me down one notch but recovered quite fast. =) Then followed by break and chinese and -cringe- physics. Had the test today. Ahh... At first, my mind was working and the first 3 MCQ questions were answered rather quickly then I suspect I got over-confident and ended up blanking out for the rest of the paper. Picked myself back up and focus and managed to do more of the paper. Enough to make me feel satisfied and contended. Regardless of the results. But I think I might have a chance in doing better compared to last semester. That's my aim really. Mentoring session. Talk on leadership development and we were kind of forced into picking one programme. Dang! I wanted to go for the leadership development programme but logically speaking, it would take up a lot of time next year but illogically speaking, I want it... But not too sure why and found it surprising how it took me so long to cancel out that option. ><

Lunch followed by choir practice. Whee! It's so great to see everything coming together. It's been 2 months from the time the idea first came up. Can't wait for the actual day itself. =) But yeps, first chance to practice in our attire. -laughs- Then after that, a short break before going to a classroom with the usual people (kor, mei, nes) to just relax. For once, we didn't dance and just revised chem/write/stone/practice singing... Yeps. Mhmm. It was then I realized that my mood kind of took a sudden drop. Very freaky. I couldn't place what triggered it off and it made me more disturbed. Came very close to wanting to get out of the classroom and find some nice quiet isolated corner in the school. Heehee. But ya, didn't end up doing that. So was just stoning in the classroom and talking (occasionally...) Dang. Not happy with myself during that time, could have controlled a lot better. Be it in the area of controlling the emotion or controlling what's on the surface. -shrugs-

Then after that, my mood improved a lot. =) Thanks kor (and mei)! Yeps. Mei, don't think you realize it, ya? But heehee. Waiting with you for your dad was a fun time and it made me laugh + smile. =) Then to kor. Yeps, you obviously realized and so thanks for cheering me up. But yes, I'm pleasantly surprised at how my mood can pick up so fast nowadays. But dang, it can still go down as fast as last time. Pft. But at least the frequency has decreased significantly? Yeps.

Okies. It's almost 11. Think I really should shut down the computer and all. Yeps.

end of that kind of tiredness?

Why am I blogging so much these days? -warning signs?-

But anyway, tiredness has appeared in my title for the third consecutive time and hopefully the last. Things haven't improved that much from the last time I blogged but a few minor things have changed? For one, I feel slightly better now that I've completed quite a large part of the bio flipbook. All that's left is improving it and putting it together. So I've let myself enjoy 30 minutes of break without feeling guilty. Next, a nice shower kept me awake enough to do my work just now. =) It was pretty alarming when I started to work on "auto-mode"... Yeps. Whee! And lastly, I've decided that there was a severe need to pull myself out of that kind of tiredness. Physically, I can't do much. Emotionally and mentally, I can try. I don't want to fall back into anything remotely close to moodiness. Besides, I can't exactly infect people with hyperness if I'm tired so yes, got to pull myself out of it. Yeps. Hopefully, the next week, I get hyper enough... (Forgetting the fact that there are 2 tests coming up this week. Yeps. Of course...)

tiredness (continued)

Considering that my previous entry didn't really touch on the title much, I shall try to blog on this again. Firstly, I've been very sleepy. Exceptionally so. Last night by 9 plus, I was sleepy but since I was out, had to wait til 11 before I could sleep. There went any plans I had of staying up and doing my work. Only got out of bed at 11am today. That bad.

But now, physical well-being aside. My emotional state hasn't been that good either? -shrugs- To be honest, this week's been one of the worst week in terms of mood. Quite surprising. Considering that it was the nice long National Day break and all but my mood's been quite bad compared to the rest of this year. What's bothering me? I really don't know or don't want to know. Actually, it's more like I know but I'm in denial. Happy now that I've finally admitted that I'm in denial? =p But yes... Been trying to push the issue to the back of my head but good luck to myself for that. -shrugs- Anyway, was kind of freaked out by how my mood just changed... From being tired to the verge of crying. It was so sudden. Bah. But yes, hopefully it's just my physical tiredness that's affecting my mood. But I have my doubts about it? -attempts to be hyper- Doesn't work. Hasn't been that hyper in awhile already. Yes, a week or so without me being exceptionally hyper has become abnormal. Oh well...

tiredness

I was trying to decide between tiredness or sleepiness as the title. There's a reason I chose the former. Yeps. Since sleepiness only refers to physical weariness but tiredness can refer to more than that? =p

Ok... Been really sleepy today. As usual, took awhile to drag myself out of bed. The air-con was on, that's my excuse. (No, I don't sleep with the air-con on much unless it's a hot day or something so ya, tend to laze in my bed more when the air-con's on.) =p Went to school, was rather sleepy and rested for a few minutes during mentoring session. Heehee. Interesting debate between the students and the teachers on the motion that "Science and technology has done more good than harm in today's society." Something along those lines... Yeps. Then a short break before Math bridging module. -cringe- Stupid error during the quiz. Yes mei, I know you're highly amused by it, ya? Lol. Oh well. -examines my head- A nice 1 hour lunch break which I attempted to sleep in the canteen, unsuccessfully. Never did like sleeping in school unless I'm that tired and I know my friends are around. Yeps. Then it started raining.
-pouts- Mei and nes didn't let me go out into the rain. ><>

Oh. Then the usual session of singing + dancing at our classroom. =) The people from H.O.M.E came down. Yeps. Still pleasantly surprised and very impressed by how fast they pick up the song and the dance and their attitude towards the item is really different from erm... another group of people? -cough- But was still rather sleepy which led to overall tiredness. Though I probably could have gotten hyper, decided it took too much effort so ya. It's become a routine to stay in school til 5 plus, 6 on fridays already. Lol. Good and bad? I'm looking foward to the few days before charity concert. Will be busy but think it'll be fun and memorable. =) That's all for today. Shall go off and sleep early tonight. Ohh. Interesting how I didn't blog about what I wanted to. =p

10th august

Although I want to elaborate on my previous entry, I don't really like editing entries unless the need arises so I think I might just re-blog about it here? Then again, I might just focus on today. Ack. Thoughts all over the place... Too disorganized. Ok, I'll just try blogging about today. =p

Anyway, from where I ended off, I was getting ready to go to the library. Went to the library and as usual, went a bit crazy over books? Had to practice a lot of self-control. Especially that whole shelf of books written by Mercedes Lackey. -pointed look- Haha. Yeps. Then lunch... Urk. Don't like it when I'm eating for the sake of eating and not really enjoying food. Lack of appetite? Then the rather amusing 15 minutes of standing by a pillar at the MRT station... Must have seemed weird to those people walking by? Ok. For the next paragraph or so, I shall attempt to get my thoughts in order instead of jumping all around the place.

Interesting how MRT rides could be so eventful? I seem to be in the habit of taking long MRT rides these few days. Orchard to Jurong East via the North-South line yesterday then today, Jurong East to Pasir Ris and back. Anyway, the whole situation was really unexpected. What if... If only time could be turned back? *****. Laadeedaas. No, it's not a swear word or anything... Just a word that I rather/cannot spell out. =p Heehee. But yes, very unexpected. Just interersting (?) how the whole situation was... To be honest, interesting doesn't fit the whole situation. It's more of unexpected and alarming. "Unexpected" is being used for 4 times, that says a lot? Regrets but what's past is past, right? Hopefully. But I just need to say that even though the fact that I can have such an idea makes it more than enough for hesitation to arise, I want to state this clearly. Yes, there has to be a basis for an idea but no matter how extreme the idea is, I will not carry it out. Not today, not any other day. As I said, it'll probably be one of the biggest regrets of my life and one of the lowest points too. Yeps. Yay. Just wanted to re-affirm that, ok? =) Thanks.

Went Pasir Ris Park... Then just walk around, drink Lychee ice blended. (Too much sugar already?) 1 round of bridge only. Then frisbee playing. ^_- Yay, my catching hasn't detoriated that much? Ohh yes... I'm trying to figure out the sense in playing soccer at that particular area when there's so much space around? So yes, had to concentrate on 2 flying objects. Pft. Anyway, it was interesting attempting to eat a melted mango cake. But yes, it made the day memorable? Ohh yes, how can I forget? Playing with fire. Throwing of ice. Then making my way back home. Ahh. Good timing? Managed to catch the bus just in time... -time to insert current msn nickname- But yes... Seriously, people should remember that I'm not blind or deaf. I can see and hear, you know? But overall, amusing and slightly better than what I expected? Yeps. But very tired... Think I'll go sleep soon. That's all for now? Anyway, the mood of this entry isn't as positive as I want it to be... Too tired? But after all that's said and done, I want to say a big "THANK YOU" to all those at Pasir Ris Park today. Especially the 3 "organizers". Yeps. Thank you, I appreciate the effort. And for those who came, thanks for taking the time to go. Yeps. That's all.

national day break

Yayness, finally some time to blog. Actually, things haven't been that bad. It's just that I over-loaded myself with stuff over this break so haven't been home much which means less time in front of the computer so not that much time to blog.

Ok. Considering the schedule that I gave myself which means I have to leave the house in about 30 minutes and go to the library. Yes, go ahead and kill me for not rushing to pasir ris asap but there are other things I need to settle first, so yeps.

Anyway, the past few days have been good but could have been better? I think I'll blog in the style of just words without elaboration. Yeps.

Tuesday. McDonald breakfast. Honey! Walking around. Sugar over-load. Objective shopping. More sugar. Sports Day. House Cup. Talking. Waiting. Weirdness. Fireworks. Smses. Wednesday. Orchard. More walking around. White skirt. Drop in mood. Talking. Clothes. Bright red. Kinokuniya. Art Friend. Talking. Walking. Dinner. Today... Urk. Decision. Moodiness (?). Reluctance.

Urk... I really don't like blogging this way so I think I'll edit this entry some other time. But the library calls so yeps.

the notebook

Whoa. My third entry of the day. Though it's not a record or anything, it's not that common for me to blog so many times in one day? At least not all on the same blog. Oh well. -shrugs-

Anyway, regarding the title of this entry. "The Notebook". Nope, this isn't going to be an entry for me to blog about notebooks and all. (Hmm, maybe I should do that?) Lol. But anyway, it's the title of a book written by Nicholas Sparks. And also the title of a movie adaptation of the book. Yeps. Just watched it today. Thanks Sylvie for lending me the disc! =) But yeps, was just watching it and enjoying the chance to relax and enjoy the show. Though there are probably a few issues that I could blog about, I'm not really in the mood to do that? Hmm. Shall just rant on about the show in general. Ohh! The sunset in the show was really nice. The whole setting... Like the house and the lake. -swoons- Lol. Bah. Can't think of anything to write. Too bad I can't do the english movie review on this. =( Never mind.

Forget it, this entry's too short. Time to lengthen the entry? Let's see... I'll just write about notebooks then? =) Whee! Let's see. The habit of writing in notebooks started in Nanyang. Gan Jie's influence. There was the bubble notebook that I wrote and doodled in during Secondary 2. Then this year, it's the multi-colour notebook. Yeps. And a smaller blank book for doodles and lyrics. Laadeedaa. Hmm. I want to blog but don't know what to blog about. Pft. So shall end this entry here... Heehee. My blogskin is nice! =) (ok... that was random.)

change of blogskin

It should be obvious that I've changed my blogskin yet again. No, it's not because of all the comments regarding my previous choice of blogskins. If it was due to that, my current blogskin won't be this one either so ya...

But yes, I like my new blogskin! =) Shall attempt to keep it for a long while. It's nice... The picture and the words! Heehee. And felt like changing all the format of the other sections to suit the feel of the blogskin so started editing my cbox and the format of my wishlist. -feels accomplished- And now, shall start blogging in a smaller font! Whee! =)

anger - unforgiveness - bitterness

I realized that it's been quite a while since I blogged about the pastor's sermon. Considering how last year I would blog in detail about the sermon but this year, don't think I've done that much. Oh well. Anyway, this sermon's rather interesting to comment on especially after I thought about it and realized certain stuff. Yeps. Anger management...

Initially, I didn't think the sermon would apply to me that much. After all, I don't really get angry often at people. And normally even if I do get angry, I keep it under control unless it's really too much. But then the more I thought about it, the more I realized how it wasn't really true. There's this one line that stands out from yesterday's sermon. Anger leads to bitterness which leads to unforgiveness... Ouch. Laadeedaa. There's still that issue I was wondering whether I've surrendered totally and well, it's better but it'll take time. And ya, was reminded of some anger directed towards a certain person which I really should let go... Oh well.

Bah. Don't like the mood of this entry. Shall have to make it more light-hearted but how? Ohh! I realized that I have like 10 Disney CDs! =) Yayness! And that doesn't even include the up-coming one that's going to be added to my collection. Whee! =) Ok. Wait. Some of it isn't really Disney but soundtracks from animated movies... Doesn't matter.

1) Disney Forever Volume 1
2) Disney Forever Volume 2
3) Disney Forever Volume 3
4) Disney Love Hits
5) Mulan soundtrack
6) Lilo and Stitch soundtrack
7) Disney Refresh!
8) Bambi 2 soundtrack
9) Anastasia soundtrack
10) Quest for Camelot soundtrack

To be precise, 9 and 10 shouldn't be counted. Yeps. But I don't care. =p Heehee. Whee! Going to have new CD added to this collection soon!

random ramblings

I do have certain things that I want to blog about but since my thoughts are not really organized and plus the fact that I want to sleep, I think I'll make this entry short.

Lol. Had to double-check what I blogged in the previous entry, actually forgot what I blog about. Yeps. Hmm... The week's been acceptable? More or less. Though there've been the usual few times of hyperness, it's not as much as before. Pft. All 4 of us are too tired, aren't we? But ya, school's enjoyable and everything went quite well. Even after biology lesson yesterday. I still wondered what would have happened if I stayed throughout the entire video on abortion. Rather interested but since I chose to leave the class, that's one thing I shaln't ever know? Yeps. Today was quite good... I would have said good but there are some things that affect it? Laadeedaa. Not very obvious, I think. Then again, those around me are perceptive... Haha. But generally, today's another one of those nice fridays. =) -feels rather accomplished- Managed to teach the people from H.O.M.E all the way to the wildcats part. Heehee. Yeps. Dang... I wanted to blog about stuff and all but this shall do for now since I still can't blog in detail here. Besides, wrote in my diary already. Gdnight

readable

Hmm. It amuses me when those people around me can read me so easily or know me to the extent that they can voice out what I'm thinking. Especially yesterday. Mei answered a question on my behalf and the answer was so accurate. In the sense that it's one of those answers I keep to myself and don't reveal but she could still say it out? Like. Whoa. The answer was obvious and all but the phrasing and everything. Impressive.

I've never been one for masking my feelings/opinions/etc, don't you agree? There are very few things that people don't know about... But it just struck me on how those I thought knew me well just can't seem to be able to read me nowadays. Laadeedaas. Shaln't elaborate. Was thinking of keeping this post til later but never mind. Shall just blog vaguely. Guess I began to have expectations of how well my friends could read me or understand me? Which isn't good. But I like to think they aren't that high. Considering that I still smile each time someone can voice out my opinion and all for me. Yeps. But being readable and easily understood...

Even now, I do wish that at times I could keep more to myself but it's just not me. No matter how I try, I can't. For a short period of time only... at best. Pft. Why am I blogging this again? -shrugs- Never mind. Goodnight. I really should go sleep now. Laadeedaa. Yeps.